Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

THE AUNT AND THE SLUG

BY

THE FRANK

Well, you know that Browning poem? "The year's at the spring, And day's at the morn; Morning's at seven; The hmm-hmms dew-pearled; The...shark? No that can’t be right… Lark? Ok, that sounds better. Lark on the wing; The snail's on the thorn: God's in his heaven— All's right with the world! If you ask me, if this is how the world is alright, then Browning sure had a high tolerance for absolute and utter disaster! 

But I suppose I better begin from the start. Well, as with every other day, it began with Catra entering with the morning tea and the daily miserabilites. In our case The times which is as miserable as miserabilites come. (I would prefer something with more pictures, but Aunt Sharon is dead on that I should get at least ‘the minor of insights in how the world works.’ ) I am a devil at their crossword though, I dare to say! Well, as I lay there trying my absolute hardest to decipher vertical 7, five letters “Ides that are to be worn of”, Catra re-entered with a telegram.

“Hullo!” I exclaimed. “What is this?”

“It is a telegram, miss Greyskull.”

“I can see that! Who sends a telegram at this hour?”

“Someone awake at this time of day, I would say, miss. Which if I may emphasize, is the majority of the population in England. Even Britain as a whole.”

I gave her a look. “Are you making fun of me, Catra?”

“I would never dream about it, miss Greyskull. I take it that you are done with the tray?”

“Huh? Oh. Oh yes, yes indeed.”

“Then I will leave you with the telegram. Good morning miss.” And she was out. I stared at the doorway she had previously occupied. I am the luckiest of skunks, for what reasons they are luckier than other animals I will never understand, but I am not holding it against them. If they’re lucky, then by all means they should! And the luckiest skunk was I who had Catra. Now, she is sharp tongued and she has more opinions about my wardrobe than most servants, but she has saved me from more dangers than any safety belt and that is not saying too little! 

Hmm, I have the immense feeling that I am trying to avoid the actual subject of my narrative.
Damn it, I am! Huh. The matter must be much more scarring than I imagined. Alright, better crack on with it then! I opened the telegram, and to my very much non-surprice, it was from my aunt Sharon. If you receive a telegram that definitely arrived long before you opened your blue-is, it is sent by those dreadful people who like to ‘savour the day’ and they always mean trouble. Well, in aunt Sharon’s case it’s more about “no rest for the wicked'' but the result is the same. And speak of old mr horny, it was from aunt Sharon. She summoned to lunch at 11.45 sharp. A quick look at my wrist told me that I had not my wrist watch on me, and I called for Catra.

“Catra!” I cried. “I have lost my wrist watch!”

“Really miss? That is most unpleasant. Allow me to fetch your uncle Kethryns pocket watch from the safe.”

“Catra!” I cried again. “I want my wrist watch!”

“So I heard, miss Greyskull.” There was a faint touch of disdain in her voice. “And it is impeccably unfortunate that you have lost it. However, the pocket watch will be well sufficient for you, and the chain will stop you from losing it.”

Ah. I sat up a bit more in the bed and straightened my back just a few inches, and fastened my grip on the surrounding sheets. When battles commence, you must have your coat at arms at hand. As I have mentioned, Catra’s idea of fashion is irretrievably conservative, and amongst her many ‘A gentlewoman absolutely can’t-s’ is the idea that wrist watches is a vulgarity that is for the common man and not the gentlewoman. Or man. I caught the hint of disapproval in her eyes and stared back. Damn me if I was going to give it up this time. 

“I have not lost it! I just can’t find it!”

I don’t know if you have ever seen a person trying not to roll her eyes. Noone does it better than Catra. She doesn’t execute the maneuver in question, you see, and yet it is indisputable what she is doing. “I believe that is the very definition of losing something, miss Greyskull.”

“No it’s not!” Ha. Showed her.

“You must pardon me, miss, but it is.”

“No it’s no...Catra, If something is lost, it means that it is gone with the wind, sleeping with the fishes, making the sun shine brighter in Philadelphia! But if it’s only something you can’t find, then it must be somewhere here in the old lair! Don’t you see? Catra, you’re supposed to be intelligent.”

“Yes miss. Now that you have explained the matter I understand perfectly.”

“Good.” I was glad that she saw reason so easily. “I am quite convinced that I put it on my bedside drawer yesterday.”

“I cannot say, miss.”

“You should! You told me that if I keep wearing it at night it gets tangled up in your hair.”

She bowed. “I am glad you took my advice in that matter, miss. However, I am incapable of telling you where it is. Is it something special you require it for?”

“Yes, I need to know the time.”

She proceeded to produce her own pocket watch and gave it a glance. “It’s 10.25, miss. You have just time to dress and take care of your hair before you need to. I shall call you a cab. Is the luncheon to take place at her dark lady’s residence?”

“Catra… The luncheon will be at Aunt Sharon's place, yes. Just a second, how did you know? I only read the telegram myself just now!"

“It lays letters up on your bed, miss. I can read it perfectly from this distance. I can even smell the blood of which it has been printed with. I shall prepare the remedies for the poison to be ready for you when you return.”

“Catra…” But she was already outside the door. As I may have mentioned, Catra does NOT like Aunt Sharon. To be fair, neither do I, but far am I from it to address her in such an outspoken manner! I am the one who will be strangled for it, after all. 

Anyway, I got dressed. Catra had selected a classic dark brown dress-suit with an olive green shirt and a matching scarf to go with it. I asked why the cream white wasn’t an option and she replied “It goes very bad with tomato- and garlic soup with lentils, miss.” 

“Are the colors that clashing, really?”

“Not if the soup is kept in the bowl or on the spoon, miss. Which unfortunately very seldom is the case when you dine, miss.”

“Catra! Now listen here!” But she was out. After a few minutes of searching and inveigling, I managed to find my watch and put it on, and short after that, the cab punted me down the stream of humanity the world called Regent Street. I exited the cab, gave the cabbie a well rounded sum as a tip and looked at my watch with as much superwomanship I could muster. Here, the observer would say, is a woman who knows her way around the world AND the time in the same brist movement. I am not sure if anyone watched me, but anyway, you must always make that little extra effort. Time was 11.15, meaning I had just enough to spare for a slow stroll through the gloomy park that surrounded Villa Hortence. 'Horror hall' as Catra once christened it to is a rather gloomy place that looks a bit like a gigantic caterpillar. A bit. The gardener is doing his best to make sure it's not shown to the outside world and let me tell you, the garden (or perhaps park is a better expression) would make Perfuma green with envy, if she wasn't too pure a soul to harbour such feelings after her morning tea and meditation. (Being a houseguest in Plumeria is an experience, I say.) Anyway, I passed the huge stone dragon that watched over the entrance and gave it my best grin. It grinned back, as things with facial expressions carved in stone tend to do. I whistled the latest Berlin-hit and smiled. Maybe this was going to be a good day after this, I thought to myself. But as they say in detective novels, ‘had I but known…’

I entered and was shown into the dining room by her valet Mr Nightfire. A very unpleasant man who looked like he could smile and eat you with beans and a nice Amarone at the same time. Very suitable for aunt Sharon, since she would do the same, save for smiling. She never does that. I think. At least I have never seen her do so.
“Adora. You look presentable. Good.”

“Hullo Aunt Sharon. What’s up today?”

“Nothing is ‘Up’. Adora. We have important issues to discuss, concerning your future.”

