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If someone had asked Sam a few months ago what his favourite thing to do was, he’s not sure what he would’ve said. Maybe skateboarding, or art, or magic depending on who had asked the question. But now? Without hesitation, Sam knows it’s spending time with Felix.
Ever since they’ve started dating, he’s spent most of his time with the other boy, and not once has he been bored. Even when they’re doing nothing but lying down and listening to music Sam has felt content, when the same act with anyone else would simply make him restless.
And until this moment, Sam had always known Felix felt the same.
It’s mid-afternoon on a Saturday, and Felix had come over as soon as he had woken up — which had been later than usual. He’s sitting on Sam’s bed, strumming on Vince’s old acoustic guitar as Sam doodles in his sketchbook at his desk.
He’s barely said anything in the hour that he’s been over, and it’s starting to worry Sam. Even his attempts at jokes had fallen flat, not even smiling when Sam had made a joke about Jake accidentally crashing Ellen and Mia’s recent date. He’s withdrawn in on himself, and Sam doesn’t know what to make of it.
Unable to put it off any longer, Sam sighs and drops his pencil as he climbs out of his seat to fall onto the bed beside Felix.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Felix doesn’t look up from the guitar as he plays another chord. “What do you mean?”
“I know there’s something bothering you, Fe,” Sam says carefully. “You know you can talk to me, right?”
Sam notices Felix freeze at that, his hands hesitating just long enough to be noticeable.
“I’m fine, Sam. Nothing’s wrong.”
Sam knows Felix well enough to hear the light shake in his voice, despite him trying to disguise it with another strum of the guitar.
Sam leans forward, placing his hand over Felix’s on the fretboard. “Can you look at me, please?”
Felix lets the guitar drop into his lap, pulling his hand away from Sam’s.
“Jesus, Sam. I’m fine.” Sam watches as Felix puts the guitar down and climbs off the bed harshly.
Sam’s face falls as he watches Felix pull away. He’s not stupid, he knows something’s wrong. Felix’s always been open with him, albeit in an offhanded sort of way, but he’s never kept secrets before.
“Did I do something wrong?” Sam asks, following Felix’s suit and hopping off the bed.
“God you are so clingy,” Felix snaps. “I told you I was fine.”
Sam frowns, swallowing as he tries to ignore the feeling of hurt welling his chest at Felix’s words. “What?”
“I’m going home. I’ll see you later.”
Sam shifts, blocking the door to his bedroom. “You can’t just run off Felix,” he snaps, facing his boyfriend. “What’s gotten into you?”
Sam watches as Felix runs a hand through his hair, pushing the long strands away from his face as he debates what to say.
“I’m just having a bad day,” Felix snaps. “And I don’t know why, and I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sam’s face falls even further as he sees Felix hands tremble slightly at the admission. Had he really been so worried about simply telling Sam he was feeling down? They had spent an hour together while Felix was upset and Sam could’ve helped if he had just known he was having a bad day.
“Felix you know you can tell me these things right? Even if you don’t want to talk about it there’s nothing wrong about feeling shitty. I want to help you, Fe.”
“I just-” Felix pauses, his eyes anywhere but on Sam. “I don’t know how.”
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t grow up like you, where everything’s just so open. My parents never asked or cared about how I was doing, and they never spoke about emotions. I just don’t know how.”
Sam feels his chest tighten as he watches Felix’s face fall as he struggles to word how he’s feeling. It makes Sam angry, realising how alone he must have felt, how even now that he has Sam he still doesn’t know how to ask for help.
Sam leans up to stand on his tiptoes, placing a hand either side of Felix’s face and brushing his thumbs against his cheekbones carefully. “You can always talk to me, Felix. Always. Even if you don’t know how, I’ll be here to help.” Felix nods sharply, biting his lip as he tries to look away from Sam with teary eyes.
Sam drops his hands from Felix’s face to instead pull him into a hug. Felix buries his face in the crook of Sam’s neck, causing Sam to stumble a bit — still balancing on his toes. They both laugh lightly, swaying gently to keep balance as Sam cradles the back of Felix’s neck with one hand.
“I’m sorry I called you clingy,” Felix says, pulling back just enough to look Sam in the eyes. “I like having you around.”
“I like having you around too,” Sam laughs, leaning up to kiss Felix softly. Felix hums as he deepens the kiss, his hands falling to rest on Sam’s waist gently. “Next time just try tell me, yeah?” Sam asks softly as they seperate.
“I’ll try,” Felix promises, the sadness that was clouding his eyes before finally starting to fade.
“Wanna head into town and get ice cream?”
“Only if you’re buying,” Felix teases, squeezing Sam’s waist briefly before stepping back to grab his phone.
“Sure,” Sam laughs, watching as Felix slips his boots back on and pockets his phone. Felix turns back to him, a small smile on his face as he catches Sam staring. “Ready to go?”
“With you? Always.”