Work Text:
Leaving the city was a rare event for Neku Sakuraba. He was a city slicker at heart, and the number of times that he’d left the Greater Tokyo Area could be counted in two hands. When he off-handedly mentioned that he’d never been to Mt. Fuji, his girlfriend Shiki Misaki insisted that they take a trip. ‘Clear your schedule mister, we’ve got places to go!’ she’d told him.
One week passed and they boarded the bullet train to Mt. Fuji. The trip itself was swift and uneventful, albeit more crowded than normal. One problem did arise, but only when he and Shiki stepped off the train. Walking towards the nearby bus stop for the next leg of their trip, he decided to bring up the issue.
“Alright, I’ll bite. Why the stink-eye?” He asked her.
“It’s your jacket.” Shiki pinched his arm. “And the bag. They don’t fit you.”
Neku already knew what the problem was before he asked. Regardless, he wanted to hear it from her, mostly because it was funny. “What are you talking about, you know I look good in Jupiter of the Monkey.”
“You look good in anything.” Shiki mumbled under her breath. Much louder however, “But does it have to be Jupes?”
It took a lot out of Neku to not start cackling at that moment. “It’s not like Gatto Nero has an outdoor collection. We gotta be practical here.”
“Oh that’s just an excuse.” She accused. The closest her brand had to outdoor gear was the jumpsuit, but it wasn’t designed with hiking in mind.
Neku shrugged. She wasn’t wrong about that. “What can I say, I know what I like. There’s no need to be jealous.”
Shiki crossed her arms, puffing her cheeks up like a child. “Uuuugh, I am not jealous. I just know fashion, okay?”
“Well, maybe you can make me something next time.” Neku placed an arm over Shiki’s shoulder.
“Mark my words, I’m going to throw those things out of your closet one day.”
It was easy for Neku to rile Shiki up by wearing JotM. She generally didn’t mind if he or other people wore other brands, but the sight of Neku in blue and purple nylon set something off in Shiki’s mind. He figured it might’ve been jealousy, but that was too ridiculous. Ultimately it wasn’t anything serious, which meant that Neku loved pressing that button whenever he could.
“Hey, can we get some coffee first? I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“You didn't get any sleep again? Neku you really need to go to bed earlier. Well, I guess some breakfast would do us both good.”
A pastry, a cup of coffee and a bus ride later they arrived at Mt. Fuji. It was more majestic up close, the snow-capped peaks turning titanic when they already looked massive at the distance. Photos did not do it justice. Combined with the cold autumn breeze and the late morning fog the mountain looked mystical, a fairy tale legend that only existed in hearsay.
Seeing Mt. Fuji made the long trip from Shibuya worth it, but they weren’t here for a quick peek. Shiki had insisted they spend the weekend experiencing the great outdoors, so they headed for one of the lakeside campgrounds that surrounded the mountain. Truth be told, they couldn’t go up the mountain anyway: it was off-season, and hiking was forbidden.
The view got was fantastic nonetheless. Besides that neither of them were confident in their hiking skills, so this was the best option. They were here to relax, not engage in any strenuous exercise. Or at least, that’s what they told themselves. When it was time to set up their tents, a few difficulties arose.
Setting up the tarp and putting the stakes down had been easy enough. Extending the poles took little effort as well, while sliding them through the tent sleeves was simpler than doing the same with a thread and needle. Slotting the tent poles into the corners on the other hand…
“Are we doing this right?”
“Pretty sure we are. Maybe?”
The poles didn’t quite reach the far end of the tent. Shiki held the frame down as best as she could, while Neku volunteered for the task of slotting the poles in. From the look of things, the pole might not be long enough. The plastic was bending in a way that worried them both, and while it wasn’t breaking it sure looked like it was.
“I think we did something wrong.”
“Guess so. Could you let go for a sec, I’m going to check on the tent poles.”
