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the one where Sam and Steve are together, got together very fast and very serious right away, and when they finally catch up with Bucky he doesn't even know he's falling for Sam until it's too late, and Steve understands, Steve is sweet and generous and kind and loves Bucky so much (just– not like that) and he's open to the idea of Sam seeing Bucky too, but… it isn't what Bucky wanted, getting to be with Sam one night in seven, always having to wake up and have Sam gone by the time the coffee's ready, having to drink that cup alone and try not to resent his best friend in the world because Sam is back home now, Sam is coming through the door smiling, Sam is happy Sam is happy somewhere else Sam is happy without Bucky
so when they wake up after five years being dust, when Steve goes and he says he knows it's going to be okay because they have each other, but five years changed him, five years of grief and survival and regret and he knows there was always somebody else he was thinking about, even when he (had Sam, how could you think of anyone else when you had Sam, who else is there if you can have Sam, he's alive and how can you be thinking about anything but holding him and being grateful you get another chance) was so happy, for a while, and he's saying it's okay, you're here for each other, you'll have each other's backs no matter what…
when Steve goes, Bucky can't stand the idea of Sam being with him because, well, he's here. he's here, might as well. he's here, guess that'll have to do. he's here but Sam didn’t choose him, this isn't what Sam wanted, he isn't what Sam wanted, and he's not gonna just. be the guy Sam settles for
so maybe he's mad, a little, when Sam doesn't even want the fucking shield. Sam went home to the shield and Bucky said it was okay a million times even when it wasn't. Sam chose the shield over Bucky and it hurt and now the shield's in a museum? if Bucky was losing Sam to anyone, at least he could rest easy knowing it was Steve. at least he could take comfort knowing Steve was– was good to him, made Sam happy (without Bucky), made Sam feel good (better than–? no, Sam never said– no, not thinking about it), at least it was Steve, whose heart was always in the right place. at least Sam's first choice was someone it was reasonable to pick. instead of. instead–
and then he throws it away like it's nothing and
and if that's what Sam thought about the shield then what about second choice and
and okay maybe that's. not why. but maybe that's part of it, and maybe Steve was wrong about Sam, and then what about Bucky, what if he really wasn't worth all this, what if
it's not like Sam's fighting for him either.
he could show up. not just make calls and send texts to a burner phone Bucky only shows his therapist. he could come to Brooklyn, but he doesn't. not once. not ever.
okay, so, fine. fine, but they're going to talk about the shield, at least, because Steve chose Sam (just like Sam chose Steve) and that means Sam doesn't get to just. just pretend that choice didn't happen. that was his choice, he made that choice, and now he's gonna deal with it, Bucky won't just go quietly, he's coming along. he's. he's going to remind Sam that it was his choice. and maybe he's going to tag along because he can't let Sam leave him behind again
—
the thing is, though, that Steve was always going to leave. he was going to leave Sam for Bucky, it sure seemed like, all that chasing and emotion and love, so maybe it was better to get along, maybe it was better to find out whether they could do something other than snipe at each other, maybe… maybe there was something to Bucky, and his laugh and his smile and his sarcasm and the way it felt to be with him, like catching fire again and again, like realizing he couldn't stop thinking about the guy even when he went home and held his boyfriend and was so content
and then Steve didn't leave Sam for Bucky. and didn't want it to be the three of them. but he was being so– generous about it all, Sam couldn't abuse his kindness, he couldn't be ungrateful, he could go home, it was okay (even when his heart was tugging at him saying no no no stay), Bucky always said he understood (and that was how Sam knew, that he was in it alone, that these things inside him were. an inconvenience that could get between Bucky and Steve if he ever let them out.), and Sam cared so much about Steve, so much, always, a friendship that was tight from day one. and Sam would dance with Steve and sing along with Marvin while Steve sang Tammi's part and. and Sam was betraying Marvin, singing all I need to get by when he wanted to sing made a vow, I'll be there when you want me to someone who didn't even own the record
but Steve was always going to leave. if it wasn't Bucky who had that last bit of Steve’s heart sewn up, it must've been her, and Steve goes before Sam even has his breath back, and he can't be sorry or resentful, Steve gave him everything he had to give and never promised more, Sam never needed more
(from him)
but now he's gone, really gone, forever gone, and it's not exactly pleasant to be left behind, even if your heart is maybe in somebody else's vibranium hand, and then
Bucky's in Brooklyn in a sad little apartment and
there's no bed, there's no couch, there is room for one, Sam hears it on the grapevine (not much longer would you–, yeah, Sam knows, Marvin), Bucky doesn't pick up the phone, he doesn't text back, he
moved on, Sam guesses
so. that all sucks.
and expectations are heavy and they hurt and chafe and Sam wants to take Bucky back to Louisiana and hold onto him and say I'm sorry, I didn't know how to tell you not to leave, but he can't, it ended so badly, the shield was stained with blood and the history is stained with a hundred wrecked lives and a man history forgot, and Bucky's gone, he's
lifting a marine diesel engine off the back of a truck, he's
calling in a favor from the Wakandans for Sam, he's
saying he's sorry
making amends
he's here and he promises to come back and
Sam is so in love he might die.
—
it is very, very hard to ask for another chance when getting the wrong answer feels like it will make being dusted seem like the better way to go.
—
there are still expectations. the uniform is still heavy with them. but.
the shield is like a part of Sam, too, and Bucky smiled at him like he didn't know Redwing was recording it
and back home, the light is perfect coming off the water, and the kids are happy and laughing, and the people are warm and welcoming, and there is nothing in the world except love, and a promise that
(this time, no matter what)
they are a couple of guys,
sailing that ship,
knowing that no matter what might break, today or tomorrow,
they can fix it together.