Chapter Text
Before you go waste your money on going to therapy I'll tell you that it's not worth it. You can go to a million different therapists, work out until you're only skin and bones, listen to relaxation tapes until you can quote them in your sleep. None of that will fix your life. Trust me, I've tried, I've tried everything.
"Have a good night, Connor. I'll see you for a session same time next week." My therapist told me. I put on my biggest, most believe fake smile.
"See you next week." I nodded at him. Soon I wouldn't be able to see anything. Soon I would never be able to have false hope that the world could possibly get better.
I pulled out my phone. Three texts from my sister Zoe.
You were supposed to come get me!
Mom has to come get me now
Great! It's raining!
I ignored her texts going onto my Spotify playlist. I popped in an ear bud; I was positive the last thing I was going to listen to was wish you were sober by Conan Grey.
I got into my car. My fingers tapped in the address of Ellison state park.
***
Drowning is a concept that always interested me. Lungs filling up with water until you finally shut your eyes and you can't see anymore.
That's why I chose Ellison State Park to be my death place. I looked down at the gorgeous fast paced water from the big cliff. The cliff had always been my favorite part of coming here. It had the perfect view and if you were very careful you could jump off of it. I'd never done it myself, but I'd seen people do it before. There had even been one person who had hit their head so hard that they could've bled out if no one has been around. I looked down at the fast-running water. I was ready.
I took off my shirt and phone placing it down on the ground. This was it. I had so many memories here. When my family loved each other, when my parents weren't always arguing, before when me and Zoe were attached at the hip.
Her and I would run in the water as mom and dad happily chattered away. We'd splash each other and race until every part of our bodies screamed. I wiped furiously as a tear rolled down my face. This would solve it all. My death would solve our problems. Mom and Dad could go back to being the lovebirds that Zoe and I would wretch at. Zoe wouldn't have to deal with me ruining everything again. Everyone would be so much happier.
I took a step forward. Another one. Another. I felt my foot dangling off the edge at last. I closed my eyes smiling. Death should always be greeted with a smile. I was ready to let go of all my anger, disappointment, fears and just the world itself.
I felt my body start to fall. I expected to hit the ground peacefully but to my disappointment seconds before I landed in the water I felt someone catch me.
I opened my eyes to see a boy my sister's age holding onto me. He had messy wet blonde hair and doe blue eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked me.
I growled at him. "No! Let me down! What did you do?"
"What...what do you mean? I just saved you."
"No! You just stopped me from saving myself!" His face went from a puzzled expression to an angry one.
"You're...you're kidding me right?" He asked dropping me onto the rocks. "Why would you do that? Dying doesn't fix anything. It never has, never will." I huffed back.
"Yeah, well boys like you, they have perfect little lives! You probably have a tight knit group of friends! You have a mommy and daddy who are madly in love, you've never suffered a day in your life! Most that's happened to you is maybe a bullying incident when you were younger or something!" I pushed myself up, so I was standing.
"No. I don't have a perfect life either. That still doesn't explain why you wanted to die. The world is an amazing place. I'm sure you could see that if you tried." He replied. I let out a sharp laugh.
"Walk a mile in my shoes." I muttered.
"Ok." He replied. "I will, if starting tomorrow the next eight days of us hanging out I can't give you at least one reason to live."
I didn't know why I was pondering saying yes. Five minutes ago, I had been ready to die, craving it even.
"You won't change my mind." I crossed my arms.
"At least give me the chance?" I nodded.
"Fine...only if you promise to leave me in peace after?" He nodded.
"I promise you. In return if I convince you otherwise you have to attend my mom's wedding with me." No way in hell was that going to happen, but it wasn't like this dumb boy would show me a worthy reason to live so I agreed. "There are a thousand different reasons to live. First one being kind strangers. My name's Evan by the way." The boy smiled.
"I'm Connor. Connor Murphy."