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In this lifetime, their encounter was like a dream.
For it was love at first sight for Ryuunosuke Naruhodou.
Growing up, he’d tell you that he’s never really thought about where or how he’d like to fall in love.
Perhaps on a breezy summer day, where the winds bring with it newfound promises and laughter.
He’s thought about it in passing, how he would simply be in awe over the stranger who passes by, leaving footprints in the sands next to him, as the waves leave behind glimmering white foams that remind him of a lover’s longing.
Or even on a random weekday, while he’s taking the bus home from his classes and the streetlights shine with fuzzy halos as he struggles to stay awake.
He’s thought about it once, that perhaps there would be a stranger so beautiful that they would catch his eyes. Perhaps they’d alight from the bus, and Ryuunosuke would admire them from afar, with energized eyes and a hue of pink on his cheeks.
Or maybe it will be on a day when the flurries of winter are too much to handle, and he ducks into a familiar café to regain some sense of warmth lost to the wiles of Boreas, the bringer of the north winds.
He’s had some ideas on how it might happen. How fascinating it would be if it was someone in line, or if it would have been someone behind the counter. Perhaps they’d have the same hot chocolate order. Ryuunosuke would take a sip, and he’d wonder if the stranger would think the same thing: that today’s hot chocolate was particularly sweeter than usual.
It just never crossed his mind that it would be at his part time job at the flower shop, where his heart was still warm, blooming full of adoration and fondness after an old man who came in and asked for a bouquet for his fiftieth anniversary.
“...And then she said she’d marry me only if I let her get a cat! Can you believe that?!” He huffed.
“A cat?”
“Yes, well,” The old man strokes his beard. “She adores ‘em. Loves those little furballs.”
He then shakes his head.
“As for me, well... I don't trust ‘em. Too shady for my tastes.”
“I... I see...” He laughs choppily.
“But, you know... I caved and we got one.” He nods to himself. “A small orange tabby... We called it Genji. I’d never have admitted it then, but I got attached to the little thing rather quickly.”
When the old man left – Satou-san was his name, if he recalled correctly – Ryuunosuke, for the thirteenth time this week, considered if he really should get a cat.
He’d love one, that’s for sure... But he’s not sure his family would agree.
Nor would the stray cat that he feeds daily.
He goes to the back to fetch some more flowers for the display, but then hears the doorbell ring and footsteps approach.
“Apologies, I’ll be right there!”
He brings the flowers to the front and brings out his best smile to greet the new customer.
“Welcome! How can I help—”
But before he could even finish the sentence, it’s an unfamiliar feeling in his chest, and rather the complete opposite of anxiety.
It’s a feeling that places him on the other end of what it feels like to fall. It's somehow familiar, but where could he...?
Yes, actually. He’s read, heard, and thought about what it might feel like.
But how would he know that his fantasies would pale in comparison to the real thing?
“Oh, I...”
The man speaks, but stops in his tracks.
“I don’t suppose you have any osmanthus? As well as red and pink camellias?”
Ryuunosuke hears his query. He really does.
But he’s still lost in the clouds of a newfound adoration that’s left his shell of a body in the mortal realm.
“...”
“Hello?”
“I—Uh, yes! Yes, we do! Red and pink osmanthus!”
He realises his mistake a little bit too late, and he feels his cheeks flush pink as he apologises quickly and repeats the man’s order.
“So, uh... Just osmanthus and red and pink camellias?”
But the other man smiles, and he lets out a brief laughter that feels like the warmth of the first ray of sunlight come dawn.
It’s a laughter that makes him forget about the sky.
And when Ryuunosuke places the bouquet on the counter, he does so with extra care.
It reminiscent of his first day on the job. Though, instead of feeling anxiety over accidentally dropping it and ruining it, it’s something else entirely that he just does not have the name for.
That being said, unwanted thoughts did cross his mind.
Did he screw up the flower arrangement? Did he forget the osmanthus? Is the ribbon even on the wrapping? Did he—
His train of thoughts come to a halt when he feels a warm presence over his hand.
“Oh! I’m—I’m so sorry.”
Ryuunosuke immediately apologises and takes his hand away, and the other man follows suit.
Though Ryuunosuke dares not to admit that part of his apology is reserved for the yearning that he feels when their hands parted from one other.
He bids the customer farewell once their transaction finishes.
But his heart, truly, it begs to differ.
”What’s your name?” springs to his mind.
But he purses his lips and holds his tongue.
