Work Text:
Mu Qing was not fond of summer.
It was hot, unbearably so, and the dizzying heat didn’t make it any easier on him. Still, he had to fulfil his duty and work for the crown prince alongside the infuriating Feng Xin.
And to top it all off, hours spent underneath the sun always led his skin to slight tan. In his opinion, it wasn’t even that bad, just a handful of shades darker than his normal shade. Sometimes his skin turned pinkish red and was sore to the touch. The layers of robes he was wearing were just unfit for the heat and he, without fail, had always needed the shed layers or wear thinner clothes. His pale complexion, the only thing separating him from the farmers and workers under the sun would always be compromised.
The crown prince was simply unphased, complimented for his warmer skin, even. Everyone below him from the court officials to the commoners often spoke of the kind hearted prince who would sometimes spend his free time outside the palace and helping others. It was just a sign of his dedication to the common people, they said.
Mu Qing was sure that they’d praise the crown prince for even the sweat on his back.
And Feng Xin’s status was also high enough for nobody to care whatever he did. He was born nobility and he would stay nobility. He could bask in the summer sun all day long, with no concerns. and if anything, they said that his wheat complexion just showed that he was dedicated to his martial arts.
Flattery was just something that came naturally from the mouths of people whenever it had to do with people of nobility.
But whenever it was about him- whenever it was about Mu Qing- and whenever his skin tanned, the jabs about his status would always come pouring in droves. He could never stop it, he wasn’t able to. The insults got more and more personal. He was used to others insulting him specifically, but it always struck a nerve whenever others had insulted his mother.
The palace would be better off if you and your mother worked in the fields. You both look the part anyway.
Mu Qing believed that his mother did nothing to deserve this.
They had never even met the woman!
Frankly, he also thought he didn’t even deserve to be in this ostracising position, but he believed he owed at least his life to the crown prince. Mu Qing believed that his duty to the crown prince was simply above these petty insults. That was the sole thing that led him to persevere in the face of discrimination.
He carried on without a word of complaint.
Whenever Xie Lian stood up for him, those cruel comments increased ten fold. It was better not to concern his highness over these sorts of issues. His highness would never truly be able to understand his predicament.
There wasn’t anyone he could trouble with these burdens anyway.
He just- He hated summer.
Hated it with his entire being.
All those happy memories as a child spent with other street children, all those happy memories he had made during the summer festivities, the time spent when his family was more happy- That childhood innocence he once had, that feeling when he had nothing to worry about-
-It was just gone. Painted over with the disappointing colour of reality.
Mu Qing hated summer because it gave the others even more reasons to insult his status and reminded him of a past he could never go back to.
=====
“What’s your favourite season? And why?” Xie Lian asked nonchalantly as they strolled through the palace. It was during the latter end of summer, where the breeze felt more hot but the sun itself didn’t make his bare arms sore anymore.
“Mine is autumn. The leaves are so beautiful. And the weather is just right and the feel of the wind is pure bliss on my skin after a long day’s work.” The crown prince added.
“Mine would have to be summer,” Feng Xin replied almost without a second thought. “It doesn’t get cold and the sun sets later, so that means I can train for longer.”
Of course it would be summer, Mu Qing thought as he rolled his eyes. Must be nice.
“There you go rolling your eyes again. What is it now?” Feng Xin sighed and crossed his arms.
“I hate summer.” Mu Qing curtly stated, averting his gaze from Xie Lian and Feng Xin, clearly not wanting to elaborate.
Feng Xin would poke and prod more, but he caught the expression on his colleague’s face. He looked towards Xie Lian who gave him a concerned look. If he couldn’t ask Mu Qing himself, surely his highness would be able to.
“So what is your favourite season, Mu Qing?” Xie Lian had spoken up, deciding to change the subject.
“Winter.”
