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Law wouldn’t say he was intelligent, but he wasn’t stupid. Naïve was a better word. Ignorant, maybe. But not stupid.
He wasn’t someone who wanted to blame the past for his losses or missed opportunities to be different. Growing up, all he had known was fighting. Relying on instinct. How to get what you wanted quickly and effectively. However, sitting by the campfires as a child, or on rare occasions, a bed, he was taught different lessons. He knew how to read; he just didn’t like it. He knew how to write, but he had terrible handwriting and he refused to spend the time working on it. Learning how to fight to protect himself, his mom and dad (back when he was still so young), and the other members of their group, was honestly all that mattered.
After all, when did books and dusty rocks keep one from dying at the hands of another human? Or keep them from dying of starvation when they were alone?
Law always figured strength would keep him living. Training would keep him strong. Meat would keep him fed and full of nutrients needed to get stronger. His purpose in life was to protect, to be strong, just like his father had been to so many people. There wasn’t time in his daily routine to spare for words on a page that would get him nowhere.
But, traveling the world had opened his eyes somewhat. The first big revelation in his mind had come from Shionne. After a rough fight, exhausting a good deal of their inventory, she had approached him to patch up a small wound on his shoulder. He thanked her, slightly embarrassed about letting himself get so banged up in one fight, then she spoke to him.
“Maybe you should practice more defensive strategies instead of always charging in head-first.”
He, of course, rolled his shoulders with a dismissive wave of the hand. “Nah. That’s why you’re here, right? To heal me?”
When Shionne narrowed her eyes, he thought maybe he said something wrong. He felt bad. He just didn’t know why. “I can’t heal you forever. Or Alphen. What good are the two of you to me if you’re dead?”
Law sat around the campfire that night, thinking about her words. All he had ever known was to charge ahead, get the first strike, pummel until the enemy was toast. It really never hit him until Shionne spoke to him that wasn’t the best tactic to employ. However, she had a point. So, he told himself that some thought in battle would be better for all of them. Hell, it would let him get stronger in the end, too. It was a win-win.
His second learning curve came at a hefty price. Kisara just had to take over a majority of their meal prepping, and once she started to catch on to his eating habits, she drew a line. He caught her eyeing him often when she prepared a meal full of vegetables and other weird looking things. For a while, he would fish out the meat, the fish, and call it good enough, even if he was often starving come morning. At least he was able to sneak some jerky or some leftover cooked meat while everyone was still asleep.
Kisara put an end to that one morning, too.
“You do know that a boy your age needs more than just meat to grow up healthy, right?”
He was starving. So, in order to appease her, he hung his head with a sigh. “Yeah, yeah. I know. I need to eat more veggies. But I’m so hungry. Please?”
She stared at him for what felt like hours, but she handed him a small bag once his stomach rumbled. “I know you think that all this meat is going to make you strong, but too much is not good for you. And there are wonderful sources of protein in non-meat products that will make you feel so much better, as well as make you more focused and full.”
Well, he wouldn’t really know much outside of meat, but she sat down with him that morning while the others began to rise for the day. Kisara explained to him, in more detail than he had patience for, the best diet for him to work on. It required him to venture out of his comfort zone, and he was pretty sure he was going to either go hungry or die from vegetable poisoning, but he really did want to be stronger. A test run, she had asked of him, wouldn’t be a terrible idea.
Hell, if he could survive off Alphen’s meals with enough spice to kill a zeugle, a better diet might not be all that bad.
However, there was always one hurdle he couldn’t jump over, no matter how much he wanted to or how hard he tried.
Law finally had to man up to the fact that he had a crush on Rinwell, and he had no idea how to go about it. He was much too embarrassed to tell her straightforward. He figured being nice to her and looking out for her would be a good idea, but it only sparked rage in her. In fact, he was pretty sure he was a fool for even trying, since her bolts of lightning and Hootle’s incessant attacks only made him think she was telling him to stay away from her.
But he had spent enough time around her to see the changes in her eyes when she was truly happy. Her biggest smiles usually came after sitting down with a piece of pie, or ice cream, or a new book about magic they had acquired. He tried to sit down with her and talk to her in those moments, so drawn into her happiness that he couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to.
