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Cas sat in his remodeled room, curled up on the unmade bed in his t-shirt, pajama pants, and socked feet. It had been a few months since Sam and Dean had enacted their plan to rescue him from the Empty. Opening his eyes to see Dean’s look of righteous determination in the darkness would be a sight he would never forget, and as Dean had flashed the blade in his hand, he’d nodded wordlessly. Their connection was a powerful one, and Dean’s plan was immediately clear. Things went a bit fuzzy after that, but Cas traced his pointer finger along the scar across his neck mindlessly as he remembered. He’d left the Empty human and been with the brothers ever since.
It was a different kind of peace they'd been experiencing. No Chuck. No Lucifer. No one pulling their strings, but with that came an odd unrest. Sam had found new focus in Eileen, brought back by Jack when he’d set the world to rights. Dean had confided in Cas that he was fairly certain there would be talk of them moving in together soon, and he wasn’t sure if it would be Eileen here or Sam there. Castiel and Eileen had developed a comfortable friendship, he was happy to say. It was nice to have a confidante he could share his human feelings with, and he knew Sam was very happy. He had found an excellent partner in her. She was one of the best humans he’d ever met, and with her hardships, she fit right into the Winchester family.
On nights Sam was at the bunker, usually with Eileen, they all hung out at the War Room table, swapping stories and laughing till all hours. It felt good to laugh and to see them laugh. The oppressive blanket of Chuck’s control had been thrown off their shoulders. Even Dean’s small affections had increased. A hand on his shoulder here. A squeeze of his arm there. He had not, as Cas had feared, withdrawn from him as a result of his confession the night he died. Quite the opposite. Dean seemed more comfortable with him, their elbows brushing as he sat next to him at breakfast each morning. However, nothing was ever said about the night he’d died and the things he’d said. Not by Dean and certainly not by Castiel himself. He was brave, but he wasn’t stupid. If Dean was happy with their arrangement, Cas was happy as well…and if he felt a lingering hollowness at those touches, always craving for more, that was his problem and no one else’s.
Nights that Sam wasn’t there, Dean lured him out of his room with the promise of snacks and a movie, using his own loneliness with Sam gone as an excuse to make Cas watch one of his westerns. They’d sit in the Dean Cave, a small wooden table separating the cheap plaid chairs, and their hands would brush as they both reached for popcorn or their beer at the same time…but neither said a word, about anything.
Today, though, he found himself lingering in his room. Sam and Dean seemed unusually busy and he didn’t want to find himself in the way, so he pulled one of the lore tomes off his nightstand and flipped to the page he’d stuck the ribbon marker in, and began to read again. It was so much easier to focus on reading when he’d been an Angel. Now his mind constantly tried to wander, and every time he heard footfalls outside his door, he would have to mentally stop and figure out which brother it was. Sam’s were slightly heavier with his added height, while Dean’s always seemed to slow down around his door. He wasn’t sure why. With his new humanity came so much more he noticed about Sam and Dean that he couldn’t explain but didn’t dare ask. That was where Eileen came in. Ever helpful but not always able to enlighten him on the quirks of humanity.
Eventually, he found himself dozing, the tome loose in his lap, when a heavy knock on his door jolted him awake. Dean’s knock was always harder and louder, a heavy closed fist to Sam’s multiple knuckle-based knocks. It was Dean.
“Yes?” Cas called as he closed the tome with a dull thud as he turned the handle of his unlocked door.
Dean stuck his head in, a glint in his eyes Cas couldn’t explain as he held the door. Cas could tell from the dampness of his hair and the way his Henley clung to him he was freshly showered and he shoved back the very human longing he’d been burying since the day he came back. Dean didn’t need to deal with that.
“Hey, Sleeping Beauty. Want to go with me on a grocery run? Eileen’s coming for a visit and Sam’s meal prepping like the nerd he is.” Dean rolled his eyes playfully and looked at him expectantly.
Like Cas could ever tell Dean no for anything.
“Sure, Dean. Let me get dressed and I will be glad to join you.”
“Meet me in the garage in five?” Dean's eyebrows raised in question to an answer he already knew.
“Of course.”
After he dressed and headed toward the garage, Cas saw Sam shuffling around in the kitchen, but when Sam spied him he darted to the open door and blocked it with his body. “Hey, Cas. You heading out with Dean?”
Cas tilted his head in mild confusion at Sam’s mysterious body language but nodded. “Yes, he said Eileen was coming for a visit. I’ll be very glad to see her.”
Sam smiled a genuine smile. “Me too. She’s…she’s pretty great, huh?”
“Yes, she is,” Cas added with a knowing smile of his own. “And she cares for you very much.”
Sam smiled bigger and scratched the back of his neck with nervous energy. “Yeah. Uh, tell Dean to not forget the Spring Mix. He may not eat rabbit food but the rest of us do.”
“Will do,” Cas said in surety before he headed to the garage.
-----
As they headed to the grocery store, Cas glanced at Sam’s neatly written grocery list with curiosity. “This is a very long list. How long is Eileen staying?”