Winter, the season where the air could get unbearably cold. The season where it was the norm, and practically the requirement to wear several robes in order to protect from the bitter wind. Winter, the season where the sun had shown itself as little as possible and the season where he and his mother huddled around the hearth blanketed in their thickest robes, eating their dinner as she kissed his forehead. It didn’t even matter that the food was whatever the cheapest vegetables at the nearest marketplace had, there was nothing else to eat anyway. And his mother always somehow made the food taste delicious. Always made it with love. Mu Qing had giggled then, basking in his mother’s affection and the gentle warmth of the fire.
No one would come to bother them during the cold winter nights.
It was just him and his mother, his favourite person in the world, together.
Back before he had started getting insults over his status. Back before he had started working for the crown prince.
He knew that everything good in his life came with a price, but he couldn’t help but remember what it was like before.
Sometimes he would dare to yearn for those days.
But now, he was just happy that the sun wouldn’t show itself and that it was more bearable to thicker robes. Happy over such a simple thing like how his skin wouldn’t tan in the middle of winter. Happy over how the insults lessen, even if only for a few months.
“Why would you like winter?” Feng Xin raised an eyebrow, “It’s so fucking cold, I can barely stand it.”
Mu Qing glared at him, knowing that Feng Xin would never understand. Uncharacteristically, he didn’t bite back with his usually sharp words and instead stared at his arms which had turned darker due to the summer sun.
If he could, Mu Qing would glare at the sun.
But instead, he glared at his arms and said nothing more.
He had tried his best to look the part of someone who served the crown prince. Always kept his hair immaculate, always ironed his clothes so that they were never with any creases, always kept his posture straight and refined. But the one thing he could specifically not control was his exposure to the summer sun. and he hated it.
Fengx Xin had noticed that strange forlorn look on Mu Qing’s face.
And how he would pause to tug his sleeves further down whenever Xie Lian would lead his attendants to walk in the sun. Feng Xin noticed how Mu Qing would trail behind him by half a step.
But he never understood why.
=====
“Do you still hate summer?” Feng Xin had asked when it was centuries after the fall of Xianle. After they had both ascended as martial gods.
Mu Qing flinched. Looked at his robed arms and then back towards Feng Xin.
“Yes, even if they’re gone.” Five words came out of the silver haired god.
“Who?” Feng Xin felt the anger begin to fester inside of him.
Who on earth made Mu Qing flinch? That immovable and stubborn bastard who refused to even have a civil conversation with him before Xie Lian’s third ascension. Who was it that had the power to incite such a reaction from Mu Qing?
“Those incorrigible snobs in the palace,” Mu Qing huffed and rolled his eyes. His loyalty was never to those in the palace, it was to the royal family, it was to Xie Lian.
Feng Xin scrunched his eyebrows together in concentration. “The ones in Xianle? From what I remember, they were… alright, I guess?”
“Of course you would think they’re all right,” Mu Qing sighed. “You and his highness were untouchable.”
“Mu Qing.” Feng Xin steeled his eyes towards the other general. “What do you mean?”
Mu Qing said nothing and just looked at his arms. Ever since he had ascended, he had eventually taken to wearing some more luxurious-looking clothing . He was wearing several layers of thick fancy robes, dyed black to cut off any light. Aside from his face, neck and hands, no other part of his skin was showing. This decision was made out of habit, both towards the way he had gotten used to dressing formally (as not to embarrass the crown prince) and as the manifestation of how he wanted to avoid the sun.
If Mu Qing had nothing to say, that meant he didn’t want to say it. Usually, Feng Xin knew that Mu Qing was happy to admit things, but really had no filter (much like him) when it came to his observations. Mu Qing would, after all, cover up the real meaning underneath his sharp tongue. The Mu Qing that Feng Xin knew was never too scared to state his opinion.
So why?
Feng Xin didn’t miss the way that Mu Qing had tugged on his sleeve as he reached over towards his teacup to take another sip of the beverage. Such a minor adjustment, but where had he seen this before?