Those moments often didn’t end well for him. And a small, buried part of him worried it really was because he was stupid.
Rinwell was on another level from him. She was extremely smart, but lacked the muscle power to physically fight off an enemy. She loved her sugar, which he knew would make him sick, yet she always did much better in battle after ingesting a lifetime’s worth of calories in one sitting. She was easy to anger, quick to bite your head off, and her words could sometimes be more damaging than a knife to the heart.
It was why he felt a connection with her. He knew all too well how that anger and hatred consumed someone’s life. The last thing he would ever want is for her to have to face a moment in her life where she realized it was all meaningless. Law figured the more he spoke to her, the more she would calm down, they could find some kind of middle ground, and then maybe he would be able to convince her personal bodyguard that he truly meant her no harm.
Some days were easier than others. Law could sit next to Rinwell after dinner and talk about random topics like they were best friends. However, the next night, when he sat on the crate next to her around the campfire to continue the conversation they had previously, she would huff and dive into her book and ignore him. Worse yet, she would glare at him, send Hootle on him, or stand from her spot with the saddest look in her eyes, and walk away.
He would try asking her if she was okay, that if she needed someone to talk to, he would listen. Sometimes, she would give him a half-smile, nod her head, and tell him thanks. Other times, she wouldn’t smile and tell him she just wanted to be alone. Yet, she would always apologize softly before she left him standing in her wake.
He figured it was just something that would require time, so he focused on making sure he was strong enough to keep her safe, and their friends.
But just when he thought Rinwell might like him, even a little, life had to remind him that they were two polar opposites and he didn’t stand a chance.
Dohalim, of all the people, was that intelligent history buff that could talk to Rinwell for hours. Dohalim, the same person Rinwell would have murdered for looking at her wrong, was now standing at her side rambling on about some artifact or another. Dohalim, the Renan, the intelligent one, had brought out a smile from Rinwell that she had never shown him or her sweets.
It was a slap to the face at first. Law was too prideful to admit it out loud, but he was jealous. Dohalim was weird, a Renan, a nice guy, really smart and actually kind of cool. Really, Law had no reason to feel the way he did. Dohalim had even gone out of his way to ask Law for some training, and the two of them would work on martial arts skills well into the night from time to time. He wasn’t bad at all, despite the sophisticated way he spoke, or the ignorant things he would ask, but Law didn’t blame him.
In a sense, he could understand. Dohalim had only known one way of life, just like Law had only known fighting and survival until he met his friends.
Still, it didn’t make things easier to cope with. But, he woke up one morning, slammed his fist into his palm, and told himself that he wouldn’t give up. Because whether Rinwell liked it or not, she meant a lot to him, and he wasn’t going to stand by and let Dohalim take what small place Law had in her life.
He acted like normal, maybe a bit more feisty when Rinwell was sassy with him. He took pride in being the one she would ask to help her find something, or to help someone, and he always gave his best for her. He might not have known what they were looking for half the time, but she always found it where danger awaited them. In some ways, they balanced out, where he would keep her safe and she was smart enough to get in, get out, and be successful.
And like usual, when he thought their relationship was stabilizing, something just had to push him away.
They had been tasked with bringing back a man who had yet to return to Niez. It started out easily enough. To his surprise, Rinwell made small talk with him as they made their way to the nearby mountain where the man had been deployed.
“I wonder if that diet Kisara put you on is why you’re looking so much better now!”
It could have been meant as an insult, but his chest swelled with pride. All those nights he thought he was going to throw up green suddenly had not been for nothing. Despite himself, he felt his face flush and he stammered out a pathetic, “U-Oh, th-thanks.”
Rinwell lifted her hand to her mouth and giggled, and it was the most precious sound he had ever heard in his life. He made her laugh. Not Alphen, or Kisara, or Dohalim. He did. Law. The boy that she always found amusement in shocking or watching suffer at Hootle’s beak.
When they found their missing man, all Law could think of was what kind of conversation he would have with Rinwell at dinner that night.
“Y-You’re a witch! Your kind should be burned at the stake!”
The silence that fell over their group was horrific. One could hear a pin drop from half a mile away. Baephon broke through it all, his voice loud and angry as he reprimanded the man they had all saved.
