Archive of Our Own

an alarm brings yoongi out of his restless sleep. there's movement in the kitchen, which he attributes to jimin and hoseok, who are always awake before him. which is strange, because yoongi tends to be a morning person. he rolls onto his back and picks up his phone from the pillow beside him, flicking the screen open. there are a few texts, some useless emails, and one missed call from his brother. 

he gets out of bed and rubs his eye as he walks into the hallway. instead of heading for the bathroom like usual, yoongi strolls into the kitchen. "too noisy," he mumbles.

jimin looks up and widens his eyes, instead of making a usual witty comment. the expression dies quickly and he laughs, holding onto a kitchen table chair so he won't fall. "your soulmate dyed their hair again?"

"what?" yoongi asks dumbly, reaching up to tug a strand of his hair in front of his face. it's bright red, almost cherry colored. "my hair is going to fry if they keep this up. it was silver, like, three weeks ago."

hoseok glances up from his breakfast and gasps a little. his face is flushed and his hair is sticking to his forehead, telltale sign that he’s probably gone to the gym already. "it's very..."

"red. you look like a cherry," jimin finishes. "your soulmate clearly likes to dye their hair."

yoongi runs his fingers through his hair, flattening it against his head. "i don't actually care. hopefully my manager won't either," he mumbles and rubs his eyes, covering a yawn. "whatever. i'll just wear a beanie or something. you two are both lucky you already met your soulmates and don't have to worry about this."

jimin snorts and picks up his bowl of cereal, shoving a spoonful in his mouth. "taehyungie dyes his hair on impulse a lot. it's lucky that mine doesn't change and we have tattoos, not your weird hair thing," jimin says and chews his food. yoongi grimaces at him talking with his mouth full. 

instead of entertaining his friends any longer with his new hair color, yoongi shuffles into the bathroom and turns on the light. he washes up and ignores the bright red hair, that definitely makes him look like a cherry. yoongi showers in attempt to soften the very brittle strands, blow dries it so he won't get sick while walking to work. 

it isn't even that yoongi dislikes having dyed hair—he's just irritated by how often it changes. either way, yoongi prefers it to be black so he, or his soulmate, don't have to worry about the roots growing in. he knows he can always dye it back, but he doesn't due to an inkling that tells him he shouldn't. and who is yoongi to not listen to his instincts?

yoongi accepts the disposable to-go cup of coffee hoseok hands him, giving back a small smile to his bright one. jimin gives him a hug and yoongi hugs back, never one to deny jimin's friendly affection. then he leaves because he has work in twenty minutes and the walks there takes fifteen. 

the cold air goes straight to yoongi's nose, shivering a little and adjusting the scarf around his neck as he walks and sips his coffee. he stops about halfway to pet the stray cat that always sits at the corner of the street, before continuing to his lousy grocery store job. it's a job that pays, so yoongi deals with the annoying co-workers and the rude customers. who are usually only rude when his hair is colored, saying he looks too girly or he looks like gay. yoongi puts up with it because he's too nice. 

the store isn't busy when he arrives, heading straight for the employee break room to get his apron. he tosses the cup in the trash and shrugs off his winter jacket. his ears and nose are thawing out when he hears, "oh my god. your hair."

yoongi turns his head and nods, sighing quietly to himself. "woke up with it this morning," he murmurs to chinsun, who he can see is gaping at it. he doesn't say anything when she tugs on the strands sticking out from his beanie. 

"you're like a walking cherry," she says as yoongi ties the apron over his clothes. he glances down at her and laughs quietly at her awestruck face. "yoongi-oppa, this color looks good on you!"

yoongi laughs more and shuts the locker that's holding his stuff. "thanks," he says and shrugs, adjusting the beanie. "let's get to work before we both get fired and i won’t be able to afford even convenience store ramen."

chinsun nods eagerly, because she's a teenager who usually has too much energy for yoongi to deal with. still, she's probably the only person who works at this store that understands his limits on social interaction. energetic as chinsun is, she never pushes at yoongi too hard to listen. 

the day drags on for him as he cashiers. he's lucky that no one particularly comments on his hair, but the looks his gets are obviously disapproving. when there aren't any customers, chinsun bombards him with questions about the music he makes. she always attempts to coax his rapper name out of him, but yoongi persists in not telling her.

both yoongi and chinsun finish their shift in the afternoon, so together they get lunch at the convenience store across the street. they sit across from each other while eating instant ramen, and it isn't until chinsun gasps at something on her phone that yoongi looks up. she immediately shoves her phone into his face. 

"look who also has red hair!" she squeals and yoongi takes the phone to look at the photo properly. it's a selca of a man, lips pursed in a kissy face and a peace sign thrown up. he, indeed, also has cherry colored hair. the face is vaguely familiar, but yoongi doesn't know him. he hands the phone back without comment, and takes another bite of his food, slurping the noodles into his mouth. "isn't he cute?"

"sure," he says with a shrug. "but i don't know who he is." the look chinsun gives him makes him add, "should i?"

chinsun takes a bite of her noodles and opens something on her phone, sliding it across the table. "jeongguk-oppa. he's an idol," she says and yoongi peers down at the spotify page she opened for him. he lifts his eyebrows at the fact that this guy has nearly ten million monthly listeners. "he's my favorite singer. i've been following him since debut, but he got super popular last year."

yoongi nods his head and adjusts the earbud in his ear that's feeding him classical piano music. "cool," he says. "i'll listen later and decide for myself if he's good."

"i swear he is!" chinsun whines and yoongi shrugs again, refocusing on his food. he takes out his phone briefly to check for messages, then leaves it on the table as he watches chinsun finish eating too. she checks her phone and pouts, standing. "my mom wants me to come home and do my homework."

chinsun adjusts her cap and waves as she walks away. yoongi waves back and picks up his phone again to google the singer chinsun was talking about. he learns that jeongguk is twenty-one in international age, making yoongi three years older than him. he debuted when he was sixteen, he makes pop music, he has a disturbingly gorgeous smile and a six pack that makes yoongi feel dizzy. he locks his phone and puts his head in his hands. jeongguk is objectively very attractive; yoongi thinks he will be very disappointed if he sucks at singing. 

he walks home after cleaning up the mess that he and chinsun made, still listening to the piano music. he wants to save this idol's music for when he can sit and properly listen—he wants to be able to analyze the lyrics and actual music. when yoongi unlocks the door to his apartment, jimin and taehyung are both cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. yoongi drops on the other end and gives them a little wave. 

"hey, taehyung-ah, you like pop music, right?" he asks, skipping a normal greeting. taehyung hums yes and doesn't look away from the screen, fingers running through jimin's hair. yoongi notices that jimin is asleep, curled up and leaned against taehyung’s chest. "have you heard of this singer named jeongguk? i think his name is the same as his stage name."

taehyung's head snaps over. "you are interested in learning about jeongguk-ssi?"

yoongi blinks at him and laughs. "is that supposed to be weird?" he asks, scratching behind his ear. "chinsun-ah told me about him. she said he's her favorite singer, so i thought i would give him a listen."

“hyung, you’ll like him. really. his voice is amazing. watch some interviews too, he has such a good personality,” taehyung says. yoongi thinks that he’s really talking up this jeongguk guy—yoongi has some high expectations now. he reaches up and tugs off his beanie and scarf, setting them both on the coffee table. taehyung’s expression morphs into shock. “you have red hair.”

“thanks for noticing,” yoongi replies as he runs his fingers through it. 

he still doesn’t really understand the science behind being able to have hair color that changes when your soulmates dyes it. he wonders how long this phenomenon has been happening. he wonders if there’s anyone else who has no idea who their soulmate is, and keeps waking up with a different color every few weeks. he wonders if his soulmate lives in a different country. are they a boy or a girl—or something else? are they a platonic or romantic soulmate? or both? yoongi’s mind fills with nothing but questions, as it usually does when he goes on a mental (or sometimes, a drunk) tangent about soulmates. 

instead of overthinking who his soulmate is, yoongi shifts his attention to the tv for a moment. he isn’t really in the mood to watch a movie, so he pushes himself up and takes his things back into his bedroom. he drops his scarf and beanie on his bed, then drops himself into his desk chair. in yoongi’s pocket, his phone buzzes once, then twice, then a third time before it stops. when he takes it out, there are three messages from chinsun, each one a song recommendation from jeongguk’s discography. 

since yoongi doesn’t feel like working, he switches on his computer to search the first song into youtube. there’s a music video—so he clicks on it, plugging his earbuds into his laptop while the page loads. 

for some reason, watching the video makes yoongi’s heart race and it hasn’t even started yet. the video fades in, slowly, to a man—yoongi is guessing this is jeongguk—standing in the middle of the room. it’s a bright room, decorated in pretty pastels and jeongguk himself is dressed in similar colors. yoongi is too mesmerized by his face to pay much attention to what the outfit is. 

jeongguk is, to put it easily, beautiful. even though he’s clearly covered with makeup, there’s something youthful and almost dazzling about him. he has dark hair in the video, bangs parted in the middle to expose his forehead. jeongguk’s expression is soft and he opens his mouth, lips pink with gloss. then, the song plays. yoongi knows it isn’t a live performance, but fuck, if his voice isn’t beautiful too. yoongi finds himself less interested in the video and more interested in jeongguk’s voice and face. 

instead of getting any work done, yoongi watches a handful more of jeongguk’s music videos until jimin knocks on his door. frantic, he slams his laptop shut and tugs the earbuds out, fumbling to seem occupied by his phone instead of something on his laptop. the door creaks open and jimin asks, “are you hungry? it’s my turn to cook today, and taehyung-ah said he’s hungry.”

“sure,” yoongi says without looking up from blankly scrolling through instagram. “what’re you making?”

“jajangmyeon?”

yoongi lifts his eyes and his eyebrows. his mouth waters at the thought. “then i’m definitely hungry.”

jimin grins. “great,” he says. “i’ll call you when it’s ready.” he shuts the door on his way out and yoongi breathes out in relief. he realizes his heart is racing way too fast, and over the fact that jimin almost caught him watching music videos of this famous idol singer. 

he shakes out his nerves and opens his texts with chinsun to answer the messages she sent almost two hours ago now. 

min yoongi: you’re right.

min yoongi: he’s a good singer.

lee chinsun: i told you so oppa!!

lee chinsun: which song is your favorite????

hesitantly and strangely wary that jimin or taehyung might walk in unannounced, he opens his laptop to check his watch history for the title of the song.

min yoongi: the newest song. breathe?

lee chinsun: for some reason that makes so much sense

lee chinsun: anyway so listen

lee chinsun: my mom and i won tickets to one of his fan signs in the city BUT she can’t go because she’s scheduled for a flight at that time. she suggested i take someone like you instead because she trusts you. it’s in two days. 

min yoongi: i am not taking a teenager to a fan sign.

min yoongi: was this your plan all along?

lee chinsun: yes!!! kind of. the red hair thing was an excuse to bring him up 

min yoongi: let me talk to your mom first, and i’ll think about it.

lee chinsun: thank you oppa!!!! so much!!!! ^3^

yoongi rolls his eyes and texts her mother a i can take her with so much regret stirring in his stomach. 

++

“ah, yoongi-oppa! i can’t believe we’re here,” chinsun squeals excitedly in her seat of the second row, with yoongi seated regrettably beside her. turns out, chinsun snagged not one, but two tickets. it’s so rare—yoongi knows enough about the idol world to know this—but he also knows that chinsun works for fun and that her family is rich enough for her to have gotten two tickets to the event. nonetheless, he’s here and almost hates himself for it. 

yoongi slides back in his seat a little, red hair sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of dark haired girls. he feels absolutely ridiculous, sitting there with jeongguk’s album in his lap. he hasn’t even looked inside—chinsun just shoved it into his hands before he could he could even greet her. she made him get up in the early hours of the morning too, which also equated to him not having any coffee in his system. if it weren’t for the people chattering everywhere, yoongi would be falling asleep.

he glances over his shoulder for a moment, just a moment, but he misses jeongguk walking onto the stage. yoongi only regrets not bringing earplugs for the inevitable screams, especially the one chinsun lets out. when he looks back at the stage, jeongguk is lowering himself at the table with the widest smile on his face and waving excitedly at everyone. yoongi thinks he might die on the spot from how embarrassingly attracted he is to jeongguk—thinks, he probably isn’t any better than the fans around him.

jeongguk spots him, momentarily making eye contact and a head tilt. yoongi widens his eyes and touches his hair, sitting up a little in his seat. jeongguk doesn’t linger on him, lifting a microphone to his mouth to greet everyone. yoongi considers melting into his hoodie, because why is jeongguk’s speaking voice as good as his singing one? he hasn’t even registered the rest of jeongguk, his casual black hoodie, his bangs straightened against his forehead. it should be downright illegal to look like that, yoongi thinks. 

yoongi spends the time that jeongguk takes to talk to fans just ogling at him like an idiot, maybe a little awestruck of being in the presence of someone this cute-hot-adorable-attractive. it isn’t until he and chinsun are lined up to actually meet him, that he shakes out his nerves and replaces it with something a little more like his usual demeanor. stone faced, a little cold, neutral. expressionless. when its nearly their turn, chinsun turns around and says, “i’m nervous.”

“don’t be,” yoongi says encouragingly, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “he’ll like you, chinsun-ah. don’t forget to be nice and to speak formally. i let you off the hook with me because you’re like my little sister, but he’s an idol and he’s older than you.” chinsun nods enthusiastically and steps forward, following the staff that’s gesturing her to the stage. yoongi watches carefully as she shyly takes a seat across from jeongguk and introduces herself. even as jeongguk is signing her album, he’s holding onto her hand and responding to whatever she’s telling him. 

then, for some reason, she turns and gestures to yoongi before giggling and standing from the chair. a staff member leads her away and a different staff member coaxes yoongi towards the stage. yoongi keeps his straight face as he climbs up and sits across from jeongguk. 

the smile on jeongguk's face dims momentarily, before reappearing. "hi," he says and brings the album that yoongi set down toward himself. "you have the same hair as me."

yoongi nods and refuses to meet jeongguk's eyes. instead, he focuses on the sticker that's pressed to his rosy cheek. "i woke up with it two days ago," yoongi says, nervous voice, and jeongguk's hand stills over the unsigned album. "you know. soulmates and whatever."

"oh," jeongguk says and ducks his head into a nod. his eyes are trembling, so is his hand. "weird. that's when i dyed mine."

yoongi immediately understands the implication and maybe hates it entirely. "seriously?" he asks, wide eyes staring at jeongguk scribbling his autograph and then something underneath it. yoongi laughs, nervously. yoongi is suddenly so nervous he could throw up. "maybe, um, you and my soulmate have the same taste in hair color."

jeongguk hums softly, then nods. "sure. something like that," he says and smiles at yoongi, wide and toothy. oh god, yoongi thinks, just kill me now. yoongi barely manages a smile back. 

as he reaches for the album, jeongguk takes it back and adds something to the bottom of his note, then hands it back. "i didn't get your name, by the way," he says when yoongi stands. 