“Oh.” I had nothing else to say. That couldn’t bode well. We sat down at the table. The luncheon did indeed start with the tomato-soap Catra had mentioned. Well, if nothing else, Aunt Sharon's cook is passable and it wasn’t half bad. But only five spoons in (and merely one some where else than in my mouth, hah!), she grunted.

“You eat like a slob, Adora.”

“Mhhpppffhh?” I replied.

She shook her head. “Thank the gods I took the precaution only to invite him for the coffee... “

“Whu? Who?” Him? I didn’t know Aunt Sharon had any male acquaintances that weren't already being paid by her.

“Why, your fiance, of course.”

Leave it to aunt Sharon to say that without making it sound like it was a death sentence. No, scratch that. Aunt Sharon WOULD announce a death sentence in the same breath as she made a remark on the weather. I was completely stunned in silence! Had I been in some more friendly company there would have been comments like ‘Why, Adora! You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden!’ or maybe ‘Catra got your tongue, Greyskull?’ had Mista been here. But Aunt Sharon only smiled her not-really-a-smile-just-a-slight-wrinkle-in-her-veil and I stayed silent all through the rest of the soup and three quarters through the veal. Aunt Sharon on her side kept making small remarks of the kind she does when she has made all the plans and only awaits your signature on the parchment condemning you to the deepest pits of the Tower of London.
“Now, you can’t stay at your current quarters, of course. He has a passable villa down in Crowborough. A bit too close to the city, but still a suitable home for a young wellbred couple. And enough space for… children.”
Or

“It is unfortunate that you insist on wearing those dreadful dresses and such hats. But I suppose that some men prefer to mold their spouses themselves, and I am quite confident that he will succeed where I have been slightly misfortunate.”

Or

“He is a man of the highest respectability. He has a promising career in academics and the sciences. Not perhaps the ideal, but when it comes to YOU I suppose I should be satisfied that they even bother to look at you.”

Or

"Your flat should bring in a nifty sum, which would cover the expenses for the wedding."

Around now I decided that it was time to speak. When weddings are mentioned alongside my name I release the safety hack on my Browning, as they say. Now, of course I don't own a Browning, but if I had, I would! I realized this moment demanded a direct approach!

“Aunt Sharon! Don’t tell me you want to marry me to someone!”

She blinked and took a deep breath. “Adora, how you survive day after day is a mystery to me. Yes, I am. Mr Leech is a very passable young man. An engineer, specialized in pressure and suction if I understood correctly. He currently holds a place at the firm Modulok and Modulok and he is on the line for promotion I hear. He will provide for you and take care of you.”

“Now Aunt Sharon! I don’t need to be taken care of!”

“Be silent, Adora. Tell me instead, what bus route would you take if you by chance needed to get down to the Strand from here?”

“Why that’s easy! I would just...take… um…” She waited a few second and continued.

“I believe my point is proven, Adora. If you can’t even find your way around London, how could you manage to get through life?”

“Why, I have Catra!”

“Yes. That sorry excuse for a human existence. An insolent version of the serving classes. I am very glad that she will be out of my life from now on.”

“WHAT?!” I may have raised my voice a bit there.

“Oh don’t look at me like you don’t understand english! You can’t keep such a maid as a married woman. You need someone who can take care of a whole household…"

"Aunt Sharon, I assure you! While Catra isn’t strictly a Butler, if she gets the chance she can buttle with the best of them!"

She reacted to my interjection with a glare and continued.

"You also need someone who knows her place. " She paused. "I admit, I have failed to find such a person as yet, but it will work out.”

I had a protest on my lips, but at that moment, Nightfire entered and announced “Mr Leech, miss Weaver.”

Now, I am not one to judge people by their looks, but it was hard not to, with this man. He was taller than me, slightly bottom heavy with remarkably wide thighs and a boyish face, not to unpleasant eyes, but he had a mouth that gave one the impression that once he got stuck on you, he never let go. He wore a discreet grey suit that even to me said 'no imagination'. (A few years with Catra does this to you…)

"Miss Greyskull! It's a pleasure finally meeting you!"

He took my hand and kissed it. And damn me, it did feel a bit sucky.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr Leech."

"No need to be so formal, my dear! As your future Master you can use my first name. Myrtle, at your service."

MYRTLE LEECH? Oh dear. Catra would probably sit and stare far away in the distance in the kitchen when she heard that. I can’t say I liked it either.Not that I said so! A Greyskull is always polite.

"Why, a pleasure! Adora S. Greyskull at your service."

"At my services, hmm? I sure hope so, I sure hope so!" He looked at me, from top to toe and smiled. His eyes stayed rather long on the region slightly south of my navel, and even if I was fully dressed, I got rather embarrassed. My eyes were higher up, thank you! Finally he looked at aunt Sharon.. "A prime example, prime example. I wished for the best and I must say, you fit." 

Again, I felt it was time to protest, this time straight to the man himself.

"Now, you see, here, Mr Leech…"

"Myrtle! My darling, call me Myrtle!"

"Myrtle. Yes. Now, um… we cannot possibly get married."

“Really? But you said…” He turned to Aunt Sharon, who quickly cut him off.

"Of course she can marry, Mr. Leech. Adora. Do not speak nonsense. You are very much unmarried and I went in person to Somerset house last week to make sure." 

"Well… um.. Yes, of course but… But…"

Where the devil was Catra when I needed her? I wished against wish that she would suddenly show up in the door-way, with her usual calm demeanor and say "Excuse me Miss Weaver but Miss Grayskull cannot possibly get married because… because…" Okay, I may not be able to come up with a good reason, but I assure you that she would!

But there was no Catra in the doorway. Aunt Sharon stood to my left, looking at me expecting me to do some kind of juggling trick or something, because I was sure that she wasn’t in favour of what I was doing now. Mr Leech looked at me with a certain… hungry glimpse in his eye. Then Aunt Sharon looked at him and nodded. He began to search through his pockets, only to find nothing, or at least not what he searched for. 

“Ah! I must have left it in my coat! Just a moment…” And he left. I stared after him and said to Aunt Sharon: “Was that… my future...husband?”

“Really Adora, do pay attention! Yes it was.”

I shook my head. I needed to take control of this situation, at least some control.

 “Look here! I am flattered of course, but really, we don’t know each other!”

“Yes, that is most fortunate.”

“Sorry?”

“Really, Adora, who in their right mind would marry you if they knew you?”

“Now really, aunt Sharon! That was very much uncalled for!”

“No it wasn’t. Now be silent. He will soon return with the ring.”

“Ring? Now look here!”

“I HAVE looked. Here, there and everywhere and this was the best I could find.”

“But...but... I don’t want to!”

“That is not important.”

“Aunt Sharon, this is not the 19th century! I am pretty sure that it’s common practise for the young of today to choose a spouse on their own!”

“IF they choose, yes. But you don’t. And since you are my ward, it’s my responsibility to get you properly wed. And if it had been your, I don’t want to know what kind of low-life imbecile YOU would bring to the altar. Mr Leech is, as I said, a much suitable candidate.”

“But why!?”

“Well, because it would be a huge embarrassment for the family if you stayed unmarried!  Old maidens are nothing but urine.smelling spots of shame on the coat of arms!”

“AUNT SHARON!”

“Silence! It’s true.”
That was really rude, even for Aunt Sharon and I must say that I was slowly considering moving into Catra-territory in choice of words, but then mr Leech returned and I had to swallow whatever it was to be. I can't really tell Aunt Sharon what I think of her in front of a third part, can I?