“You did that before, too,” Feng Xin pointed out, “When we were still in Xianle.”
Mu Qing froze. “Yeah, what about it?”
“I don’t know, but you’d always do it more whenever it was summer,”
“I already told you that I don’t like summer. It’s too hot.”
“But if it was too hot, why would you tug your sleeves down further?”
“Wow, look at you, using your brain for once. It only took you 800 years to bring this up.”
Feng Xin bit his lip. If he were to derail this conversation and start another argument now, he'd be letting Mu Qing do what he always did. Hide behind his words. It was so hard not to fire back an equally scathing response, but whatever it was that affected Mu Qing, he knew that it wasn’t quite that simple.
So… he decided to swallow his pride for once.
He and Mu Qing had been separated for far too long. As much as he argued with Mu Qing, Feng Xin hated how they could have been there for each other instead of feeding more fuel to the fire that was their rivalry.
“Mu Qing,” Feng Xin called out.
“What.” Mu Qing spat back, placing his teacup back on the table.
Feng Xin firmly placed a hand on Mu Qing’s wrist, holding it down, not painfully so, but just enough to show that he would not let it go unless he got an answer. Mu Qing had been misunderstood for so many years by so many people. Regretfully, he was one of those people who had misunderstood him. This time however, he wanted to hear what Mu Qing really had to say, even if it wasn’t good.
Even if he would potentially disagree with whatever Mu Qing had to say.
“What did they do? The people in the palace, all those years ago back in Xianle?”
“They-” Mu Qing spoke, but raised his other hand to cover his mouth and shook his head.
Why does Feng Xin want to know so bad? Mu Qing thought, He’ll just use it against me in our next argument. I won’t let him talk ill of my mother. My mother who I just—
“Forget it. I’m going to leave.” Mu Qing stood up from his chair and shrugged off Feng Xin’s grip on his wrist. He knew it, he knew that Feng Xin was being uncharacteristically soft on him. It made him feel… weird? Something akin to disgust. But not quite disgust.
“Mu Qing, please,” Feng Xin pleaded, “I won’t hold it against you. I swear.”
Mu Qing sighed. How did Feng Xin know the exact words to say? It was so unfair.
“You’re not lying to me, right?”
“Why would I be?” Feng Xin relaxed, laying his arms lazily on the tabletop. “I’m being serious this time.”
Taking a few steps back towards the table, Mu Qing pointed at the nearby window.
“Look.”
And Feng Xin saw it, saw how the sunlight kissed the skin on his forearm, enveloping his fingers in a golden glow. It felt nice, the warmth of the sun was pleasant to him. Mu Qing came closer, he didn’t sit back down on the chair, but he placed his arm next to Feng Xin’s and pulled up his sleeve.
Feng Xin noticed how Mu Qing’s forearm was especially pale in comparison to his. But what was the difference? It looked like a regular forearm, albeit less muscly than his own. But Feng Xin knew that Mu Qing was skilled with the sword regardless, he had personally witnessed years of the other’s martial prowess. The general gently tried to pull Mu Qing’s arm towards the sunlight to get a better look.
“Don’t!” Mu Qing hissed, tugging his arm back into the shadows. “Don’t you get it?”
“Get what?” Feng Xin raised an eyebrow. “What is there to get?”
Mu Qing rolled his eyes and tapped the bones of his knuckles onto the wooden table for emphasis.
“This,” Mu Qing hovered a finger over Feng Xin’s arm, and then pointed at his own.
“I still don’t get it.”
Mu Qing groaned. Perhaps he was being too vague, although he wouldn’t admit it to Feng Xin. Nope, not ever. Never in a million years.
“Look at your skin, then look at mine.”
Feng Xin looked confused, but did as he asked. “What’s the difference?”
“There is a difference,” Mu Qing huffed. Feng Xin could tell he really wanted to leave, but something was holding him back. Was something stopping him, too? Was this Mu Qing putting his pride aside, even for just a moment-
Fengxin concentrated harder, trying to think of what exactly Mu Qing had said was ‘the difference’. If Mu Qing was going to give him an opportunity, he sure as well will try his best.