"oh," yoongi mumbles, then clears his throat. he forces a smile on his face. "min yoongi."

it feels ridiculously like a drama when a staff member gestures at yoongi to walk away. he doesn't look back as he finds his seat beside chinsun again, cradling the album in his lap. chinsun pokes his arm, grinning and bouncing with excitement. "what'd you think of him?"

yoongi shrugs and crosses his arms. "he's nice," is all he can manage, without making himself seem too effected by everything. the last thing yoongi needs is an almost nineteen year old finding out he got nervous meeting a pop idol singer. 

the rest of the event continues with yoongi bouncing his leg impatiently, because he really wants to get the fuck out of this very suffocating room. he takes out his phone and opens the groupchat with his three friends, typing out a message. 

min yoongi: i think i'm going to die

taehyungie: oh my god

taehyungie: was he mean or something?? what happened???? i can't believe you just met jeon jeongguk 

park jiminie: we want details hyung 

min yoongi: he's so pretty guys

min yoongi: it's terrible he has such a gorgeous smile 

hoseok: great. jeon jeongguk has broken min yoongi. 

min yoongi: he can break me however he likes

taehyungie: gross yoongi-hyung what the hell why would you say that

park jiminie: too much info

min yoongi: i'm going to strangle you both when i get back

yoongi is grateful that when he puts his phone away, the event is over. jeongguk waves goodbye and blows many kisses, before bowing and following someone off the stage. 

the crowd shuffles out of the event hall and back outside. yoongi breathes in the fresh air and grabs chinsun to make sure she doesn't get lost amongst the people. he tugs her down the street and away from the people, clutching his album and chinsun's wrist like his life depends on both. chinsun is whining about how tight the grip is, tugging her wrist out of yoongi's hand when they stop around the corner. 

"let's go. i'll take you home," yoongi says and takes out his keys to unlock his car. 

chinsun pouts, but luckily doesn't protest. she looks like she wants to say something. "what?" yoongi asks when they're sitting in the car. "why do you look like you didn't just meet your favorite person in the world?"

"it's whatever, oppa," she huffs and turns away, towards the window. 

"okay," yoongi says and frowns, turning on the car. "you can play your music."

that gets chinsun's attention and she turns back to snatch the aux cord and plug it into her phone. of course, she plays jeongguk's music, and settles back into her seat with his voice filtering through the speakers. instead of questioning her behavior more, yoongi just drives her back home in silence. 

once he knows that chinsun is safely inside her house, yoongi drives himself back to his apartment and parks in the garage at the bottom of the building. he takes the stairs to the second floor and unlocks the door, immediately getting pounced on by jimin. he pays no mind to the incessant pestering from him and taehyung, taking off his shoes and leaving them in the closet by the door. 

yoongi manages to duck out of jimin's grasp and safely return to his bedroom. he shuts the door and locks it for good measure. he doesn't trust jimin or taehyung to not walk in before knocking—hoseok, maybe, but those two soulmates are not to be trusted. 

he drops the album onto his bed and finally sees the notes written messily. he notices how his name is scrawled on it, which is strange, because jeongguk asked for his name at the end. why would he ask if he already knew—and how could he already know? yoongi shakes the thought and drops his eyes lower to read the note he left. he picks it up to read the writing. 

hello yoongi-ssi! i like your hair a lot, even though it looks exactly like mine. strange right? haven't met my soulmate yet though. seems like you haven't either. it was nice to meet you! please enjoy my album :)

then, in smaller and messier writing: i'm going to dye my hair black again tonight. if your changes, then we're probably soulmates, right? find me if it does

yoongi drops the album back onto the bed and reaches up to touch his hair. he doesn't know how much time has passed since the fan sign, but he scrambles back into the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. he flicks on the light and widens his eyes in complete horror. 

half of yoongi's hair is black. 

"yoongi-hyung, what the hell is happening with your hair?" jimin asks and leans into the bathroom behind him, raised eyebrows. "is it your soulmate again? they're really indecisive about hair color. hey—hyung? what is it?"

yoongi is frozen in place, still touching the tips of his hair. slowly, the red gets covered with black and yoongi is staring at himself, hands dropping to press his cheeks together. "jimin-ah," he finally says and jimin perks up, moving closers to wrap an arm around his shoulders. "i think i found my soulmate."

"well? who is it, then?"

yoongi shuts his eyes and exhales loudly. "jeon jeongguk," he says and turns towards jimin, opening his eyes again. the look on jimin's face is between shocked and confused. "on the album he signed, he also said that he’s going to dye his hair again. he said black. he said, if my hair turns black, then we’re probably soulmates.” he scrunches up his nose and eyebrows, feels his eyes begin to water. “i’ve waited my whole life for this. why am i not happy?”

jimin is quick to wrap his arms around yoongi in a big hug, pulling him into his chest. “i don’t know if i’d be happy about my soulmate being an international pop star either,” he says, holding yoongi close. he doesn’t cry, but he still buries his face into jimin’s neck, trying to relax into the feeling of jimin’s gently petting the hair on the back of his neck. 

he feels someone engulf him from behind, effectively sandwiching him into a tight hug. yoongi guesses it's taehyung—but he also doesn't really care right now, feeling so confused about this whole situation. 

what is he supposed to do now that he knows he's probably jeongguk's soulmate? that question rings over and over in his head until he finally says, "how do i even tell him? he's an idol, for fuck's sake. they're practically unreachable," into jimin's shoulder. 

"who?" asks taehyung. 

"his soulmate," replies jimin. "it's jeon jeongguk."

++

yoongi has spent the week overthinking everything he has ever done in his life. which very much includes going to jeongguk's fan sign and meeting him and learning that a goddamn idol is his soulmate. he did the math too—he researched all jeongguk's different hair colors and checked if they lined up with pictures of his own hair. it matched, of course, because yoongi is jeon jeongguk's soulmate. 

he has no idea what time it is when there's a knock on his bedroom door. yoongi pushes himself up from where he's been slumped over at his desk, sleepily walking to unlock the door and open it. 

"did you have dinner?" hoseok asks as yoongi blinks rapidly to adjust to the hallway light. "when's the last time you slept, hyung?"

yoongi shrugs and fights off a yawn. "can't sleep. need to—figure out how to talk to jeongguk," he says, rubbing his eyes for a moment, then focusing on hoseok's very concerned face. 

hoseok grabs his arm and forcefully drags him out of the room. yoongi can't help but whine and insist that he's fine, but when he lands in a seat in front of a bowl of ramen, he shuts up real quick. "you eat. we'll figure this out together, right now. you can't keep losing sleep and skipping meals because of your soulmate. you know, if he knew that, he'd probably be very unhappy," hoseok says as he sits in the chair adjacent to his. 

"this is blackmail," he mutters, picking up the chopsticks and taking a bite of his noodles. "how would jeongguk even know if i was skipping meals?"

"yes, it's blackmail," hoseok agrees, nodding, effectively ignoring yoongi's question. yoongi rolls his eyes, but continues to eat. "have you thought about sending a letter to his company building?"

yoongi shakes his head, setting the chopsticks down to have a sip of water. "he's famous, hoseokie. how would that even reach him?" he goes back to eating while considering the idea. if he sent a letter, what are the chances that it would even reach jeongguk? at the fan sign, his staff seemed pretty strict. if they're always like that, then there's no way he can reach jeongguk that way, or in a physical way. "it has to be virtual. what if he's traveling soon? i mean, he's promoting an album right now."

"this could be a long shot, but i know someone who might have his phone number," hoseok says and takes out his phone. yoongi curiously watches him text someone as he continues to shove spicy noodles into his mouth. "i'll give the excuse that i want to work with him. you know, as a choreographer. which is true, so i'm not lying. i also just don't want you to be miserable anymore."

yoongi scoffs and wipes his mouth with a napkin, drinking his water. "i'm not miserable," he mumbles and runs his fingers through his hair, dropping his head against the back of the chair. "how did this even happen hob-ah, i feel like i've been living in a fucking dream. do you know how many jeon jeongguk interviews i've watched?"

hoseok pauses and looks up for a moment. "none. you wouldn't try to figure out who your soulmate is before actually getting to know him." he returns to his phone screen.

"exactly!" yoongi groans because he's right, throwing his hands into the air in frustration. yoongi doesn't want to know a thing about jeongguk unless it's from jeongguk himself. then, he leans over to try and look at hoseok's phone. "who are you texting? who do you know?"

"my soulmate. get out of my face, hyung," hoseok says and pushes yoongi's cheek away. 

"why won't you tell me who it is?"

hoseok huffs and mumbles, "you wouldn't believe me."

yoongi raises his eyebrows and shakes his head, disbelieving. "my soulmate is probably jeon jeongguk and you're saying i won't believe you." he laughs and shakes his head, taking the bowl he was using to the sink. he washes it quietly, occasionally looking at hoseok and sighs quietly. even though yoongi has always been curious, he doesn't push at hoseok to tell him who his soulmate is. 

"done," hoseok says as yoongi is opening a bottle of beer with a bottle opener. 

"what? seriously?" yoongi asks and sits at the table. he peers at hoseok's phone and widens his eyes. on the screen, the text says jeon jeongguk and a kakao talk id right after it. hoseok is covering the name of who sent it, but the message under it says, i'll give him a heads up that you're going to text him. i feel like this is a given, but please don't give this out hoseokie! 

a new message appears under: let's go out for lunch soon, my love. 

"oh, gross. your soulmate calls you 'my love?' that's really fucking cringe," he mutters and hoseok quickly retracts his phone. yoongi laughs lowly at his face turning red. 

"shut up. he's really sweet, hyung," hoseok says and locks his phone. in yoongi's pocket, his phone buzzes. it suddenly feels so heavy—maybe it's the thought of having jeongguk's kakao talk id now. it feels wrong almost, especially because hoseok's soulmate trusted him to not share it. instead, hoseok has done exactly that. yoongi feels guilty about it. 

instead of lingering on thinking about hoseok's relationship with his soulmate, yoongi takes his beer to his bedroom. hoseok shouts, "good luck, yoongi-hyung!" right before he shuts the door. 

he sets the bottle on his nightstand and takes out his phone, fingers trembling and palms sweating. he sits on his bed and wipes his right palm on his pajama pants. yoongi's head spins. he sets his phone down, drinks more beer, then tugs off his hoodie because it's too hot. picking up his phone again, creates a new message with jeongguk and lets his thumbs hover. 

yoongi's heart rams against his chest. he can hear his own heart racing in his ears, the sound ringing and ringing, and he thinks it might never stop at this rate. he doesn't even know what to say. how does someone even approach this situation like this? how do you talk to your soulmate for the first time? yoongi considers calling his mother to ask, but the thought of explaining to someone else that his soulmate is famous feels too daunting. 

min yoongi: i found you

yoongi doesn't register that he actually sent the message until he gets a response. 

jeon jeongguk: what?

jeon jeongguk: who is this?

"shit," he mutters and feels his eyes water. he doesn't remember me, yoongi thinks. an idea pops into his head. with hands that won't stop shaking, he gets the signed album from the second drawer of his nightstand and takes a picture of it, with the note in frame. he sends the photo before he can have second thoughts.

jeon jeongguk: you found me

jeon jeongguk: your hair, it's black now too?

min yoongi: yes

jeon jeongguk: how'd you get this id?

min yoongi: soulmate of a friend

min yoongi: i have no idea who my friend's soulmate is, so i can't say who exactly

jeon jeongguk: so

jeon jeongguk: i guess that makes us soulmates 

min yoongi: i guess it does

tears drip from yoongi's chin onto his phone screen. he drops his phone onto his bed and curls up, covering his face with one hand as he cries quietly. it feels ridiculous to cry over, but all yoongi has ever wanted was to meet his soulmate. he knows there are people who go years without meeting theirs, knows there are people who meet theirs in the early years of their life. most people he knows already have their soulmates, whether it's platonic or romantic. 

for some reason, yoongi feels miserable about it. maybe it's the thought that jeongguk might not be attracted to men in the way yoongi is—or that jeongguk could just be a platonic soulmate. he's always wanted a romantic one at the very least; someone who will love him wholeheartedly and take care of him. he'll also take what he can get. if jeongguk doesn't want him that way, then shouldn't he be happy enough to just be in his life?

jeon jeongguk: can we meet up? i want to talk

min yoongi: sure

jeon jeongguk: are you free tomorrow? it's my only day off in the next few weeks

min yoongi: i have work in the morning, but afternoon i'm not busy

jeon jeongguk: cool. send me where you work and i'll pick you up from there

yoongi hesitates, then sends him the address of the grocery store he works out. he pulls out a nice outfit to wear tomorrow so he doesn't look bad for meeting jeongguk, then washes up for bed. he doesn't send jeongguk any more texts and he doesn't check if jeongguk sends more too, only slips under his covers and forces himself to sleep. 

++

the nerves of anticipation have been buzzing inside yoongi for the whole morning. it's nerve wracking. he keeps checking out the window to see if jeongguk is there, or a car that it seems like jeongguk would drive. yoongi is so glad that chinsun is at school, otherwise she would be all over him for his weird behavior. he finishes his shift at one and waits for jeongguk awkwardly on the sidewalk. 

a car slowly rolls to a stop along the curb. yoongi holds his breath, watching the driver's side open and jeongguk climbs out. yoongi want to just die on the spot, because how does jeongguk look amazing while also looking he just rolled out of bed. yoongi doesn't notice jeongguk standing in front of him until he says, "hi," very quietly. 

yoongi's eyes meet jeongguk's. he's nervous. they're both nervous. it bring some relief to yoongi and he tries to bring a smile to his face, but it turns out awkward. "hi," he says back, and his voice is shaking, so his shuts his mouth for a moment. yoongi regrets not taking his anxiety medication this morning. "you seem cold."

frowning, yoongi automatically slips off his jacket to hand over to jeongguk, who's shivering. he luckily doesn't protest when he takes it, tugging it over his arms and gestures towards his car. yoongi nods and opens the door for the passenger seat, setting his bag on the floor before getting in. jeongguk sits beside him, looking stiff for a moment, before he starts driving. 

"where are we going?" he asks quietly, lifting eyes to look at jeongguk's side profile. 

jeongguk doesn't look away from the road. "my apartment. we're going to dye your hair."

gaping in surprise, and feeling a little wary, yoongi asks, "you want to fry my hair even more? for what, just to prove a point?"

for some reason, jeongguk laughs. "mine's even more fried," he says. he sounds comfortable, more relaxed than when he first stepped out of the car. yoongi wishes he could be the same. "it's temporary dye. i just want to make sure. i've been in situations where people try to pretend to be my soulmate just to spend time with me."

"you think i would do that?"

"no," jeongguk admits and yoongi looks at his hand as he turns the wheel of the car, then back to his face. "it's just a precaution."

yoongi pauses for a moment and runs his fingers through his hair, touching the tips of them. "i dyed my hair blonde when i was in seventh grade," he says and tilts his head. he notices jeongguk clench his jaw for a moment and flare out his nostrils, then relaxes it. a smile appears. 

"i had blonde hair when i was in fourth grade. my mom was so angry, she thought i did it myself."

yoongi laughs weakly and looks down at his lap, tracing the lines on his palms. "isn't that all the proof you need, then? i just really don't want to damage my hair anymore," he says, locking his fingers together. "i can show you a picture if you want. i have a physical one in my wallet."

jeongguk scrunches up his nose. "you keep a picture of yourself in your wallet?" he asks and glances over, then makes another turn onto a street that leads into gangnam. yoongi should have known that someone like jeongguk lives here. 

