Work Text:
"I thought you quit smoking?"
"I'm just feeling nostalgic about my student days."
Melancholy was evident in Shoko's regular monotone voice as she crushed the butt of her finished cigarette. It was her first smoke after five years of being clean, and she knew Utahime would be disappointed at her, but she needed it tonight. She needed something foreign yet familiar in her system, just like what was happening in front of her. This type of situation was not a first for her, but it has been a while since she was on a mission.
She was not used to this setup of working out in the field. She was more active during her high school days as she accompanied her classmates on their exorcism missions. She was always on standby and ready to offer her support by using her reversed cursed technique to heal the injuries they suffered during the fight.
After graduation, she decided to focus more on becoming a doctor, and most of her work was inside Tokyo Metropolitan Tech—inside the morgue precisely. She mainly worked on dissecting and studying the leftover curses her fellow sorcerers have successfully exorcise; most of them came from Gojo. Other than that, she was not getting any specific requests to be deployed on a mission.
December of last year was the last time she went out to the field again to aid during the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons. The day when a particular black-haired man officially disappeared from their lives—from her life.
She took out the lighter from the back pocket of her jeans as it suddenly felt heavy, its existence immediately getting her full attention. She stared at it as her fingers absent-mindedly played with the scratches it gained over the decade. It was stupid really how she wasted her time clinging onto it since it was definitely more convenient to buy a new one instead of refilling the gas every time it gets empty. The memory it held was not even good to begin it.
That fucking moron.
--
It was Shoko's second day in Tokyo Metropolitan Tech, and she was just about to smoke her first cigarette for the week. Yesterday was the day she moved into the dorms, and carrying and unpacking all her luggage and boxes took most of her energy. She didn't even know how she passed out on her bed since she was too tired. Too tired to even smoke a single stick that night.
She found a great spot to smoke behind the building of their dorm. There was really nothing else to see here except for the old nonfunctional vending machines, so no one came there regularly. Maybe a fellow smoker like her might take a liking to the place, especially for the shade provided by the rows of trees. Her body was screaming for nicotine, and she doesn't plan to deny giving it some. She took out a stick from her fresh pack before placing the unlit cigarette between her lips, then looked for her lighter. Hands patted all over her figure, checking all her pockets but unfortunately, her lighter was nowhere to be found.
Damn, I left it on the bedside table. She was so used to always having it with her. That was why it became an instinct for her to only grab her pack and go out.
With a heavy defeated sigh, she pushed herself off the wall and spun to the side to walk back to her room. Upon turning on her heels, she saw someone on the other side of the vending machines. The man looked up from his cupped hand, blocking the air as he lit up his own cigarette, and met her brown eyes with his black ones.
"You're the other first-year?" He inquired after letting out a puff of smoke which Shoko stared at with a bit of jealously.
"Yeah, I'm Ieiri Shoko." She answered as she walked closer to the guy.
"I'm Geto Suguru, a first-year as well." He responded with a curt nod before his eyes flicker down to her hand. An unlit cigarette was being held by her index and middle finger. "Need a light?" He offered.
"Uh... yeah, if you don't mind." She placed the stick again on her lips and leaned toward him.
He reached out and turned on his black lighter with a flick of his thumb, finally lighting the most awaited smoke of the short-haired girl beside him. "We're you not able to buy a lighter before arriving here?" He asked as she watched Shoko took a long, satisfying drag with her eyes shut closed.
"Hmm..." That was her only reply, not bother correcting him. Explaining that she just left it in her room would take too much time talking. She would very much rather spend her next minutes relaxing as she puffed her nicotine fix.
"That sucks. The stores here are a bit far from the campus, so it can be a hassle to get one." He commented before turning to his side to face her fully, letting his left shoulder rest against the wall. "I can just always light up your cigarettes for you. I wouldn't mind."
Shoko observed him from her peripheral, and she quickly noticed how easily he towered over her even though he was slightly slouching. His black hair was long and a bit disheveled, indicating that he might have just gotten out of bed as well. Same habit as her, huh? He was starting his day with a morning smoke which she could absolutely approve. His black earrings complimenting his look and making him attractive to her eyes. Lastly, she noticed that he was smiling warmly at her as he offered her the possibility to be her future "smoke buddy". She smiled back as she realized that she didn't mind sharing her peaceful relaxation time with him.
"I'll take you up on that offer, then." The idea of not smoking alone anymore didn't sound so bad after all.