Or so he thinks.
“...My name is Asougi Kazuma.”
He smiles.
“Ryuunosuke, was it?”
And it was the way that Asougi says his name that truly brought it home for him.
It was like the ringing of wind chimes echoing on a summer night, a pleasant feeling that left him yearning for more.
It was like the river reflecting the moon, a wonderful sight to behold though it remained only and only for his ears and his mind.
It was like the beginning of spring, a beautiful pink bloom that adorns the skies and the grounds that always manages to hold his gaze year after year.
He doesn’t manage to say much, his thoughts still lost in the skies above.
“Oh, how...”
It doesn’t cross his mind until much later that it was probably the nametag on his uniform.
Asougi smiles at him as he takes the bouquet from the counter.
“I’ll see you soon.”
After he leaves, Ryuunosuke ponders to himself.
There’s something about him, as he leaves he leaves a trail of light with his footsteps.
Ryuunosuke’s gaze follows him suit even after they’ve both been separated by glass, with the beautiful petals threatening to hinder his admiration of him.
Then, there’s that familiar blooming warmth in his chest, and the fluttering in his stomach.
It’s left him mesmerized, as he pauses his own thoughts and mumbles to himself.
“Oh.”
-
It was doubt that crippled Ryuunosuke Naruhodou’s heart.
He never thought that love would come easy, of course. Let alone a relationship.
But these were words that he uttered as he looked at Asougi Kazuma.
One gaze is all it takes for Ryuunosuke Naruhodou to believe that the man sleeping beside him was blessed with beauty that puts Aphrodite to shame.
He fears the divine judgment, of course, but when he looks upon Asougi’s laughing face as the winds blow past his brown strands and the sunlight kisses his skin, he forgets. He forgets about the world, the heavens, the galaxies themselves.
And just for a second, it feels as if the universe is conspiring against him as they shine the brightest of stars, the warmest of suns, and the softest of winds to embrace Asougi Kazuma.
It was in this darkness that he first felt his heart ache so much out of his love for the other man, and it was in this darkness that he first said the words that he would continue to mutter for three lifetimes.
It was when his eyes lurked amongst the shadows of the night, and the twinkle of Vega makes itself known to restless eyes.
He turns to the side, but he does not glance at the bouquet that he gave to Asougi for their anniversary, not even once.
Instead, he eyes the quiet figure who lay in bed next to him, their breathing in tandem with one another, though Ryuunosuke’s heart was beating slightly faster than the other man’s.
Later, his eyes greet the first light of what he thinks is the brightest dawn – but not the one in the skies.
“Hi.” Ryuunosuke says with a smile.
“You should sleep, Ryuunosuke.” He murmurs, half-lidded eyes as he stifles a yawn and sighs.
“I will, I will.”
Ryuunosuke reassures the other man and his hand reaches up to stroke Asougi’s cheek.
“Just a bit longer.”
Asougi lets out a laugh.
They stay like that just a little bit longer, amidst the whispers of the west wind and the promises from the autumn night.
There’s fingers that intertwine with one another and smiles that tickle the cheeks, refusing to be stifled.
Asougi, with a sly smile that Ryuunosuke knows very well marks the beginning of nothing but mischief, ruffles his hair and pulls their blanket over his head.
“Asou—!”
“The ghosts are coming because you’re still awake!” Asougi laughs. “It’s my solemn duty to defend my husband’s life!”
“Don’t—Don’t even joke about that!” Ryuunosuke whines as he pulls the blanket off from on top of him. “What if the ghosts come for you instead?!”
Asougi laughs.
“I’m sure I can handle them.”
“You don’t know that! What if I have to save you or... I don’t know, or choose to save the city from a ghost invasion or you?”
Upon hearing that, Asougi raises an eyebrow.
“Only you would think of something that silly.”
“Yeah, well...” Ryuunosuke shrugs. “We don't know what they’re capable of.”
“...Ryuunosuke,” Asougi reaches for Ryuunosuke’s fingers. “If I were at the crossroads of life and death, I would wish for my compass to be your hand.”
Ryuunosuke’s eyes widened, mesmerized and muddied by the knowledge that Asougi trusts him so much.
But there was also fear.
Fear that began to creep up in his heart, because there was no way he would lead Asougi down the path of death. Under no circumstance would he ever bring him down that path, for he–
Not that he was able to finish that sentence in his thought, because Asougi once again pulls the covers over his head and holds down the blanket, saying that he has to protect his husband from ghosts.
