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"You should quit smoking, Shoko. It's bad for your health, you know?" Shoko quickly turned her head to the side to avoid hitting Utahime in the face with her smoke. "Of course, you know that already; you're literally a doctor."
She quickly muttered an apology as she watched her senpai's scrunched-up face as her pale hand swatted the smoke further away from her, clearly not enjoying the secondhand smoke she was inhaling. Shoko didn't mean to blow it in her direction as she has been smoking alone for quite some time now. "You've been saying that since we were in high school."
"Yeah, and you still haven't stopped."
"That doesn't mean I didn't try to do so before." She shrugged as her index finger tapped at her lit-up stick to let the ashes fall down the dark concrete ground.
"You did? When?" The older female's interest perked up upon hearing the new information. "Why didn't I know about this?"
"It was back in high school, but it wasn't even a successful attempt, so I didn't share it."
"Then after that, you didn't try again?"
"Yeah, I guess..." She shrugged after thinking about it briefly, not really wanting to make a big deal out of it.
"Is it because... it didn't work the first time?" Utahime's voice was laced with caution as if she was being careful not to trigger anything that might cause Shoko to actually give up trying. It was heartwarming to see her being all sensitive about her even though she didn't need to. "I mean, you can always try again, and this time it might be different."
"Calm down, Uta. It wasn't because of that." Shoko let out a low chuckle as she patted her friend reassuringly on the back. "It was more like who I tried quitting with?"
"Oh..." The black-haired girl's expression dawned with realization. She knew who it was, and there was no need to confirm it. "Well, maybe this time you could try doing it with me? I mean, I don't smoke, but you get my point." She instantly added since she didn't want to dwell on the gravity of the subject. The silence would not bring any benefit to anyone.
"Hmm, maybe." She dropped the cigarette on the payment and stomped on it with the tip of her shoes. "I'll think about it, okay?"
"That's all I ask." Both of their brown eyes met and softened as they shared small warm smiles.
--
Loud voices were starting to get closer that made Shoko looked away from her conversation with Suguru. Two figures appeared from afar. One was wearing a white and red combo, and the other was abnormally tall that made him look like a black walking pole. Just from that and their interactions alone, she already knew who they were.
"Eh, I only did that since you're so weak, Utahime."
"It's senpai! Besides, I told you that I could handle the curse on my own. You didn't have to get involved."
"There's no way you could've handled that."
"Who are you to be the judge of that?"
"Only the strongest sorcerer!"
Before the female donning a miko outfit could retort a bitter response, her eyes landed on the other two lazing on the empty bleachers. Her unrelenting gaze, unfortunately, landed on the half-done cigarette between her delicate fingers. Well, shit.
"Ieiri Shoko, this is not even a smoking area! Put that disgusting thing out." A stressed-out Utahime was never a piece of good news.
"Alright, sorry." Shoko crushed the lit end on the steel bleachers she was sitting on and then raised her arms to show surrender.
"You should really think about quitting." Her senpai's shoulders moved up and down as she let out a deep sigh.
"Someday, I will, okay? Now you two love birds go and report back to Yaga-sensei." She teasingly shooed them as she wished that it was enough for the topic about her vices to be changed.
"Huh, what love birds?" Utahime's voice elevated with disbelief and confusion.
"Eh, come on now. Your kouhai is just being thoughtful." Satoru wrapped an arm around the older one's shoulder before effectively dragging her away.
Shoko watched both of them walked away with an amused smirk across her face. It was entertaining to see her friend struggle to no avail to get out of the giant's grasp and how she eventually gave up in letting their position stay that way. It was Suguru's voice that pulled her out of her trance.
"Are you really considering quitting?" She was a bit taken aback by his sudden question.
"Huh?" She leaned back and rested her hands behind her as she looked up at the clouds. "Maybe it crossed my mind a few times, but I have not seriously considered it."
"Ah, I see. I was actually thinking about quitting when the first term started." He shared as he followed her gaze.
"Why didn't you?"
"I met you." He said so seriously that it made Shoko burst out laughing. "What? I am serious!"
"So am I some kind of a bad influence to you now?" She said in between her fits of laughter while looking at him with her watery brown eyes.
"That's not what I meant. It's just that you always needed me to light up your cigarettes, and seeing you smoke doesn't exactly encourage me to stop. It honestly does the complete opposite, but I didn't mind. Whenever we went out for a smoke, I always enjoy my time with you so..." Suguru trailed off; the slight tinge of redness on his ears indicated that he was getting a bit embarrassed with the story he just shared.
"No matter how touching that sounded, the fact is that I still hindered you get clean." She scooted near him until their shoulders bumped into each other. "Tell you what. I'll now be a good influence on you. Let's start quitting today,"
"Today?" He clarified which she responded with an enthusiastic bob of her head. "And how do you propose we do it?"
"Hmm..." She hummed loudly to add a dramatic effect before letting her head rest on his broad shoulders. "We can start by sharing a single stick instead so that we could lessen our intake into half."
"That's not too bad, actually." He agreed with a hushed-down voice as he gave in to the idea to let his head fall on top of hers.
It was their first time to be this close that they were practically invading each other's personal space, but it didn't felt wrong at all, so they stayed like that for a while. Both enjoyed each light breezes that passed by, making Shoko felt overwhelmed as she drowned in Suguru's scent.