--
Hearing the news of Suguru's alleged crimes made Shoko want to get out of the school premises to clear her mind off things. Was she surprised by the information? No, not really. She noticed the change of air around him ever since his failed mission with Satoru. Honestly, she was anticipating it in a way, watching silently for the signs of his impending outburst. However, the waiting game was a bit hard for her. The alone time she spent with him was suddenly starting to become more awkward and more strained. It was kind of ironic given that she was supposed to smoke with him to release some tension, but as each day passed, the wall between them tended to get higher and higher. Shoko didn't bother to climb it or even break through it. What could she have told him, anyway? Whatever she said, she was sure Suguru would just tell her that she wouldn't understand whatever he was going through, and maybe that was true. She never got in between his fights with Satoru about being righteous since she didn't really have a firm stance with the issue. Was it rude for her to say that she just didn't care? She only wanted to focus on doing what she was good at, healing as much sorcerer as she could. The concept of who was strong and weak didn't really bother her. Those aspects were not important whenever she used her technique.
She somehow ended up in a smoking area in Shinjuku. With a cigarette stick in between her lips, her hands were busy searching for her lighter. Oh, just great. She muttered a curse under her breath as she realized that she once again forgot to have it. Ever since she hung out with Suguru, her old lighter never left her bedside table. She looked around at who could she have approached, only to find some middle-aged working men looking at her curiously. She wasn't sure if it was a good idea to ask them for a light, but she didn't have much of a choice.
"Need a light?" Ah, who would have thought that he would show up here? "Hey."
She looked behind her and saw him smiling affectionately at her with his narrow eyes almost looked closed. It was ridiculous how drastically different he looked now. He looked happy, almost like when they met for the first time. How can he have the audacity to be well after allegedly killing a lot of people?
"Yo, it's the criminal." She replied rather flatly compared to the gravity of the name she just called him. "You need something from me?"
"I guess I'm just testing out my luck." He casually lit up her cigarette, so painfully casual as if nothing was wrong.
"Hmm?" She questioningly hummed as she took the first drag from her smoke. She didn't even want to know what he meant by his words.
Shoko stood still as she took several more puffs, not knowing what to say to Suguru since he apparently decided to stay. "I'm gonna ask just to be sure, but are those false charges?" There was really no point to beat around the bush now.
"Nah, unfortunately not." There was a hint of laughter in his voice.
She scoffed to herself with a slight shake of her head. It felt almost silly how a small part of her wanted to believe that those were false. "Again, just to be sure. Why?"
"I'll create a world where only sorcerers exist."
Her suppressed laughter finally burst out of her. "That's hilarious!" She can only laugh after hearing how fucked up his plan was. As if killing off non-sorcerers would solve the problems he has. What was so great in a world that only has a handful of sorcerers. That sounded depressing even for a person like her.
"I'm not a child. It's not like I need everyone to understand me."
"Just assuming that nobody will understand you already sounds pretty childish to me." She was pressing the keypads of her phone as she spoke and then pressed the call button after seeing the contact number she was searching for.
"Shoko?" The person's voice from the other end of the line sounded surprisingly serious since she rarely called him.
"Ah, Gojo?" She greeted back as her gaze met Suguru and held them without any problem. "I met Geto in Shinjuku." She won't be calling him Suguru now.
"What? Is he still there? Stall him and keep him in your sight." She heard some shuffling, and she was sure Gojo was rushing to their location now.
"No way, I don't wanna die." She hung up immediately. "Gojo's on his way, so you should go now before he sees you here." She wanted them to separate ways already since she didn't want to be there when the two inevitably met. Every time they got heated up, she was out of the room before they even started fighting. She didn't want to get caught in between them back then and especially not now.
"Shoko, do you still care?" Suguru tilted his head to the side.
"Don't get me wrong. I didn't say that to ask you to run away safely. Gojo can kill you for all I care." Those words leaving from her mouth tasted bitter, but it's the truth.
"Ah, of course. I understand." How dare he sounded hurt. What did he expect from her? Some lingering feelings?
Suguru studied her face for a while, and as usual, he can't fully read her emotions. Shoko was good at keeping her feelings at bay and hiding them effectively from her usual poker face. That was her trait that he liked and hated at the same time. He looked down slowly and grasped her wrist before handing her his lighter. "Keep it. You needed it more than I do."
Shoko looked down and stared at the black lighter sitting in the middle of her slightly trembling palm. Her vision was a bit blurring as their moments together hit her unexpectedly, all at once. "Fucking moron," She whispered helplessly.
"Goodbye, Shoko." Those were the last words she heard from him.
--
It's ironic how Suguru always offered her his light when he was the one who needed it the most. He desperately needed a light in the darkness he was in—a light she failed to give. Probably also a light she could not have afforded.
Shoko shook the haunting thoughts away before hiding the lighter away from her sight, along with her loss and regrets.