Dean scratched his chin as he shrugged his shoulders. “Couldn’t tell ya. It may take us an hour or so in the store, then I gotta gas up Baby and I was thinking about running to that bakery downtown. Thought I might pick up some stuff for her visit. What do you think?”
Cas studied the list again and looked over at Dean. “Nothing on this list will spoil quickly, so that is fine with me.”
He was rewarded with a toothy, pleased smile from Dean and his heart felt like it might burst. “Awesome. Not like we got anything going on today, huh? It’s been pretty quiet out there.”
Nodding in agreement, Cas glanced out the window. “Yes, it has. Claire told me she and Kaia have been hunting as well, so I think they are handling some of the smaller cases. Not that I approve but as she said quite vocally she does not need my approval. If it makes her happy, I am glad. Since it is my fault she was exposed to the supernatural in the first place.”
Surprisingly, Dean shook his head and bumped his shoulder with his palm. “Uh uh. We talked about this. None of the wallowing bullshit. Zero wallowing allowed, Cas. A clean slate for all of us with Chuck gone, remember?”
“I remember,” Cas murmured as he looked out at the scenery, if you could call it that. The town was very small and nondescript, so it was the same faces and buildings he’d seen over and over the past few months.
Dean nudge him gently again until he looked over at him. “Seriously though, not today. We both know it doesn’t help. I promise we get through today and you and I can eat Ben and Jerry’s and swap stories about all the things we feel shitty about, but not today, okay?”
“Okay,” Cas relented but Dean’s tone made him turn and study him again. “What is it about today in particular?”
Dean's face went blank and he turned fully back to the road, avoiding Cas' gaze. “Today? I mean, nothing, but with Eileen coming in and all. You know she’d want to cheer you up and Sam has all these plans so we just gotta suck it up for today. I get it though, okay? I do.”
“I know you do.”
“Alright then, so grocery store first. Anything you want to add to the list? My treat.” Dean kept his eyes on the road still, but his knee jiggled with curiously nervous energy.
Out of duty, Cas glanced at the list again, though he had it almost memorized by now. “Your list is fairly comprehensive. I can’t think of anything else to add.”
“Okay, well, if you see anything, just toss it in the basket okay? Anything you want.”
Cas felt such sincerity at Dean's words that he patted his shoulder gently. “Thank you.”
Dean swallowed once and licked his lips as Cas turned to look back at the window and they didn’t speak again till he was parking the Impala in the sparsely occupied grocery store parking lot.
“Hey, you wanna drive on the way home?” Dean blurted out and seemed almost as surprised as Cas was that he’d said it. They stared at one another as Dean gripped the keys in his fist.
“Okay. Am I dying? Are you dying? What’s going on, Dean?” Cas’ words had the interesting effect of making Dean’s lip tug up at the corners into an amused smile.
“No one’s dying today.” Dean laughed even as he tucked the keys in his pocket and patted himself down to check for his phone and wallet.
“Then what-"
“Come on. Let’s get the groceries,” Dean interrupted as he quickly exited the car and slammed the door shut with Cas following quickly behind.
Cas walked slowly behind him as he shopped. Where normally Dean would be in a hurry, tossing items haphazardly into the cart, he was taking his time, reading the backs on labels before gently placing them in the buggy then drawing a neat line through the item on the list. He easily spent ten minutes just perusing the chip aisle before making a decision and picking three different bags. Cas would have been content to watch him shop but Dean's eye lit on him and he frowned.
“Dude. Seriously. You haven’t picked out anything. You wanna be stuck with Sam’s idea of tasty snacks for movie night this week? Kale chips and diet soda?”
“Okay. I will pick out a few things.” Cas hoped this was what Dean wanted and he was rewarded with a pleased grin as he wandered down the aisle to pick up a box of popcorn. However, as he picked up the “smart choice” popcorn with less butter and salt, he felt Dean roll the cart behind him and lean over to talk softly in his ear.
“You know as well as I do that you like the extra butter. No shame in your snack game, Cas. Own it.”
Cas’ heart stuttered at Dean’s proximity and his face flushed in embarrassment, thankful Dean couldn’t know. He gently put down the healthier option and grabbed up the extra butter popcorn and turned to put it in the basket, not realizing Dean was still very close. They stood there, close enough to touch but an infuriating amount of space between them until an older woman came around the corner, her cart squealing obnoxiously. Dean cleared his throat, a confused look on his face, and pushed the cart over to the next aisle, having speed behind his steps for the first time today.
Cas quickly followed, the popcorn still in his hands and he ran into Dean's back, who had stopped immediately at the beginning of the aisle. They both huffed and Cas mumbled out an apology as Dean gingerly took the box from him and put it in the cart.
“No big deal,” Dean mumbled, his own cheeks pinker than Cas would have expected. They both turned away until Dean gasped. “Dude! Mr. List forgot to write down coffee. We were getting low last week. Sam’s got a death wish. You know how I get without my coffee.”