“Yes! Here it is! Miss Greys...Adora! Take this ring and become my wife!” The ring was beautiful and must have cost some. But I wasn’t going to put it on my finger anyway. At least that was my idea of things to go. He had gone down on one knee, but really, with his length, it was hard to notice a difference. I stood frozen, stuck between anger and heart-breaking panic. But it only took one look from aunt Sharon and a sharp "Adora" for me to stutter "y-yes" and take the darn thing on.

The following moments are a bit dull, but I think they mostly consisted of mr Leech talking about how lucky I was going to be with him and how lucky HE would be with me. 

“Now, the wedding will of course need to be well outlined, but I think it could be done next month.” Aunt Sharon didn’t rest on her haunches. 

“Now wait a minute!”

“Shush Adora. Adults are speaking.”

“Now now, Mrs Weaver! My wife is allowed to have a word in the matter! What were you going to say, my love? The sooner the better?”

I had to swallow and focus extremely hard on that small smile Catra always gave me before leaving the bed to make breakfast. That gave me enough consciousness to speak. “I have… rather a big family, you see. Why, with my nieces and my cousins and my other aunts and brothers and… Well, I probably have a few second and third cousins as well, not to mention an ex-grandfather. Next month is too soon to get them all here.” See? I CAN be cunning.

Aunt Sharon glared at me again. “Really, Adora. That is not necessary.”

But for once aunt Sharon wasn’t in control. Mr Leech was apparently at least slightly on my side.

“Ah but of course! A big family wedding! I always wanted to have one of those! AS you like it my love! Think it over and return to me with what you have decided. If I find the date sufficient, that is when we will be wed!” 

Always something. I gave out a silent sigh of relief. A bit to early, since Aunt Sharon wanted revenge for her previous defeat. Because then she said "Mr Leech. Please accompany Adora to her flat and make all the other necessary decisions."

"I… I… what decisions?" I managed to spit out.

"Why, sell your flat and give your...maid...notice of course."

"Aunt Sharon! That is where I live! Me AND Catra!!"

"At the moment. You can’t have a flat in London and that 'maid' of yours would be complete unfit for you being a housewife in the countryside."

"Housewife? Now see here…"

"Only on paper, Adora" She bit off. "I know your cooking limits itself to tea."

I had very little left of the old greyskull-spunk in me but for Catra I made one final effort.

"Look here! I can't give Catra notice! She…"

"I know." She cut me off, it surprises me that such a soft voice can hold the same power as an axe. "That is why Mr Leech will do it for you." Then she rang the bell. "Bring in the coffee and three small fernets. The moment calls for some celebration."

After that I had nothing else. We drank our coffee, and mr Leech had decided to sit next to me with his hand on my shoulder the whole time. The Fernet tasted like poison as always and for the briefest of seconds I wished it was. But only briefly, to many people would be sad by my demise and I would never do that to them! I equally looked forward to as well as dreaded our departure. I had no opportunity to warn Catra and I didn’t want to know how she would take this.

End of part one.

Chapter Text

The cab ride back to the old lair was as silent on my part as it was talkative on his.

"I am very excited and glad you said yes! I have been looking very long for someone who would fit as my spouse. And you, Adora, are PERFECT! Now, you will have to change some aspects of your life of course but that's only natural. The country life isn’t the same as life in the city. Not at all! Quiet, peace, long walks… that would suit you, as such a sportswoman! As well as other activities we can do, he he he...ehrm. Anyway, You will most certainly enjoy Crowborough. It's a very nice little village. Is this the place? Splendid! Let's go up right away, I want to show you my villa as soon as it's physically possible, he he!"

He did not tip the cab driver and the man honked us rather impertinently as we entered the building. He didn't greet the door-man either and he didn’t bother to knock on my door. He didn't have to, Catra was already opening it.

"Miss Greyskull?" She looked at me curiously. Then her eyes slided over to my 'companion'. “And… Mr…?”

“Leech! Myrtle Leech!”

“Myrtle?" A shadow of a pause, I could imagine her being shaken to the core in that moment. But she got hold of herself immediately. "Yes. I see. Please come in, mr Leech.”

He looked at her with unbidden curiosity. “And… you are?”

“Catra, mr Leech. Didn’t miss Greyskull tell you about me?” She gave me a look that was both reproachful and hurt. Mr Leech didn’t notice.

"Ah, so you are Catra! Funny, you don't look like a maid."

"Sir?" Far be it for Catra to stare in surprise, but had she been one to do so, she would have done it right now. 

"Ah, it's not important. Listen now. From this moment, you are no longer in my fiance's service. I suppose you can pack your bags but I need you out before tomorrow."

“Fiance, sir?” This time the look was easy to interpret. Catra was deeply hurt. Heartbroken even. Well, only for a second! But still. She gave me a brief look of ' really, miss'? and I tried to send her back my best 'I am afraid so, Catra.'

“Why, yes! It has all been arranged! Mrs Weaver approached me with the idea last month and I have to say, once I warmed up to the idea -honestly, I think that a man should stay a bachelor to achieve real greatness- but once she began to describe her -and once i SAW her- I realized how wrong I was! And now it is my mission to make her life as complete as possible. And I will start by giving her a fresh start in my home, without some old weight holding her back here in london! No offence, I understand that you have been most faithful to her. But we need to make our life our own! You understand, don’t you?” Catra looked more like she wanted to cut his head of (yes really. I have rarely seen her this mad) but she managed to get hold of herself again and she bowed slightly.

"I understand, Mr Leech. Let me be the first to congratulate you. I will go and pack immediately but perhaps you would like a drink first? Mr Leech, perhaps I can offer you a whiskey sour? And a black velvet for miss Greyskull? To celebrate this happy moment?” There was absolutely no feeling in Catra’s voice which told me all. She was hurt down to her core. Not only is a Black Velvet a drink for mourning, it’s also absolutely disgusting, and she knew that. Guinness and champagne do NOT mix, and the drink is a double example of that! Mr Leech didn’t bother for the subtle pike in my side, he smiled and laughed heartily.

"Hah! Don't mind if I do! But do not think this will change anything! You are still fired."

"Of course not sir. But it is customary to give at least two weeks' notice and I believe it has only been 15 minutes?" 

“Yes yes. We can discuss the finer details later. If it's a matter of money…. But first I will devour this!"

For a whiskey sour, we had the necessities in the living room but for mine, she needed to leave the room. Which she didn’t for reasons unknown to me. She made the drink, served it and stared at Myrtle the whole time. Mr Leech himself was silent, and swallowed his drink in three quick gulps.

"Darn it! Can you make another one?"

"Right away sir."
“Oh, and don’t forget to serve your soon to be former mistress!” 

“Of course not, sir. How could I possibly ?” A final look at me and she was out. I was very uncomfortable. To leave the old lair… To leave Catra... I felt my heart break as well. Not only would I have to leave, I would leave without saying goodbye, as it seemed. Mr Leech kept talking, mouth leather upholstered by the drink.

"Nice flat. Slightly too yellow for the general public's taste, but do not worry my dear. I know of an excellent firm who will make this presentable in no time!"

"Too yellow?"

"I don't expect you to understand the intricacies of design my dear. I know this. Just trust your darling Myrtle."

I stared at him. 

"We will sell most of the chattel. I have a cousin thrice removed that works at a firm around Oval that works quick and pricey."

"But… but… My things?"

"Darling." He smiled, kinda like a matron at the college did when they had decided something that was 'good for you and which usually meant itching clothes, castor oil and long hours of choir practice. He stepped over to me and took my hand in his. His hands were very soft, I have to give him that. They still felt like thistles to me. "We are about to start life anew. Together. We shall make our own home, create our own little paradise. The old must be gone and the new shall get in."