"it's an old family photo," yoongi says with a frown, watching the buildings grow taller and taller. 

jeongguk slows the car, then turns it around to stop it along the curb in front of a very large apartment building. he gets out of the car without saying anything and yoongi figures he doesn't any choice other than to follow. he watches jeongguk hand his keys off to someone, then gesture yoongi into the building. yoongi wills his legs to move faster, or for the ground to open and swallow him whole.

they stand beside each other in the elevator, a couple inches apart so there's no chance of them touching. yoongi hesitantly follows jeongguk onto the floor, wishes he paid attention to what number it was so he could learn how high they are right now. they pass a window and yoongi glances down, barely having time to register how high they are because he slams right into jeongguk’s back. he steadies himself, watching jeongguk unlock the door of his apartment. he pushes it open, and turns towards yoongi, gesturing him inside.

yoongi takes a shuddering breath, stepping into the apartment. he takes off his shoes and keeps them by the door, leaving his bag there too. he stands awkwardly as jeongguk takes his shoes off. he doesn’t want to look around the apartment because he doesn’t want to psych himself out about how much money jeongguk clearly has. he straightens when jeongguk turns towards him, raising his chin to look at him properly. the only thing in yoongi’s mind is wow, jeongguk is so handsome. 

“here, i’ll put the dye on my hair instead, since you don’t want to,” jeongguk says and yoongi nods slowly, trailing after him down a hallway. jeongguk flips open a light in a room, which yoongi soon learns is a surprisingly large bathroom. yoongi stays in the doorway while jeongguk looks through a few cabinet, then takes out a bottle of something—the temporary hair dye, he’s guessing. he takes a few steps forward and gently takes it from jeongguk’s hands.

he doesn’t say anything and pushes up his sleeves, squeezing the color onto his fingers. it’s purple. yoongi sets the bottle down, ignoring jeongguk’s wide eyes and surprised expression, and smooths his fingers over a thick strand of his hair. when he looks at jeongguk through the mirror, his hair in a similar spot has already turned purple. “there’s our answer, then,” yoongi says, and washes his hands. “we’re soulmates.”

jeongguk releases a breathy laugh. “is it, um, okay if i hug you?”

yoongi dries his hands with a towel resting on the counter. he looks at jeongguk again and finds himself nodding. he gasps at the suddenness jeongguk hugs him with, but something jolts through his spine and he puts his arms around jeongguk too. he presses his palms against jeongguk’s back and pulls himself closer, feeling jeongguk tighten his arms around him. yoongi feels strange. the feeling of jeongguk holding him is comforting and safe—it’s unknown—but he finds that he loves it entirely. 

pulling away from each other slowly, yoongi takes it upon himself to ask, “what now?”

jeongguk licks his lips and nibbles nervously at his bottom one. "i don't know," he says and slides his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. yoongi gets the realization that he really wants to kiss him. "do you drink coffee?"

"i love coffee," yoongi replies immediately, feeling his cheeks grow warm with how fast he answered. jeongguk doesn't seem to mind and starts to walk out of the bathroom. yoongi suddenly grabs his sleeve to make him come back. "um... my hair. can i wash it out?"

jeongguk looks from yoongi's eyes to his hair, then back again. "sure. do you want to use the shower or the sink?" he asks and gestures to both spots in the bathroom. 

"sink is fine," yoongi says and turns towards the sink again, turning on the tap. he lowers his head under the running water, startled by the warmth of it. he washes out the purple dye until the water streaks in the sink run clear, turning off the tap. a towel covers his head and he mumbles a faint, "thanks," as he ruffles his hair with it. he sighs as he lifts his head again, adjusting the towel to rest on an empty rack. 

when yoongi turns around again, jeongguk is staring at him in awe. the look quickly fades and he walks out of the bathroom. yoongi flicks off the light as he follows him out and to his kitchen. he stands idly near the island counter, finally allowing his eyes to wander around the expanse of jeongguk's apartment. 

it's fairly modern, which yoongi kind of expected. the couches in the living room are grey, clean and comfortable looking. there's a large white rug beneath them, fluffy and yoongi is tempted to go wiggle his toes in it. there are paintings hanging around the walls and yoongi thinks that jeongguk is kind of young to have this kind of collection. 

the kitchen is grey toned too. the countertops, the tile floor, the cabinets. it seems jeongguk is fond of the color, although there are hints of other brighter colors around the apartment. there's a small flower pot on the floor, next to the massive floor to ceiling windows. for some reason, the decor has yoongi wondering what jeongguk's bedroom looks like. he pushes out the thought and accepts the coffee mug that jeongguk hands him. 

yoongi takes a slow sip and sets it on the counter to let it cool down a little more. he rubs his nose, occasionally looking up at jeongguk standing adjacent to him. "hey, jeongguk-ssi," he says quietly, capturing the younger's attention easily. jeongguk's eyes immediately snap over to yoongi. "you can call me hyung, if you'd like."

he doesn't expect jeongguk to break into a big, beautiful smile. "okay," he says, fingers tapping the counter. "are you hungry, hyung? i should have asked that before giving you coffee."

"no, no. i'm not hungry," yoongi says and traces his finger around the rim of the mug. "it's weird. coffee is one of my favorite things in the world. and you made it exactly the way i like it."

jeongguk's eyes brighten and he stands a little straighter. "really?" he asks. his smile changes into something shy and lopsided. "must be one of those soulmate things, i guess. i've read that you sort of already know things about them before you even get to know them properly."

"you've read up on soulmates?" yoongi asks, bringing the mug to his lips again. he takes a slow sip, wondering how long jeongguk has been reading about soulmates. has it been for as long as yoongi has?

"ah, yeah. kind of," jeongguk says and shrugs. he pulls his sleeves overs his hands, leaning forward on the counter more. "mostly when i was still a trainee. a lot of my sunbaenims had already found theirs, so i wanted to find mine before i debuted. but, clearly that didn't work out. i'm not mad though. i think i'm at a pretty good age to have met you."

yoongi laughs, weak and a little humorless. jeongguk tilts his head, clearly confused. "sorry, i just—i think maybe i've waited longer for you than you have for me. if that makes sense," he says quietly and follows his words with a shrug. 

jeongguk nods slowly. "can i ask how old you are?"

"twenty-four," he says and drinks more of his coffee, staring down into the mug. 

"oh wow—i've been really informal. i'm really sorry," jeongguk says and when he tries to bow, yoongi catches his forehead in his palm. he lifts his head and furrows his eyebrows, mouth curled into a frown. 

yoongi shakes his head. "it's fine. you can skip formalities with me," he mumbles and removes his hand from jeongguk's head. jeongguk grabs onto it again and presses his cheek to yoongi's palm, shutting his eyes. yoongi runs his thumb over it gently, watching how his face relaxes. "you're a very touchy person."

"not normally," jeongguk breathes out and shakes his head. "i only am with close friends. and you—well, you're different."

"i'm different," yoongi repeats and smiles. 

++

yoongi quickly learns that jeongguk is in fact, a very busy person. he expected it, but he didn't expect it in such a constant way. it's sweet though, the way jeongguk still tries to text him between his packed schedules. sometimes it's a text in the early morning asking what yoongi's favorite animal is, or a late night text that's encouraging him to go to bed. sometimes yoongi is on his lunch break and jeongguk sends him a funny tweet he saw. yoongi finds it all very endearing. 

at the same time, jeongguk doesn't share much information about himself, other than baseline facts yoongi could google if he wanted to. yoongi isn't much better. most of the time, when jeongguk asks a question he doesn't want to answer, he'll deflect with another one or find a smooth way to change the subject. needless to say, a lot of their text conversations have been mindless chats about music and other meaningless topics jeongguk brings up. 

which is why yoongi is surprised to get a phone call from jeongguk late at night, while he's in the shower. yoongi feels bad for declining the call but he rushes through the end of his shower and blow drying his hair because why would jeongguk be calling? what if it's important? even though it's only been a few of weeks, yoongi doesn't hesitate on calling back fifteen minutes later, settled beneath the comforter of his bed. the answer is surprisingly immediate. 

"hyung?"

yoongi feels his breath hitch and he forces out, "jeongguk-ah, is something wrong? why did you call?"

there's silence on the other end. it lasts for a while, and yoongi pulls his phone away from his ear to check if the call is still even active. finally, jeongguk says, "nothing's wrong."

"okay," yoongi breathes, leaning his head back against the headboard. "sorry for not answering earlier. i was in the shower."

jeongguk laughs, light and breathy. it's different from usual, even though yoongi has only heard it once, almost three weeks ago, when jeongguk drove them to his apartment. "it's fine," he says, tone soft and quiet and yoongi feels like this is all very unlike jeongguk. 

it prompts him to ask, "seriously. what's wrong?"

"ah, hyung, it's nothing—"

"no, tell me," yoongi says and sits up a little, running his fingers through his hair. "i can tell. you can't pretend with me." he pauses for a couple of seconds. "i mean, you don't have to pretend with me. so just tell hyung what's wrong, okay?"

jeongguk lets out a breath that makes yoongi's skin tingle. "i don't know what it is," he says. "i've never felt like this before."

yoongi slides deeper beneath his covers, rolling onto his side before saying, "tell me what it feels like."

"my chest hurts, like around my heart," jeongguk says after another few seconds. "and my stomach feels weird too. almost sick, but not nauseous? and my head is dizzy, but not—not in an actual dizzy way? like, i can see just fine, but my thoughts—"

"jeongguk-ah," yoongi cuts off, and jeongguk's voice quiets down. "you're lonely." 

jeongguk doesn't answer. "it's okay to be lonely," yoongi continues and continuously draws an infinity symbol on the sheet of his bed. he takes a deep breath. "i feel it all the time."

"i wish you didn't," jeongguk says. "you don't deserve that."

yoongi laughs lowly, pressing his cheek into his pillow and stops drawing. his eyes droop shut. he doesn't know what time it is anymore. "it's a human emotion. we all feel it from time to time."

"but," jeongguk starts, then sighs. yoongi waits patiently for him to continue. "but don't they say it goes away when you meet your soulmate? hyung, why do we still feel like this?"

"jeongguk-ah, i know the world makes these things sounds simple, but they're really not," yoongi explains and sighs. he can't help it, but he's definitely drifting into sleep. he holds back a yawn. "you're still young, so it's hard to understand it. but just because we've met each other, doesn't mean we're suddenly going to be like every soulmate story you've heard."

jeongguk starts to say something, but yoongi is already slowly falling asleep. 

yoongi wakes up to a knock on his door, rolling onto his back and calls, "yeah?" tiredly, pinching his eyes inwards to get the sleep out of them.

"yoongi-hyung, um, there's someone here to see you," jimin calls, then quieter, "can i come in?"

yoongi rolls his eyes and pushes himself to sit up. "yes, jimin-ah. why are you asking?" he mumbles and climbs out of bed to open the door. jimin pushes himself inside and shuts the door. yoongi raises his eyebrows at him, mildly suspicious, but also doesn't care enough to ask about it. "who's here?"

jimin bites his lip and heads for yoongi's closet. "a certain soulmate. of yours."

yoongi raises his eyebrows even higher. "jeongguk is here? in the apartment?" he asks and joins jimin in front of the closet, taking the clothes he's gathered into his arms. "how'd he even get my address? that's weird."

"don't question it. he's an international pop star. i don't doubt he has the connections to find our address—why the fuck don't you have any nice clothes?"

"can you relax? i don't need to look nice for him," yoongi says and scoffs, dumping the growing pile of clothes onto his desk chair. he turns around and opens the door of his bedroom, walking out because why should he be afraid of jeongguk seeing him like this?

jeongguk is standing in their entryway, hoodie and jeans, hands folded behind is back. he seems nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and staring at his socked feet. yoongi stops in front of him and he looks up, smiling awkwardly. "sorry for just showing up like this."

yoongi shrugs, playing it off like he doesn't care. "it's fine," he says. "we can go to my room, but there's no promises that these two won't eavesdrop." he points to jimin and hoseok, who are lingering in the kitchen, both pairs of eyes very obviously on yoongi and jeongguk. 

jeongguk nods and yoongi turns around, leading him back to his room. he shuts the door and locks it, running on hand over his face. "what're you doing here? and, um, how are you here?" he asks, blinking up at jeongguk standing in the middle of his room. 

"how? i mean, i drove myself—"

yoongi lets out a snort before saying, "no, i mean, how did you get my address."

"oh," jeongguk laughs and rubs the back of his neck, yoongi watching his movement closely. "i... asked?"

"asked who?"

jeongguk sighs and crosses his arms, casting his eyes to the floor. "remember your friend's soulmate? yeah, well, he's my friend too. so i just asked him, okay?"

yoongi nods and shoves his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. "now for the answer to the other question," he says, noticing how jeongguk near squirms at the request. "what's going on?"

"i just..." jeongguk trails off for a moment, his eyes still focused on the floor. "i woke up still feeling like i did last night—and, i snapped at some of my staff because of it. i felt so bad afterwards, but my managers decided to cancel my schedule for today instead. i just thought that—you could—i don't know—"

yoongi watches from where he's standing, then takes a couple of steps forward. hesitantly, he puts his hand on jeongguk's wrist, watching him look up with a scowl on his face and mouth turned down. jeongguk surges forward for a hug, grasping onto yoongi for dear life. yoongi doesn't have much of a choice than to just hold him, mind racing and running his hand slowly up and down his back. 

"sorry—i just—"

yoongi shushes him immediately and shakes his head, pressing jeongguk's face into his shoulder. jeongguk tightens his grip. "it's fine," he says quietly. "i get why you're here."

he holds jeongguk for a little while longer. jeongguk isn't crying, but yoongi can feel his emotions through his racing heart and trembling body. he doesn't let go until it's calmed down and he gestures for jeongguk to sit on his bed. jeongguk sits, folding his hands in his lap. yoongi sits beside him with his legs and arms crossed. 

"i think—" yoongi stops and sighs, thumbing the edge of the sleeve on his t-shirt. "i think maybe we've been apart for too long. physically."

jeongguk looks up and tilts his head to the side. "is that a thing?" he asks, his hands falling to his thighs. yoongi tries not to look at them because, wow, they are some really nice thighs. he doesn't want to get sidetracked. 

"um, yeah," yoongi says and furrows his eyebrows, dropping his hands to drum his fingers against his knee. "if we're talking statistically, there's a zero-point-nine percent chance that soulmates need to be near each other or touch often, otherwise they'll fall sick. some studies have shown that it drives people mad and—sometimes to death."