As it turned out, the tent poles were the problem. None of them have been extended properly. Neku pulled at the ends of each pole until they finally reached the corners. Now more experienced in tent set-up, fixing the second tent up became a simple and quick affair.
“There we go.” Shiki unfolded a plastic table and laid a bag full of snacks on top of it. “Now we’re nice and settled.”
“Yeah.” Neku pulled a rice ball out of the bag and took a bite. “Honestly, I was expecting this bag to be full of sewing gear, maybe a sketchbook or two.”
Shiki grabbed a custard-filled pastry from her bag as a snack. “We’re here to enjoy the view, not work. I mean, it’s not like you brought some paint cans with you.”
“Maybe I should’ve, now that you mentioned it.” He closed one eye and framed his fingers over the open one, Mt. Fuji’s snow-capped peaks visible in the space between his fingers. “Imagine that entire mountain covered in graffiti. I might even throw in a Mr. Mew or two, you know for advertising.”
“That sounds really good, actually.” Shiki giggled. “Though, I’m pretty sure they’ll throw you to jail if you ever try that. “
Neku smiled. Maybe he’ll incorporate Fuji for his next piece. “That’ll just help my street cred, in all honesty. And after Shinjuku, prison would be a breeze.”
He could feel the temperature grow frigid as the words left his lips. Shiki’s smile, constant since they’d met up at the train station this morning, faded.
“Shiki?” Neku placed his hand over hers.
“It’s okay.” Her fingers found Neku’s, closing over them tightly. “It doesn’t bother you, right? Not anymore.”
“Yeah. What’s done is done. All that matters is what we have now.” He could feel her nails digging into the back of his hand, not enough to draw blood but close.
Neku thought he could see anger in Shiki’s eyes, but her gaze softened almost immediately. “We’re here to have fun, not worry over nothing. Speaking of, I think we should start taking in the sights.”
“Uh…right, yeah.” Neku opened his phone to check on a map of the area. “How about we check out the amusement park? Or we can check out the museums if you want.”
“Sounds nice.” She pointed to the mountain. “But that doesn’t sound nature-ey to me. What about the caves?”
“Sounds good. You want to walk there or take the bus?”
“We’re here to see the great outdoors, aren’t we?”
The trip to the caves wasn’t very far, but walking by the lakeside was different from a stroll through Shibuya. It was quiet, almost peaceful. It was the start of the off-season, so there were fewer campers around. Accompanied only by the sound of their footsteps and leaves falling, they continued their journey to Lake Sai’s famous Bat Caverns.
Shiki hadn’t let go of him the entire time. Her grip loosened, but remained firm. Neku only noticed when they reached the mouth of the cave, as they went down the stairs leading inside. Neither of them had said a word to each other either.
He wanted to break the silence, but Shiki beat him to it. “Here we are. It looks small, doesn’t it?”
“Looks can be deceiving. Shall we?”
“Let’s.”
The interior of the cave felt like a different world. The wooden pathways set for tourists creaked with each footstep. Whenever they moved through the surprisingly smooth stone a faint echo could heard around them. The yellow lights at the sides of the pathway provided ample illumination, casting large shadows on the walls. Bats by the dozen roosted on the ceilings, many deep in slumber. A few could be seen crawling up the walls, chittering to each other in a series of clicks and calls.
One turned its head towards Neku and Shiki, tilting its head in curiosity. Its wide ears and distinct, up-turned nose in the shape of a leaf reminded them of events three years ago.
“It’s cute, isn’t it?” Shiki felt the urge to pet the creature. It probably wasn’t wise to do so.
“Now that it’s tiny and isn’t trying to kill us, yeah.”
“The small ones tried to kill us too, remember?”
“Nah, none of them got close.”
“You weren’t fighting a huge swarm of them while trying to clear up the stage lights.”
