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Remus sat alone in the dark, cluttered kitchen; his hand wrapped firmly around his lukewarm mug of tea. The silence reverberated against the walls as he waited.
He’d sent the rest of the order out over an hour ago, and they’d gone willingly, eager to be rid of the screaming in their ears.
He’d told Tonks it wouldn’t go well but she hadn’t listened to a word he’d said.
“He’s my cousin, he’ll listen to me.” She’d declared confidently, not 5 minutes before being chased out of the house by a hysterical Sirius.
Remus had been avoiding Tonks’s and Fleur’s and Molly’s pointed looks for weeks now as they all spied Sirius pilfering food from the pantry and hoarding it in his room. In fact, he’d made sure to direct the conversation away from Sirius whenever Molly’s mouth opened to complain, however eventually the stench of rotten produce had gotten too much.
Remus tensed as he heard a creak of the floorboard from above. He drummed his fingers on the scarred wooden table as he took a breath. He knew he could wait out Sirius, he always could.
He felt his presence before he saw him, lingering silently behind the door, listening.
“They’re all gone.” Remus called softly, counting three heartbeats before the door creaked open and a mess of dark hair poked through.
“Are they going to evict me for my behaviour?” Sirius asked as he shuffled into the kitchen and dropped heavily into a chair. Remus’s heart clenched as he heard the fear in the man’s voice.
“It’s your house, Sirius, they can’t evict you.” Remus pointed out as Sirius dropped his head into his hands.
“Bmfs mmnfh orphs.” He mumbled into his hands. Remus bit back a smile.
“Have we lost the talent for spoken word there, Padfoot?” Remus teased gently, eliciting an inelegant snort from Sirius. He never could keep up the posh-boy act when he laughed.
“They can evict me from the Order.” Sirius tried again, and Remus pushed his hand forward so slightly in order to brush his pinky finger against Sirius’s elbow with the lightest touch.
“Over my dead body.” Remus said, and Sirius gave him a weak smile.
“So you don’t think I need to get a grip too, and stop squirreling away food like a madman?” Remus stiffened.
“Is that what Tonks said?” He asked through clenched teeth and Sirius shrugged, looking away awkwardly. Remus took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, it really was too close to the full moon for this much self-control.
“She means well,” He started, but changed tactic as he saw Sirius flinch, “But everyone is so wrapped up in their own worlds, they forget what you’ve been through.”
“I’m fine!” Sirius snapped, pulling his arms back and under the table, out of Remus’s reach.
“I know, Padfoot,” Remus raised his hands in surrender, “I never said you weren’t, but 12 years imprisoned for something you didn’t do would have an impact on anyone. I’d have given up years ago.” He offered a smile towards Sirius who, after a moment, leant forward a little.
“I only didn’t give up for you, you know. You and Harry,” He whispered, laying his dirty hands back on the table a few inches from Remus’s, “I needed you to know I was innocent.”
“I’m so sorry Siri,” Remus choked out, his breath catching in his throat as he took Sirius’s hands in his own and pressed his forehead to them, “I’m so sorry I didn’t fight for you.”
“You didn’t know.” He heard Sirius whisper as his fingers slowly curled around Remus’s. His head snapped up to look intently at Sirius.
“I should have known, I should have trusted my gut that you wouldn’t.” He insisted fiercely.
“It’s alright.”
“It’s not,” Remus dared to press a kiss to Sirius’s knuckles, “It never will be. But I’m here now, and I’m not leaving you alone again.” He promised.
For a moment, they just looked at each other, taking in the changes that had occurred over the years. Sirius had a few crinkles setting in at the corners of his eyes, and his features were still sunken into his face. But to Remus, he was still so devastatingly beautiful.
The moment was broken by a particularly loud growl sounding from Sirius’s stomach, and they both chuckled a little.
“How about a Moony and Padfoot special?” Remus offered and delighted when Sirius’s gaunt face lit up.
“Really?” He asked excitedly and Remus nodded, pressing another kiss to Sirius’s knuckles before rising from the table.
Remus was distinctly aware of Sirius watching him intently as he moved around the kitchen, preparing a meal for them both.
When they’d lived together in the first war, they’d quickly realised that neither of them were destined to be chefs. However, after several weeks of takeaways and chocolate-breakfasts, Remus had finally broken and attempted a home cooked meal.
It turned out that the only thing Remus was capable of preparing was a good old-fashioned fry up, but by Merlin he did it well.
Before long, he placed down two plates laden with bacon, sausage, egg, tomatoes, beans, black pudding and fried mushrooms. Finally, he set down a heaping pile of buttery toast and two mugs of tea and gestured for Sirius to start.
“You don’t have to pretend for me, Padfoot.” He said when he noticed Sirius taking small, controlled bites. As if he’d snapped something in Sirius’s head, the man dug in, taking huge mouthfuls, cramming more in before he’d swallowed the first bite.