“Very grumpy,” Cas added unhelpfully and Dean smirked as he grabbed his regular coffee.
“I’ve never seen you drink it much. You like coffee?”
“It’s a bit bitter for my taste." Cas shrugged.
“Hmm. You know, Gabriel liked sweets. Do you think your…siblings and you might be more prone to sweets? Not that I like all that sugary crap, but a mocha or caramel coffee might be up your alley.”
“I’m open to trying it,” Cas shrugged and Dean rolled the cart to another shelf and picked up several bags and sniffed them, holding them up to Cas’ nose as well. Cas unhelpfully looked a bit lost so Dean plopped two different types in the buggy before continuing down.
‘Look, you’ve been…” Dean lowered his voice as he began pushing the cart again. “human now…for a few months. You gotta get out there and try new things. Snacks. Driving. Not staying holed up in your room all day.”
“I don’t want to get in your and Sam’s way…” Cas began but Dean cut him off.
“Dude, you live there too. You’re not gonna get in the way by existing. You gotta get over that, and if you think that way cause of me for some reason…well, I’m sorry. The past couple of years haven’t been my best, I admit. But, we’re okay, right?” Dean glanced over at him as they turned to the next aisle.
Cas was again puzzled. “Of course, Dean. You have nothing to apologize for.”
“Not really true, but I just had to ask, cause you’ve been pretty, you know...standoffish since we got you back.” Dean turned and began to push the cart down the aisle again as Cas followed behind.
“If I have been, it has not been due to anything you’ve done. I suppose…” Cas walked closer and dropped his voice. “My last human experience was so immediate and jarring that I am…easing into it.”
Dean nodded in understanding. “I get it. Easing into new things can be good, but don’t take so long to ease in that you miss living.”
Cas absorbed his words but felt a little bit daring in the aloneness of the aisle and nudged him clumsily with his elbow. “I don’t see you living it up either.”
Dean rolled his eyes and nudged him back. “It’s no fun alone. Sam’s too busy being domestic and you’re buried in your cover. I’m like Anna asking you to build a fucking snowman every day.”
The scrunch of Cas' forehead gave away his confusion. “You're talking about the movie with the siblings with the dead parents and the talking snowman?”
Dean, however, gave out an exasperated huff. “Frozen, Cas. It’s kinda popular, but yes.”
“So, you see me as a sibling,” Cas added softly and with what he hoped was well-hidden disappointment. He did not expect Dean to stop in his tracks and him to run into his back again.
“NO!” Dean exclaimed a little loudly and seemed flustered as the older woman from the aisle before squeaked her way onto this one. “No, I mean, yes we’re close but not like you’re my brother and we’re related close. Definitely not that. I mean, unless…unless that’s how you see it, and yeah so, yeah that would be fine too.”
Cas tilted his head in the way he used to when Dean puzzled him and Dean’s eyes got wider as his cheeks flushed redder. Mercifully, Cas shook his head and Dean visibly calmed down. “My relationship with my siblings would best be described as hostile…so no, I suppose that would not be how I would describe our…relationship.”
“Okay, great, yeah. That’s…okay, let’s get the rest of the list and head out.” Dean stumbled in his hurry to turn around and Cas remained more puzzled. Dean’s flustered mood seemed to die down by the time they were loading the groceries into the trunk, placing the paper sacks over the weapons like it was normal to have machetes and Enochian brass knuckles riding alongside turkey hot dogs and sodas. Dean even seemed in a much better mood on their way to the bakery after they’d stopped for gas. He watched as Dean grabbed up a cassette tape and read the handwritten label before popping it in. They didn’t talk as Dean pulled out and drove toward the bakery, but Dean drummed his hands on the wheel and jiggled his knee to the music, which was normal for him. However, Cas looked at him with further confusion when Dean gave a snorty laugh through his nose as a song came on. “Zeppelin,” Dean murmured as he glanced at Cas.
“This wasn’t on the tape you made me,” Cas said with great appreciation for having that knowledge.
“Communication breakdown. It’s good, but not top thirteen good,” Dean added before he began lip-syncing every word while never looking away from the windshield. Cas divided his time between pretending to not be watching Dean and listening to the quick tempo’d song.
Hey, girl, stop what you're doin'
Hey, girl, you'll drive me to ruin
I don't know what it is I like about you, but I like it a lot
Won't you let me hold you, now, let me feel your lovin' touch
Communication breakdown, it's always the same
Havin' a nervous breakdown, a-drive me insane
Hey, girl, I got somethin' I think you oughta know
Hey, babe, I wanna tell ya that I love you so
I wanna hold you in my arms, yeah
I'm never gonna let you go, 'cause I like your charm
Communication breakdown, it's always the same
Havin' a nervous breakdown, drive me insane,
Communication breakdown, it's always the same
Havin' a nervous breakdown, a-drive me insane, yeah
Communicate, I want you to love me all night
I want you to love me all night, I want, hey, I want, yeah
I want you to love me, I want you to love, babe
I want you to love, yeah, I want you to love
Hey, I want you to love, yeah, I want you to love
Cas found the song a bit scratchy to his senses, but he could see the appeal to Dean.