"death? seriously?"

yoongi nods, chewing on his bottom lip. "it's really rare, but i don't want to take chances. please, i don't know if you understand how important you are to me," he whispers, pushing his hair out of his face with one hand. he meets eyes with jeongguk briefly, before looking away with warm cheeks. he slides one hand into jeongguk's lap, latching onto his hand, staring down at his own lap. 

jeongguk slides his fingers between yoongi's before saying, "you're important to me too. i'm just bad at showing it."

when yoongi looks up again, jeongguk is smiling at him. yoongi can feel his face getting redder, the very sudden urge to kiss him swarming his mind. but jeongguk is an idol—if yoongi is also his romantic soulmate and that information reached the public, it could ruin his career. jeongguk, on the other hand, leans forward and puts his lips to yoongi's. 

at first, yoongi is too shocked to react. jeongguk starts to pull away, but yoongi cups the back of his neck and kisses him again. it's not exactly a proper kiss, just something short and quick, just a press of their lips together. yoongi parts first, but lets their foreheads rest against each other. their noses brush. jeongguk says, "sorry. i don't know why, but i've been wanting to do that."

"me too," yoongi says and laughs quietly. "i've been wanting to do it too."

jeongguk puts his arms around him, pulling him closer. "how are we going to do this?" he asks. "you must already know this, but i'm leaving the country to go on tour in a few months."

yoongi shuts his eyes and sighs quietly. "let's worry about it another time," he mumbles. "i just want to be with you for a little bit." he brings his head to rest on jeongguk's shoulder, lowering his hands down to the small of his back. 

they sit like that for a while, maybe another twenty minutes, yoongi doesn't know for sure. jeongguk flinches at the sound of yoongi's alarm to get ready for work, and yoongi sighs before pulling away. "i have to get to my job," he says quietly and stands, shuffling to the pile of clothes still sitting on his desk chair. he finds a black graphic tee and searches through his drawers for a clean pair of jeans. 

when he glances back, jeongguk has his back turned towards him. yoongi changes his clothes, sliding on a belt and adjusting his jeans in the mirror. he opens the door to his bedroom, looking at jeongguk again. "you can stay here if you want," he tells him, getting his wallet, keys, and phone. 

"can i take you?" jeongguk asks. "to work, i mean. is that okay?"

yoongi shrugs, stepping out into the hallway and to the bathroom to tame his hair and brush his teeth. he leaves the door open, jeongguk lingering in the doorway as yoongi brushes his teeth. they meet eyes in the mirror, but yoongi quickly looks away and rinses his mouth. he runs a comb through his hair a few times, then his hand to loosen it from the roots. 

it's strange to have jeongguk just silently watch him and trail after him around the apartment. in the kitchen, yoongi makes himself coffee and can feel jimin staring into the back of his head. he hears footsteps and then jimin is standing beside him, hand on yoongi's shoulder. he glances nervously to jeongguk, lowering his voice to say, "taehyung is coming over."

yoongi slows his movement for a moment, then pushes jimin's hand off his shoulder. "it's fine. you three are the only ones who know about this, so it's fine, okay?" he mutters and it almost sounds like he's telling himself instead of jimin, who is staring at him with a wary expression. yoongi nudges him with his elbow. "go away."

"he's going to freak out."

"i said it's fine." yoongi sighs and pours his coffee into a styrofoam cup, capping it with a lid. he fills another one for jeongguk, spooning in sugar and pouring in some milk. "it might be funny." he puts a lid on that one too. 

jimin still looks uncertain. "how long's your shift?"

"i think i get off a five or six. i'll text you. who's cooking tonight?" he asks and turns to hand jeongguk the coffee. he doesn't miss how jeongguk's eyes brighten and he accepts it with both hands, smiling a little. yoongi feels a smile tug at his own mouth, then return to normal when there's a knock on the door. jimin leaves to open it without answering the question. "jeongguk-ah."

jeongguk looks up, eyebrows furrowed a little. "forewarning. jimin's soulmate, uh, he's kind of a fan of yours," yoongi explains, taking a sip of his coffee. 

they both turn their heads towards jimin saying, "taehyungie, please don't freak out—" followed by a faint oh my god.

jeongguk forms a sheepish smile before turning towards taehyung and jimin. yoongi steps to stand beside him, a sudden protective need washing over him. taehyung stares at them, looking from yoongi to jeongguk, then back again. "i—he's here—in your apartment," he says and steps forward, bowing. 

"ah, please don't, you're yoongi-hyung's friend," jeongguk says and his eyes widen a little. jimin pulls taehyung back to standing position, holding his hand loosely. 

everyone sort of just stares at each other until jimin takes initiative to steer taehyung into his bedroom. yoongi sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, then looks up at jeongguk. his cheeks are slightly flushed pink beneath his makeup and he lifts his coffee to have a sip of it. "let's go then, if you're taking me to work," yoongi says and walks to the door, sliding his feet into his sneakers. 

he pulls on his coat and jeongguk does the same after putting on his own shoes. yoongi tries to not go cross eyed at the sight of jeongguk's fancy car, only getting into the passenger seat quietly. there's music softly playing when jeongguk turns the engine on, and yoongi watches him pull away from the curb and begin to drive. 

it's a short ride, only a couple of minutes down the street from where yoongi lives. jeongguk turns into a parking spots and shifts the gear into park. "can i pick you up too? and, um, we can get food or something, if you want."

"okay," yoongi says and shrugs, picking at a thread in his jeans. "i'll text you what time my shift is done."

he leans over the console and kisses jeongguk's cheek, then climbs out of the car. he waves a little after shutting the door, then walks away to go inside the store. immediately, chinsun is in his face. "oppa, who was that? you never get rides to work, you always walk," she says and follows him to the break room. 

"go back to work," is all yoongi says as he takes off his jacket and picks up his apron to tie over his body. "mind your business."

"you're hiding something."

yoongi stops and sighs. "stop being invasive, chinsun-ah," he says and finishes tying the apron, beginning to walk out of the room. 

chinsun follows after him to his cash register, and leans over the front part of his counter. "is he your soulmate, oppa?"

"chinsun-ah," yoongi says, exasperated and a little frustrated. the word soulmate brings nothing but thoughts of jeongguk, his handsome face and should-be-illegal smile. yoongi runs his fingers through his hair and sighs again, trying to shake the thoughts away so he can focus on his work. "go back to work. unlike you, i do actually need this job."

chinsun rolls her eyes, but complies and walks off to probably restock shelves. yoongi checks his work schedule and texts both jimin and jeongguk that he gets off of work at six. he adds to his text to jimin that he's going to get dinner with jeongguk after. jimin replies with fighting, hyungie! which ultimately makes yoongi want to punch him. 

the shift passes surprisingly quickly, since it's saturday and more people are coming through to purchase their weekly groceries. yoongi finds himself pretty occupied with cashiering and the minimal carrying of delivery boxes into the storage room. with ten minutes left to his shift and near rush time in the store, a very familiar tattooed hand place a foreign candy bar on the counter. yoongi lifts his chin and meets jeongguk's eyes.

"what if chinsun-ssi sees you?" yoongi mumbles to him, scanning the candy and ringing up the total. jeongguk hands him some cash and yoongi hands back the change, leaning forward on his palms after. "why'd you come inside?"

jeongguk shrugs and yoongi can see him smile beneath his mask. "i wanted some chocolate," he says and wiggles the candy bar in yoongi's face, who rolls his eyes and pushes his hand away. 

yoongi sniffs and nudges jeongguk's hand off the counter. "go, before someone sees you," he says softly, scanning the area of the store he can see from his counter, then looks back at jeongguk. "if chinsun-ah recognizes you, she will start crying, so please go wait in your car."

"you're so demanding, hyung," jeongguk says and laughs, though it sounds more like a giggle to yoongi. "i already bought food, by the way. we'll go back to my apartment and eat, so we can have privacy." yoongi nods and jeongguk finally leaves the counter and returns to his car. 

chinsun strolls over and props her elbow on the counter, chin in her hand. "your soulmate, yoongi-oppa?"

yoongi sighs and checks the time. he shuts off his cash register and heads for the break room to get his things. "yes, chinsun-ah. he's my soulmate. now please stop asking about it because that's all i'm going to tell you," he says and takes off his apron, pulling on his jacket instead. "why are you still here? didn't your shift end like, two hours ago?"

"i'm working a little overtime because my parents wanted me out of the house for some reason," she says and follows her words with an eye roll. "can i meet him?"

"hell no," yoongi says and shakes his head. "today is only my third time seeing him. i'll introduce you when it's right, okay?"

chinsun huffs, but relents and yoongi can feel her watching him walk out to jeongguk's car. he climbs into the passenger seat when he hears the door unlock, watching jeongguk nibble at the candy bar he bought beneath his mask. "why are you eating it like that?" yoongi asks, raising his eyebrows a little. "it's weird."

jeongguk puts the candy down and fixes his mask back on. "i didn't want to take my mask off, because then you'd scold me and say that someone might see me," he says and backs out of the parking spot, turning the car onto the road. he pushes the mask to his chin and wipes his mouth, setting his hand back on the wheel. "was work okay?"

"boring," yoongi says with a shrug, sitting back and glances in the backseat to see two takeout bags which are filled with food. he feels his stomach grumble. his instant ramen lunch wasn't nearly enough to satiate his hunger. "what did you end up doing?"

jeongguk looks left and right before carefully making a turn. "i went home and showered, then lazed in bed all afternoon while watching anime," he says, tapping his fingers along to the beat of the song playing on the radio. he clears his throat and silence falls over them. 

soon enough, jeongguk is turning his car around and slowing it along the curb in front of his apartment building. yoongi gets out without hesitation, following jeongguk into the building. it isn't until they're in the safety of the elevator that yoongi reaches over and loosely takes his hand. jeongguk smiles and pulls yoongi closer and tightens his fingers around yoongi's hand. yoongi feels his cheeks getting hot, dropping his eyes to the floor. 

he follows jeongguk silently down the hallway. he paid attention this time, and took note of them being on the twentieth floor. jeongguk unlocks and opens the door with his free hand, holding it open. yoongi steps inside and tugs jeongguk with him, dropping his hand to pull off his shoes. very suddenly, jeongguk hugs his torso from behind and makes him stiffen at the sudden show of affection. 

he turns around and puts one arm around jeongguk's shoulders to pull him closer, frowning a little. "i'm right here," he finds himself mumbling and kisses his shoulder gently. when yoongi's stomach grumbles, he adds, "you forgot the food in the car."

jeongguk curses quietly and yoongi laughs, pulling away. "it's fine," jeongguk says and takes off his coat, hanging it in the closet by the door. when he holds his hand out, yoongi takes his off and gives it to him to hang up too. "someone can bring it up for me."

"must be nice," yoongi says, half-jokingly. it brings a sour look to jeongguk's face, so he mumbles a quick apology. 

jeongguk leans against the wall, with his eyebrows pinched together as he stares at his feet. "you know, as my soulmate, you're legally obliged to all my stuff too," jeongguk says quietly.

yoongi can't help his laugh, shoving his hands into the pocket of his jeans. jeongguk gives him a puzzled look. "you know korea doesn't recognize romantic male soulmates like that," he says and tilts his head to the side. jeongguk isn't stupid—so why would he say that?

"romantic?"

"i mean—" yoongi stops himself and blushes, averting his eyes as usual. "isn't that why you kissed me this morning?" he asks, fiddling with his fingers. 

it's jeongguk's turn to let out a laugh, lips turned into a smile. it's big, sparkly and wide. "i was leaning towards us being both platonic and romantic," he says, just loud enough for yoongi to hear him. for some reason, yoongi's heart flutters inside his chest. "we just haven't really, uh, approached the romantic side, have we?"

yoongi's stomach grumbles again, significantly louder than before. his face flushes warmer, sniffing a little and asks, "can we keep talking about this over some food?" 

jeongguk laughs again and nods, gesturing for yoongi to take a seat as he called someone on his phone. yoongi wanders deeper into jeongguk's apartment, settling onto one of the couches. he leans back when he sinks right in, making himself comfortable. he takes out his phone, humming quietly as he responds to a few texts. jeongguk sits next to him after hanging up, so yoongi locks his phone and sets it aside. 

he glances up and slowly raises his hand to run through jeongguk's hair. he lets his hand rest on the back of his neck after, smiling a little as jeongguk's wide eyed and flustered reaction. "you like your hair played with, don't you?" he asks, then does it again. jeongguk nods and his eyes fall shut. 

"speaking of hair," he mumbles, sounding a little sleepy. he yawns and settles his head against the back of the couch, yoongi still running his fingers through his hair. "i have to dye our hair again, sometime in the next few weeks. i'm thinking of doing the tips blue."

yoongi grins because jeongguk said our and that's possibly the cutest thing he's ever heard in his life. "sure, jeongguk-ah," he says. "i think you could pull that off. me on the other hand, i have no idea."

jeongguk doesn't respond, breathing now evened out and slow. yoongi quietly retracts his hand and flinches at a knock echoing through the apartment. he tiptoes his way to the door and opens it, accepting the two bags of takeout that a man hands him. he shuts the door and locks it, carrying it to the kitchen. yoongi doesn't have the heart to wake jeongguk up, so he eats alone in the kitchen until he's full. 

he clears up and puts the leftovers away in the fridge, then cleans up the dishes he used and the other mess jeongguk left out. when he returns to the couch, jeongguk has shifted positions, half lying down with his head on one of the pillows. with a little struggle, yoongi lifts jeongguk's legs onto the couch. he stirs and tugs on yoongi's shirt sleeve, mumbling a soft, "stay, hyung."

yoongi sighs and picks up his phone, just holding it for a couple of minutes. he finally texts jimin that he might stay the night with jeongguk, slowly lying down beside him after. jeongguk puts one arm around him, pulling their chests together. yoongi reaches for the throw blanket on the back of the couch, pulling it to drape it over their bodies. surprisingly, he feels tired and lets his eyes close. he inhales jeongguk's scent and settles in his hold, slowly falling asleep. 

++

yoongi really doesn't expect to be woken up by hushed arguing. he isn't on the couch where he fell asleep, and jeongguk isn't beside him. it takes a minute for him to realize one of the quietly arguing voices is jeongguk. yoongi sits up, blinking into the darkness of the room. there's a digital clock to his left that tells him it's six. when he leans closer and squints, he realizes it says six am. 

he feels around a little and his hands reach a surface.  yoongi slides his hands along it, feeling the body of a lamp and finally turns it on to see the room he's in. he realizes, as he looks around, that he's probably sitting in jeongguk's bed. there's clothes lying all over the floor, a gaming set up at a desk in the corner and an electric keyboard in another corner. the other side of the bed is slept in, which can only mean that jeongguk carried him to bed and fell asleep here too. 

yoongi slides off the bed and stretches, ridiculously uncomfortable from falling asleep in his jeans. he shivers when he feet touch the cold floor, pulling the first hoodie he sees over his head. it's soft and comfortable, hanging big over his body and holds a smell like jeongguk's cologne. which makes sense, because this is probably jeongguk's hoodie. 

tiredly, he stands and rubs his eyes, shuffling to the door. he opens it and slips out, walking towards the sound of jeongguk's voice saying, "i knew this would happen, that's why i—"

he stops talking when he and yoongi make eye contact. he's dressed in pajamas, hair a mess and seems to be half asleep still. the back of the man he's talking to is facing yoongi. yoongi runs his fingers through his hair and asks, "what's going on?"

the man turns around and looks yoongi up and down before crossing his arms. feeling judged and defensive of it, yoongi crosses his arms too. "sorry if we woke you, yoongi-hyung. this is one of my managers, dowon-hyung."

there's a mutual lack of respect between dowon and yoongi, because neither of them bow at each other. yoongi feels unsettled and a little threatened by his expression. if looks could kill, yoongi would probably be dead. jeongguk clears his throat and adds, "he knows."

