Work Text:
It hurts.
I knew you’d understand.
It hurts and hurt and burned through his veins and made him want.
I knew you.
Hurt flooded his body and he curled in on himself. Shaking. Teeth grinding. Grinding him down. Grinding him into little tiny pieces laid before one man/three men/two men and an unforgiving angel.
Forgive me father for I have sinned and sinned and I am a sinner and it hurts.
“You need to drink something, Reid.” A voice from above, water lapping at cracked lips and a dark shadow of one man.
Teeth in endless motion, wearing him down to the quick to the point of confession.
I knew you’d understand.
Was that his confession? Was that what the unforgiving angel wanted? No, mother, father, forgive me father for I have sinned. I did not respect my “Mother?”
“Reid, your mother’s safe. She’s in Nevada. You need to drink something. He’s grinding his teeth. Garcia, can you get him something to suck on?”
Arms reaching, pulling down the one man.
Teeth grinding. Wrenching open locked jaw. Fighting wave of nausea. Voice cracking. Confession time.
Warm arms, lifting from cold floor to warm arms. Nausea in waves that lapped at empty stomach like water against chapped lips but not nice. Bed beneath him. Arms releasing but his fingers clenching tight into starched white shirt sleeves. Pulling down towards him. Hot breath on his face. Hands on his shoulders like before when the stench of the earth rolled towards him like nausea.
I knew you’d understand.
“Reid, Garcia’s here. She’s got you—a pacifier?”
“It works when you take ecstasy. Not that you’d know that. Not that I ever have, sir. Well, I have but I was younger. It was before we met and I wouldn’t now that I work for the FBI. Of course not. I mean I have friends who do when we’re at a party. That’s why I have this in my purse because they might need it and I would never. You can have me tested. I promise.”
“Garcia, all of tonight is strictly off the books. I trust you.”
Trust. Confession. Understanding.
Something forced between his lips. A sacrament. I’m not a religious man, he wanted to scream but forgive me, father, for I have loved.
“Reid, I have to go now.”
Now. Now. Confession. I love you.
“Reid, you have to let go. Hayley’s waiting for me but Garcia’s here to stay with you.”
Fingers losing all strength, arms dropping, wave of hurt. I hurt. Words like lashes to sensitive soles.
I thought you’d understand.
It hurts.