“It’s good,” Cas added as it faded away to make way for the next song.
“I like the lyrics,” Dean added pointedly before looking over at him and shaking his head to himself as he was met with another puzzled look. “The bakery is just up here.”
They got out together and Cas saw Dean dig his phone out and type rapidly before sliding it back in his pocket. “Okay. Time for pie,” Dean grinned as he gave him a wink. It was Cas’ turn to be flustered as he stumbled over the curb and caught himself on the Impala’s hood. Dean grinned to himself but hid it by biting his lip as he made it to the door first and held the door for him, the little bell at the door chiming as he did so. “Ah. I could just smell this place all day. Come on.” Dean gently grabbed Cas’ elbow and guided him to the bakery cases. “What do you think? A cake? Cupcakes? What do you like?”
“You said you wanted pie.”
Dean snorted a laugh. “And I’m getting pie. That Dutch apple right there is gonna be all mine, but what about you? They’ve got these little dessert cakes or we could grab a dozen cupcakes. Chocolate, Vanilla, Red Velvet. What’s your poison?”
Cas studied the lit-up bakery case with interest. Looking at the different sweets, all posed in the artificial light like pictures in a magazine, Cas realized something. “I…I don’t know. I’ve never had cake before.”
“You’ve never had cake?” came a concerned voice from behind the counter, a middle-aged woman with attractive features.
Dean stood up abruptly and glanced to Cas, who did not seem prepared to answer the question. “Oh, yeah…My buddy grew up in a…a convent…with monks. Lots of monks. Super strict. No cake. No sex. No fun...” Dean’s entire face was red now as he stuttered out his rushed recovery, surprising himself with his own words.
“Okay…well, I can really only help with one of those. I’ll leave it up to you to pick, blue eyes.” The woman grinned, a playful inviting smile that Cas couldn’t help but return. Dean, however, stiffened at his side and he glanced at him.
“Just cake today,” Cas added with a now apologetic smile as Dean tried to hide his displeasure at the woman’s comment. “I suppose we could get a cake and cupcakes since we will have company…Dean?”
“Yeah, yeah that’s fine,” Dean grumbled as his phone beeped and he pulled it out to type again.
“I think I offended your friend there. It really was just a joke,” the woman added and Cas glanced over to Dean again.
“He would usually have made the joke himself. We aren’t offended. He’s, uh, just trying to show me around town since I got out of the...the convent. So, I suppose I’ll take a dozen of your cupcakes and whatever cake you think I would enjoy.”
“Well, since this is your first time, why don’t I make you an assortment, so you can find out what you like?” Dean choked behind him and Cas turned around with a questioning look.
“That sounds excellent,” Cas said as he turned back to her.
“And for the cake, hmm, I’m told our chocolate is the best. Sinful Triple Chocolate. Seems fitting for an ex-monk.”
Dean grumbled as he typed in another text and waved his credit card at Cas, who took it quickly. “My friend also wanted the apple pie.”
“Excellent. Let me get you a box for your things.” Cas turned as the bell on the door chimed and watched Dean go out to the car.
“He the jealous type, huh?” Her eyebrow was raised as she followed Dean outside with her eyes.
“No…What do you mean?” Cas looked at her over the counter and she slowly began to grin.
Her eyes widened as she looked between the two of them. “You two aren’t?....Oh. Well, this is awkward. Let me just…mind my own business. Here, and your receipt. Thank you, and sorry if I put him in a mood. Let him know I really was only joking, not flirting.”
“I…okay…” Cas said with further confusion as he walked out with a small cardboard box containing their sweets and the card wrapped in the receipt. He juggled the box on his leg to try to open the car door but Dean had already leaned over and popped the handle for him. He slid in and buckled up but before the belt could click, Dean fired at him.
“You get her number?”
Holding the cardboard box awkwardly with both hands, Cas frowned. “Wha…no? She didn’t…Did I need to get it for something?”
Dean let a wave of some emotion Cas couldn't put his finger on wash across his face. “She didn’t…No. No. We’re all good here. You ready to go back to the bunker?”
His voice guarded, Cas answered. “Okay, but….she told me to tell you she was only joking, not flirting.”
“She…Yeah, not that it matters. Not like you don’t deserve to be flirted with.” Dean dropped the tape he was preparing to load and fumbled to pick it up.
Finally, Cas had to say something. “I don’t pretend to completely understand human behavior, but you’ve been acting odd all day, Dean.”
Dean ran his hands through his hair and laughed lightly as he put the tape in with the other hand. “Yeah, I know. Sorry. I’m feeling a little off, I guess.”
“Can I help?”
Instead of getting a genuine answer, Dean looked in the box and asked, “D’you get the pie?”
“Of course.”
Leaning back in his seat, he adjusted the radio and pulled out of the parking lot. “Then we’re all good. Let’s head back. ”
Once they were back on the road, Dean glanced over to the box again with interest. “She really hooked you up huh.”