Law had no idea how to react. He wanted to punch the man’s face off, but he was also too stunned by how someone could hate another person who risked their life for them. They didn’t have to go save him. They didn’t have to lay down their lives to save him. But they did. Without even blinking they traveled into unknown danger because that’s the kind of people they were.
“You would be wise to reconsider your stance on the matter.”
It was Dohalim who came to Rinwell’s defense. A Renan, the same Renan she despised for months, that stood up for her, who had the heart to break through the tension and illustrate how much he cared about Rinwell. How she was intelligent beyond her years. How her companionship had no equal. How they had once been separated by race, and now she was a true patriot for equality.
It was a moving enough speech that the man they had saved told them that he would keep them safe within the city walls. It wasn’t enough in his book to apologize for the words that were still ringing in his ears, but it was better than nothing.
When Law blinked, Dohalim had walked off with Baephon, and he had no idea how he was suddenly alone with Rinwell. Any other time, he wouldn’t have felt so insecure about it (he would have, truth be told, but not as much as now). But after such a perfect array of words from someone stealing his spotlight, he felt trapped.
However, that awkwardness ate away at him until his mouth opened and the words came flying out. “Y-You look pretty happy.”
She nodded once, her hands clasped together in front of her, and he braved taking a step closer to her. Maybe he could still cheer her up somehow. “I’m just so happy.” Her eyes met his, and it froze him in his place. “Life is looking, I guess…promising, for someone like me.”
Her voice soothed him tremendously. The ease in which she spoke to him made his heart soar in his chest. She may not be happy because of him, but he still got to see her warm eyes, the small smile, the hope.
“Y-Yeah!” He felt like an idiot, stumbling over his own words, but he couldn’t break the conversation now in fear that her pretty face would walk away from him. “What makes you say all that?”
His hope burst into flames right in front of his face as he watched Rinwell throw her head to her chest, her hands clench at her sides, and she practically growled under her breath. “Why can’t you be more like Dohalim?”
She left him standing in the middle of the road, letting her comment dig a massive grave beneath his feet to bury him in. Did she seriously think Dohalim was better company, a better friend than he was? Granted Law wasn’t all that wonderful with words, and pummeling the man they rescued into a bloody pulp wouldn’t have gone over well either, it still stung worse than he thought.
Maybe this was his sign that no matter how hard he tried, no matter how hard he wanted to be smart and into the same things that she was, it wasn’t who he was. It never would be.
“Is something the matter?”
Law jumped in his place at the presence of another person in an eerie part of town, then turned quickly to find Dohalim eyeing him with a question on his tongue. After allowing his heart rate to return to normal, Law realized he had long spaced out, or drowned, in his own thoughts for hours. He had watched Dohalim walk off with Baephon for a drink forever ago, so either it was terrible company, or time had really slipped away from him.
“You look discouraged.”
Maybe if Dohalim had been Alphen, Law would have told him what was on his mind. However, this was the man Rinwell idolized as of recent. If there was a trick or two he could learn and master, there could still be a fighting chance to regain her friendship. Maybe. If he had the patience. And could learn what to say so it wouldn’t piss her off…
“Thank you,” he said, unsure why he was even saying it at all. Dohalim even seemed confused by it. Eventually, Law lifted his hand to the side of his head, hoping not to make a bigger fool out of himself because he wasn’t smart like Dohalim.
“For saying what you said, about Rinwell.” He sighed in defeat, because Rinwell had every right to be mad at him. He was a Dahnan. He had known her longer. He had spoken to her more often. It should have been him who stood at her side when she was slapped in the face for her heroism for something out of her control. “I’m glad she has a good friend like you.”
It hurt to say to him, but with the weight off his chest, he was able to at least leave the spot that had held him captive for so long. He didn’t really feel any better, and he prayed to avoid running into Rinwell on his way to bed…
“While my words were spoken with honesty, I do believe you, and the others, would have said much the same.” Law slowly turned back to face Dohalim, and was oddly surprised to see the workings of a smile on his face. “Believe me, I’ve had many an opportunity to sit idly by while others pointed their words at those undeserving. It was a mistake I did not intend on repeating, given what it would have cost us all in the end.”
