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He had never grown watermelons before.
It was new, this world. A lot more calm, with skies and seas back to their striking blue instead of the bloodied red from last time. The air felt purified, even in this old field, the dirt below his feet and the plants he cared for… it wasn’t anything like he’d ever had before. Rows and rows of earthy greens lay below him, a rich natural soil dusted the ground. The sun bestowed her rays with vigor on the earth for all to feel her warmth.
”You done there Kaworu?”
Kaworu wiped a bit of sweat off his brow, turning to Kaji with a well worn smile. “Just about.”
The harvest from this year had finally grown, the watermelons looking about the right size and a forest color. Kaworu set the last one down carefully in the wheel barrel, beginning to wheel it back to the house. He wasn’t exactly sure about the yellowish bit of the fruit, but Kaji recommended it was the right time for picking.
“Alright then, Rei ‘s just about done with her stuff too, so why don’t you two enjoy one of those guys back at the house? It’ll be good to finally have one,” Kaji had a signature half smirk, a lazed tone to his voice, waving his hand carefreely.
“Will do, thank you,” Kaworu smiled. It was really kind of him to let him and Rei tend to their plants here on his property. He began to carefully wheel them over to the main house, panting slightly under the summer heat. It was far too hot out today, but maybe that would make them taste better? Or the fact he grew them himself. After all, Kaji always said-
Ah.
‘Well not this Kaji,’ the thought rang around his head. This one had a good interest in farming, as a polite hobby. It wasn’t his life or death. These fruits were not the last of their kind, sealed away in SELEE under his command. He still remembered how Kaji asked for his permission to preserve each one of these plants. Sometimes it felt easy to forget the timeless loops he endured, on and on and on and-
‘But… this isn’t that world.’ the sun above must’ve been wanting to burn him somehow, it felt too hot out.
For a moment he felt like stopping and thinking about how different this world was to every other time loop. To everyone with Evangelion, cycles of death, and sacrifice he had to endure. Trying over to save his love for eternities, only to end up being forced to be killed by him most of the time. The pools of blood pooling from his aching body still latched on to him like shadows. Born again as a Lilum boy this era though.. The oddest thing about him now was his white hair.
If he stopped, time would pass him by though, so he continued onwards.
Thinking too much was never good for him. He used to have too much time to think, to strategize, to figure out a way to make Shinji happy. Years and years and decades and eons of trying to figure a way to find their solace of a happy ending, no matter the cost. He spent most of his life thinking and planning, fruitlessly chasing the boy he loves for his happiness.
Shinji… Shinji was still out there. Kaworu felt his heart beat faster, a product of heat or of his love? Even before he slept or woke, he remembered thinking of him, trying to save him, and now he still wonders if he remembers, even possibly waiting-
His thoughts were cut off as he realized he arrived. Rei was at the door, wheeling in her own fruits, just as Kaji said. It couldn’t hurt to help. “D’you need any help?”
Rei’s movements were slow as she turned to face him, as if she wasn’t sure if she actually heard him. “Ah. Kaworu. No thank you.”
“Alright then,” Kaworu’s laugh was humorless in an airy way, trying to fill the mood. With all of the ready watermelons already in his wheels, Kaworu could only stand back as Rei unpacked hers. Her fruits seemed to be an assortment of tomatoes and peppers, all in bright colors.
The house Kaji lived in was quaint. Made of wood, it was something comfortable for when he stayed here in summer months. When either of them grew tired of the blazing sun and fields, they would rest here for a bit. Farming was a job, but this place had become like a second home to both of them.
“Kaji said we should have some watermelon today, doesn't that sound like a good plan?” Kaworu asked with a smile.
“Mm. Yeah.” Rei’s answer was quiet, but there was an undertone of excitement to it as she began tapping her fingers. It was expected of her, but Kaworu couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to see her like this.
(It was quiet, but it held this emotion in it that he had never heard from a Rei before.)
“They look nice.” she said as she glanced at the load he was carrying in.
“Really?” He couldn’t help but smile. “I thought they were a bit too yellow.”
“That’s healthy, I think…” she murmured. She didn’t look too sure, but Kaworu trusted her word. She farmed with the skill of a professional, in comparison to his somewhat sloppy planting and occasional forgetfulness.
“If that’s so, then it’ll be great to share with you.”
She nodded in gratitude. Still as polite as ever. This Rei had a sense of wonder as she examined her own fruits of labor as she washed them, letting the water drip down the fruit and holding it up to light.