"Can...can I at least bring a few of my books?"

"Certainly! But only four. That's all the space I have to spare in my library."

Just as I feared. I admit that my personal belongings and my own little library wasn't that valuable or even filled with deep thoughts, wisdom of life and that sort, but they were mine! And for some reason, when things were mine they had a tendency to be treated as unimportant. Especially by Aunt Sharon. Out with the old didn’t mean his belongings, that was for certain. It is a bit of a habit, I have noticed, that people tend to overlook Adoras belongings when they talk about our things.

"Now look here! Mr… Um… Myrtle! I do think that… Like, this is… Really now, I do think…" When talking to those engineering types, it's always best to use logical arguments. But the old brain just refused to come up with something! Finally I spat out, "I mean, only four books? What shall I read?"

He smiled again, that fatherly smile that said 'I will think for you, poor girl.'

"I have at least three volumes I can think of on the top of my head. Jenkins On the care of the Diesel engine for one, but let us not focus on trivialities! You will have enough time to settle. Now, dear, please direct me to the phone. I want a valutor here as soon as possible."

I could only watch as my world went up in little grey flames.

And then, from nowhere, a knight in white armour entered, stage right. With a discreet cough she made her presence known.

"Your whiskey Sour, sir. And the Black Velvet, miss Greyskull. Also, Mr Leech, if I could give you a suggestion? Perhaps it is wise to uphold the selling of Miss Greyskulls flat for some time?"

"This is hardly a matter concerning servants!" He bit back, but apparently he was interested in what she had to say. "Timing is all, why should I wait to get this place sold?"

"As you said, sir, timing is all. I believe that this type of flat, suitable for the noble bachelor, will be more in season and would go for a much better price, around May, when the graduations from Oxford are over. Many well-bred members of the aristocracy are looking for flats like this one, sir, and the price can easily be doubled, or even tripled."

He looked at Catra with a face I have seen so many times before, bafflement and yet you know that she is right. Then he shook his head.

"Hmm! You are not as out of it as one might think! That idea dows hold some merit! But not may, no no! That is too late! April, when the examinations from Durham are done, that will be sufficient." 

Durham? Now that is just an insult from Aunt Sharon! And he didn’t even bother to mention the only real university. I wouldn't be surprised if this was deliberately done by Aunt Sharon. Londons school of economics never denies themselves. 

My husband to be didn’t notice my insulted face however, he just went on.

"By then the demand from up and coming engineers or technocrats...like myself once… will be sky high! What a nice gesture, looking after not only your former mistress but her husband to be! Too bad we can’t keep you!”

Catra bowed, and left. He turned to me, and smiled. "Besides, a wedding in April is so much more fitting. Wasn’t that what you were going to suggest, Adora? An april wedding it will be! ."

"Oh. Um, I guess" I said. "All the flowery flowers and birds in Berkeley Square and all that." really, what good would a protest do now? He nodded with excitement. "Not to mention how cheap the staff will be! Let's say April the 20th for the wedding. Flowers will be at it's lowest then. So on 4th of April… Yes, that day we will have this out in the adverts, three weeks to sell will do well! Then it's settled! Adora darling!" He took my hands in his. Weren't they just a tiny bit… moist? "20th of April we will be wed! We'll be we for real, my darling! Let us go! It's a good one-hour drive to Crowborough and I don't want to waste daylight."

"But… But my clothes!" Even if I had to accept my destiny, I had to maintain a gentlewoman's standard! He gave me a look that you would give a ten year old boy who misspelled ‘Acquiesce’. "Adora. You may look smashing to me, but you can not possibly go dressed like that down in Crowborough! The town would explode if they saw you! You are my wife to be, you need to look decent!"

"I… Look, These are the clothes I have!"

"Not all of them, I hope!?"

"Why, yes! Most of them!" I paused. "Oh, you mean… yes, I do have more than one suit. Nine I think."

"Nine you...think?"

"Well, it's Catra that keeps my wardrobe in check but nine should be all. Well, save for my riding gear, my rugby uniform, my smoking, my bridesmaids dress from Glimmer's wedding and my swimsuit. S."

"S-swimsuit?" He flashed red and took a step back. "Ehrm. Ah well! While some of that will do well, you will need more than that! We do have an excellent tailor in the village, but she is rather busy at the moment…"

The more he spoke, the more I dreaded our departure. I was beginning to feel a very ungrayskull urge to use words I have heard Mista use when she’s… well… Mermista. However, once again - albeit with a look of disdain but still - Catra came to my rescue. Her familiar annoyed cough did not bring me any joy. Instead, all I felt was sadness. Was I never to see her face again? Never to hear her advice, never to argue over unmentionables again, never… never touching her hair or stroking her chin at night? I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't even hear what they talked about until she once again bowed and left the room. Apparently it was not a rescue, but a single look that gave me my judgement. Dang it all. I sat down on the sofa, all deflated.

"Huh. Your maid is definitely something! She had already packed a few most suitable frocks and dresses. That was a pleasant surprise! Really sad we can’t keep her! Well then! Let us go! I can't wait to show you your new home, my love! The grounds, the garden, the dining room, the… bedroom." Again that strange hungry expression. Did he enjoy breakfast in bed that much? All of a sudden, the phone rang. Catra entered and answered. "Miss Greyskulls residence? Ah yes sir. Yes, he is here." She put down the receiver. "Mr Leech, it's for you."

He gave her a stare. "What? Who knows I am here… Yes, it's Leech speaking? Mr Modulok!"

His voice found an even shriller level than before. "Yes sir. What? Today? But sir, I am to bring my fiance to my villa today! Yes, thank you sir. But… yes sir. Good day sir." He sighed, and hung up.

"My apologies, darling. My employer called. I have no idea how he could find me here. He wanted me to go over some blueprints and it couldn't wait apparently. I am sorry, but we will have to wait until tomorrow to go down there. I better change the hotel reservation. "

"If I permit saying, Mr Leech. Miss Greyskull is a most capable driver. May I suggest that we go down there with her car in advance? I am prepared to follow and help her get installed before I terminate my employment with her. After all, that will save you some time when you arrive." Once again I felt hope rise in my chest. Could this be…? I would have exclaimed a "hoorah" had Catra not given me an eye again. I stayed silent, but I gave a thumbs up. 

"Hmm. You know, that is not a bad idea! Not even you could mess that up! Just go down there and ask for directions to Villa Belville. My man is informed, he will take it from there. Well then, my love. Good bye…" He kissed my hand again, and held his lips pressed to my fingers awfully longer than necessary. "...for now." And he was out. I didn't waste a second, I rose from my chair.

“Catra!” My voice was bristling with emotions, but her eyes were cold.

“Miss Greyskull.”

“Catra!” I was over at her in a blink, I took her hand in mine and spoke with a shaky voice.

“Catra. Please! If I had known what Aunt Sharon was planning…" she didn't look me in the eyes. "I couldn’t stop her Catra! I couldn’t! I...just couldn’t…”t

“Why…?” Her voice was so small.

“Because… What could I say?” I looked her deep in the eyes, tears were showing. I tried to say with words what my mouth refused to express. That there was no possible way to explain to Aunt Sharon that I didn’t need a husband. I had Catra. And maybe she understood, people always say I am awful with words but perhaps I am better just looking? With Catra it worked. Slowly the ice cold look melted away and her firm grip on my hand resumed.

