Chapter Text
never a moment in which the sun doesn't shine and never a moment in which it forgets
never a moment in which his halo dies down and never a moment he falters
always bright and always in the sky
so high off the ground,
so above of mortal life,
kissing the heavens.
always a stutter in my step and a stupid expression on my face
always a pause of hesitation before i can ever do anything meaningful
never neat nor composed
deep beneath the guilt,
deep beneath the rumors,
never here nor where.
why does the sun kiss the graveyard? to pay homage to the ones he never knew, who never saw the sun, who never believed in such a person? to pacify the crying child, grieving a horrible loss, that was never so horrible in the first place?
why can’t the bodies stay dead? why do their ghosts haunt my room? why do they haunt the living in their empty homes? why do their eyes never connect with my own?
why can’t i rest their souls without the sun? why do my thoughts never feel like my own? why do i adore the sun? why do i hate the warmth? why can’t i shut the window blinds?
always here and never too far,
the sun.
never motivated and always too sluggish,
my mirror.
reflections of sunshine on my skin make it crawl yet i can’t stand when it rains
my pride is too great to ever thank the warmth,
though i know i’ll cry when it is gone.
i’ll weep like i used to and will never forgive the rain
and i’ll sob and always remember the sun
even if the details get fuzzy,
even if the sun begins to hate me,
even when i eventually forget
like all the others.