After seeing him ponder brainlessly for a few minutes Mu Qing snapped.
“You’re nobility!” Mu Qing hissed, “a-and I’m not…!”
“Not that that has ever stopped you from doing anything,” Feng Xin pointed out.
“No, it hasn’t. But, before— back when we were both his highness’ servants back in Xianle…" Mu Qing pursed his lips together, willing them not to betray his sour expression.
Feng Xin paused, trying to give him enough time to continue. He would wait. He could wait. It had taken them both so long to get to this point after all.
"Whenever it was summer, people would comment on my... tan…" Mu Qing buried his face in his hands to hide the red flush beginning to grow on his cheeks. It was embarrassing. It was so so embarrassing to actually admit something. Mu Qing wasn't sure he'd ever want to do it again, but he couldn't deny that he felt as if a burden was lifted.
Someone finally got to hear what he actually thought. Without any insults or sarcasm or anything he used as a wall to hide behind.
"What?" Feng Xin exclaimed. "I've always been tanned for as long as I can remember, and Xie Lian didn't particularly care either."
Mu Qing was just about to leave when heard Fengxin say.
"That's just fucking stupid. and for what reason, because we were born nobility and you weren't?"
Mu Qing gulped and nodded his head.
"That's absolutely despicable. I wish I knew sooner so that I could slam their fucking heads into the ground." Feng Xin's eye twitched. "If you told me, I would've—"
Feng Xin stopped right there. He knew that he and Mu Qing didn't particularly have the best kind of relationship back when they were still teenagers. They always got into scuffles and arguments which Xie Lian had to mediate.
"Maybe—I wish I wasn't like that back then so that you would've told me…" Feng Xin sighed sadly.
Mu Qing was surprised. He thought Feng Xin didn't actually care that much? and to know that he had regrets from all those years ago. It was an unexpected surprise.
Feng Xin looked him in the eye. "For a moment, just trust me. Give me your other arm."
Mu Qing reluctantly obeyed and placed his other arm on the table.
Feng Xin took ahold of both his arms and slowly moved it towards the sunlight, constantly making eye contact with Mu Qing to see if it escalated any further from uncomfortable. Feng Xin noticed how Mu Qing was just about to flinch at the sunlight, but relaxed when Feng Xin's arms brushed his fingertips.
"Go ahead and vent. It's so weird seeing you be this quiet."
Mu Qing stared at Feng Xin, before bellowing out his thoughts of 800 years ago.
"I hate it! I hate how they made me hate summer!"
After all, sometimes people have to step outside of their comfort zone to learn new things. and Feng Xin wanted to tell Mu Qing that it was okay. It was okay to let go now.
It was okay to have fun in the sun. He no longer needed to avoid it. It was such a long time ago, and he'd be damned if he let those memories continue to haunt Mu Qing.
It was okay now, there was no longer the barrier of such a useless thing like status hindering his appearance. Mu Qing was a god now, he could choose to be whatever form he wanted to. It no longer had to be limited to what he thought he should look like.
He wanted to show Mu Qing that he could look like whatever he wanted to be.
It was so unfair that those words from almost a millenia ago held such a tight grip on him. He was the first person to be trusted with this information and he could— and he would— happily denounce those suffocating words.
"Watermelon and tofu pudding..." Mu Qing said sadly.
Feng Xin noticed how those two foods were especially prevalent during the summer months. The marketplaces sold them, but they also… closed down shortly after sunset. By then, he and Mu Qing would still be tending to his highness and had no time to go out and purchase the food. Unless his highness had specifically requested it, of course.
Feng Xin remembered how Mu Qing was granted a half hour of lunch break, but never really strayed too far from him and Xie Lian.
and he always, always spent it under the shade of a tree or inside of a building.