“I just…I wish I could have said something, too, you know?” Law was tempted to slap himself in the face for speaking without thinking, again. So, he thought it best to cover up his mistake with a change of subjects. “I, um, actually was hoping to ask you if you could teach me, uh, some history, w-whenever.”
He would have missed the spark in Dohalim’s eyes if his back was turned. He didn’t know whether to feel joy or fear because of it. “You wish to educate yourself with the finer things of life?”
Law would have groaned and walked away had the elder not nodded his head and approached him. “Very well. I have just the beginner’s lesson.”
What Law had hoped would have lasted ten minutes carried on for hours. Dohalim showed him so many rocks, or things, prattled on about their meanings, its history, even long after Law stopped listening. However, one night of lecture became several, until Law actually regretted asking him at all. The only good thing that came of their nightly conversations had been that it kept Hootle away from his head, and Rinwell away from his mending heart.
Because the more he spent time with Dohalim, the more he worried he would never be like him, which meant he would never catch Rinwell’s eye for more than half a second.
There came a point where Law couldn’t take it anymore. While Dohalim continued to explain something to him, he stood from his spot on the ground and sighed loudly enough to catch his attention.
“Look. All of this information means nothing to me. I’m just a fighter. All I’m ever going to be is a stupid, uneducated guy who doesn’t like vegetables and likes to hit things. I’ll never be like you.”
The last part was not meant to be said aloud, but Law was fairly sure Dohalim wouldn’t catch the undertones.
“I do believe there is nothing wrong with who you are, Law. To be frank, the only thing I would impart to you is to have more self-confidence.” The energy in his tone was gone, something Law had grown used to hearing during their talks. He suddenly felt guilty about not taking at least one thing away from Dohalim’s lectures, since he could have spent all that time aiming that energy at someone who would have soaked it all up.
But…was he…encouraging him? “What?”
Dohalim came to his feet, then tentatively lowered his hand to Law's shoulder. “There are many things the world alone can teach you. History is all well and good, however, a person’s determination to make a bright future for those he cares about yields more worth than any, as you would say, dusty rocks.”
It was the first time he ever felt some kind of connection with Dohalim. It was weird, because he always looked up to Alphen as his big brother. Alphen had known his father, could talk about him and share stories and words of advice that no one else could offer. So Dohalim coming in and being a source of stability shook him to the core.
In return, all Law could do was rub at the back of his head and keep his mouth shut for a change.
In the subsequent weeks, nothing really changed. At least, Law didn’t think anything changed. Aside from the fact that they had to fly into space to another planet, nothing had changed. Campfire conversations weren’t unusual. Dinners were unusual. Kisara continued to demand him to eat more vegetables. Alphen and Shionne were acting weird when they thought no one else was awake. Dohalim still tried to persuade him to hunt down “dusty rocks” at least every other day.
“Um, are you okay?”
His heart came to a stop in his chest. Conversations between him and Rinwell were regular occurrences, but they lacked a lot of what made them enjoyable. Not that he would ever miss a chance to talk to her, or try and poke at her when she was eating too much sugar, but things hadn’t been the same since she figuratively slapped him in the face in Niez. And even then, he usually had to initiate conversation. She just kept them going.
Law stood up from his spot, brushing his hands on his pants before turning to her. “I think so?”
She eyed him in curiosity. He felt his face heat up. “You’re digging for something.”
Truth be told, he was, because Dohalim and Kisara had teamed up against him and if he wanted any meat in his next meal, he had to find Dohalim’s “possession” before he went to bed. Thankfully, he had been able to recruit a none-the-wiser Alphen into telling him where Dohalim had gone with his trinkets, then proceeded to dig around any disturbed areas he could find.
He sure as hell wouldn’t tell Rinwell that, lest she make fun of him or wish he could be someone other than himself. “O-Oh! Y-Yeah. I uh, I dropped something out here and was looking for it.”
Sadly, she didn’t appear to buy his white lie. “You’ve been acting really weird lately.”
Law didn’t see that coming. Weird? How so? Because he was forced to eat vegetables before he got his steak? Because he owed Dohalim for his time and went on these silly adventures to find nothing but dirt and rocks? Because he dueled with Alphen more than before so he could be too busy to go find dirt and rocks?