“As much as it pains me, I do believe you made a correct assumption, miss Greyskull. There is nothing you could say. I wish you could have warned me though.”

“She gave me no choice! She completely assaulted me! I had no means to strike back!”

“Yes. I can see that you probably had no means.”

“Now, Catra! That was uncalled for! I am absolutely devastated here! And why the emphasis on me warning you? Don’t tell me you knew everything? That the maids told you?”

“Well, Miss Greyskull, if I am to be honest with you, I wasn’t completely taken by surprise, no. I did know something was in the works.”

"Really? How?"

"Mr Nightfire called, miss. He wanted to gloat over this, but he couldn’t really find words venomous enough to taint me and explain at the same time. But he did give me time to prepare the cocktails."

Ah. That did explain more than one thing. She had time to shake away her shock from the phonecall before we arrived. My brave, stoic Catra...

" Hah! ...But how did his boss know how to find him?"

She cleared her throat. "It might have been my mistake, Miss. I telephoned the firm in question and informed them of his present state, in case he should be long here and they needed him most urgently."

"Haha! Brilliant Catra!” I was back to my old spirits! "Now we have time to..Think…" Almost back. The Graveness of the situation hit me from behind like a really nasty snowball.

"Catra!" I ejaculated. "This is terrible! I am getting married!"

"...Yes, so you are, miss."

"This is a disaster, Catra!"

"Indeed, miss."

"Have you seen him? Heard him? Alright, people can look and talk like they want, but… do I have to live with that man? His voice is already giving me a headache."

"I see, miss."

"Will you stop being so positive about this? I don't want to get married! Not to him, at least!" An idea struck me. "The bags were packed you say!? Then let's go! Paris! Madrid! Anywhere! No, New York! That's the best place for a fella!"

She cleared her throat. "I am afraid that running away is not the best strategy here, miss Greyskull."

"What?" I stared at the woman. 

"The engagement might be new, but knowing your aunt, it has been made official or on the way to become so, miss. Running away doesn't necessarily mean breaking the engagement off. While it’s not strictly the word of the law, your aunt might force you to return here and be wed. If you want to avoid that, you might have to stay on the run for many years. Perhaps even leave Europe for South Africa or Hong Kong."

"Oh dear me!" I said. "I can't be away from Swifty THAT long."

"Indeed not miss."

"The poor boy would be over himself with grief."

"Very much so, miss."

“And I don’t even like chinese cousine!”

“Indeed, miss.”

"I have to get out of this, Catra. I can't live without him! I can't live without...you…"

I took a step forward, and took her hand. I am not ashamed to say that a tear began to run down my cheek. "I… I don't want you to go."

She gently stroke my chin and removed the tear. "Neither do I, miss Greyskull. But do not despair, miss. We have been through trouble before. And we will get through this as well."

She kissed my hand. It was so much more pleasant than when Leech did it.

"But what are we to do?"

"It needs some thinking, miss. At the moment, all we can do is to go down there and have you installed at the household."

"For God's sake, Catra!"

She shook her head. "I do feel the same pain as you, miss Greyskull, but at the moment we have to wait and see. I need to figure out which option is the best. But do not worry. We have until April, that is 12 weeks. Be strong, miss. Be strong...for me."

I kissed her straight on the mouth this time, but I must say I was a tad bit disappointed in spite of my other feelings. The situation was as dire as they come, it was not time for contemplation or considerations! I needed to get out of this, and fast!

I spent the whole car-ride down thinking about it, and when we arrived I deliberately sat down in the living room of my new home with a cup of tea, while Catra and Mr Leechs man Mantenna took care of my things by themselves. Serves her right for not coming to my rescue. I sat there in silence, emptying three cups of tea while looking over my options. I have to admit, it took most of that old Greyskull optimism not to give up! I had to rule out murder (since the point was me being able to stay with Catra, and changing my name to Despara and move to Argentina just felt tacky. Even if I probably would look good in dark hair and a Spanish accent. Dang it! This whole situation was dumb.

And then it just came to me, like a dust of wind on a hot summer day! When she returned to inform me that dinner, and my bed, was made, I rose and pointed at her.

"Catra!” I said. “I have it!”

“Miss Greyskull?”

“It’s foolproof! Within three days, you and I will be back in the old lair and the old bunk!”

“Really now, miss?” If there was a hint of disbelief in her voice I didn't bother hearing it. I had it! This was an area where I knew a thing or two you see!

“Really! You see, this Mr Leech is nothing but a snob! The purest kind! And an intelligent snob, overall! They always require companions on the same level as them! I just have to pretend to be an airheaded floozy and he will break the engagement as sure a pie!”
I looked at her, in anticipation of the praise. That didn’t come.

“Hmm, miss.”

“Hmm, Catra?”

“Indeed miss. Hmm.”

“Is there a problem with my plan, Catra?”

“A few things do come to mind, miss.”

"Well, spill it?"

"Well, for starters, you are not the best of actors, miss Greyskull."

"Come now, Catra! Acting like an imbecile can't be that hard!"

"I still can't concede to you doing this, miss Greyskull." She gave me a… well, not a disapproving look, but maybe something of a 'you're making a mess, adora' look. But I wasn’t having it this time! As I said just above this, if I know anything, it's how to deal with people who thinks I am stupid! I have done so all my life and I won't stop now!

"It is going to work! If he finds me unintelligent, he will know I am not the one for him!"

"It hasn't thrown him off yet, miss Greyskull," Catra murmured. 

"What was that, catra?"

"Nothing miss. If that was all… I have a train to catch."

"Catra!" 

But she was already gone. 

I couldn't believe her! I had the solution to our problems and not only did she deny its efficiency, she was so annoyed by my brilliance that she left!? 

"Miss Greyskull?" She was again materialized by my side. "You said something?"

"I...I thought you had left."

"I Just needed my coat. I am leaving now. Be strong, miss Greyskull."

"I will be. But Catra, you shouldn't be walking alone in the dark. I'll have Mantenna to drive you. Or… I can go with you?" She looked at me with a look one usually sees in the pictures. She really was hurt by this. I wanted to hug her so much (in spite of her mistrust) but I couldn’t.  Not here. Not now. "Thank you miss. But I need to clear my head and a walk will do me good. And you need to prepare for the return of Mr Leech. Besides, It's not far. Goodbye for now." And she was gone.

I didn’t say 'see you soon.' I switched it for that 'hello Catra' I would use for my triumphant return to the old lair! I could get out of this myself! Filled with equal parts sadness and pride I went to dinner.

I had to give it some thorough thought before I let my plan spring into action. The next morning, mr Leech arrived. He arrived only to leave again, apparently he was a man of habit. He always wore a new tie every day and forgot to bring a spare one to london. The brief pleasantries he gave me for my much more modest look over my morning coffee was not enough. Lunch was spent alone and he was so late home that I had had dinner and was sound asleep well before he even had a brandy before retirement. But the next morning was different. I was up long before him and took a quick jog around the villa (seven laps. The garden was surprisingly suited for exercise.) After a shower and a change, my mind was cleared and focused. I was also rather hungry so I went in for breakfast. I saw him at the table eating an oatmeal. It was time for action. I began to walk around the table pressning my hands to my ears.

"Darling…" he finally said, after three laps. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing. I just had a thought, and I don't want it to slip out of my head." I said, pouring myself a cup of tea. 

"I...see… not very efficient since you just removed your hand. What thought was it?"