It’s a while until Asougi stops. Even when he does stop, Ryuunosuke’s intentions to throw a pillow at him quickly wanes as Asougi adorns their room with the laughter that Ryuunosuke had fallen in love with so much.
So there’s a pang of ache in his heart whenever he plays the laughter back in his head again, only for the real thing to chime in through the air like a prayer answered.
He truly loves him so much that it hurts.
Their lips meet in another kiss, and Asougi closes his eyes to pursue the embrace of slumber once more.
“I love you.” He says.
But once Asougi begins to purr softly in his sleep, the bloom in Ryuunosuke’s heart begins to wilt as the words come up in his head, and forces its way to his lips as he mouths them silently.
“You deserve better.”
-
In this lifetime, they had been friends since they learned how to speak.
Though, it was the storm in the horizon, the gloom in the skies, and then the rainclouds in his heart that made Ryuunosuke Naruhodou’s love bleed.
The parting would not be forever, of course – his dear friend had promised him that.
After all, it was only a few months, and only a few things in the middle that hindered them from seeing each other. A few hours, oceans, continents...
But somehow, he could not figure out how to correct the emotions in his heart.
Why does he feel as if he’s meant to ask for more? To come with? Or perhaps to ask him to stay?
“I can’t do that.” he thinks, and shakes his head. “Asougi should follow his dreams.”
“I’ll write to you every day.” Asougi promised. “...Maybe I’ll even draw my own face on the paper, so don’t you dare forget me!”
Ryuunosuke let out a choppy laugh.
“Please don’t, you’re a terrible artist.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do know that.” Ryuunosuke shrugs. “Besides... I won’t. No way. You’re impossible to forget.”
“I sure hope so, partner.”
It’s true.
Ryuunosuke isn’t lying.
He truly feels it in his heart, how he must have met Asougi in a past life, or perhaps how they must have been friends then.
The thought of forgetting Asougi? An impossibility, one that would happen only when the sun begins to rise from the west, when the flowers cease to bloom and exist, and when the skies crack and fall as one.
“Did you forget anything?” Ryuunosuke asks.
“Honestly? You!” He laughs. “Come with me, Naruhodou.”
Ryuunosuke shakes his head.
“I can’t.”
Follow your dreams.
“I’m following my dream, partner.” Asougi looks at him, with an earnest look in his eyes. “You should get to follow yours.”
“My dream isn’t in London.” He laughs.
“It might be.” Asougi shrugs. “You never know.”
Follow... my dreams?
Ryuunosuke shakes his head, and urges Asougi to go on without him.
“Perhaps next time, I don’t want you to get distracted and lose sight of what you want.”
“I won’t!” He laughs. “How could I, when you’re all I’ve ever wanted for a thousand lifetimes, and you’re all I will ever want for a thousand more?”
It was even more painful when Ryuunosuke had to hold back the voice in his head, trying to urge the other man to say no more and just go.
So when Asougi finally goes, he tries to ignore the heartbreak that was evident on Asougi’s face. He blinds himself to it, and surrounds himself with the belief that Asougi deserves so much more, and that he...
He shakes his head, and tries to quell the thoughts. His best friend bids him goodbye from the steamship, and calls out his name.
“Ryuunosuke Naruhodou!”
It was the last he’d hear of his voice until the realisation that would hit him with a thousand sleepless nights.
And he’d replay it, again and again, yearning constantly for the time that they’d see each other again in several months.
And it would show in his letters, too. How he writes Asougi Kazuma so delicately, and the way his mind wanders – not to the contents that he means to write, but to the moment that Asougi let go of his hand when he boards the vessel.
“I’ll see you soon!”
And when Asougi disappears from the horizon, and a teardrop makes his way from his cheeks to the ground.
Though the teardrop disappears into the wood and leaves behind a mark that would fade within hours, the mark that Asougi Kazuma had left in his heart would refuse to disappear for a thousand lifetimes.
A woman with a bouquet passes by him, and a flash of red camellias adorns his blurry sight.
In that moment, his heart pangs with ache.
It was an ache that he bit his lower lip over, because it wasn’t that of missing his best friend.
It was that of love.
For Asougi was a dream that Ryuunosuke couldn’t bear to chase.
“You deserve better.”
-
In this lifetime, they met as exchange students in a country that was the furthest thing from what home felt like.
And so, they found their homes in each other.
For Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, it was the sense of familiarity that had perched and nested in his heart the moment that Asougi pointed at Vega, told its tale, and held his cheek as their lips touched.
It was then that the clouds parted and the moonlight coming down to bless them, sparking the fireworks in Ryuunosuke’s heart.
“Tell me, partner.” Asougi says, as Ryuunosuke buries himself in popcorn that he had promised he would share but has yet to fulfil. “What do you think of the future?”
Ryuunosuke pauses and reaches for the remote.
“Should I... pause the TV? Is this a serious conversation?”
“No, no.” Asougi laughs. “It’s not that serious. I just want to know your thoughts.”
With that, Asougi intertwines their hands together and kisses the back of Ryuunosuke’s hand.
Ryuunosuke feels a rush of heat and a tinge of pink make its way up his cheeks, but manages a smile as he laughs into Asougi’s shoulder.
“Careful! The popcorn!”
“Ah!” He exclaims. “Sorry, sorry!”
Ryuunosuke hastily grabs the pieces that have fallen over onto their shared throw blanket and immediately shoves them into his mouth.
“Pwob’em sholl-ved...” He bites into them. “...I tink.”
Asougi laughs again.
It’s that laughter. The very same one that Ryuunosuke can’t seem to get enough of.
Reminiscent of a fresh spring breeze, one that always comes on time and leaves a pang of yearning when it fades. Though with its departure it promises a timely return.
He knows not where the feeling comes from, but it’s one that he cannot shake off.
So he often finds himself wondering if he’s ever heard it somewhere else before. Perhaps even in a past life.
“So, partner?”
Asougi nudges him once more.
“Uh... The future?” Ryuunosuke tilts his head, though he does not look at Asougi.
How was he supposed to answer that?
That he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Asougi?
He... He can’t.
He can’t say that.
“It’s... alright?” Ryuunosuke laughs choppily. “Um... I guess I’m looking forward to it.”
“Is that so?”
“Well, to be honest...”
“All I know for sure is that...” His mind wanders.
“All I know for sure is that...” But his mouth refuses to listen.
“...I can only picture a future where you would always be by my side.” And yet, it keeps going.
“...I can definitely picture you shaking up the world, partner.”
“...I’m sorry, I wish I wasn’t so selfish.” And again, it whispers.
“...I wish I could see into the future, though.” Ryuunosuke says instead, refusing to yield.
Ryuunosuke groaned, hiding the ache in his voice.
“I wonder what we’ll be doing?” he continues. “I know you’ll be following your dreams.”
“Do you now?” Asougi raises an eyebrow.
“I know so.” Ryuunosuke smiles. “You always do. Remember when you told me you always wanted to go abroad?”
“As a matter of fact, I do.”
“Look where you are now.”
“It’s somewhere I’ll always want to be, that’s for sure.”
“London?”
“Your arms.”
And what else could Ryuunosuke do but give in and close his eyes when Asougi leans in closer, and kisses him.
He lays his lips onto Ryuunosuke’s with love bequeathed unto him by the stars, guarding the most lovable of dreams, and the yearning of a thousand lifetimes, though they promise to always return to each other once more.
It wasn’t long until Asougi has to leave and bid his goodbyes in order to make it within his dorm’s curfew.
“Two more months.” Asougi makes a promise to Ryuunosuke’s lips. “...and I’ll be home.”
“We still don’t know if we’ll get the place yet.” He laughs.
“It doesn’t matter.” He says. “My home is where you are, partner.”
Ryuunosuke reminds him of his items: his mobile phone, wallet, and bag.
“Don’t forget to water the camellias.”
“I won’t forget.” Ryuunosuke smiles.
“I’ll see you soon.”
Ryuunosuke does not smile, but he laughs instead as he waves Asougi goodbye.
It wanes over time, and when he finally hears the main door close from two floors down, he shakes his head and sighs as he leans against the door.
He holds a hand over his heart, because it aches – it’s a hurt that doesn’t come from despair, but from hope.
From knowing that he loves Asougi so much, perhaps even far too much, that he whispers to himself.
“You deserve better.”
-
In this lifetime, their encounter was like a dream.
For Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, who only ducked into the nearest flowers hop out of necessity, never expected to find love amongst the blooming flowers and the scent of the heavens.
He just never thought they would be together in any way, shape, or form.
Especially not after he’d accidentally introduced himself as Narusuke Naruhodou when the shopkeeper asked what flowers he would like for the emergency that sent him there.