Cas glanced down at the plastic containers of sweets. “I suppose. Though I can’t see the four of us eating all of these without wasting some.”
Dean smiled but quickly scrubbed his face with his palm and it was gone when he dropped it. “Don’t worry about that. So, did you pick up what she was putting down?”
“What?”
Huffing and rolling his eyes again, Dean answered, “Her flirting.”
“She said she wasn’t," Cas answered defensively as he clutched the box to him a bit more tightly, feeling a bit insecure in this line of conversation.
“She totally was,” Dean disagreed, his voice lowering in mild annoyance.
Castiel sighed and laid his head back on the headrest and rolled his head to the side to look out the window to avoid Dean's eyes. “Well, even if she was, it doesn’t matter.”
“Why…what's that supposed to mean?”
Cas could feel Dean looking at him but he kept looking out, trying to ignore Dean's reflection in the glass before sighing and letting his shoulders fall. "This is going to make you uncomfortable.”
“Huh? I mean, probably not. Tell me what’s on your mind.” Dean stole glances at him, his hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel.
“I’m not…I don’t find myself attracted to women. I’d say it was the psychological trauma of being tortured after sex but I had found myself to always have a preference for….for men. I mean, since attraction became an emotion I felt,” Cas stammered out, looking down at the box of sweets to avoid Dean’s anticipated look of disgust.
What he didn't expect was Dean's blunt reply. “So, you’re gay?”
That label didn't sit fully right with Cas but he stewed on it as he stalled. “Angels don’t typically have a sexuality, because they don’t see humans as potential mates…I mean besides Lucifer, Gabriel and Balthazar…and Anna.”
Dead added quickly, “and Serafina with Adam.”
“Yes.”
The last, Dean said with hesitation, stealing another glance away from the road. “And you.”
“And…me,” Cas agreed softly, his face flaming in embarrassment.
A long silence hung until Dean cleared his throat and glanced over at him, his fingers now still on the steering wheel. “But you’re into dudes exclusively now?”
Castiel hesitated, the truth of it gnawing at him. “I…suppose you could put it that way.”
“Well, how else can you put it?” Dean barked back, a frustrated laugh breaking through.
“Dean…why are you asking me this?”
Dean pulled his hands off the wheel one at a time and wiped them on his pants leg. “Hey, we haven’t talked much about…this kind of stuff…before. I was just curious. If you’re not comfortable, I’ll drop it.”
Seeing his nervousness, Cas couldn't help himself. “What about you?”
Dean looked over, one eyebrow raised. “What about me?”
“You like women,” Cas said bluntly, frustration gnawing at him, his tone almost accusatory as Dean ripped the truth out of him.
“Yeah, but I…” Dean licked his lips nervously before swallowing. “But I like guys too.”
“Wait…what?” Cas stammered out in surprise, not expecting that answer at all, his mind spiraling with this new information.
“I’m Bi, okay?” Dean said it in almost a whisper as he forced his eyes on the road, his neck dewy with sweat.
“How did I not know that?” Cas said just as softly, his tone no longer accusatory, only full of true curiosity.
Shrugging his shoulders, Dean dared a glance over, his insecurity showing in the way he laughed it off with a half-smile. “Not like I was advertising it. I wasn’t really comfortable with…you know, myself.”
“I’m not just gay,” Cas blurted out and Dean's smile turned immediately into a frown.
“But you just said…” Dean began.
Cas interrupted before Dean's look of panic could go further. “I’ve been reading...a lot. Since I came back. I think I'm Demisexual.”
“What the fuck is that?” Dean fired back, sparing him another glance from the road.
He locked eyes with Dean, as uncomfortable as it was. “I can’t…I don’t find strangers attractive. I have to have an emotional…bond to feel real attraction.” Dean was incredibly still and quiet for longer than Cas liked, and he began to fidget in his seat. “Well?”
“Well, that’s cool. I get it. I can’t totally relate because you know how I used to be, but I get it. I’m glad you’ve been figuring that stuff out, for you know, the future.”
Surprised again by Dean's total acceptance, he drummed his fingers on the cardboard nervously. “Yeah, so…we’re okay?”
“Of course. We should be able to talk about this kind of stuff without it being this awkward. I’ve known you for…how long is it now?” A sparkle was in Dean’s eye now and Cas smiled back out of habit.
“A long time,” Cas answered back with a soft smile of his own before turning to look out the window again.
“So…yeah," Dean said softly as he knocked his hand against the dessert box. "We can talk about these things like adults."
Again, silence filled the car but this time it felt different. Cas had laid his sexuality out for Dean to reject…and he hadn’t. He’d been overwhelmingly accepting…and admitted he was attracted to men too…The atmosphere in the car was interesting as they made their way back to the bunker.
“Let’s park out front. It'll be easier to unload the groceries,” Dean said quickly as he jumped out of the car and went to grab his doorknob.
