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It was an honour just to see the Tsaritsa. Ajax was sure there would be members of the Fatui that would kill to be in his place, that would kill him to be in his place.
The Tsaritsa sits on her throne, ankles crossed and head bowed, as Ajax approaches her. She bats her eyes to focus on him, small crystals of ice clinging to her lashes. The harbinger puts one knee on the seat next to her thigh, and a hand on the back of the throne near her head. No words are exchanged yet as he leans his face down, feeling her cold breath on his skin as he hovers nearer. The Tsaritsa hums at him, and he gives her one in return. A gentle, ice cold palm presses to his cheek and he doesn’t flinch as frost begins to spread from the contact. The Tsaritsa smiles sadly.
“You’re loyal to a fault, Tartaglia.”
“Because I love you.”
This isn’t the first time they’ve had this conversation, nor will it be the last.
Her hand trails down to his collarbones, fingertips tracing their outline, thin lines of ice following in the wake of her touch. Ajax does nothing to stop it. Even as she tests him by oh so lightly wrapping her hand around his throat. With a sigh, she falls back against her throne, relaxed. Only with him could she ever do this. Only with him could she give such an illusion of being carefree. They both know he would never hurt her. They both know he can’t hurt her. They both know she could kill him in an instant if he tried.
But he never does.
His hands reach for her face, and she guides them to it, then lets her hands fall to her lap.
“I want to marry you.” They say in unison. Ajax flushes, and the Tsaritsa smiles again.
She takes one of his hands in both of hers and sets it on her chest.
“You look at me with such a rosy stare, I can’t help but remember every word you say with such a look. Such childish admiration, Tartaglia… You’re so young…”
Ajax swallows hard and ignores the itching cold on his skin. “All I’ve felt for you has been love and admiration, my Tsartisa.”
My Tsaritsa.
“I’m not the scared little boy I once was. I won’t cry and cling to you as a shield. Let me be your shield.”
“You do so much already. Please, be more selfish.”
“Say you love me, too.”
Ajax’s honesty always meant so much, but scared her. She couldn’t help but feel as if he was never allowed to grow as he should’ve. Each cry from the abyss, each prayer throughout his training, each heart wrenching plea he made to her… She knows more about him than his own family could ever know. More than he’ll ever say to anyone. His honesty scares her because he is not the kind to be so honest.
Ajax is a smart warrior. He knows not to let his emotions show more than what’s on the surface. Being truthful only leads to weakness. He could not be weak in his work.
That being said, he also didn’t lie about his feelings. Each word is truthful, but not the truth.
Only she was privy to such details.
His arms wrap around her suddenly, and his face pushes into her neck. She tenses at first, but she knows better, allowing herself to relax and run her fingers through his hair. She scratches his scalp gently and he sighs against her skin.
His breath is hot.
“For half of my life, I’ve loved you.”
“I know.”
“My one wish is for you to be mine.”
“I know.”
“My Tsaritsa.”
“My Tartaglia.”
Another stalemate.
They linger for a moment, entangled emotionally and physically, until the harbinger reluctantly pulls away. He brushes ice from his skin and clothes, fixes his hair, wipes his eyes. The Tsaritsa smiles still. With a deep breath, Ajax returns the smile. It’s one she knows is only for show. He wears it well around others. His hands intertwined behind his head and he sighs dramatically. Playing off disappointment. Feigning resignation.
“Well, it was worth a shot! My next mission is to Liyue, yeah?” She nods at him, and he bows. “I won’t let you down.”
“I know.”
His smile falters for a blink as he spins on his heel, approaching the doors to the throne room with heavy steps. No doubt ready to blow off steam by sparring with his peers. He opens one and pauses before looking over his shoulder to her. She blows him a kiss with a giggle. The smile he shows in return looks better than the one from before. She likes his honest smiles more.
The door closes behind him with a lonely thud .
“I love you.”