"Thought? What thought?" I replied. After that I had my breakfast. I could barely hide my chuckle as I watched him look at me with concern. A few minutes before lunchtime, it was time for part 2 of my devious scheme. I walked into his office with a note. 

"Myrtle, darling. Can you help me? I am making a list and I can't write 11."

"...It’s … just two ones, Adora."

"Yes yes, but in what order do you write them?"

This time I could see despair in his eyes. This was going well!

Finally around teatime it was time for the last drop! I entered the room, holding on to Olsens standard book of british birds and giggled with as much naive charm I could bring.
“Dearest, what is so funny?”

“It says here that Cukoos don’t build their own nests! It’s so funny that they got it wrong!”

“...Wrong? Dear, I’m not sure I follow?”

“Well, everyone knows that cukoos live in clocks!”

I must say, even I got a bit scared that the birds were out of the cage. And my betrothed had dropped everything he had in his hands and watched me with his big mouth wide open.

“Adora,” he said, looking at me with a saccharine sweet voice. “This is much different from what I expected.”

“What is? I am so sorry darling, but you have to explain it to the little old me.”

“Miss Weaver described you as a lady of at least average intelligence. I expected someone with whom I would be able to talk about my theories and prospects but you… this… Can you even get on the bus by yourself!?”

I giggled. “Darling, why take the bus when a cab is easier! Then you just call and tell the nice man where to go and I just go in!”
He paused and looked at me for a few seconds. Then he smiled the widest and ugliest smile I have seen. “It’s wonderful!”

“Huh?”

“I have all the respect for the intelligent woman, but I secretly wished for a woman whom I could mold to whatever I wished her to be! You, my darling adora, are an uncut gem, a pure and plain soul upon which no man has ever put his mark! It will be my pleasure to make you my wife in heart and mind!”
Never had I in these horrible liquor-free days longed so much for a gallon of the heavy petrol the barmaid at the Princess-club calls brandy.

And had Catra been here giving me her most insubordinate 'I told you so miss Greyskull', I would have kneeled at her feet and kissed her. Oh how I wish I could have done that in that moment.

Chapter Text

I will place a veil over the next five weeks it took before I met with Catra again. Not much to say, it was long and dull days. Myrtle left after breakfast and returned by dinnertime. He never let me accompany him, since ‘the city didn't really suit a wife of his’ and no one in the village seemed to be very talkative either. And the clothes the seamstress made for me! Hooo boy…

Now, I did find a slight of pleasure in the fact that I had never worn so many dresses that I knew that Catra would burn in disgust, and I must say, it gave me a brief feeling of happiness. But soon I began to long for that disapproving look and her ‘are you really going to wear THAT’-tone. He allowed me to wear my watch but I could hardly look at it. It reminded me so much of how annoyed Catra was with me over it...

Then there were the weekends. It took me the best part of them to stop my husband to be from securing the house 'in case my delicate mind slipped again.' If you think it's a sign of prosperity not having to cut your own food, I for one say think again! And once that was over he decided that apparently I needed to get back into school. I had my fears from the very beginning that my husband to be was going to be one of those people who feels life isn't complete unless you never have any fun and from what I had learned up until now I was correct.. So many vegetables, so much water with lemon… So little steak. And it didn't end there! He had planned to 'educate me' from the beginning and my own actions had triggered him to go even further! The days were filled with lecturing and books and more lectures… "only the best tutors for my beloved Adora," he said.

Luckily for me, he searched for tutors in my social circles in Oxford, which meant that at least three of them were cousins with some of the pals from the princess club, and once they had stopped laughing, they gave me a much needed channel of communication with the club and I could send a message to the world that I was okay. Apparently Glimmer was sure that I had been kidnapped and only the fact that she couldn't figure out a single reason why, stopped her from tearing the country apart in search of me. I still couldn't go back to London, but at least they managed to smuggle me a few bare necessities that I had craved, like Gin, Whizzos chocolate boxes and the latest Christie's. Leech despised gin and refused to have it in his house. I had to camouflage it as Jenever.

Only one of them forced me to actually study, and that woman will never be a part of the princess clubs fall soiree commission as long as I am a member of the board! I am not long-sighted and live and let live and all that, but you just don't do that to a fellow sister! Speaking of sister, we did get one visit from Mermista and Sea-Hawk. Officially they were out looking for a bungalow in the countryside but in reality it was a check-up. Really, had my husband to be known Mermista at all he would have seen through the ruse easily. 'Bungalow in the countryside'. Never with Mermista! But he didn’t, and so he welcome them amiably, to mybgrrat joy and surprise. Dinner was a fresh breath of air after weeks in heat! Mermista had given Sea-Hawk free range and it was with some pleasure I noticed my Husband to be not being the one leading the conversation. Sea-Hawks tales of his life on the 'unforgivable sea' are known to take the better part of an evening and when he learned that Leech was an engineer, he began a lengthy defense of sailing ships against the 'abomination and insults to the pure sailors that was the steam engine and the propeller.' After dinner, the gentlemen withdrew to the billiard room (which apparently exists even if I have never seen it), Sea-Hawk STILL talking, my husband to be probably trying to escape him and me and Mista taking a stroll in the park. Mermista was shaken. I could tell by her demeanor how taken she was with my current status.

"So Greyskull. Getting hitched."

"Yup."

"Like it?"

"No."

She paused. Then she opened her mouth to speak, only to close it again. Then she looked away, deep in thought. Suddenly she opened her mouth again, seemingly with an exclamation on her lips and once again she closed it without saying anything. Finally she stopped, looking at me from head to toe.

"Adora." She finally said, and I must say I was shocked. Mermista NEVER uses my first name. "Why did you agree to this? You don't like your aunt and your husband to be is an even bigger idiot than Isombard and…"

"Isombard? Who's Isombard?"

"You didn't think 'Sea-Hawk' was his real name, right?"

I have to say, I just stared back in surprise. Mista pinched her nose. "Why is my best friend and my husband such soul mates…."

"Am I your best friend?"

"You wish. Now answer me. Why did you agree?"

"Well, what else could I do?"

"I dunno, say 'no' or whatever?"

"Mermista! I couldn't possibly say no!"

"And why on earth not?"

"Because… it's not the code of the Greyskulls!"

She blinked. I have yet to see someone blink so slowly and for so long. finally she spoke, "oh my God you are serious…"

"Of course I am serious! I wouldn't be a greyskull if you can’t trust my words or my sense of honesty, would I?"

She made a face completely unreadable but it did look a bit like she was having a seizure.

Finally she said, "You really are too pure for this world. You sure you don't want to escape? I have just to give Sea-Hawk the signal and he puts the house on fire."

"No! Leech may not be the...nicest of persons but he doesn't deserve that!"

"Awaiting Catra to get you out of another mess then?"

I think my face was answer enough because she did another thing I have never seen her do. 

She gave me a hug. "You really are something else Adora…"

"Mista...You’re hugging me."

"Observant as always. Don't get used to it, Greyskull. Next time it will be a headlock."

After that we returned to the house and I noticed that it was with some relief that Leech watched our guests leave.

"Adora." He said. "I don't want to limit your social circles but I hope Mr. Anastassakis won't be a regular visitor."