--
Weeks passed by, and their strategy to share a single stick of cigarette whenever they went for a smoking break has worked well for both of them. It effectively cut their usual intake in half which was considered as fast progress. Unbeknownst to them, they somewhat ended up sharing more than their nicotine intake. It didn't escape their friends' observant eyes when the two of them started to share their meals in the cafeteria. How the both of them seem to drink from a single tumbler during their training sessions. How exactly they ended up sharing Suguru's backpack whenever they went to class. How they always shared her earphones whenever they traveled to the location of their mission. How Shoko always ended up wearing Suguru's huge hoodies when they all went for a night out. Still, no one felt the need to bring it up.
--
It was the weekend, and Shoko was spending it lounging inside Suguru's dorm room watching a murder documentary she was anticipating to be released. Satoru was out for a solo mission today, so the two of them decided to hang out that afternoon. Suguru released a cloud of smoke from his mouth, not really caring if it has successfully passed through the open window of his room.
"Hey, I think that is my other half already." Despite being engrossed with her show, Shoko was still keeping an eye on their shared cigarette.
"I know, I know." He chuckled under his breath before taking another drag which was supposedly hers already.
"Suguru, that's mine—" She was cut-off when he suddenly cupped her cheeks with his rough warm hands. He leaned down until his face was almost just an inch away from her before he blew smoke into her parted lips. His action was so unexpected that she didn't even have the chance to inhale it properly. "I don't think it works this way." She whispered as her eyes observed his hooded black gaze. Hell, they weren't even smoking cannabis for them to do this.
"Is this how it should work?" He closed the distance between them and let their lips meet.
Shoko hummed in between their kisses before he pulled away to check on her reaction. "I was talking about the cigarette thing, but this wasn't so bad."
He took that as permission to go on further and smashed his lips back to her soft ones. This time he was not holding back. His lips were now moving with urgency against hers and not waiting too long to deepen the kiss more. They both had an aftertaste of beer and nicotine, flavors they were very acquainted with. Maybe that was why this didn't feel very foreign, but instead, it felt satisfying—fulfilling even. Finally, someone took the initiative to address the growing tension they were both feeling for the past few days.
Suguru's arms snaked around her slender waist before he pulled her up to straddle his waist. She settled down on him quickly as her hands gripped into his man bun and eventually freeing his hair from his tight hair tie. Her fingernails traced unknown patterns on his scalp as his lips moved down to her neck, showing no signs of him coming up for air just yet. The lit cigarette stick was now left forgotten on top of their glass ashtray.
--
Months have passed, and the tension between them was back. However, this time it was a different type of tension. It was like having a ticking time bomb around, only that this one has no time indicator to tell Shoko when it would finally explode. She was actually getting tired of walking on eggshells around him, but she doesn't have the strength to stop spending time with him alone. He also didn't tell her to go away, so she decided to still stay around him quietly. He was a mess these past few weeks, and a part of her knew that he needed something constant to keep him grounded. She was willing to be just that, even though it could be challenging at times. She also made a promise to herself that she would leave him willingly once he uttered the words. She wouldn't wait for him to ask twice because maybe a tiny part of her wanted to breathe and to be free from his suffocating presence.
Shoko was now on her way to meet Suguru after receiving a short text from him. Upon arriving at their meet-up point—at the back of the dormitory building—she saw him leaning against the wall. Suguru's white t-shirt looking unusually big after losing some weight, and his hair was not in its usual bun. At his feet were two cigarette butts and a lit one in between his chapped lips. So much for wanting to quit.
"I thought we should be sharing that? It looks like you have more than your share already." She walked up to him and rested her back on the wall beside him.
"Maybe... we should stop sharing." His voice sounded tired and raw.
"Is this what you wanted to talk about? If so, no worries. I understand if you needed it more now to let off some steam."
"Not exactly." He looked in the opposite direction, completely hiding his face from her view.
"There's more?" She nonchalantly inquired while trying to hide the fact that she already had an idea where this conversation was going.
"Let's stop sharing in general. Maybe we should also stop whatever this is going on between us."
"Ah," She knew this was coming already, but she was not expecting the sting that came with his words.
"It's better this way." He offered like it was some sort of consolation.
"Okay, I'll drop off your stuff in your room later. You can do the same with mine."
"Thank you, Shoko." She knew the man was being sincere, but his words sounded hollow and lifeless. All the warmth was now gone.
"Would that be all?" He just gave her a weak nod as an answer. "Alright."
With a heavy heart, she walked off without sparing a look back. She already made up her mind that she would not fight for whatever was developing between them. But why did it still hurt when she already missed their chance before something could even start between them.
--
"U-ta-hi-meee" Satoru's obnoxiously loud voice pulled her out from her train of thoughts. He finally arrived and announced his presence by swinging an arm around their senpai, who immediately attempted to push him out of her space. Behind them are their other friends: Ichiji, Nanami, and Mei Mei. Tonight was her favorite type of night since they were all together and they could forget everything even just for a few hours. They could pretend that they were normal and that curses were not real. She lived for nights like this, and she realized that she wanted more of this in her life.
"Uta, I'll give it a shot again." She called out suddenly as her lips parted into a contented grin.
Her friend's tensed figure visibly relaxed despite still being held tightly by the white-haired guy. "That's great to hear."
"Since we're all here now, let's get in already!" Satoru gestured everyone to follow him as he dragged his poor senpai along with his long strides.
Shoko has stayed behind them, watching her friends' backs and appreciating the moment she had with them. She wanted to try again to be better for them—for herself for the most part. She made her way to the nearest trash bin and threw her pack of cigarettes in a heartbeat, without giving it much of a thought. She then took a deep breath, and the air that filled her lungs then felt brand new.