Right now, five years down the road in this lifetime, he was holding tightly onto Asougi’s back with his entire life as the other man drives his bike uphill to a lookout point.
“Are we there yet?” He whimpers his question.
“We’re close.”
Asougi’s sound was slightly muffled from within the helmet.
“Do you trust me, partner?”
It was a bit odd, the way the question came about during this ride.
Of course he does.
But why now?
Regardless, he answers the only way he knew how.
“...Always and forever.”
Ryuunosuke meant it.
He always has.
He just didn’t know that Asougi was about to do a sharp turn that would leave him begging to his ancestors for his life.
Eventually, when they’ve made it, Ryuunosuke inhales and exhales loudly.
And then there was Asougi, hands on the wooden fencing, his eyes gazing right at Ryuunosuke with a fondness that makes his heart skip a beat, as everything around Asougi seems to only magnify how beautiful the other man was.
There was the moon, perching upon the jet black sky with its dappled beauty, shining behind Asougi as if he was the only other man left in the world.
With the leaves, dancing with the wind as if the Gods were placing a laurel on his head.
Then there were the night lights of the city, a halo that seemed to pale in comparison to the smile that he offered Ryuunosuke as he beckoned for the other man to come closer.
“I used to take Karuma here, all the time.”
“All the time?” Ryuunosuke walks closer to him. “Not anymore?”
“Well, sometimes.” He sighs. “It’s usually out of frustration.”
Ryuunosuke waits for Asougi to say more.
Though Asougi, instead of opening his mouth, opted to turn to look toward the horizon, where the glint of stars and the blinking of streetlights become inseparable.
“...You spoke in your sleep.”
“What?”
“The night I brought home camellias for you.” He says. “You spoke in your sleep and said that I deserved better.”
Ryuunosuke’s heart sinks into his stomach.
“Do you really think that?”
“...Asougi, I...”
“Because I don’t know what kind of pedestal you’ve placed me on, but I have no interest in being where you’re not.”
Ryuunosuke shakes his head and perches his arms on the fence.
“...”
He hangs his head in silence.
He thinks about how selfish he was for having said that. Though he obviously had no control in regards to the things he says in his sleep, he...
He’s said it. So, perhaps... Just perhaps...
It’s time to go through with it.
“...You do, though. Asougi, you—”
But Asougi wasn’t having any of it.
“I don’t want better.” Asougi insists as he moves closer to and puts his hand on Ryuunosuke’s. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
Ryuunosuke wants to resist, to stop his heart from fluttering, and soaring unto the galaxies to chart a new constellation with a tale for centuries to come.
And he does just that. He resists, in the quietude between him and Asougi.
“...If the Gods would ever be so cruel as to take away my vision—”
“Don’t say that.” Ryuunosuke pleads.
But Asougi refuses to back down.
“The only thing I’ll yearn to see once again is you, Ryuunosuke.”
But Ryuunosuke can't. Surely, he can't.
“Ryuunosuke.”
He turns to Asougi, who gently cups his cheek and places a kiss on his lips. Immediately, Ryuunosuke’s thoughts stop swirling.
And his mind is filled by thoughts that he doesn’t remember ever thinking.
Something... about him. About Asougi. And the trail of light in every step that Ryuunosuke wants to follow.
And it was as if camellias are blooming in his heart, with a warmth in his chest and butterflies, fluttering in his stomach as he puts an arm around Asougi’s neck and returns his kiss.
It was as if this has happened before, and every single time Asougi would tell him the same thing.
That there was only him, and no one else.
“...Kazuma.” He speaks, though he’s struggling to catch up with his breath.
He looks into Asougi’s eyes, filled to the brim with all of the love that lies behind every single one of Asougi’s words.
It was a love that would last as long as time itself, transcending lifetimes and dimensions, whispering promises fulfilled - that they will always find one another no matter what.
And every single time it does, it fulfils a prayer long past, forgotten by people's minds but not the dreamlike stars - that the clouds will always part from Ryuunosuke’s heart.
There's so much there. Ryuunosuke thinks. There was so much that Ryuunosuke had missed out on, that he had overlooked, even though Asougi’s eyes were his sanctuary.
Looking into his eyes and realising where it all was, the pain in Ryuunosuke’s heart waned little by little.
“Ryuunosuke.”
Asougi brings their foreheads together, and mumbles Ryuunosuke’s name like a prayer as he kisses him, hoping that Ryuunosuke would hear it and remember that it’s always been him.
It’s always been Ryuunosuke.