“You think so?”
When her fists landed squarely on her hips, he knew she was annoyed with him. He probably said something wrong. Probably did something wrong. Probably both. “Are you serious?”
It was always hard for him to look in her eyes to try and guess her emotional level, but it was extremely hard right now. Especially when she gave off a sigh of disgust, similar to the sound he heard that painful day in Niez.
“You have spent nights listening to Dohalim ramble on about his artifacts. You told Shionne she couldn’t use one of his plates to hold her dinner because it was valuable. You told Alphen not to give that merchant a gem because it wasn’t what he thought it was.”
Oh.
In some sense, all of that would have taken anyone by surprise. Aside from Shionne about to break said plate over his head for stopping her while in a hunger, he hadn’t thought anyone else would notice. He just remembered certain items from the time he spent with Dohalim, and that was why he stopped them. How many other items had been lost without him noticing? Why was she so appalled by it?
Maybe she thought he was trying to be like Dohalim, and she hated him for it. “I guess, I figure I have some spare time. He’s really smart. It's thanks to him that-,”
“And what’s so wrong with learning from me?”
And there it was. The quick retort. The unspoken accusation that he was a failure by her terms. That no matter what he would do, it would never be enough.
For once, her sharpness made him angry. “Look, I know I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but damn it, Rinwell, I don’t know what you want from me. I wish I could be as invested in history and all that, but I can’t. I don’t get it. But I tried. Because maybe instead of always talking about things you like with Dohalim, I thought maybe you could talk to me instead of being so damn angry all the time.”
It felt wonderful to get it all out in the open, until he realized it was all out in the open. He wanted to run down the path and never come back. He was angry, sure, but now he was angry at himself. For opening his mouth, saying something stupid, likely incomprehensible, and now making himself look more pathetic to a girl he didn’t stand a chance with.
Then, he swore he heard her voice, timid and quiet, almost like a whisper from the air around him. “You tried to learn more about history just to talk to me?”
Defeated, he let the breath leave his lungs in one mad rush. “You told me you wanted me to be more like Dohalim. But the more I sat and struggled to comprehend what the hell he was talking about, the more I realized I could never be him.”
He ran a hand over his face to give himself some distance and to do something. He could not believe he had spoken one of his recent misgivings aloud. The longer the silence dragged on, the more agitated he became, until finally, he felt his knuckles crack.
“I-I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t her words that gave him pause, but her voice. Rinwell was never one to be so sad, unless it was personal, so hearing it made his stomach twist into knots. She was the one who dropped her head when he searched out her eyes, and she kept her own glued to the grass by her feet.
“I-I don’t think there’s anything wrong with who you are, Law.” She started to play with her hands while his breath caught in his throat as he impatiently waited for her to continue. “I like who you are because you’re really sweet. A-And you’re always there, even if I know you don’t think I see. A-And I was worried you were mad at me about something, since you spent all your time with Dohalim instead of with me.”
A million thoughts ran through his head, but all he could say to her was, “Really?”
Her weak laugh made his insides burn and he suddenly felt ten times lighter. “Really. I mean, you annoy me a lot, but I think that’s okay. I’ve just…” Her voice grew quiet again, and in response, he felt himself take a few steps closer to her. “I’ve just never had someone care about me to the lengths that you do, so it’s…different.”
He could have reached out and hugged her, told her over and over that he was sorry for supposedly pushing her away, but Rinwell, being Rinwell, stopped him with a hand to his chest. Unknowingly to her, it would forever be burned into his skin and he would cherish it for the rest of his life.
“So stop trying to be like Dolahim. I don’t want to have to deal with two crazy people who talk to inanimate objects like they are best friends. At least you can keep me grounded.”
All he could do then was laugh. “By grounded, does that mean always striking me with lightning?”
“If you deserve it.”
And there was that connection between the two of them that he had missed for weeks. She grinned at him, swatting him once in the chest before turning on her heels to head back to the campsite. As he watched her walk off, he lifted a hand to his chest, right over his heart, and smiled at nothing but the memory.
Maybe there was hope for him after all.