Only in one aspect was I completely free to do whatever I wanted. My physical activities were still mine and mine alone. Apparently he had nothing against me keeping in good shape, even though I did expect him to, since he had all those ideas about eating and drinking. It all turned when I returned from a sweat-inducing session with Blacky (I had to find another Horsy since I wasn't allowed to go to Plumeria. That was the one single act I would never forgive him) I saw him coming with some kind of remark on his lips, but for some reason he stopped and stared at my legs and thighs. I looked down, was I dirty? Then he turned on the spot. At supper he murmured something about “The female shape is extremely underrated” and “I can only imagine the stamina that will come from that.” I didn’t answer any of his remarks and focused on trying to imagine my broccoli turning into bacon. As things were falling into place some four weeks into this, life in general wasn't too bad. It wasn’t fun, but bearable and we Greyskulls are well known for bearing! Perhaps I could have endured married life, save for three reasons. 1. I didn’t want to be married. 2. I didn’t have Catra around and 3. I knew it was only a matter of time until my latest tutor would be found out smuggling figs in brandy to me (again)  and it would be hard to get a new supplier as my husband was getting better at getting the boring ones. There was also another thing that annoyed me. I had my own room - I have not given you a description of my room, have I? I haven't even begun to describe the villa! Villa Belville was in every aspect my betrotheds house, save for the name. That was actually quite pleasant. It was perfectly square, with only one floor and a large but uninteresting basement. As you entered, a large hall dominated the house. It took up almost ¼ of the house, and from there you entered all of the other rooms. Clockwise to the left from the entrance door, you found in order My bedroom, Leeches bedroom ( next to mine. Euch.) his work room, my wardrobe, library, dining room, his laboratory and finally the unmentionable room. The basement had to be entered from the outside, which gave Mantenna a bit of a rough time since his room was down there and he wasn’t allowed to be on the ground floor unless called for. I managed to quickly get on his good side by allowing him to stay up longer by asking him to read for me. The kitchen was also downstairs, but for that there was an elevator. So suitable for an engineer...

That hungry look in my fiancees eyes had not gone away. I still didn't understand what he was on about as he made all these weird remarks about 'completing our union physically' and 'knowing each other in the right sense.' I felt that I knew him well enough but he kept insisting.  Where was I… oh yes. Seeing Catra again.
You see, we were invited to, and since I didn’t really have a say in those matters any longer, we had to visit Lady Entrapta. I don’t need to remind you about my feelings for her, and even if she is tolerable in small portions, for a prolonged time (like a dinner) it becomes too much. I had to dress up in a very much dull lavender dress, I wasn’t even allowed to wear a hat and I had to spend two hours at the local hairdresser 'to look smart'. Leech looked proud like a rooster as he entered with me on his arm. 

Leech, indeed! I felt like I was walking around engaged to a literal lizard! Only the forked tongue missing and it would have been like that. 

Yes, like that! 

Well, maybe that isn't exactly accurate, for one, he DID wear shoes and a smoking, but by Jove, that was how it felt! And the dinner was just as I feared it to be, as we entered Dryl mansion, there was nothing but tiny food and engineers and scientists looking uncomfortable in their smokings. Some looked like Leech with a lovely but bored to death significant other next to them. I knew a few, but we weren't allowed to conversate. Not that we had been told not to, we just never got the chance to! No no, we had to listen to our mens endless babble and not even dinner (French fries are not supposed to be that small) put an end to that.
It was then I spotted catra, and a poor sod struggling to wander round the Sahara and suddenly found an oasis couldn’t be more filled with joy and gratitude. There she was, impeccably dressed, behind the equally impossibly clad Lady Entrapta. High heels, overall trousers, a purple frock, and safety glasses. And in her usually sorrowless mood. I could see in Catras' eyes that she found the whole ordeal torturous. I kept an eye open for her the whole meal and when I saw her excusing herself and leave the room, I also made a quick leave, citing ‘heavy duties’ as the reason. I found her in the smoking room, smoking.

“Catra! I had no idea you smoked!”
“Miss greyskull!” She immediately killed her cigarette. “I sometimes indulge in the old habit when things get… slightly overwhelming. I only have a few minutes but perhaps we shall go somewhere more… discreet."

Five minutes later we were hiding in the scrubber under the west staircase. Once we were done kissing (and that took a good seven minutes) I whispered "This is torture, catra!"

"I can not call my station especially tolerable either, miss Greyskull. But it’s not too late. I have it from a sure source that your flat is still not sold so there is time."

"Please tell me you have been eating a lot of fish lately, Catra! I need your ingenuity more than ever! I can't take more tutoring!"

"Tutoring, miss Greyskull? Tell me more about that!"

She didn't have to ask me twice. I got into a long and wordy description of how my life was at villa belville and when I finally was done, I felt exhausted. Catra was silent. It was a bit hard to make out her facial contours in the dark but I was sure she had her forehead wrinkled with deep thoughts. Finally she broke the silence.

“I may have a suggestion, miss.”

“I will listen like Plato to Sokrates, Catra!” I anticipated her solution with open arms. I would do anything. Anything.

“Do as your tutors say. Read the books.”

Except maybe that. Reading factual literature is a waste of eyesight, if you ask me.

“I beg your pardon?” I tried to make her see my staring in the darkness.

“He says he wants to mold you? Well, he can’t be against you reading the litteratur of the subjects he’s studying, right?”

“No… he always tells me to read this and that.”

She nodded. "Very good miss. May I suggest that on top of that, you read some of the books and magazines that Mr Little always speaks about in such high regard?"

"But...those are all about boring stuff!"

"And why does Mr Little insist that you read them?"

"He says it will broaden my mind…"

“I suggest you follow his advice to the core, miss.” I knew Catra was right, I mean, she always was! But still. I had to reach for the last straw.

“But it’s so boring! Do you really think that’s the way?”

“I do, miss. I absolutely do. Unless you want to actually marry Mr Leech, I see no other solution.”

I did understand the dire circumstances of course but… studying? I was done with that, in my humble opinion! I had been to Cambridge and that was three years of my life I would never get back!

"But still Catra! Reading is so… not Greyskull! I mean, how tough can marriage be?"

She gave me a long look. "Have mr Leech not… insisted that he should sleep together with you?"

Finally the stone dropped. “So THAT is what he meant! No, he hasn't! Or apparently he has, but I have been able to keep him at bay by keeping up with my training schedule, Catra! Can’t I just go on with that?”

"I am afraid that when you finally marry his insistence will grow."

"What ho? Why?"

Once again she gave me a long look.

“...You are aware of where babies come from, miss?”

“Of course! When a man and a woman marry, a baby occurs! That’s not a problem!”

She blinked, I think, and I am sure she pinched the bridge of her nose. Finally she said, “...And whose responsibility is it to take care of the baby, miss?”

“...My god, you are right! We need to find a nanny! And that soon! Dang it. I don’t want to look for a nanny. They’re scary. All of mine were, at least.” I could almost make out a sigh of relief from Catra but I chose to dismiss it. She never does that.

“In that case, start reading, miss greyskull. I assure you, you will never have to deploy a nanny ever.”

We had to go our separate ways from the scrubber and I didn't see her again anymore that night. I stayed alive only by the memory of the last kiss I stole in the kitchen door. The morning after my husband had the hangover of a lifetime. I almost made a remark that had we kept Catra she would have taken care of it. But I was silent. With my luck, he would have approved and then I would have to marry him and watch Catra be miserable all day long. Besides, he had earned the suffering. The books were so dry they would turn into dust if you dropped them from a high enough amplitude. But the weekend passed, and it was time to get Catras' plan to work.

