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1. The couch in the eighth year common room.
Oh, for Merlin’s sake, Draco, that’s not even weird! Couches are meant to be slept on! Everyone fell asleep on that couch!
It’s called a common room for a reason, Harry. It’s rude, first of all, and second—it’s gross! Do you know how many people have shagged on that couch? I can name at least ten right now!
2. My bed in the eighth year dorm.
My nightmares—
And don’t blame this one on your nightmares—
Fine. You got me, I admit it. I had a giant, embarrassing crush on you.
I knew it.
3. The floor of my mother’s drawing room.
In my defense, your mum’s way too liberal with the mulled wine at the holidays, and that hearth rug is unnaturally comfortable.
You’re not a crup, Harry. I’ll allow the couch before the floor. Honestly.
4. On my stoop.
Our stoop, thanks, and you locked me out! What else was I supposed to do?! Though, that welcome mat is almost more comfortable than your mum’s hearth rug, maybe I should…
Don’t you dare. I had to teach you a lesson about what happens to naughty boys who don’t listen.
I can think of a few other lessons I might need teaching.
Harry!
5. In Scorpius’s crib.
That was one time, and neither of us had slept for more than two hours at a time for weeks! I just thought maybe he’d stop crying. I was right, by the way.
You couldn’t have been comfortable. I don’t even know how you got yourself in there, you massive oaf.
I have some news that may come as a shock, Draco. I’m a wizard.
I will lock you out again, Merlin help me…
6. In the front row at Elphias Doge’s funeral.
Oh, come on, even you were stifling a yawn every five minutes! I don’t care if the man was a war hero, he was older than dirt and just as dull! We were the only guests there under 100!
It was horribly gauche, Harry, and they ran that photo in The Prophet for weeks! Shame on you, you atrocious man. Stop laughing.
7. The honeymoon suite at the Ritz Paris.
What? I never—
Portkey leaves first thing in the morning.
…What?
You’ve been working so hard, we deserve a break. Molly’s going to watch Scorp.
But, Harry—
No buts. I’ve already confirmed it with your boss. We’ve got a whole week to drink wine and eat bread and do this, mmmf—
—hmff, wait, no, Harry. We can’t stay in the honeymoon suite, we’ve been married for seven years!
Oh okay, I’ll owl them right now and ask for a downgrade.
Now that I think about it…
Mmhm. C’mere. I’m feeling sleepy…