Remus wisely said nothing, instead pushing a steaming mug of tea towards Sirius before digging in himself, admittedly at a slower pace. Remus had known his fair share of hunger, especially when he was staying with the wolf pack on Dumbledore’s orders, but he couldn’t imagine being Sirius.
12 years in Azkaban on a false charge, fighting for every crumb of stale bread. And then another year in a cave with a Hippogriff, living on rats and dirty water to be closer to Harry. No wonder he ate quickly, no wonder he hoarded food.
“Do you…” Sirius pulled Remus from his thoughts, swallowing hard before continuing, “Do you think I’m damaged, Moony?” Remus frowned as the question sunk in. It was impossible to know how Sirius’s mind worked, but this had clearly been swimming around in it for some time.
“It wouldn’t matter if you were,” He spoke carefully, trying to convey a million words in only a few, “Wouldn’t make me love you any less.” Sirius crumpled then, head falling into his palms as he sobbed openly for the first time since James and Lily had died.
Remus abandoned his meal without a thought and slipped off his seat to kneel by Sirius’s chair, pulling him into his arms. Sirius buried his head in Remus’s shoulder as they clutched each other. Remus stroked his head softly as his own vision blurred with tears.
For weeks now, since Sirius’s return, they’d been skirting around each other. Not sure what to say, not sure if the other felt the same as they had before. If the other even felt anything now.
In that moment, Remus knew they both still felt everything.
Somehow, they’d both slid to the floor, fingers clenched so tightly onto each other’s shirts that they cramped. Sirius was practically sat on Remus’s lap, and Remus hoisted him onto his thighs so he could hold him tighter as Sirius cried.
Eventually, Remus felt his breathing start to slow from the hitched sobs into even breaths, warm air puffing against his neck. Remus never slowed in his stroking as Sirius settled more comfortably against him. Even with the years of malnutrition making Sirius incredibly light, he was still a grown mad and thus made Remus’s legs numb after a while. He didn’t move, however. Voldemort himself would have to pull him away from comforting his Padfoot.
Sirius let out a strangled laugh as Remus tried to card his fingers through Sirius’s hair, immediately getting them stuck and pulling on his scalp.
“It’s a mess,” Sirius murmured, his lips brushing Remus’s neck as he spoke, making him shiver slightly, “I used to have such lovely hair.”
“Well considering you used to brush it 4 times a day and trim it at least once a month, you can be forgiven for not living up to your old beauty regimen.” Remus whispered in his ear, eliciting another snort.
Sirius pulled back slightly to look at Remus, his eyes wide and shiny, his expression tired but somehow more open that Remus had seen it since Hogwarts.
“Will you do it for me?” He asked, his voice shaking slightly. Remus gave him a reassuring smile.
“Of course, may I run you a bath first?” Sirius nodded, the corner of his mouth quirking up into an almost-smile.
Together, they slowly rose to their feet, adamantly refusing to release each other completely. Remus swiped the last slice of toast and handed it to Sirius as they made their way up the stairs to the master bathroom.
Remus closed the toilet seat down and sat Sirius on it before moving to the bath. Sirius chewed his toast slowly as he watched Remus’s movements with interest.
With care, Remus ran the water to the favoured temperature- almost too hot to bear- and poured in several bath salts. Before long, the lavender scented steam had risen through the air and bathed them both in the relaxing wisps.
Remus stepped back over to Sirius, lifting him gently to his feet and slowly- so painstakingly slowly- removed each article of clothing before helping him into the tub. Remus knelt by the side of the claw-footed bath, dipping a sponge into the water before bringing it up to Sirius’s back, trying not to notice the hard jut of each bump of his spine poking through the skin.
No words were needed as Remus bathed the hauntingly beautiful man in front of him, his chest warming as Sirius allowed Remus to take care of him. On a long sigh, Sirius leant back into the water, his head resting against Remus’s clothed shoulder as he moved the wet sponge around to Sirius’s chest, taking great care against the myriad of scars and tattoo’s that his Padfoot had amassed over the years.
“Is that for me?” Remus whispered against the shell of Sirius’s ear as his fingers brushed over an inked moon on his lower ribs. Sirius shuddered and nodded against his shoulder, turning slightly to press his lips to Remus’s cheek.
Remus hummed a little in approval as he stretched to wash over Sirius’s legs before abandoning the sponge. Remus’s sodden hands came up to guide Sirius’s shoulders and head into to the water, helping him to tip his head back as Remus scrubbed shampoo into his hair.
Sirius’s eyes fell closed and he let out an almost obscene groan from his throat as Remus’s long fingers massaged his scalp, rubbing away the dirt and the tension in one. Softly, Remus rinsed the suds from his hair before starting the process all over again. After three rounds of shampoo and half a bottle of conditioner, Remus was finally satisfied.