Neku remembered that. At one point in the fight the Golden Bat had almost overwhelmed them with its attacks and sheer numbers. Perhaps they would have been erased then and there, until he and Shiki synced up for the very first time. The blank pin that Mr. H had changed, depicting two stars, one blue and one gold layered over each other. Their attacks grew in power, each strike sending the Golden Bat reeling until it burst in a stream of light, finally erased. Perhaps it was his own imagination playing tricks on his memory, but for a brief second Neku thought he saw Shiki, her real self, underneath Eri’s visage.
“Shiki, I…”
Before he could continue the cave erupted into deafening screeches as a swarm of bats rushed out towards the entrance. A tour guide behind them firmly and loudly told her charges to remain calm and walk back to the entrance. Neku and Shiki followed closely, hoods up and heads down as they walked out of the cave. Later that day they would overhear other tourists talking about how someone had thrown a rock at the bats, setting the entire swarm off, but for now they both held on to each other. Neku could feel Shiki’s breath on his neck, and thought he could feel their hearts pounding from the adrenaline.
“At least the other caves won’t have bats.” Neku said.
“I think we should go on a short break before we go anywhere else.” Shiki pulled her head away from Neku’s shoulder, letting his hands go for the first time since they left the campsite. “You don’t mind?”
Reluctantly he let her put some space between them. “Sounds good.”
After a short bus trip they found themselves in a rest house north of the caves. It was crowded inside, so instead of waiting for a seat they bought some drinks and sat outside, in a clearing close to the lake. The waters were pristine, and while the skies above had begun to turn grey they welcomed it. The overcast sky was preferable to the claustrophobic conditions they’d just endured.
No one else was around. An entire section of the lakeshore had been left to just the two of them and their thoughts.
“Neku?”
“Yeah?”
“What were you going to tell me, back in the cave?”
He gazed out into the lake, sighing. “It’s nothing.”
“Are you sure it isn’t about what we talked about earlier, back at the tent?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”
Shiki cast her gaze at her boyfriend’s face. Their eyes locked on for the briefest of moments before Neku turned away. Her hand, which had slowly been moving towards his, stopped in its tracks before it made contact.
“You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Avoiding the problem. Avoiding me.”
Neku didn’t answer, but his eye’s met Shiki’s once more. Now she could see the pain, the regret in his eyes. And he could see hers, full of grief and concern and above all, helplessness. Shiki wrapped her arms over her legs, resting her chin on her knees. Mr. Mew’s absence was palpable. Shiki wanted her beloved plush toy with her as some measure of comfort, but there were some things she had to face alone.
“I’ve been talking with the others about it. Whenever Shinjuku comes up you try to change the subject or brush it off. I get why you don’t want to talk about it, but it isn’t healthy to bottle your feelings up.”
“Good thing I’m not. Please Shiki, believe me. I’m okay now. All that matters is that I’m back.”
“Then can you explain last week, when we were planning the trip?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t remember?”
The expression on his face, one of confusion and shame told her enough.
“We were having coffee at Hachiko. I had to take a work call, but when I came back you were just… frozen in place. You were just staring off, but your eyes looked glassy and unfocused. I tried calling your name, but you didn’t respond.”
“How long was I-“
“A few minutes. When you came to it was like nothing happened.”
“Does anyone else know?”
“Just me.”
He looked relieved at hearing that. Shiki’s reaction was the opposite. That short sigh and brief softening of his stance told her that these seizures -she didn’t have a better word for it- have been happening frequently. He realized that too, and tried to respond in a way that would comfort her.
“Shiki, I’m sorry.” Neku began. “I just don’t want you to worry.”
“You… you don’t want me to worry?”
Rather than bring reassurance, those words brought outrage. Shiki stood, fists clenched in anger.
“Not worry? How can you say that to me!” She shouted. “I’ve done nothing but worry about you for the last three years! You were dead, and as far as the rest of the world was concerned you never even existed!”
“I didn’t… I mean…” Neku stammered. He could feel bile rise in his throat, but a sharp pang in his heart stopped him from saying any more.
