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his fingers are curled around the strands of his hair and his eyeglasses, that are usually resting on top of the bridge of his nose, is lying helplessly on the table where his elbows are. the balls of his feet bounces anxiously as his thoughts spiral through the familiar void in his head.
it’s a rare sight for a man who appears impassive to the eyes of the norm.
to his fear, the frontdoor of their house welcomes his impulsive mistake he did ten minutes ago.
“hey.” your voice is coated with sympathy as your eyes take in the unruly bearing of the blonde.
“what are you doing here?” he snaps as soon as his head turns to you. his face is tainted in sweat and tears that you almost want to craddle him but his tone made you wince and think twice.
“you texted me to come over, right?” you reminded him of the text he sent you ten minutes ago pleading you to come over at his place. to your worry, you left everything behind and rushed to him.
“I DON’T WANT YOU HERE!” he yells making you step back from his sudden outburst.
“i don’t understand.” your voice hushed in disbelief, baffled with the way he’s reacting.
“IS IT NOT CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU? I DON’T NEED YOU HERE AND TEXTING YOU WAS A STUPID MOVE I PULLED MINUTES AGO. LEAVE ME ALONE!”
he didn’t mean those words. he didn’t think that you would come to his place in heartbeat the moment he asked for you. he didn’t want you to see his vulnerable side. he built a faultless image of him for you to adore and possibly fall in love with. so, you seeing his emotionally wrecked state is a huge blow to his perfect plan.
“tsukki.” you whimper. his eyes rally from one eye to the other. he feels the weight of his words began pulling him down. defeated, you break the eye contact to bring your gaze down to your slippers.
“i rushed here worried about you. your text sounded like you needed someone urgently. i even forgot to change my indoor slippers because i was in a hurry.” you manage to let out a single laugh at your pathetic state. you shift your eyes back to him.
“im hurt.” your bottom lip wobbles and tears start rolling down your cheeks.
“you hurt me, tsukki.” your voice increases as your sobs turn into bawls. your shoulders shake between gasps.
“___.” his mouth is left ajar and his eyebrows are pressed together. he was about to push himself up to near you when you cut him off as you speak.
“don’t.” you shake your head as you held his distraughted eyes. guilt stain his face and you visibly see him regretting his choice of words. nonetheless, you kept your ground. you use the back of your hand to wipe the tears off your face.
“this is the last time im talking to you.” his pupils dilates as said your final words. albeit, your feet taking you back home.
tsukki sees you with your friends at the hallway the following morning after the incident. he assumed you’d be in the dumps still thinking about last night but to his surprise you seem happier than he thought. he watches you converse with your friends. his lips pulls into a smile when he sees you crunching down to hold your stomach as an attempt to stop your laughs. god, he missed your contagious smile.
he spent the whole day thinking of the right words to say to you. he knows that an apology won’t make up for the scar he left. promises sounds like a cliché and it’s definitely not his thing.
he knew he needed transparency to show you his sincerity but it’s difficult for a person who’s used to bottling up his emotions and dealing it with himself. he has always been independent but for the first time in his whole existence he wanted someone to cry on. thus, on that night his fingers typed in the words his mouth can’t pronounce and sent it to the person he most wanted to cling onto.
you.
which is why he finds himself at the bottom of the stairs waiting for you. his eyes are glued to his shoes and his back leaning against the wall next to the staircase. he whips his head up when he hears a familiar laugh coupled with chatters of two more girls echoing in the small space.
“hi” he says when he sees your feet secured on the floor. your eyes land at him and instantly your smile fades. a heavy pang strikes in his chest when your expression changes.
“can we talk?” tsukki adds, swallowing air down his throat. he keeps his eyes locked to you. you turn your gaze back to your friends and bid them goodbye. he lets out a relieved sigh when you nod at him yes. you stand across from him, still keeping your distance, with your arms crossed on your chest.
“i was an asshole last night.” he says. you raise an eyebrow at him. he continues “most of the time.”
“point already taken.” you retort.
“i like you.” he blurts out making you press your brows together. did you hear him right?
although, you find it amusing that he, tsukishima kei, is confessing to someone who already cut ties with him hours ago.
“i like you more than as a friend. that’s why i have fears and emotions i am not familiar with.” the corner of his eyes soften and the tips of his ears tinted in red. tsukki is actually blushing.
“i panicked when you came over. i didn’t want you to seethat other side of me but i also wanted you to come over because last night was too much for me. i couldn’t handle it alone. i find most comfort in you and i wanted you to assure me that everything will be okay but instead i kicked you out and hurt you. i-i,” he trails off.
“i wanted you to hug me.”
his honesty caught you off guard yet his words pulled out the knife stabbed through your chest. you feel the weight of keeping a smiling facade infront of your friends has finally lifted off from your shoulder. you can finally breathe without the ache compressing your lungs.
your eyes glistens as you approach his broken figure. you pull him by the wrist and swiftly wrap your arms around his waist. he stands frozen at your touch. after awhile, you feel his chest vibrates and his back shudder. he confirms your thoughts when you heared stifled hiccups coming from him. his arms pulls you closer in a tighter embrace. his face burries at the top of your head.
“shh, it’s okay. it’s never a flaw to feel emotions. you’re safe with me.” your palm moves up and down across his back. you hold him steady as he cries.
“i don’t want to lose you.” he chokes between sobs. his eyes are blood shot and his hair is all over the place.
“you won’t. im always here for you.” you pull back from the hug and your hand reaches to his face, your thumb catching a tear.
“now, i find myself liking you more.” you smile.