Sitting Sirius back up against the end of the bath, Remus reached over for a comb and some scissor. In a process so meticulous and slow, Remus began to comb through the knots, starting from the bottom of the strands and delicately making his way up to the root. He took as much care as he possibly could to prevent any pulls or pain, and felt immense satisfaction when Sirius smiled, leaning back into his touch.
“How much?” He asked once the comb was gliding easily through the wet locks, picking up the scissors.
“You choose,” Sirius shrugged, his eyes still closed, “I trust you to make me look good.”
“You always look good.” Remus pressed a kiss to the top of his wet head before surveying Sirius’s hair with a critical eye.
The first cut made Sirius flinch so hard that Remus immediately dropped the scissors to the floor, his arms wrapping around the shivering mans shoulders. Remus held him tight as he struggled to regulate his breathing.
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Sirius gasped out as Remus pulled him close whispered into his ear.
“Shhh Siri, just breathe,” Remus coached softly, whispering sweet nothings and praise as Sirius struggled his way through his panic until his chest eased just slightly.
“I’m okay… the noise.” He whispered between heavy breaths, “Keep going.” He urged, nodding when he caught Remus’s questioning frown from the corner of his eye.
With a muttered spell and a quick swish of his wand from inside his sleeve, Remus cast muffliato on the space behind Sirius’s head. He did an experimental snip of the scissors just behind Sirius’s ear, noting with satisfaction that there was no flinch as Sirius barely even noticed the sound.
Working quickly, he sheared off chunks of black hair at he evened up the lengths to his first cut, finally ending with a hairstyle that was at least 6 inches shorter and a good deal neater.
Ending the muffling spell, he reached forward for Sirius’s hand, bringing it back to feel Remus’s handiwork. Sirius laughed to himself as he ran his fingers through his hair.
“It feels amazing.” He exclaimed as Remus hunted down a hand mirror to give to Sirius. When he found one, Sirius stared at himself for a long time. Long enough to make Remus nervous.
“Did I do too much?” He asked nervously, worried he’d just set Sirius back with his Edward Scissorhands impression. Sirius shook his head as he fingered his hair.
“I look like me again.” He glanced up at Remus, the unfiltered love in his eyes caused Remus to blink helplessly in shock. He recovered quickly, running his own fingers through the new hair-do.
“You look beautiful,” He smiled down at the man before picking up a fresh towel, “Dry?” He asked, holding it up in question. When Sirius nodded, he returned to his spot behind the bath and began gently towelling the dark strands dry. Remus lost himself to the movement, and to the little noises of contentedness that escaped unconsciously from Sirius.
He’d always loved having his hair played with, and Remus was overjoyed to learn that he hadn’t lost that fancy over the years.
Sirius let out a long, groaning yawn as Remus finished up with his hair.
“Bed?” He pressed another kiss to Sirius’s crown as he nodded.
“Bed.” He agreed, and Remus helped him to get out of the water. Remus wrapped a towel around his narrow hips and they walked together to Sirius’s bedroom. Another quick spell under Remus’s breath set the bedsheets to the task of changing themselves, draping Sirius’s bed in fresh, clean smelling sheets- courtesy of Molly’s laundry rota.
Looking around, Remus noted the clutter and dust and general mess that left a thick layer on every surface of the room. Sirius rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed.
“Tonks vanished my food,” He said, and Remus shot him a sympathetic smile, “But it’s still a state.”
“We can fix it up together tomorrow, if you like.” Remus offered and was rewarded with a soft smile.
Remus led Sirius to the bed, not bothering to find him any pyjamas as he tucked Sirius into the clean bed. Sirius gripped his hand as he stepped back.
“Stay.” It wasn’t really a question, but the pleading was so clear in his eyes that Remus couldn’t have possibly refused.
Remus toed off his shoes, shuffled out of his jeans and crawled into bed beside him. Sirius immediately wrapped himself around Remus, with his head on his chest, arm over his middle and thigh thrown carelessly over Remus’s legs.
“Is this okay?” Sirius murmured into Remus’s shirt, and Remus belatedly wished he’d taken it off. Nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around Sirius and pulled him closer.
“Perfect.” He whispered into Sirius’s hair, breathing in the scent of the shampoo.
Remus laid still save for his fingertips stroking up and down Sirius’s arm as he listened to the man’s breathing get slower and deeper.
“I’ll never leave you alone again.” He whispered fiercely into the dark room, an instruction to himself and an oath to his Sirius. He felt Sirius finally relax fully against him, a slight snore to his breath as he slept deeply for perhaps the first time since they initially joined the Order all those years ago.
Remus smiled to himself as he pulled Sirius ever closer. They had lost so much- friends, family, freedom, time- but they still had each other. Sirius was here, solid and warm and his.
For a moment, Remus allowed himself to forget about the war and the Order and the certain doom that awaited them outside of this room.
In that moment, wrapped up in each other, all was well.