"i haven't told anyone," yoongi says and keeps his arms crossed, and eyes on jeongguk. it's a lie, straight through his teeth. yoongi knows that jeongguk knows it’s a lie, but dowon doesn't need to know the truth. besides, it’s only jimin, hoseok, and taehyung who do know—it’s not far off from the truth. "no one knows that jeongguk-ssi and i are soulmates. you don't have to like the fact that we are, and it isn't something we can control—"

dowon cuts him off, rudely, saying, "what kind are you?"

yoongi blinks slowly. "in what sense?" he asks and brings his eyes to dowon's, fighting off the anxiety climbing up his throat. dowon is roughly the same size as yoongi, but more filled out and could probably win in a fight. jeongguk is slightly larger, broader—definitely stronger—but yoongi knows he's too nice to even try being disrespectful to one of his hyungs. 

"what's your connection? how did you find out?"

"we're double connected," yoongi says calmly and dowon's frown grows deeper. he looks back at jeongguk, who nods, then returns to looking at yoongi pointedly. "and when one of us dyes our hair, the other person's hair changes too."

dowon purses his lips. "that's rare," he says.

yoongi scoffs and drops his arms, feeling a little ridiculed. "do you need us to prove it to you?"

"yoongi-hyung—"

"no," he says firmly to jeongguk, who quickly quiets. yoongi feels both his own anger and jeongguk's fear burning in his chest. "he very clearly isn't believing a word i'm saying, jeongguk-ah. and for some really fucking obvious reasons."

jeongguk sucks in a breath at yoongi cursing. yoongi feels jeongguk's fear mellow into something else. disappointment, maybe? he can tell that jeongguk isn't disappointed in him, if it is that, but maybe it's towards dowon. yoongi can only guess—there's only so much a connection can tell him about how jeongguk is feeling. he takes that moment to realize that this is his first time actually feeling jeongguk's emotions himself. 

"hyung, i'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes. let me get dressed," jeongguk says, and gestures to the door. dowon looks between jeongguk and yoongi, then huffs and nods before walking out jeongguk’s apartment. jeongguk lets out a frustrated sigh and runs his hand over his face. yoongi takes a few steps forward, hesitantly reaching out for his hand. jeongguk slips his fingers between yoongi’s, then shuffles forward to wraps his arms around him. “i’m sorry about this.”

yoongi laughs and shakes his head, letting jeongguk bury his face into his neck. “it’s okay,” yoongi says softly, feeling jeongguk’s breath on the side of his neck and smiles sadly. “these things aren’t meant to be easy. especially not with the way the world works. and not with the life that you have.”

jeongguk pulls away and nods, exhaling shakily. “i have to go get dressed and—i have a full day, so i won’t be back until late. do you want me to call you a ride to take you home?”

“no, i’m okay,” yoongi says and kisses him briefly to reassure him. it makes jeongguk smile. yoongi’s chest twists and his body spreads with warmth at the sight. “i’ll get jimin to pick me up once i know he’s awake. i don’t work today.”

jeongguk nods again and lets go, rubbing his eye as he walks down the hallway to the bathroom. yoongi wanders into the kitchen, locating the coffee machine and easily brews himself a cup. he mentally thanks his previous job as a barista for being able to do so. he walks to the window and peeks down, taking a sip as he looks at the tiny, tiny people on the sidewalk. yoongi yawns into his hand, walking to the table in the living room to pick up his phone. there are three missed calls from jimin. 

worried, he calls back, even though it’s still too early for jimin to be awake. jimin answers a couple rings later, a surprisingly awake, “hello?”

“jimin-ah, you called? like—three times?” he asks and takes another sip of his coffee. “is everything okay?”

there’s some vague shuffling and a muffled voice before jimin says, “i was just worried about you, just because you texted me about staying over at jeongguk-ssi’s and i’m pretty sure it’s your first time doing that.”

yoongi laughs quietly and sets the mug down to sit on the couch. “i’m fine,” he says and glances around, leaning forward to check if jeongguk is anywhere around him. “shit, jimin-ah, i really like him. and—i still don’t know much about him, but i can feel him now. inside my chest, i can feel him.”

“hyung, i’m really happy for you. seriously. but—you know—i don’t know what you mean by feeling him.”

“wait, what?”

jimin doesn’t answer immediately, some more shuffling on his end. finally, he says, “you would think with all the reading you’ve done, you’d know this. only people with really strong connections get that."

yoongi bites his lip and runs his fingers through his hair. "i... i did know that, but i guess i forgot about it for some reason," he says and sighs, tugging on a strand of his hair. "anyway, i was hoping you could pick me up or something. if not, i'm okay taking the bus."

"sure, hyung. just text me your location," jimin says. 

"okay. i will. see you," he says and hangs up, putting his phone in his back pocket. he finishes his coffee and stands, placing the empty mug in the sink. 

just as yoongi is going to find him, jeongguk walks out of his room and shuts the door behind him. "leaving?" he asks, holding a clean pair of socks as he walks past yoongi, who nods in answer. jeongguk sits on the seat near the door, pulling the socks on, then places a pair of some high end looking boots in front of him. 

yoongi picks up his shoes, pulling them onto his feet without bothering to untie the laces. he double checks he has everything, then opens the door and follows jeongguk out. he stands quietly beside jeongguk in the elevator, arms brushing occasionally. when they near the first floor, jeongguk turns and presses an aggressive kiss to the side of yoongi's head. yoongi jerks away at the suddenness, holding back a smile. "i'll text you," he says and steps off the elevator. 

jeongguk nods and walks away towards the lobby. yoongi takes a side exit that he finds, pulling up the hood of the hoodie he's wearing. it isn't until he's almost around the corner that he realizes that he still has jeongguk's hoodie on. yoongi thinks that if jeongguk minded, he would have said something and just continues to walk. 

when he feels he's walked far enough, yoongi sends his location to jimin and sits on a bench while he waits. he busies himself by listening to music and scrolling through his neglected social medias. yoongi's been so caught up with jeongguk being his soulmate to have noticed how little he's used them. he answers a few messages, likes a few tweets, follows a couple of people who tell him they like his music on soundcloud. 

thinking about his music sends yoongi into a full force train of thought. of course, about jeongguk, because everything seems to be about him these days. he wonders if jeongguk would like his music at all—is it something he'd be interested in hearing? yoongi has only mentioned it a couple of times, both where he brushed over that to emphasize a different point. 

jimin pulls up in yoongi's car about twenty minutes later. yoongi climbs in with a yawn and quiet greeting, leaning against the window as jimin starts to drive them home. he sniffles a few times, turning to pick up a tissue box he keeps in the backseat. he blows his nose, turning away from jimin to cough into his elbow a few times. 

"are you getting sick?" jimin asks, reaching one hand over to press against his forehead. 

yoongi pushes it away, mumbling a faint, "i'm fine," before coughing again. "really, i am. it's probably just allergies or something."

jimin furrows his eyebrows. "you don't have allergies," he says slowly and checks again when they're stopped at a red light. "you might be coming down with a fever."

"a fever? i didn't even do anything to get sick. i was fine like, ten minutes ago." he coughs again, holding a tissue to his mouth. a headache begins to creep on him, forehead throbbing suddenly. "i think maybe i slept badly since i've never slept at jeongguk's apartment before."

"maybe," jimin says and turns into their neighborhood, licking his lips. "have some tea and sleep some more just to be sure, okay?"

yoongi nods and waves him off, holding back another yawns that claws it way out of his mouth. he gets out of the car when jimin parks, climbing the stairs a little slower than usual, limbs suddenly aching. he toes off his shoes and kicks them aside, giving taehyung a half-hearted wave. he retreats to his room and crawls into bed, shivering and falls asleep almost immediately after his head hits his pillow. 

++

it isn't until almost two days later that yoongi gives into the fact that he's definitely sick. he's spent the last couple of days sleeping and whining to jimin or hoseok about how his chest and head both hurt. yoongi tries to keep up with texting jeongguk, but looking at a screen makes him feel too dizzy and he ends up ignoring most of them. 

he should have expected that doing that would cause jeongguk to come over. yoongi learns from hoseok that jeongguk called while he was asleep, and that hoseok explained to him about not feeling well. "you shouldn't have said anything," yoongi mutters weakly, shivering even beneath the two blankets tucked around his body. 

"you're an idiot for not telling him," hoseok says and sighs, crossing his arms as he sits on the edge of the bed. "he's your soulmate, hyung. he's supposed to care about you—he does care about you. he sounded really worried when i spoke to him."

yoongi doesn't bother listening further and turns away, curling into his comforter more. he lets his eyes fall shut and listens to hoseok get up. ten minutes later, the doorbell rings. a few seconds later, and jeongguk is standing in the doorway of yoongi's bedroom. 

"i'm fine," yoongi says, voice hoarse and clearly sounding not fine. 

jeongguk has wide eyes, walking over and sitting on the bed with both legs folded under him. "you don't look fine," he says and reaches up, cupping yoongi's cheeks. the tension of yoongi's migraine begins to fade. "no wonder i've been feeling like shit the last two days."

yoongi wiggles his arms out of the covers and holds onto jeongguk's wrists, tugging his full body towards himself. jeongguk tumbles onto the bed beside him and yoongi makes himself small, curled up, and fits himself into jeongguk's arms. the pain in yoongi's chest disappears. "it's our connection," yoongi mutters into jeongguk's neck. "we can't be apart anymore. i think—we need to be in the same room or vicinity, at least."

"are you sure?" jeongguk asks and pulls away, looking at yoongi with his eyebrows pinched together. "that's what made you feel sick?"

yoongi laughs weakly and says, "as cliché as it sounds, i feel better already. i guess we're part of that unlucky zero-point-nine percent of people."

jeongguk presses his lips to yoongi's forehead as he closes his eyes. "i guess we are," he mumbles and sighs. "you're going to have to start coming everywhere with me, you know? the staff is going to hate it."

"don't care," yoongi says and closes his eyes too. "i'll do it if it means you'll be okay. i'll quit my job, move in with you—whatever. skip all the steps of a relationship and just do everything because we have to." he pauses for a few seconds. "i can't have you dying on me, jeongguk-ah."

"i can't have you dying on me either, yoongi-hyung," jeongguk says with a laugh. "you say it like this doesn't go both ways."

yoongi doesn't answer, only burrowing himself further into jeongguk's body. he feels jeongguk slide under the covers and cling onto him, peeking his eyes open to see jeongguk trying to get comfortable. this close, yoongi notices that his face is still covered in makeup. "were you working?" he mumbles, watching jeongguk drop the back of his head onto a pillow. 

"yeah, i finished a shoot and you've been on my mind a lot, especially because you weren't answering my texts like usual, so i decided to call," jeongguk says, turning his head to look at yoongi, clearly holding back a smile. "and then i find out you haven't been feeing well, so i had the car bring me here instead. i have an empty schedule the rest of today."

"i can't believe i have an idol as a soulmate," yoongi says and runs his fingers through his hair, throwing one arm over jeongguk's torso. "oh, and not just any idol, right? international k-pop star jeongguk is my soulmate."

jeongguk gets embarrassed and buries his face into the pillow. yoongi laughs and kisses his cheek, then cuddles closer if that's even possible. they lie in silence for a while, only sounds of hoseok's laughter echoing down the hallway and into the room. "did you know i barely knew who you were when we met? i mean—i wasn't actually a fan."

"i could tell," jeongguk mumbles. "you didn't seem very interested in meeting me. and chinsun-ssi told me before hand to not expect much from you. which is interesting, because now i know you're my soulmate."

"can we shut up about soulmates for two seconds?" yoongi huffs out and flicks jeongguk's forehead, watching his lips turn into a pout. jeongguk nods and nudges his nose against yoongi's cheek. "i'm trying to explain to you that i found you attractive even before finding out. i think i spent a good amount of that fan sign just staring at you."

jeongguk flattens his hand on yoongi's lower back. "where's my phone? i feel like i should be recording this," he says and yoongi rolls his eyes. "i thought you were cute, but i was thrown off by your hair."

"seriously? my hair and not me being a guy? and—cute, of all the words to describe me?"

jeongguk laughs, a softer kind of giggle in the stillness of yoongi's bedroom. "yeah, i mean, sure my fanbase is mostly girls, but i've met fans who are boys. that wasn't a shock to me. it was this insanely pretty guy, with hair exactly the same shade as mine." yoongi blushes and hides his face in jeongguk's neck, laughing along. 

"i was terrified you wouldn't see me the same way," he says quietly, after their laughter has died down and all can be heard are their in-sync breaths. "you're a male idol. imagine if people knew that i'm your soulmate. they'd convince themselves that it's just platonic."

when yoongi chances a look at jeongguk, he notices that he fell asleep. yoongi thinks about how busy his days are and just kisses his forehead, then quietly slips out of bed. he tiptoes to the bathroom and finds makeup remover, taking it back to his room. he sits on the edge of the bed, carefully wiping jeongguk's makeup off. he stirs at the touch, a crease temporarily forming between his eyebrows, but ultimately stays asleep. yoongi thinks jeongguk is probably working too hard. 

he places another kiss to his forehead and adjusts the covers, taking the makeup remover back to the bathroom. he washes up and takes a short shower, dressing in pajamas before dropping onto the couch beside hoseok. he looks at yoongi quizzically. "what are you doing? how are you functional right now?" he asks and presses the back of his hand to yoongi's forehead. 

glumly, yoongi mumbles, "it was because of my connection with jeongguk."

hoseok has a shocked expression, opening his mouth to say something, then shuts it. when he opens it the second time he asks, "is that even possible?"

"yes, it is. it's really uncommon and—shit, hoseok-ah, i don't know how we're going to do this. i got sick, what, twenty minutes after leaving him?" yoongi says and rubs his face, a little frustrated. hoseok has a look of sympathy now. "i think we're going to have to be together all the time. because what if next time, it's him?"

"hyung, you have a job. and you live here."

yoongi furrows his eyebrows. "i can't risk it. twenty-four years of waiting for him, hoseok-ah. i'm not fucking losing him so i can bag groceries," he says, too honest and too harsh. hoseok only sighs and stands, retreating to his bedroom. yoongi knows it's because no one ever wants to be around him when he's like this. 

at the same time, he can't help but to feel like this. yes, yoongi does care about jeongguk—probably with every fiber in his being at this point—but to walk away from safety and privacy for him is a different story. jeongguk lives a very different life from him; riddled with cameras and expensive clothes and screaming fans. yoongi realizes his frustration is rooted in his fear of change. 

it isn't like jeongguk can walk away from his idol life. yoongi has virtually no other option other than to be around jeongguk in his world—there's the option of staying behind and risking each other, but that's terrifying. jeongguk is young and naive, maybe a little too vulnerable. he's experienced in the ways of being an idol, of being a people pleaser. too obedient sometimes, too compliant to what others want. yoongi knows all this—it has to be him. yoongi has to be the one to walk away from his comfort. 

yoongi has to make the sacrifice.