He hadn't been able to buy those things or it would have made the comments worse .
Mu Qing could have loved summer with him.
Feng Xin resisted the urge to stroke Mu Qing's (unfairly soft) hands. The man would probably complain about how Feng Xin's hands were too calloused and rough. Instead he gave Mu Qing's palms a little squeeze.
"Come, get up," Feng Xin smiled at him because he didn't know how else to respond.
"Why, what's happening?" Mu Qing asked, ever the compulsive skeptic.
"There's still a few days left before summer ends. I think we can make it in time to buy some summer exclusive snacks."
"What!? I never said I wanted any of those—" Mu Qing started, but was cut off.
"—But you don't say that you didn't want to try them either." Feng Xin internally praised himself for being able to see through Mu Qing's words.
"I… fine, if that's what you want," Mu Qing stood up, still with Feng Xin's hands holding his—
wait—
"I'll go with you on your dumb trip to the market street."
Well, that was better than nothing.
"I'll show you why summer isn't shitty. and why I like it." Feng Xin announced as they both stood up. He led Mu Qing to the door while still holding onto one of his (soft) hands.
As soon as he was behind Feng Xin, Mu Qing couldn't help but let out a small smile. No one else had to know that this idiot made him smile. Absolutely no one. He'll take it with him to the grave.
Feng Xin is so stupid, Mu Qing thought, but he's a familiar kind of stupid. Probably the good kind of stupid, if there was such a thing.
On their way to the market street, Feng Xin turned around to face Mu Qing. "You never really did tell me why you liked winter either. What's so great about it?"
"Why you—" Mu Qing squinted his eyes at Feng Xin, free arm reaching towards where he kept his scabbard. "Why would you care?"
"Why the fuck are you reaching for your sword— I just asked you a question!" Feng Xin almost jumped. He couldn't exactly retaliate, since a bow needed both arms to operate.
"You'll listen?" Mu Qing relaxed his free arm, withdrawing it from the hilt of the blade.
"Yeah. Yeah. I'll listen," It didn't sound very convincing.
"If you stop paying attention I'll shut up immediately , understand?" Mu Qing placed the emphasis on immediately . No second chances.
"On one condition," Feng Xin whirled back towards Mu Qing, holding a plate of watermelon on his hand. "You'll tell me over food. Like I said earlier."
"Hm, maybe this trip wasn't as useless as I thought," Mu Qing brought a finger to his chin. No one could miss that slight twinke in his eyes when he had spotted the red, ripe watermelon. "Alright."
"Great! I'll show you why summer is the fucking best!" Feng Xin got all excited. "I promise you it's really not shitty."
Mu Qing was almost convinced by his enthusiasm.
"Here, roll your sleeves down so that the watermelon juice won't drip down and stain." Feng Xin rolled down Mu Qing's sleeves, making the other general freeze.
"If anyone tries to pull anything remotely similar to what happened in Xianle," Feng Xin snarled, "I'll kick their asses. Your background doesn't matter to me and it shouldn't matter to anyone else's."
"I'll also kick the asses of the people who comment about the way you look, too."
Instead of smiling at Feng Xin's statement, Mu Qing instead grabbed a piece of watermelon and bit down. No one needed to know Feng Xin made him smile. Not even Feng Xin himself. Still, the sweet taste of the fruit couldn't possibly compare to Feng Xin's sweet words.
=====
As the last days of summer drew to a close, Mu Qing gained a new perspective on this season that he had hated so much.
Mu Qing was finally able to taste the foods he couldn't, was able to talk and bicker with Feng Xin, was finally able to enjoy the warmth and happy atmosphere that seemed to follow this season. Here, in this moment, he could tell Fengxin about his love for winter and the comforting emotions that came with it. They could both reminisce on their memories of the past, tell each other the many other mundane things over the relaxing atmosphere.
Maybe if the future summers were actually like this, it wouldn't be such a bad season after all.