“But we’ll have to carry them down the spiral staircase…” Cas began to argue but Dean waved dismissively and loaded down one arm with bags while Cas carried the sweets.
“Here, let me grab the door,” Dean said with a new kind of smile as he opened the door with a squeal. Cas chose not to argue and stepped inside as Dean hollered over his shoulder. “We’re BACK!”
Cas was suddenly jolted out of his own thoughts as he began his descent down the stairs to a chorus of voices shouting at once, “Happy Birthday, Cas!” Cas stopped in his tracks at the sudden onslaught but Dean came up behind and nudged him along. Around the War Room table were Jody, Donna, Claire, Kaia, Alex, Patience, Sam, and Eileen.
“It’s not…I don’t have a birthday,” Cas said with wide eyes as Sam took the box of sweets from him.
Sam grinned widely as he set the box down on the table. “Sure you do. You had to be born, in some way. We just don’t know the date.”
“Why today then?” Cas asked as he looked around him at the room of smiling faces.
“Thirteen years ago today I shot and stabbed you in a barn,” Dean said with a shy grin as he sat his groceries on the table.
“The night we met,” Cas said softly and Dean nodded once as their eyes locked, before the crowd of people came between them. He lost track of Dean for a few minutes as the group took their turns hugging him and chatting, but after everyone got their turn, he found him leaned against the wall, a cold beer being brought up to his lips, and he smiled as Cas caught his eye and made his way over to him. Cas leaned against the wall, his arm brushing Dean’s. “You were keeping me out of the bunker for a reason.”
Dean shrugged and shoved one hand in his pocket as he held the bottle up to the light. “Just a little subterfuge so everyone could get here. Were you surprised?”
“Very, thank you, Dean.”
He shrugged, hiding his pleasure by glancing the other way. “Well, I know we could have made the day you came back from the Empty as your birthday or Hell, any day, but the night we might is kind of…”
“Special,” Cas finished for him and Dean nodded as he looked away again and took another sip of his beer.
Claire came over to them then and leaned against the wall as well, next to Cas. “Crowds,” she murmured and Dean and Cas both nodded their agreement. “Kaia and I are a thing,” she added bluntly and Dean and Cas both looked to her in tandem confusion.
“Okay…”Dean said slowly. “And? I kind of figured that. It was kind of obvious.”
Claire raised one eyebrow in silent challenge as she scowled. “Yeah? Sometimes I’m not sure if my feelings are obvious to everyone. Sometimes you gotta be clear, you know?”
Dean took another swig of his beer as he nodded. “Sure, kid, we hear ya.”
Cas gave her his full attention, smiling as he gently put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m very happy for you, Claire. Kaia seems very nice.”
“Yeah, she is, and she is really good at telling me how she feels.” Claire made blatant, bold eye contact between them but Dean and Cas just blinked at her in confusion. “Oh for fuck’s sake…” she growled out before storming off.
"What's her deal?" Dean turned to ask as they watched her go to Kaia and whisper in her air. Kaia looked over at them and shook her head before Claire leaned over and kissed her cheek and slid a hand around her waist and pulled her to sit down.
Cas had a feeling Claire knew...something...but if Dean could ignore it, so could he.
“Cas, you and Dean stop being antisocial and come blow out the candles on your cake!” Jody barked out and they both quickly came to gather around the table.
Dean stayed close to Cas’ side as he sat in the chair in front of the cake, lit up brightly with candles. “That…is not nearly enough candles,” Cas spoke aloud as he looked around at the gathered hunters.
Sam laughed behind him, his arm around Eileen. “We don’t have enough matches and the bunker’s fire system is too old to test like that, Cas.”
“A fair point,” Cas said with an amused smile.
“Well, blow them out before we have to test the theory, old man,” Claire fired back and Cas softly blew them out and watched the soft tendrils of smoke rise up to the bunker ceiling before his thoughts were interrupted again.
“Now, cake and presents then pizza and drinking,” Dean added as he clapped his hands together.
“And nobody drives buzzed,” Jody added quickly as she shot a look to Claire.
“Everybody’s staying the night. I set up the guest rooms and the air mattresses. We haven’t had this many people here in a long time, but we can make it work."
‘I’m sure we’ll all stumble into somewhere soft to sleep when we’re ready,” Donna added as she took a sip from her cup.
They quickly sliced and served the cake. Cas' concerns about not having enough people to eat everything had been very unwarranted. The last slice cleared the cake plate as he took the first bite of his piece. Sinful was a good description. Eating was far more pleasurable as a human and he suspected Angels weren't given the ability to taste as humans do...because it would be reason enough to fall. Cas glanced up and found Dean, his own reason. Cake couldn't compare...
As soon as the cake was done, the gifts covered the table. The gifts had brought Cas close to tears, and he blamed it on his newly human emotions. Eileen had given him a beautifully ornate hunting knife that was perfectly balanced with silver inlays, Jody and Donna had gotten his sizes from Dean and picked out some jeans, boots, and other clothes more fitting for hunting than Cas had on hand. However, Claire’s gift took Dean’s breath away more than Cas’. When he opened the lid of the cardboard box and shook out the black leather jacket, Claire shot a smirk to Dean.