“Every day I told myself today’s the day. Any time now you’ll come back to us, and I couldn’t afford to miss the chance that you’d be there. And I was scared, because sometimes I could hear a voice at the back of my head telling me to give up. That maybe you were gone, or you never existed. But after all this time you came back to us, and I thought everything would be better now. But it isn’t. You’re hurting, and you don’t want us to help.”
“Please, don’t shut me out. Let me in.”
Words failed Neku. He watched his girlfriend break down into sobbing, and realized that tears were falling down his own face as well. He wrapped his arms gingerly around Shiki, drawing her close. Smaller arms closed around Neku’s waist as she allowed herself to be pulled into his arms.
“I’m so tired… Shiki, I’m so tired.”
Neither of them was in any state to keep sight-seeing, so they made way back to camp. There were a few more people around, but for long stretches of the walk back their only company was each other. Both of them preferred it that way. Shiki’s hand found Neku’s once again, but this time around it was his grip that was firm. Neither wanted to remain in silence, so they filled the air around them with idle chatter: idle observation of the lake, repeating news they’d known already, speculation on what the others were doing.
A few leaves had fallen over the table and the bag of food, but otherwise the camp was the same as they left it. Neku unzipped his tent’s entrance and lead her inside. He unfolded his sleeping bag and laid on top of it. There wasn’t enough space, so Shiki rested on top of Neku, her head over his chest.
“Can you tell me now?”
Neku slid fingers through strands of Shiki’s dark hair. “It started about a week after the end of the last Game. At first I thought I was nothing, but then it started happening more often. Sometimes I even find myself losing focus, or forgetting what I’m supposed to do. I've been even losing sleep because of it.”
“Oh Neku…”
“The worst is when I feel numb. Just, nothing. I can’t even think when that happens.”
“What do you think is causing it?”
“I don’t really know. It just happens, and I’m not sure what’s triggering it. ”
“And you’re not angry?”
“No, I’m really not. I think I burnt out all my frustration out in Shinjuku. When I got back I just felt so… relieved. I thought it was finally over, but it wasn’t. Minamimoto losing control and almost killing Beat, the Reapers trying to destroy the city… as bad as that was, it was nothing compared to Shinjuku. At least I could try to do something about the problem, but Shinjuku…”
Was already destroyed. Nothing that Neku could do could bring back what was lost. All he could do was try to piece together what happened, and how he could prevent Shibuya from falling to the same fate.
“So you’re not angry.” She repeated. “Just, tired, like you said.”
“Mmm. Being around other people helps, but not always.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Or anyone else?”
“Because it was over. I wanted it to be over. Once we took down the firebird and I returned to the RG, I thought I was finished. I couldn’t find it in me to resent anybody for what happened. What’s the point of holding a grudge? So I did what I could do, and move on. Turns out it’s easier said that done.”
Shiki shifted her body slightly to the left of Neku, but kept her head on his chest. Neku had lost all of the vitriol that once defined him, but it pained her to see that some of the aloofness still remained. Even if it came from a well-meaning source it made her uncomfortable that he would hide his pain from her.
“Don’t you ever hide how you’re feeling from me, or anyone else. I’m here for you, alright? Always.”
“Thank you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“I want people to be happy Neku, and you deserve to be happier more than anyone I know.”
Neku slowly moved his girlfriend closer, until they were eye to eye. Gazes locked, he leaned in close and kissed her on the lips. They’ve kissed before, but this time was different. Opening themselves up to each other made it better, more important.
“That was really nice.” Shiki managed to say once the stars had subsided.
“I don’t know, something felt off.” Neku flashed a mischievous smile. “How about I try again?”
“Practice makes perfect.”
Things weren’t resolved quite yet. Acknowledging the problem wasn’t the same as fixing it. But at that time, at that place, while they held each other in their arms, maybe it was.