++

the conversation with jeongguk's staff is a terrible one. his managers get angry—they end up having to discuss the situation with the ceo of the company, because no one can agree on a course of action. at the end of the day, they agreed to let yoongi be around as if he's another one of jeongguk's staff, however granted to see jeongguk whenever he pleases. of course, yoongi has to sign a non-disclosure agreement, but it's a much better accommodation than they were expecting, so yoongi and jeongguk take what they can get. 

it's a little awkward moving into jeongguk's apartment, especially having such a small amount of stuff. jeongguk seems troubled by how little yoongi has, how he only brought two full suitcases to the apartment. for reassurance, yoongi kissed his cheek and told him not to worry too hard. 

they discussed sleeping arrangements. it was the first serious conversation they had privately. it was settled that yoongi would have his own room, for privacy and for his alone time. yoongi finds he prefers sleeping in jeongguk's room anyway. he likes being able to hold jeongguk as he falls asleep, especially because that's the way jeongguk likes it. 

yoongi finds that the traveling around is the most exhausting part. jeongguk consistently has meetings, rehearsals, photoshoots almost everyday. it doesn't help that yoongi is generally a low energy person, so he spends a lot of his time falling asleep at these places, if he can. he always wakes up to jeongguk poking him in the cheek and saying, "did you sleep okay, hyung?" every time it happens, yoongi resists the urge to just kiss him. 

another thing that has yoongi absolutely mesmerized is jeongguk's raw talent. he gets to see it, nearly every day, but especially during his tour rehearsals. the way he moves when he dances makes it seem so effortless, the way his voice is so smooth when he sings. yoongi always sits in the corner of the room and watches him in amazement, admires how everything jeongguk does is perfect. 

they go on in this endless loop without really talking to each other much, apart from lighthearted teasing and conversation they can have around jeongguk's staff. when they get home, they're both always exhausted and jeongguk showers before crawling into bed to sleep. yoongi sometimes stays up a little longer to do some work, because with his whole day filled with jeongguk, he hardly gets the chance to make his own music. 

the two months meld together and pass easily, until it's the night before they're leaving for america and yoongi has a suitcase full of clothes to bring. it's scary—it's terrifying. yoongi has never travelled outside the country before, but he's been too hesitant to tell jeongguk about it. for some reason, it makes him feel guilty. in a way, he feels like a dead weight that jeongguk has to take with him everywhere. 

"hyung?" jeongguk's sleepy voice makes yoongi turn his head towards him, eyebrows raised a little. "why're you awake? we're leaving in a few hours."

yoongi shifts in bed, turning his body to face jeongguk's. he reaches out and hesitantly brushes his hand over jeongguk's bare shoulder, because jeongguk sleeps shirtless since he tends to get hot while he sleeps. "i'm just thinking," yoongi mumbles and shuts his eyes, letting his hand linger for a moment before pulling it away. 

their intimacy levels haven't really increased beyond sleeping in the same bed most nights. sometimes they hold hands during car rides, or sometimes yoongi will give jeongguk a kiss on the forehead after he falls asleep, but there hasn't been any time otherwise. yoongi almost feels like they're living as glorified acquaintances—that's how little he feels he knows about jeongguk. 

"tell me what's wrong."

yoongi laughs tiredly and opens his eyes, looking into jeongguk's dark and concerned ones. "i've never left the country before," he says and jeongguk's gaze softens. yoongi shuts his eyes again when he reaches out to run a thumb over his cheek. the action is comforting, reassuring. safe. "is america scary?"

jeongguk laughs. "not really. it's kind of a shock at first, but you get used to it. we're going to new york first and starting the tour from there."

"i know."

"go to sleep, hyung. i'll be with you the whole time tomorrow," he says and moves his hand from yoongi's cheek. 

yoongi opens his eyes again, blinking slow at jeongguk staring back at him. "um..." he starts to say and jeongguk lifts an eyebrow curiously. yoongi doesn't know how to say this without getting flustered or embarrassed, so he turns his head away to ask, "can you hold me?"

"aw, hyung," jeongguk coos and yoongi hits him lightly on the shoulder, rolling his eyes. "turn over and i'll hold you."

he turns onto his other side and jeongguk puts his arms around him. instantly, his body relaxes and his eyelids droop down tiredly. jeongguk presses his chest to yoongi's back, enveloping him in warmth and safety. yoongi almost immediately drifts into sleep. 

the next day is chaos, especially because jeongguk misplaced his passport, so he and yoongi spend their time pulling their bags apart in search for it. they end up finding it in the depths of jeongguk's suitcase, buried between his clothes. yoongi chides him for being irresponsible, which is accepted by a sheepish bunny smile that yoongi has grown to love. 

in the car to the airport, jeongguk explains how airport photos work. yoongi doesn't pay much attention, a little too busy admiring jeongguk in his airport outfit. when they arrive, yoongi enters first with one of jeongguk's staff members to help him check in. he lingers afterwards, watching the way jeongguk bows a few times and pauses for the photos, before continuing to check in as well. 

it feels weird to be out in public with jeongguk, where people can actually see them. yoongi assumes he probably looks like another one of jeongguk's staff, like he's supposed to, wearing all black and only half paying attention to what's around him with his earbuds in. 

he follows jeongguk into a first class lounge, only a few businessmen scattered around. yoongi stays standing awkwardly when jeongguk sits on a couch, only sitting when he gestures to. "can you relax?" jeongguk asks softly, tugging his mask to rest beneath his chin. yoongi does the same, a small scowl on his face. 

"i'm trying. it's just a lot to get used to," yoongi answers and pulls one earbud out, letting the wire hang from his other ear. "how do you manage all of this? you were so young when you debuted. i can't—i can't imagine doing that, or dealing with all of this."

jeongguk leans his head against the couch, looking up at the high ceiling of the lounge. "my parents were always supportive of my dream of becoming a singer. and i had a lot of supportive sunbaes who helped me through being homesick since i was only thirteen when i became a trainee."

"thirteen?" yoongi widens his eyes. "seriously?"

for some reason, yoongi's surprise makes jeongguk laugh. "it was hard. i was really scared, but i wanted to be able to debut by the time i was sixteen in international age. that was my choice. no one made me, despite what some people say about that," he explains, smoothing his hands along his jeans. "i was really dependent on my managers and staff before i became a legal adult. so the last couple of years have been weird, living alone and trying to figure out how to do things myself."

"you have me," yoongi says suddenly, looking away in embarrassment. "i mean, if you need someone, you have me now."

"thanks hyung," jeongguk says and smiles, leaning close to press a kiss against the shell of yoongi's burning ear. "you have me too."

yoongi nods, cheeks burning too, and settles closer to jeongguk. he presses his earbud into his ear again and shuts his eyes, leaning his head back. after a couple minutes, it slowly slips to rest on jeongguk's shoulder. he doesn't make an effort to move it back. he feels jeongguk touch the hair on his forehead, gently tucking it beneath his beanie. 

roughly three songs later, jeongguk nudges him and pulls one earbud out to say, "we're boarding now."

yoongi nods and sits up, rubbing his eyes a little. he picks up his bag from where he left it near his feet and follows jeongguk to the gate. there's a small crowd of people following, but yoongi feels safe with jeongguk beside him and his staff and security surrounding them. still, he feels some obligation to keep his head low and face out of view. 

once they're settled in their seats, yoongi can feel his anxiety spiking. it isn't his first time on a plane, but it's still his first international flight on a plane this large. he's lucky enough to have jeongguk sitting next to him. jeongguk reaches over and takes yoongi's hand, who offers a nervous smile. "i can feel your anxiety."

yoongi squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, then mumbles, "sorry." he pulls his hand away to rub his eyes, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans. "are we sure all my papers and stuff are right to get into the country?"

"yes, yoongi-hyung. please don't worry about it. i double checked it myself, okay? i promise, it'll be fine," jeongguk says and sits up, taking off his hoodie and drapes it on yoongi's lap. 

yoongi doesn't say anything, not even thank you, just slides his hands into the fabric of the hoodie. he focuses on the softness, the whiffs of jeongguk's cologne lingering on it. he hardly notices when the plane begins to taxi, calming his anxiety simply by feeling through jeongguk's hoodie. when the plane moves faster for takeoff, he grabs onto jeongguk's hand suddenly. 

jeongguk leans over and kisses the side of his head. he drops his shoulders in relaxation, shutting his eyes when the plane finally lifts off the ground. he doesn't know how much time has passed, finally letting go of jeongguk's hand when he hears the seatbelt sign ding off. 

"not so bad, was it?" jeongguk asks, smiling. yoongi only rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, still clutching jeongguk's hoodie. jeongguk sits back against his seat and slides on his headphones, shutting his eyes. yoongi doesn't know if it's intentional, but he leaves his hand awkwardly between them. yoongi plays music for himself and settles into the seat, using jeongguk's hoodie as a blanket. 

he slides his hand into jeongguk's, then shuts his eyes to try and sleep. 

yoongi and jeongguk both end up sleeping through most of the flight. everything passes in a blur for yoongi, from getting through american customs, to baggage claim, to the ride to the hotel. things finally slow down when he and jeongguk are both alone in a hotel room. the first thing he asks is, "are we sharing the whole trip?"

"oh," jeongguk says quietly, setting his backpack on the couch. "they asked me if we wanted to, and i said yes since we share at home anyway. is that... are you mad?"

yoongi shakes his head, then follows it with a shrug. "no reason to get mad. you're right," he says and places his own bag on the left side of the bed. he takes his shoes off and wanders over to the window, looking at the view of the city. it's only sunset in new york, the beginning of the night lights shining back at him. 

jeongguk laughs and joins him, putting one arm around yoongi's shoulders. he shifts closer and leans into jeongguk's chest. "nice, isn't it?" he asks and smiles a little. yoongi nods in agreement. "nothing compared to the view from my apartment in seoul, but i've always found it cool."

"i guess it's cool," yoongi says and takes a deep breath. "sorry. i'm not easily impressed by this stuff. seoul is different, i guess, because korea is home. but this is just america. it's foreign to me."

"understandable."

before he can even register what's happening, jeongguk leans down and presses his lips to yoongi's. it's an easy kiss, lips slotting together slowly as the pressure increases. jeongguk starts to pull away, but yoongi hooks his hand around the back of his neck to kiss him again, a little harder. he's surprised when jeongguk finds a way to puts his tongue into his mouth, but accepts it with his own. 

time feels slow as yoongi kisses jeongguk, moving closer and playing with the hair on the back of his neck. he brings his other hand to join the other, and jeongguk pulls his mouth away. they're both breathing heavily, along with the buzz of the heater in the hotel room. 

"that was new," yoongi comments and jeongguk's cheeks tinge pink. instead of answering, jeongguk places another short kiss to his lips. it's sort of an unspoken understanding between them, saying this is okay now to each other. "who's showering first?"

jeongguk knocks yoongi's beanie off his head, his hair falling down to cover his eyes. "you, since you probably want to wash this hair," he says and brushes it across yoongi's forehead, some strands easily tucked behind his ear. "it's getting long."

"even if i cut it, i'd still have these ugly blue tips."

jeongguk pushes yoongi away, pouting. "fuck you. they are not ugly."

yoongi laughs and steps away to get to his suitcase, dragging it to lie flat on the floor. "never said it looks ugly on you," he says and shrugs, finding clean and comfortable clothes after unzipping his bag. he runs his fingers through his hair a few times, scrunching his nose when he sees the blue tips against his pale fingers. "just on myself."

"nothing ever looks ugly on you," jeongguk says and keeps a straight face for all of three seconds before breaking into a fit of giggles. yoongi rolls his eyes and scoffs, hating how he wants to kiss him all over again. "i'm not kidding, really. you couldn't look bad if you wanted to, hyung."

"whatever." yoongi turns away so he doesn't have to hide his smile with his hand. "you're just saying it because you have to."

jeongguk sighs and yoongi flinches back when he sits in front of him. "i'm not," he says and yoongi looks up at him, nodding slowly. he finds that he believes jeongguk, sitting on his knees a little to kiss him for a couple of seconds. jeongguk grins, curling his hands into yoongi's sides. 

"okay, jeongguk-ah. maybe you're right."

++

it's a few weeks into the tour that a soulmate related incident happens. in the worst possible situation too. they haven't had any complications since yoongi fell sick, since they've been nearly attached by the hip. yoongi feels guilty, like he should have known that something like this was going to happen sooner or later. after all, he's the one with extensive knowledge of soulmates.

yoongi thought he wasn't too far when it happens, but doubts that when he sees it from the his seat in the stadium that jeongguk is performing in. while performing, jeongguk suddenly falls to his knees and clutches his chest, just near his heart. the mic slips from his hands and rolls away. the crowd falls quiet for a few moments, more of a hushed confusion. a couple of the back up dancers approach him, trying to see what's wrong as the music cuts. 

yoongi is frozen in his standing position, his own chest spreading with crippling discomfort. however, he pushes through and presses down over his heart, forcing his legs past the other people in the stands. he weaves his way to backstage, stumbling every so often when there's another pulsating wave of pain spreading through his body. his head pounds and he pushes his way through jeongguk's staff. 

when yoongi is finally close enough, jeongguk is still crouched on stage, the lights dimmed almost completely. it doesn't seem like being close enough is what they need, because the feeling doesn't fade the way it should. there's sweat trickling down the back of yoongi's neck. no one stops him from shakily walking on stage. he hopes he only looks like the figure of another staff member to the sea of fans. yoongi is too caught up in making sure to jeongguk is okay to worry too hard about it. 

slowly, he lowers himself to jeongguk's side. when they make eye contact, his eyes are glossed over and watering. he's sweating from performing, his body is shaking. carefully, yoongi takes out jeongguk's in ears before wrapping one hand around his wrist. the pain dissipates, but doesn't vanish. jeongguk whimpers, "hyung," quietly, just loud enough for yoongi to hear him. 

"get up, jeongguk-ah. you have to get up," yoongi urges and slides his arm around to jeongguk's sweaty back to try and lift him. one of the dancers sees this and joins him. together, they help jeongguk to backstage, where he collapses back to the floor, still shaking. 

yoongi sits in front of him, feeling a little crowded by jeongguk's staff, but he doesn't protest because he knows they're only worried for his safety. he smooths jeongguk's hair back and runs his hands over whatever bare skin he can see. slowly, the trembling stops and then feeling fades. jeongguk looks a little confused, glancing around at everyone. 

"what happened?" he asks. there's still the distant sound of confused fans chattering. "did i pass out? i'm fine—" he begins to stands. 

"slow down," yoongi says quietly, tugging jeongguk to sit back on the floor. someone hands him a water bottle, which he takes and drinks slowly. "just take a few deep breaths. you didn't pass out. it was my fault, i went too far by standing in the crowd tonight."

a look of realization falls over jeongguk's face and he sits up more, turning his head back towards the stage. he sets down the water bottle and takes a few deep breaths, then slowly rises to his feet. yoongi follows, pushing his hair out of his face and watches a couple staff members go up to jeongguk to fix his appearance. 

yoongi lingers behind and take a water bottle that someone offers him, bowing politely. he unscrews it and has a few slow sips, watching jeongguk prepare to go back on stage. he stays standing just out of the crowds view when jeongguk jogs back out, listening to him explain what happened in broken english, the lie rolling off his tongue easily. for some reason, yoongi feels guilty about that too. 

he watches the rest of jeongguk's show from the backstage, finds that his own hands are trembling like crazy. yoongi tries to calm himself down and keeps his distance when jeongguk gets off stage again thirty minutes later. he feels anxious, the feeling pressing into his throat and near suffocating him, but he doesn't say anything. the idea of being a bother to jeongguk or any of his staff holds him back. 

it's only when they're sitting in a car to go back to their hotel that jeongguk notices. he scoots into the middle seat and wraps his arm around yoongi, who relaxes into it. "you know," he mumbles. "you scared the shit out of me. i didn't know what was happening, with you falling like that."