“Picked it up from a thrift shop in Phoenix. It’s vintage, just like you old man,” She grinned. “Try it on.”
Cas slowly slid his arms into it and fixed the collar and when he looked up, Dean’s eyes were saucers and his tongue flicked out to wet his lips.
“What do you think?” Cas asked as he looked around. The group gave an affirmative through thumbs-up, wolf whistles, and teasing but Dean looked away and studied his own shoes until Cas moved on.
The last two presents were from Sam and Dean. Sam put a heavy book down in front of him and Cas frowned.
“You gave him research?” Jody complained but Sam shook his head.
“Cas, this is every bit of lore, case studies, and research I’ve been able to scrape together from the archives about Angels who became human. I know there are still a lot of questions you have that we can’t answer, and this doesn’t give all the answers but I thought it might give you a starting point. There aren’t that many cases even whispered about, and even less documented.”
“Well, Heaven wouldn’t have wanted it known they had defectors, so that makes sense. Thank you, Sam.” Cas ran his hand along the pages and flipped it open to find page after page of handwritten notes and sketches.
The last present was from Dean, who fidgeted from foot to foot. It was a small box compared to the others and Dean had his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as Cas unwrapped the newspaper he had neatly wrapped it in. It was a journal, much like the one Dean had of his father’s and the one he’d begun of his own that not even Sam knew about. It was smooth, caramel-colored leather, and his name was embossed in fancy silver lettering in the top left corner. He went to crack it open but Dean cleared his throat and raised his cup. “Now, let’s drink!”
The evening was a blur after that, the War room table littered with red cups, empty bottles, cupcake wrappers, and pizza boxes. What began as a birthday party became something more. It became a celebration of their survival and their freedom, an acknowledgment of the shit they'd endured and lived to tell about. They sat around swapping hunting stories and filling their cups until Sam and Jody started nodding off at the table and one by one the crowd begged off for sleep.
Cas stood and stumbled, not having drunk this much yet as a human, but Dean was at his elbow immediately. “Hey, birthday boy. Let’s get you to bed.” He threw his arm around Cas’ waist in a way that, totally sober, would have had them both flushing pink, but now, with their faces already pink from the alcohol, felt comfortable. They passed Claire and Kaia’s guestroom on the way to Cas’ room and Claire gave Dean a salute that he rolled his eyes at, unseen by Cas.
“Here we are,” Dean mumbled as he turned the knob to Cas’ room. Sam had already gathered Cas’ presents and left them in a neat pile in the chair nearest his bed. “Have fun?”
“I did. Thank you, Dean.” Cas leaned against the doorframe and with Dean so close to him and them both still tipsy, the space seemed even smaller.
DeN leaned in a tired, happy smile on his face. “Wasn’t just me, but you’re welcome. You deserve it. Hey, wait. I’ll be right back," and like that Dean was shuffling back to the War Room.
Cas tilted his head again and stepped into his room, plopping down heavily on his bed before clumsily taking off his boots and tossing them toward the wall. He blinked tiredly at his open door, waiting to hear Dean’s familiar footsteps. He didn’t have to wait long, thankfully, and Dean came in holding a cupcake with his hand cupped around a lit candle jammed into it. He kicked the door shut with his foot before walking toward Cas and sitting beside him on the bed. “Did you make a wish when you blew your candles out?”
“I…didn’t know I was supposed to.”
Validated, Dean nodded his head solemnly. “I figured. You make a wish and blow the candle out, but you’re not supposed to tell what you wished for or it won’t come true.”
“That sounds like witchcraft to me.” Cas grinned as Dean moved his hand. Their eyes locked over the flame and Cas slowly blew out the candle as he maintained their eye contact.
”What’d you wish for?” Dean said softly as he reached around him to sit the cupcake on the nightstand, his forearm brushing his side as he did so.
“You just told me not to tell.” Cas let an amused giggle bubbled out of him thanks to the alcohol.
Dean pouted, his lower lip poking out in a parody of a pout. “You pick now to listen to me. Okay. Then tell me what you were talking about that night when you told me the one thing you wanted was the one thing you couldn’t have.”
Cas’ eyes narrowed and he licked his own lips nervously now. “You won’t like it.”
“Try me. You trust me?” Dean's hand brushed Cas' as they say so closely together and Cas glanced down at the sensation.
“More than anyone but-“
“Please?” Cas' hesitation buckled under that one word.
Like he could ever deny Dean anything. No matter the cost.
Cas wet his lips as Dean stared at him with a fiery intensity. He blew out a shaky breath and swallowed once as he tried to find the courage to choke out two words. “It’s you.”
What he didn't expect was for Dean to immediately fire back with, "You want me how?”
The shock that came over Cas manifested itself in a disbelieving sound. “Are you trying to torture me?”
Dean reached a hand toward him but let it fall to the mattress. “No, Cas. No. I…You said you loved me but ever since…I didn’t know…what you meant.”
