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You woke to the soft scratch of a tiny hand on your forehead.
“Hey buddy,” you croaked, prying your eyes open and giving him a weak smile.
You kept the facade of strength when Din was around, but when he was off on hunts, it was eating away at you. A mold spread down from your brain, into your heart, and pumped into every vein and vessel in your body. It carved a deep cavern in your chest, and a thick, potent sadness took its place. Now, you were holed up in the darkness of the bunk, only emerging to feed the kid and entertain him. Even he knew something was up.
Grogu let out a soft stream of syllables, and your hand reached out to give him a little scratch on the head.
“What’s up?”
He was pointing toward the doorway of the bunk. You pushed yourself up to a sitting position with your aching arms.
“How about we go for a walk? Just let me get--”
Din stood in the doorway.
“Din,” you said, shock evident in your voice. “You weren’t-- You weren’t supposed to be back for a couple of days.”
“I got done early.”
“I--” you swallowed, trying to coax your dry throat into speaking normally.
He said your name, soft tone evident even through the crackle of the modulator, and his voice broke ever so slightly.
Just when you thought you were at your lowest, a wave of shame overcame you and shattered your heavy heart into a million pieces. You were frozen in place as Grogu hobbled toward the doorway. Din scooped him up and let him sit in the crook of his elbow.
“Bedtime, little guy.”
Grogu, being the wisest toddler you’ve ever met, made a noise of understanding, and you heard Din’s footsteps retreating to where the pod was located in the cargo hold.
What were you going to say? What could you even say?
There was no excuse for this kind of behavior. You didn’t know why it happened, or even how. You were just stuck .
With the sound of boots fast approaching, you braced yourself for the worst. You knew he loved you, but this kind of behavior was not the kind of thing that a bounty hunter wanted to add to his list of responsibilities. It was too dangerous. Too distracting.
“Din. Please. I made sure the kid was alright. I would never ever neglect him like that. I--”
He cut you off.
“ Cyar’ika ,” he whispered, coming down to join you in the dimly lit space. The sound of the Mando’an phrase rolled off of his tongue like honey. Din took off his helmet with a soft click. “You are always so good to him. I would never be worried about that.”
He swallowed.
“I’m worried about you .”
Tears pricked at your eyes, a feeling that your numbed mind had nearly forgotten. You didn’t want him dragged into this mess. Your mess.
Those same tears began to fall, and Din removed his armor with lightning efficiency. They were silent at first, but once he pulled you into the warmth of his chest, several choked sobs escaped.
“You know I’m always here for you, right? I don’t want you to ever feel like you have to hide this from me.”
You buried your face into the crook of his neck, trying to run away from the guilt that creeped in. He continued speaking.
“I love you and the kid more than anything in this galaxy. I need you to remember that. Always.”
Those words were like a punch to the stomach.
“You have given me everything. I wouldn’t be here without you. But--”
A sob tore through you, ripping the air from your lungs. He massaged soft, soothing circles into your back and brought his other hand up to tilt your face toward him.
“But what, my love?”
The sadness that plagued his face landed yet another crushing blow.
“I don’t--”
You stopped before taking a deep, shaky breath and averting your eyes.
“I have nothing to give back. Nothing .”
The circles on your back ceased, and he sat straight up against the durasteel wall, cradling both sides of your face so that you had no choice but to look into his deep brown eyes. He said your name in the most gut-wrenching tone.
“You have no idea what you mean to me. What you mean to the kid,” he started. “I--”
Din tripped over his words for a minute and paused to slow himself down.
“Your strength, your kindness, your love. You are the reason I fight so hard to come back to this ship every day. I wouldn’t be here without you.”
The tears fell from your cheeks, and he wiped them away with both thumbs.
“You have-- have so much on your plate already. I--”
You trailed off, trying to catch your breath enough to continue, but failing. A sob wracked your body again, and you crumpled into him. He ran his hands gently through your hair, leaving you even more self conscious about how greasy and tangled it probably was.
“You are not just another item on a checklist,” he said. “Please, mesh’la . Let me help you. I want to help you.”
Those were the words that finally did it. There weren’t even any tears left to fall, but you violently, embarrassingly sobbed in Din’s arms. He held you tighter to him, comforting you as you let everything out. It was cathartic.
After a few minutes, your breathing had slowed, matching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he continued to rub your back.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, voice hoarse.
“There’s no need to apologize, cyar’ika ,” he cooed. “How about we take a nice warm shower, and then map out a place for us to relax for a while?”
You looked up at him and nodded, exhausted from the events of the past hour.
“Just the three of us. A vacation. ”
You gave him a weak smile, amused by hearing him say that last word. He had probably never taken a vacation in his life.
“Din,” you said.
“Hm?”
“I love you.”
He knew that already, but those were the only three words that felt right in the moment. Din flashed a smile, the twinkle of his eyes slowly chipping away at the darkness inside of you.
“I love you too.”