"ah, i'm sorry," jeongguk says back, kissing the side of yoongi's head. "it felt like someone had stabbed in the chest."

yoongi shuts his eyes and weakly laughs. it isn't one of humor, carrying distaste and maybe a little anger. "the universe seems to really want us together," he mutters and slits his eyes open to peer up at jeongguk. 

jeongguk has his eyes shut, so yoongi lets his close again. jeongguk drops his arms when the car starts moving, shifting to click on the seatbelt. yoongi leans into him, putting one hand on jeongguk's thigh and rubbing it with his thumb. he climbs out of the car first when they get to the hotel and doesn't think twice about taking jeongguk's hand. 

just the two of them take the elevator to their floor and yoongi fumbles for the keycard, sliding it into the lock and pushing open the door. when they get inside, jeongguk immediately takes off his shirt and heads into the bathroom. the lock clicks behind him and yoongi takes off his shoes, changing into his pajamas. he draws the curtains and takes out his lyric notepad. 

yoongi slides under the blanket of the bed, leaning against the pillow while twisting his pen in his hand. the sound of the shower turns on and yoongi sighs, tapping the back of the pen against the page. after a couple of minutes, he writes a little mindlessly about his thoughts, not particularly lyrics. he's still writing when jeongguk walks out of the bathroom with a towel tightly around his small waist. yoongi tries not to stare, but it's hard to focus when jeongguk just looks like that. 

he finds himself watching jeongguk look through his suitcase for clothes, water dripping from his hair and bottom lip between his teeth. he turns his back to yoongi, which would be fine if jeongguk didn't have the most attractive back he's ever seen. jeongguk turns again, wearing a pout on his lips. "have you seen my hoodie?"

yoongi snorts. "you're gonna need to be more specific than that."

"the one you like to wear."

the comment makes yoongi flush red in the face, nodding and slides off the bed. he kneels in front of his suitcase, unzipping it. he can hear jeongguk drop his towel to the floor and tug on clothes, swallowing tightly and takes out the hoodie from his messy suitcase. yoongi turns again and throws the hoodie to jeongguk, who catches it with his eyebrows raised. yoongi returns to his spot in bed without a word. 

a few minutes later, after jeongguk has dried his hair, he lies down beside yoongi. "i'm tired," he says and nudges his head against yoongi's thigh. yoongi shifts closer and jeongguk places his head in his lap. yoongi lets his left hand sink into his hair, gently scratching at his scalp as he continues to write with his other hand. "what're you doing?"

"working."

"why haven't you ever showed me your music?"

yoongi shifts his eyes to look at jeongguk, frowning a little bit. "do you want to hear it?” he asks quietly.

jeongguk laughs. "well, yeah," he says. "you're my... you're my yoongi." for some reason, yoongi smiles at that. "of course i'm going to want to listen to it."

"okay," he says and reaches down to the side of the bed for his laptop. he sets the notepad on the nightstand and jeongguk sits up, watching as he types in his password and opens the last thing he was working on. "this is super rough. it isn't for me, it's just an idea i had." he doesn't say that it's for jeongguk, though he hopes the implication is there in his voice. 

he rewinds the track and clicks a few buttons, then raises the volume before pressing play. he watches jeongguk's face as he listens, watching how his eyebrows curve into the space between his eyes, how his bottom lip trembles. yoongi can feel the emotion in his own body, but he can't figure out what exactly it is that jeongguk is feeling. 

"that was..." jeongguk trails off and licks his lips, patting around his eyes with his sleeve. "i've never heard anything like it. but—but i want to hear something you wrote for yourself."

yoongi nods and tilts the screen away to open his soundcloud page. he's still so protective over his music, so careful about who he shares it with. even though jeongguk is his soulmate, he's still hesitant about telling him his rapper name. he scrolls past the most recent uploads, the ones from after he met jeongguk, and plays something from a year ago. 

there's surprise on jeongguk's face when the music starts, and even more taken aback look when yoongi starts to rap. "wait, wait. pause it?" he asks and yoongi hits pause, still confused. "this is you?"

"um... yes, that's me. i wrote the song and produced it and—"

"my hyung who helps write my songs showed this to me a while ago. i ended up really liking it—"

"what," is all yoongi says. "how do i even react to that?"

jeongguk laughs and leans close, brushing his lips over yoongi's for a moment. "you're gloss," he whispers. 

yoongi sighs a little dramatically, but there's a still a smile on his face. "so much for hiding my rapper name," he mumbles, moving closer to kiss jeongguk properly. the laptop is pushed aside and jeongguk pulls him closer, hands resting on his waist. yoongi gets a little caught up in the moment, climbing into jeongguk's lap to kiss him harder. 

jeongguk opens his mouth little wider for yoongi, and he jerks back suddenly when the tiniest moan falls from jeongguk's mouth. he looks embarrassed, lips red and spit covered, tilting his chin away. yoongi tilts it back and kisses him again, pressing his chest against jeongguk's to push him onto his back. jeongguk lands with a grunt, lips not parting as yoongi shifts his legs for comfort. "hyung," jeongguk says into yoongi's mouth. 

"jeongguk-ah," he says back, pulling away slightly, blinking hazily at jeongguk's swelling lips. it takes a couple seconds for him to realize what position they're in, starting to sit up. "fuck, i'm—"

"no."

yoongi stops, letting jeongguk tug him back into place. "okay," he says slowly. 

jeongguk buries his face in yoongi's neck, warm hands sliding beneath yoongi's shirt. he mumbles something into it, his warm breath and burning lips grazing yoongi's skin. yoongi makes him lift his head, rubbing his cheek with his thumb. "i couldn't hear you," he says. 

jeongguk bites his lip and averts his eyes, mumbling, "would you want to be my boyfriend?"

it's like yoongi stops breathing. he brings both hands to cup jeongguk's face and nods, kissing him slowly again. "yeah," he says quietly against his lips. "i really want to be your boyfriend."

++

the dynamic between yoongi and jeongguk hardly changes. there's just a little more flexibility in behavior—sometimes jeongguk will kiss him for longer when they wake up in the morning, sometimes yoongi will voluntarily give him a hug or a cheek kiss before going on stage. it's nothing that anyone else could notice except for yoongi and jeongguk, although yoongi still gets dirty looks from jeongguk's managers. 

there's something strengthened in their bond. when jeongguk is on stage, reveling in the love from his fans, yoongi can feel that pure happiness in his own chest. one night, it nearly brings him to tears, but he calms down before jeongguk could notice. which proves useless, because later jeongguk asks him about it, saying he could feel that yoongi was feeling emotional too. 

it's a warm afternoon. yoongi thinks they're in california today, but he can never be too sure since they're moving around so often. jeongguk is a few feet away, getting his makeup touch ups done for a photoshoot outside. yoongi is distracted by something on his phone, when he feels his chest suddenly constrict. his eyes snap up and scan for jeongguk. 

jeongguk looks scared. one of his managers is standing beside him, speaking in a loud enough and angered tone that even yoongi can hear him. the manager raises his hand suddenly, and when jeongguk flinches, yoongi immediately knows there's history behind that action. without really thinking, he moves forward while shoving his phone into his pocket, and gets between them. 

"leave," he says flatly to the manager. yoongi can't remember his name. 

the manager rolls his eyes. "yoongi-ssi—"

"no," yoongi says, same toneless voice. "i said leave."

jeongguk touches his shoulder, making him glance back for a moment. he still looks terrified, eyes a little wide and eyebrows raised. "yoongi-hyung," he says timidly.

yoongi looks back to the manager, grinds his teeth together and clenches his fists. somehow, this expression does something to the manager and he swiftly turns on his heel to walk away. he relaxes once he's gone, turning around to face jeongguk. the noona doing his makeup is working silently, her fingers gently patting his cheekbone with highlighter. jeongguk has his eyes shut and now wears a blank expression. 

"do they do that often?"

jeongguk shifts in the chair, his elbows sitting on the arm rests. he keeps his eyes shut, and doesn't answer. instead, the makeup noona speaks up and says, "it was more when he was younger."

jeongguk's eyes flutter open to look at her, and yoongi joins him in giving her a curious look. the makeup noona quiets down, letting her hand hover over jeongguk's face before she drops it and tries to busy herself with the makeup. "sorry," she says quickly. "i shouldn't have said anything."

"i'm glad you did," yoongi says and looks back to jeongguk, examining his guilty expression. "can you give us a couple of minutes alone?"

the makeup noona nods and bows her head before stepping out of earshot. 

“you didn’t have to do that,” jeongguk says, lifting his chin to look back at yoongi. 

yoongi huffs, saying, “you fucking flinched when he raised his hand at you.” jeongguk’s eyes fall down and he drops his chin again, rubbing his hands together. “jeongguk-ah, does your staff hit you?” jeongguk doesn’t respond, sliding his hands across his thighs and taps his fingers against his knees. “do they?” he repeats.

“no,” jeongguk says and and looks back at yoongi again. he has watery eyes and he sniffles a little, exhaling slowly. “not since i became a legal adult.”

yoongi lets his own expression fall, maybe feels his heart break a little in his chest. he finds jeongguk’s hand, lifting it to kiss his knuckles, then holds it between both his palms. he searches for the right words to say, but can’t come up with anything that could possibly be sufficient. gently, he uses one thumb to wipe the couple of tears that have fallen down jeongguk’s face. “i wish you told me,” yoongi finally says.

jeongguk wipes his nose with the hand yoongi isn’t holding before replying, “we haven’t talked about stuff like that.”

“i know,” yoongi says and sighs, furrowing his eyebrows a little. “i’m not—i don’t usually like to. but, this is something important and that has probably effected you more than you think. so, i think we should talk about it.”

“okay,” he says. “but later, okay? when we get back to the hotel.”

yoongi nods. “obviously,” he mutters and lets go of his head, gesturing the makeup noona back over. he lingers near jeongguk as she finishes up his makeup and even while he gets his photos taken. instead of drooling over his boyfriend, yoongi finds he’s more on high alert of jeongguk’s staff members. he takes out his phone after finding a quiet space, opening google to see if he could find any information about what he saw.

he doesn’t get very far, because the manager who was threatening jeongguk, finds him sitting alone. “you had no right to wedge your way between jeongguk-ssi and his work,” he says and crosses his arms.

yoongi raises his eyes to look at him, locking his phone and sliding it into his pocket. he really isn’t in the mood to deal with this man. “honestly?” he asks, pausing briefly for effect. “i feel like i did have a right in that moment. did you even notice how he reacted to you raising your hand? maybe it was just for verbal emphasis, but i could feel how terrified it made him. so don’t tell me what i do and don’t have a right to, especially when it comes to his well-being.”

the manager rolls his eyes, similar to how he did earlier—dismissive of yoongi, and of who he is to jeongguk. “who cares?” he asks. “sometimes jeongguk doesn’t listen and—“

yoongi finds himself standing defensively, scoffing in disbelief. “and that makes it okay, right?” he asks, maybe raising his voice a little louder than he intends to. “for the record, i fucking care. more than you do, at the bottom line. get out of my face and don't you dare touch jeongguk-ah.” he gives the manager a hard shoulder shove as he walks away, returning to where jeongguk is. 

jeongguk gives him a quizzical look that yoongi brushes off, drinking water to calm his nerves. an hour passes with yoongi obsessively drinking water and watching jeongguk’s staff closely, near wary of any person that goes near him. yoongi know he’s being paranoid and he can tell that it’s bothering jeongguk too, but it’s almost like he can’t control himself. 

they ride back to the hotel in silence, jeongguk wearing his earbuds and pretending to be asleep for the short drive. yoongi gets out of the car and shoves his hands in his pockets, walking into the hotel lobby with jeongguk on his tail. he presses impatiently at the elevator buttons, scanning the lobby suspiciously of anyone who could recognize jeongguk. he steps on the elevator when it finally arrives, pressing the floor number their room is on. the elevator is fast, getting them to the floor in nearly ten seconds. they walk down the hallway side by side, yoongi clearly radiating some kind of anger. 

when they’re finally in the privacy of their room, yoongi sits on the edge of the bed and covers his face with one hand. he can’t help it, he starts to cry quietly. he tries to hold back, but it’s like opening the floodgates. the tears just keep falling and falling and he can feel jeongguk sitting hesitantly beside him. yoongi turns his head away, almost ashamed of crying this much over something that didn’t even happen to him.

“yoongi-hyung,” jeongguk says softly, and yoongi bites on his thumb to stop himself for crying harder. “can you look at me please?”

the desperation in jeongguk’s voice makes him turn around, staring at him through his bleary eyes. “i hate it, jeongguk-ah,” he says, voice cracking at the end of his sentence and he sounds miserable. “i hate that you had to go through something like that.”

jeongguk sniffles a little. his eyes are glossy again, and yoongi wonders if jeongguk ever cries about these things when he’s alone. “is that why you’re crying?” he asks slowly and yoongi just nods, wiping at his cheeks with his sleeve. “you don’t have to cry about this, yoongi-hyung.”

yoongi laughs and puts his hands in his lap, sniffling to stop his runny nose. “i can’t help it,” he says. “you didn’t deserve that, you don’t deserve that. fuck, jeongguk-ah, i know you really wanted to be a singer, but what the hell did it cost you? your safety? your health? your—your childhood? you were thirteen, for fuck’s sake. only sixteen when you debuted.”

“hyung, please,” jeongguk whimpers and yoongi notices wetness dripping from his chin. immediately, he wipes jeongguk’s cheeks with his sleeve and moves closer, holding him. “it cost me all of those things, but there were also people who cared about me along the way. my hyungs when i was a trainee, the sunbaenims who are also under my company. i wasn’t alone, i wasn’t the only one experiencing it.”

yoongi presses his forehead to jeongguk’s, wiping his cheeks again when more tears fall. at this point, they’re both just crying messes sitting in each other’s arms. “it just makes me so angry, jeongguk-ah,” yoongi says, looking into jeongguk’s eyes, brown and watery and full of sorrow. “you were just a kid.”

“i know. now that i’m older and i can understand things a little more, it makes me angry too. i get angry that i was stupid enough to let them do that shit to me. that—that i was naive and let them take advantage of me being young, pushing me to work so hard when i was just a kid, like you said,” jeongguk cries and yoongi pulls him closer, tighter, cradling him because he deserves it. he deserves to be loved and cared for, deserves the entire universe. “i know i didn’t deserve it, but it still happened and i can’t change that now.”

yoongi moves jeongguk’s legs to settle between his thighs, carding his fingers through his hair gently. it’s an act that’s so careful, so intentional. yoongi hopes that jeongguk can feel the affection through it. “thank you,” jeongguk says, his voice a little thick with pain, but it’s genuine. “thank you, i’ve never been able to talk to anyone properly about this.”