“Dean, did it feel platonic to you?” Cas asked with visible tension on his face.
“No, but-“Dean stuttered out, his cheeks flushing and making the freckles across his nose stand out even in the soft lamp light.
Cas rolled his eyes to the ceiling. “I…fuck, Dean. I’m not drunk enough for this. I love you…in a very nonplatonic way but I didn’t say anything because when I came back you seemed fine the way we were.”
Dean rubbed the back of his neck as he shook his head. “I was scared. I’d just gotten you back and I didn’t want to misunderstand. I…I love you too. I have for a while but the time just never felt right with...everything.”
This was not what Cas had expected. His jaw fell open a moment before he snapped it shut dramatically. “You’re serious.”
“As a heart attack, Cas. All I can think about these days is telling you how I feel but I could never make the words come out right and I was…I was still scared. Because if you didn’t feel like I do, I’d lose you again by telling you the truth and-“
Cas leaned forward quickly, putting a hand on the back of Dean’s head and pulling him closer. Their lips met, swallowing up whatever Dean was about to say. Their first kiss was warm and wet and tasted of the good Scotch Dean had shared with only him while everyone else raided the beer in the fridge. Dean’s hands moved, one to rest on Cas’ waist and the other to rest at Cas’ upper back as his tongue teased open his lips and deepened it to more than one chaste kiss. Cas' fingers gently tugged at Dean's hair as the kiss lingered and Dean's hand moved down his spine. When they finally parted for air, Dean sighed in great relief as his eyes devoured Cas’ face and his thumb gently stroked his cheek.
HIs plush lips even more swollen from kissing, Cas murmured against Dean's ear. “Do birthday wishes normally work so fast? I still maintain it must be witchcraft.”
“You might be right,” Dean said softly before his eyes lit on the stack of presents. “Did you ever look in your journal?” He was already up and grabbing it before Cas could answer in the negative. “I didn’t want to be sappy in front of everyone.”
Wordlessly, Cas gently undid the clasp and opened the journal to the first page, written in Dean’s surprisingly delicate script.
To Castiel:
Journaling has helped me with all of my thoughts and feelings, even those I pretend not to have.
Cas gently rolled his eyes and continued.
I hope you will find this useful in this new journey with humanity as you discover who you are now and what you want, and I hope you allow me to be a part of it, in whatever way possible. You are the best friend I ever had, and I hope this time around I can be the friend you deserve. I didn’t know 13 years ago in that barn that the name Castiel would come to mean so much to me, to be my faith when I couldn’t find my own, and who saw the goodness in me when I couldn’t anymore. I promise that your words saved me, and they saved the world.
Yours,
Dean
Cas traced his thumb over the last two words before looking up at him, blinking back tears. “Thank you, Dean.”
“Happy Birthday, Cas. I guess I’ll, uh, see you in the morning?” Dean went to stand but Cas reached out and grabbed his wrist, looking up at him from the bed.
“Stay.”
“We’re both a little too drunk for me to feel good about that,” Dean said with sincere remorse but Cas just smiled.
He shook his head and yawned, covering his mouth as he did so. “Seriously, I told you. I’m easing into things. No flying leaps tonight, but you can stay, if you want.”
“We’re gonna be the talk of the kitchen table in the morning if I do.” Dean spoke even as he walked over and locked the door, and Cas flopped back on the bed and popped the button of his jeans. “This is easing?”
Cas gave him a playful bitchface as he wriggled out of his jeans and tossed them beside the bed. “I’m not sleeping in jeans. I’m not a monster, Dean.”
“Fair enough.” Dean sighed as he kicked off his boots and shimmied out of his own pants, holding them in front of him shyly as he made his way to the side of the bed.
“You know I saw you naked already when I rebuilt you from Hell, right?” Cas murmured as he felt the effects of the evening’s drinking begin to wash over him and his lids became heavy as he slid under the cover.
“Pervert,” Dean teased as he dropped his jeans and joined him.
Cas' sleepy shrug barely moved the comforter as he tucked it over his shoulder. “Maybe I am. You sure you’re okay to stay? You don’t have to.”
“The birthday boy asked me to stay. How could I ever say no?” Dean turned on his side, facing Cas now.
“This should feel a lot weirder than it does." Cas found Dean's hands under the cover and they laced their fingers together as their noses brushed.
Dean slid his knee over to Cas' side of the bed and they jostled around for a comfortable leg position. “For how long I’ve wanted to do this, maybe I manifested it. Best birthday ever, and it wasn’t even mine.”
As they settled on a leg position, Cas hummed in thought. “Hmm. I have to think about how I can top your present. Your birthday is only five months away.”
Dean leaned over and impulsively kissed his cheek, letting out a surprised breath at his own boldness. “I’ve got a few ideas. If we start easing now, the possibilities it five months could be...”
"I like the way you think, Winchester," Cas murmured as he reached over and turned off the bedside lamp. Never waste a birthday wish, indeed.