“I chose them myself,” she said suddenly (ah, she must’ve noticed his staring again.) There was a hint of egear delight as she continued. “I wanted to try a fruit that would be accessible and good to grow. Kaji said I could grow what I wanted so…”
“Is that so? I’m sure they’ll be good too,” he smiled. “I heard peppers-“
His sentence was stopped as she directly hit into the pepper.
“You heard peppers…?” she spoke after a few seconds of pure silence as Kaworu stared at her.
“Rei. You’re not….” a huff of air escaped his amused breath. “You’re not supposed to bite it like an apple.”
She blinked. Once. Twice. Looked between the bitten pepper and his speechless expression.
“Oh is that so?”
The plainness of the statement made Kaworu let out a genuine laugh.
“Yes, so.”
“I see…” she said, finding herself with an amused smile.
“Don’t worry about it. Here, let me start preparing the watermelon.” Kaworu took her place in the kitchen gracefully. Right as he began washing the first watermelon, he heard the door opening.
‘Ah, Kaji made it back.’ They exchanged pleasantries, Kaworu explaining that he was preparing and it would be ready in a bit. With an assuring pat on the shoulder, Kaji left to go wrap up something personal further in the house.
Seeing as he was alone now, Kaworu dug his hands in his pockets with excitement, finding his familiar phone and earbuds.
One of his favorite parts of this new time, he came to discover, is how easy it was to find music. Before, he would wander around, finding a radio or two. One time he got the luxury of finding an old Walkman (‘Just like Shinji’s…’) But here, just as any regular boy, he could have his own music on a phone. He felt carried away whenever he listened, far away from any cruel realities he knew, crushing feelings in his neck. It would just be him and the Lillum who created it.
He loved Lillum (wait no, he needed to get back into the habit of saying ‘human’ instead) music. More than almost anything. He listened while working, walking among streets, whenever he could. If no one else had him, he knew the soothing sounds would. The connections between humans he never knew, and never will know… it gave him a sense of happiness. He didn’t need to meet these people to understand their feelings.
Doing the dishes like this was pleasant with the music as he swayed back and forth to the rhythm.
(He wondered what music Shinji was listening to, if any.)
“I love you more than you’ll ever know…” he half sung to himself under his breath as he washes the melons.
Looking across the room, he could see from the edge of his vision Rei and Kaji talking. The atmosphere felt comfortable. Any previous thoughts washed away like fresh rain, seeing the scene. Kaworu placed his hand on his heart as he felt a warm feeling soar through his body. Grabbing a knife to slice the watermelon, he kept his smile as he cut a slice for each of them. Some juice from inside spilled a bit, but he didn’t mind the cool feeling on his skin.
“Ready!” he called out, serving each of their chairs with a plate.
“Looks good, eh Kaworu! I knew you had the natural green thumb,” Kaji gave him a coy but proud look.
Accepting with grace, Kaworu smiled. “Thank you… Rei said the yellow was normal?”
“Yup, means the fella’s all good.”
“Thank you for the meal…” Rei spoke, giving a grateful nod to Kaworu. Her fingers carefully pick up the provided slice, watching the fierce red juice, matching her eyes, slide down onto her fingertips.“It looks quite nice.”
Picking up his own with carefulness, he had to agree. “Mm, yeah I suppose it does…”
He’d grown it all on his own, didn’t he? For the past few weeks, months, it had been him out in that field watering the rows of vegetables, tending to their soil, and it had been… nice. He felt a certain taste of peacefulness, the type of touch of a warm hug to make him feel completely at ease.
While there was no Shinji by his side, he didn’t feel that uneasy hole he used to. It was patched up, tenderly cared for by the people he never bothered to spare glances at before. Hands reached to him that he blocked off that he used to believe weren’t worthy.
“It’s really good,” Rei spoke in between bites. She seemed eager for food for once. Kaji did the same, only giving a thumbs up of approval through bites. They held light conversation for what felt like hours, not caring as the sun began to set her warm glow gracefully on the soil they cared for.
‘I was wrong…” Kaworu thought to himself, quietly taking a bite of his watermelon. The taste felt refreshingly cold. He didn’t need Shinji, did he? Of course he still loved him, but from the days he’s lived here he’s also come to love the soil, and to love the sun. Love could be found in the plants they grew, the moments they shared, the music he listened to. Love was next to him, even, in the very room he was sitting in, Rei and Kaji eating the watermelon. He was born to love the world, and himself.
Yeah. he would be alright.