“i’m here, okay?” yoongi says and kisses the side of his head. “i’m always here, and i always will be here. literally right next to you.”

jeongguk nods and pulls away, rubbing his eyes for a moment. “can we, um, cuddle?”

yoongi laughs and slides off the bed, peeling off his socks. “sure,” he says and looks at the snotty sleeve of his shirt, not hesitating to pull it over his head and throw it into his laundry pile. “stop staring at me,” he says without turning around, looking through his suitcase for a clean shirt.

“how did you—“

“because i’m your insanely hot boyfriend,” yoongi answers with a shrug, turning around to throw a god awful wink in jeongguk’s direction. “how could you not stare?”

jeongguk’s lips curve into a smile that lets his bunny teeth peek out slightly. “wow,” he says, drawing out the syllable of the word. “how conceited of you, yoongi-hyung.”

yoongi only shrugs and picks up a t-shirt he stole from jeongguk’s suitcase a week ago, pulling it over his head and slides his arms in. he pushes off his jeans after, replacing them with a pair of basketball shorts. quietly, jeongguk says, “i don’t think i’ve ever seen your legs. for some reason, they look even skinnier then when you’re wearing jeans.”

“hey! what the hell?” yoongi asks and hits his shoulder lightly with the back of his hand, laughing. jeongguk laughs too, teasingly smiling as he holds onto yoongi’s shirt. “not all of us have legs like yours, so excuse me for having skinny legs.”

jeongguk lets go of yoongi’s shirt and stands, undoing the buckle of his belt. for once, yoongi watches him slide it off and push his jeans down his legs. “oh my god,” yoongi mutters at the sight of his legs, thighs just as perfect while bare as they are when clothed. he finally shifts his gaze away when jeongguk reaches to take off his shirt, knowing if he looked any longer, the sight would kickstart arousal in him. he looks back when he knows jeongguk is fully dressed. it’s an outfit similar to yoongi’s, only he’s wearing a hoodie instead of a t-shirt. 

suddenly, jeongguk lifts yoongi off the ground. “what are you doing,” yoongi asks tonelessly, the question answered when jeongguk tosses him onto the bed. he lands with a groan, rolling his eyes. it isn’t the first time jeongguk has done this, and at this point, yoongi feels he should be used to it. 

jeongguk climbs into bed beside him, arms enveloping yoongi as their chests press together, cheek resting on the pillow. jeongguk slides his leg between yoongi’s and they settle into the strangely comfortable position. yoongi mindlessly runs his hands down jeongguk’s back, over his butt and stills over the back of his thighs. a little more consciously, he slides his hands beneath the loose fabric of his shorts, brushing his fingertips along his skin. jeongguk shivers and shifts at the touch.

intrigued, yoongi slides his hands up further up and past the edge of his briefs. he stifles his laugh at jeongguk’s reaction, the way he shifts again and scrunches up his nose. yoongi gently digs his fingers into his ass, feeling it out between his fingers and palms. jeongguk kicks him in the shin, and yoongi hisses before kicking him back. “are you done groping me?” he asks and yoongi doesn’t hold back his laugh this time.

“don’t know,” he says a little more seriously, sliding his hands back down to squeeze his thighs once more. “you have a lot of strong muscles here, jeongguk-ah.”

“enough,” jeongguk mutters with a scoff, then followed be a hiccup. yoongi removes his hands and places them on the small of jeongguk’s back, leaning close to place a kiss on his nose. “you are ridiculous.”

yoongi remains to feign his innocence, looking up at jeongguk. “how so?”

jeongguk laughs and puts his palm over yoongi’s face, pushing him away. “you touch me like that, and then you kiss me on the nose like it’s nothing,” he mutters and pouts a little, bottom lip jutting out. 

instead of responding to the statement, yoongi says, “i’m hungry.” jeongguk perks up at the mention of food. “can we like, order food or something? are we allowed to do that?”

“who would be stopping us, exactly?” jeongguk asks as he sits up, dragging over his jeans from the edge of the bed. he takes out his phone from the pocket and types into it. yoongi watches, lying on his back now, rubbing his foot along his left leg. “anything in particular, or just korean food?”

“korean food,” yoongi answers easily. “we are nothing without korean food.”

jeongguk shoots him a look, one eyebrow raised. “we’d still be korean.”

yoongi furrows his eyebrows and stills the movement of his foot. “what kind of korean doesn’t like korean food?” he asks and jeongguk nods, muttering good point as he returns to looking at his phone. yoongi sits up and leans over his shoulder, watching him scroll through restaurants. “just pick a place with good reviews. that way we can just argue over what to order instead of where to eat from.”

“or…” jeongguk trails off, slowing his thumbs and scrolls back up to pick a restaurant. “we order from this place that only has lamb skewers, so we don’t have to argue at all.” he turns his head to look at yoongi and smiles brightly, like he’s had the best idea in the world.

yoongi resists the urge to genuinely coo at him, or praise him for his idea, but doesn’t upon realizing that he’s so insanely in love with jeon jeongguk. he doesn’t know if jeongguk can feel it too, this fuzzy feeling spreading all throughout his body and leaving his skin with an unknown tingle. it leaves yoongi a little dumbfounded and dizzy, wondering when it happened or if he’s always been in love with jeongguk. instead, he presses a kiss to the side of jeongguk’s head and says, “sounds fine.”

++

yoongi thinks he’s a little unlucky. he should have awards for how unlucky he is. it isn’t even that he’s unlucky, but there have been too many situations he’s been in where his luck plays into his course of action. this being one of those situations—he’s caught between the restroom door and a jeon jeongguk fangirl, who is staring up at him with wide eyes and blocking his path down the hallway. “excuse me,” he tries to say, and attempts to move around her.

“you’re the guy who helped jeongguk on stage a few weeks ago,” she says and yoongi slows his actions. he’s lucky enough he knows how to understand english, but he doesn’t have a clue on how to respond. “you went viral on twitter for it, and for being super pretty.”

yoongi furrows his eyebrows and opens his mouth for a moment, then shuts it because he has no idea what to even say. he licks his lips, feels his heart race a little faster. the language barrier hasn’t been a problem, especially with jeongguk being semi-fluent in english and a couple people on his staff serving as translators. until now, yoongi hasn’t felt the need to try and speak english. he only manages to say, “uh…” quietly, before the fangirl realizes her mistake. 

the way she seamlessly switches to korean is shocking. she repeats her statements, to which yoongi just says, “can i please get past you?”

she seems displeased, but finally moves out of the path. yoongi walks down the hallway and glances over his shoulder, then shakes his head to himself. he’ll probably end up telling jeongguk about his weird encounter. he thinks that jeongguk’s fans are generally very nice people, which probably has something to do with how nice of a person jeongguk himself is. hidden beneath the initial shyness, jeongguk is very kind and caring, even though he shows it in the weirdest ways. 

yoongi pushes open the door to jeongguk's dressing room, finding the man himself eating ramen on the couch. he drops to sit beside him, nudging his arm with his elbow. "give some to hyung too," he says. 

jeongguk doesn't hesitate, gathering the noodles with his chopsticks and feeding them into yoongi's mouth. yoongi licks his lips and chews on the food, watching jeongguk continue to eat with a cute scowl on his face. "i ran into a fan earlier," yoongi says once he's finished his bite. "apparently i went viral on twitter just for being pretty."

"you did," jeongguk says with a nod, mouth full of ramen. yoongi scrunches up his nose at him speaking with food in his mouth, looking away to let him finish first. "it was super brief. they forgot about you immediately. sorry."

yoongi shrugs. "they're your fans, not mine," he says, leaning back against the couch. 

jeongguk finishes eating, setting the empty plastic bowl onto the table in front of them. "there's something i want to ask you," he says and turns his body to face yoongi, playing with his own fingers. "it's about tonight."

"tonight?"

"the concert," jeongguk clarifies. yoongi nods and gestures for him to continue, a little unsure of where the conversation is going. "i want you to play the piano during breathe for me tonight. it's our last show, and—i want you up there with me, even for a second. you don't have to say yes."

yoongi blinks at him, trying to wrap his head around the request. "i—"

"but you're not allowed to say no if your excuse is you don't know it, because i've heard you play it perfectly on your keyboard at home."

a nervous laugh finds its way to yoongi's mouth. "jeongguk-ah, that's a big thing you're asking," he says slowly, putting his hand on jeongguk's knee. "you're asking me to go on stage in front of thousands of people with you. and to play the piano, one of the things i'm most insecure about."

jeongguk pouts and says, "i said you don't have to say yes. i would just really, really like for you to say yes." he puts his hand over yoongi's, then exaggerates his pout more. "please, yoongi-hyung. it would mean everything to me."

yoongi lets silence fill the air and his mind swarm with paranoia and thoughts of how things could go wrong. he also considers jeongguk, his love for the man sitting in front of him. surely he can shove down his anxiety just this once. for jeongguk, he thinks. "fine," he says quietly. "but i want to practice."

"thank you," jeongguk says and throws his arms around yoongi in a crushing hug. yoongi lets him, gently patting the small of his back before he pulls away. "come, i think it's still empty. there should be enough time for you to play it through at least once." 

he stands and pulls yoongi up, then calls over a staff member to accompany them to the stage. yoongi walks beside jeongguk, hands in the pockets of his jacket. he glances around the empty stadium before sitting on the piano bench. he presses a key, listening to it echo back at him. "sing for me?" yoongi asks as he pushes up his sleeves and settles his fingers on the piano. 

jeongguk nods and yoongi takes deep breath, rolling his shoulders back before starting to play. "breathe" isn't originally a slow song, but yoongi loves that jeongguk always performs it as one. it makes the lyrics all the more meaningful, more powerful. it's a song about hardship, about fear, about anxiety—about feeling suffocated. yoongi resonated with it the first time he heard it, has almost cried over hearing jeongguk sing it almost every night. 

even now, yoongi has to keep it in. jeongguk's voice is soft right now, rather than the strong voice he will use during the concert. it has yoongi's insides churning, his head spinning a little. he focuses on jeongguk's voice, the inflections, the seamless note changes as he plays the song. his hands slip into his lap when it's over. there's sweat matted along his hairline, some trickling down the back of his neck. 

"i want to be in the dark," yoongi says and looks up at jeongguk standing a few feet away. "i don't want anyone to see me."

jeongguk nods and softens his expression. a big, wide smile appears on his face. "sure," he says. "i can do that for you."

the staff member they brought with them tells them they have to go now because doors open soon, so they leave the stage and return to the dressing room. yoongi makes himself a bowl of ramen while jeongguk gets his makeup done, watching him as he eats. when he finishes, yoongi finds his lyric notepad in his bag and scribbles down some ideas he has before he forgets. 

when seven-thirty rolls around, jeongguk goes on stage. "breathe" is in the middle of the setlist, so yoongi has time to mentally prepare himself. he spends the first few songs calmly watching jeongguk sing and dance, and it isn't until a couple songs before "breathe" that he starts feeling more nervous. yoongi is seriously regretting not having his anxiety medication on him. 

one of the tech staff gives him jeongguk's spare in ears, making sure he's all set before going on stage. yoongi chugs a bottle of water while jeongguk talks about the song, about how he participated in the composition and writing of it. then, it's time. yoongi feels like he's floating, his legs feel like they'll collapse beneath him. he forces himself to walk without looking at the crowd and sit at the piano. 

in his ear, he hears the countdown cue for the music. yoongi puts his hands on the piano, his heartbeat the loudest thing he can hear. the timer ends and yoongi starts to play. he keeps his composure, his upright posture. he presses the pedals in the right places, makes sure to keep to the tempo of this version of the song. it isn't until near the end of the song that yoongi looks up at jeongguk. 

jeongguk is singing. it's beautiful and effortless, his voice pressing into yoongi's eardrums through the in ears. he walks to yoongi and slides into the bench beside him. yoongi can't help but smile and feel like it's just the two of them with no one watching. they're still sitting in the darkness, though yoongi imagines people can still see their figures sitting side by side. 

when the song finishes, yoongi places a shaky hand on jeongguk's wrist to push his mic out of the way. he's sweating, he looks beautiful and in his element. his eyes are sparkling with something—with joy. yoongi frowns a little and leans close after taking out one of jeongguk's in ears. "i love you," he says. 

jeongguk stares at him with wide eyes. he pulls out one of yoongi's in ears. yoongi is immediately met by the crowd cheering, but he still hears jeongguk say, "i love you too."

i could kiss him right now, yoongi thinks. he doesn't.

but jeongguk does. he puts one hand under yoongi's chin and kisses him, slow and careful and special. yoongi kisses him back for a second, relishing in the moment, in that jeongguk feels the same way about him. he pushes jeongguk back and knows he must look confused, because jeongguk gestures up to the lights. 

yoongi lifts his eyes to see darkness and nods, exhaling shakily. he slides off of the bench, giving jeongguk's hand a final squeeze before exiting the way he came. jeongguk's managers give him an unamused look, probably for the kiss, but yoongi is high on love and adrenaline, so he can hardly care. the tech staff removes the in ears and yoongi drinks another water bottle while he watches jeongguk finish the show. 

"where's yoongi?" is the first thing jeongguk says when he gets off stage, drenched in sweat and glistening with it. 

yoongi steps forward and jeongguk crushes him in a hug. "thank you," he's saying. "i love you, thank you."

"i love you too," yoongi says back and pulls away to let the staff take care of him. 

jeongguk's managers do get upset at him for being reckless, but with yoongi nearby they don't try to threaten or punish him. yoongi is glad to have that effect on them, because he seriously doesn't like any of the three men. jeongguk himself has expressed that he doesn't either, but there's only so much the company will allow him to do. 

the staff and tour crew end up having a big party at the hotel, with drinks and food. jeongguk indulges in the dessert and the alcohol, and yoongi lets him because he looks so happy. out of paranoia, he doesn't have more than a few beers, but he's beyond happy too. jeongguk loves him. there isn't a better reason to be happy. 

it's nearly one am when yoongi is helping a very drunk jeongguk to bed. it's a struggle, getting him changed into his pajamas while he's trying to kiss yoongi. "stop it," he mutters and presses his hand against jeongguk's puckered lips. "can you get dressed and i'll kiss you after, okay?"

jeongguk nods eagerly at that, and yoongi laughs as he watches him finish getting dressed. yoongi gives him a short kiss on the lips and says, "you can get more if you brush your teeth?"

"i know you're bribing me, but it's working, so whatever," jeongguk says as he trudges into the bathroom, yoongi behind him to also brush his teeth. he ends up having to do some of the brushing for jeongguk, helping him rinse out his mouth after. 

"you're like a big baby," he mumbles as he supports jeongguk to bed, tucking him in gently. 

jeongguk mumbles something and yoongi just laughs, changing into his own pajamas. he climbs into bed beside jeongguk, wrapping one arm around his torso to hold him. he kisses his ear and mumbles, "i'm really proud of you, jeongguk-ah."

"love you, hyung," jeongguk mumbles before he falls asleep. 

yoongi smiles. "i love you too."