The next Monday saw a new Tutor at my table and I dived into his lectures with gusto. At the finish line was Catra and my… OUR freedom and damn it if anyone was to steal that from me. Reading I was instructed to do and reading I did! Not that I understood very much (I was a major in philosophy and fencing, top student of both classes, thank you very much!) but I at least got the hang of the lingo. The weeks passed and my husband to be was getting more and more insinuating. The last week I had no choice but to allow him to kiss me. I had to do SOMETHING, because  I was not going to let him sleep in my bed! It was way too small for the two of us, so that was completely out of the question! But even if he dropped that subject, now he wanted to kiss me all the time! And he was not a very good kisser and he was an even worse student. When I tried to give him some pointers he brushed me off and said that he had in fact read all of Rosie M. Banks bestsellers so he knew what a lady wanted. I made a decision then and there to talk some sense into Miss Banks, should I ever meet her. With a golf club, preferably. Now, I am not a lady of violence, but if she made men like THIS then she deserved it! Another week passed. I read and read. My husband to be kissed and kissed. 

The tables turned when I least expected them to (which is the normal procedure when it comes to Catras’ plans, but it’s still a bit of a bummer.)

We were invited to Glimmer and Bow for dinner. I was sure Leech would decline (he had done that with all my friends' invites so far, I think he was acting on Aunt Sharon's advice. She doesn't like any of my friends either.) but this time he didn’t! I think the reason he accepted this invite was the fact that Bow is a bit of a hot shot in the technocratic circles and is known to listen wide eyed to anyone who can say calipers and dividers with a straight face. Whatever they told my husband to be was the reason for the invite, I knew they were anxious to have a look at my husband to be and to make sure I was alright. Glimmer had never been convinced that I wasn't kidnapped and I had at least two letters from her smuggled to me in bowls of fruit asking if I needed to be rescued and taken to France under the guise of darkness. I responded by chocolate box that at the moment I was putting one of Catras plots into action but if that failed, (and god help me, I was not quite convinced of her success this time!) I might need her service. She didn’t reply, even if there was a suspicious looking bouquet of roses waiting for me the day before the dinner. I didn’t have time to open it though, since I needed to visit the local hairdresser before dinner and she was very sharp on the appointments. She was, I must say, the only one in the village that had some sense of style and I promised to give her name to my usual hairdresser when I returned in case he had a place for her. I say when, because I still had that much trust in Catra, although it still looked as dark as before. Well, evening came and with that came my husband with the car. (My car was permanently placed in a garage a few houses away.) The drive was chatty as always, but one sided. No point in talking when no one responds to what you’re saying. The dinner at Glimmers and Bow’s place (back in london AT LAST) was surprisingly quiet. At least from Glimmer's and my side. I felt Glimmer being on the war path (her first word to Leech was 'so you're the man who thinks he will marry Adora) and I can only imagine that Bow took the first chance he got to turn the conversation to shop. Even if he was as worried as his wife, he still was a people pleaser. Dammit Bow! Even HIM? Anyway, my husband to be didn’t disappoint. He had gone into a very long monologue about the latest in pressure engineering and the technical development as a whole. All the time stressing his own excellence all the time of course. I won't go into detail but Glimmer would probably get a sentence in after about 10 or so of Leeches so it took the better part of dinner for her to tell me that her mom was well, her dad was embarrassing, they had bought new furniture for the living room and wasn't this years hat fashion awful?

Bow on his side listened and nodded for the most part but when coffee was served there was a change. Leech had been talking extensively about severs for some reason (and I was very lucky desert was fruit and not mudcake) and apparently this was an area where Bow had opinions. How he can find that interesting is beyond me but Glimmer says he can stop anytime.

“But Myrtle (We had thrown titles aside, since they knew me so well and they looked forward to getting to know him equally. Bow has really gotten better at lying lately.) Bow said. “Isn’t the developments in the field of electro-engineering slightly countering your own field? The pressure controlled sewers are well and good, but the electric systems are starting to become more and more sophisticated. I myself has been given a few offers to invest…”

That was as far as he got, as Leech interrupted him. The brandy that came with the coffee had done its job and he was now not only boring, but also pompous. 

“Bow, my dear fellow! As sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, I assure you that pressure control is and will always be the thing of the future! Electricity is well and good for lights and perhaps running the underground, but that’s crude business! For something so dependent on precision, the pressure valve is the only thing.”

“No it isn’t.” I looked up in surprise. Who had said that? Everyone was looking at me and I realized that it had been me.

“Adora?” Bow and GLimmer looked equally surprised and Myrtle placed his hand on mine. 

“Adora dear, don't tire yourself with subjects you don't get."

"Well, I apologize, Myrtle love. But from what I have read, you see, the latest developments from German engineers when it comes to size-reduction of electronic engines combined with transistor driven controls is said to be revolutionary, which sounds absolutely smashing if you ask me. Now, The Heinemann-Wald system has already been installed in over 15 german cities and 7 French with jolly good results and what not! Now, um, You see, the fascinating thing is that it allows for the overseeing personell, right, to use a central observation post where they can rely on instruments instead of the in place ocular inspections and…"

Leech had looked at me with mouth wide open and now he cut me off with his shrill 'this is not acceptable'-voice. "Darling, you are talking absolute nonsense! Where do you get all this from?"

"Ah! Well, you see, it was an article in Le grand ingénieur and…"

"Why did you read that?"

"Well, um...it was you yourself that told me to read it, Myrtle darling.”

I was genuinely surprised at his words. This man called himself an engineer and couldn’t even remember something that had occurred in our conversation barely days ago?

“And there was this book… What was the title again… something awfully long… Ah yes! Mekanik - Die natürliche Interaktion zwischen Mensch und Maschine? There was a chapter in it that covered the subject as well.”

He looked at me with genuine bafflement. “Do you speak german?”

“Mhm. Perhaps not as fluently as they would have it but yeah, Ich bin ein berliner.”

From that moment there was like all the air had left him. He was more or less silent during the brandy and the cigarettes, and I must say that I very much felt better for it. Finally me and Glimmer had a chance to catch up and we didn’t pay him more attention than we had to, save for Bow who did his best to encourage him in a discussion about whether cars should be front- or back wheel driven. Silly conversation if you ask me. The steering wheel ought to be where the driver sits.

He was awfully quiet during the car ride back to the villa as well even I did try my best to get the conversation going with various remarks on how delicious the food had been , what a lovely starry night it was and perhaps was this new 'television' that was all over the news in the states the future? But he was silent save for the occasional grunt, and he didn’t even try to steal a glance of me undressing as he did before. He was very quiet the next day as well and he came home from London later and later. I got quite used to having dinner alone with Mr Mantenna. He was not Catra but nice and servile as you could ask.

However, almost a week later hell broke loose, or to be precise, Aunt Sharon came to visit. I was prepared to greet her in a pink dress that Myrtle had bought me last Friday, a dreadful thing, but new. I didn’t even get the chance to tell Mantenna to open the door before she was in my personal area, screaming her eyes out.

“ADORA!”

“Hullo, Aunt Sharon! What gives? Have you had breakfast?”

“You mollusk! Paramecium! Slug! Is food the only thing on your mind? DON’T ANSWER THAT!” She shouted while pointing her finger awfully close to my eyes. “It was a purely rhetorical question.”

“What ho?” I said. If nothing, it’s always a good thing to say. 

“Don’t try to tell me you don’t know!”

“Um… I am afraid, Aunt Sharon, that I…”

She looked at me in complete silence for a few minutes and then her face managed to reach an even higher level of dark green than usual. “Oh that spineless, worthless NINCOMPOUT! He didn’t even dare to say it to your face… The engagement is OFF:”

“What?” In the last second I managed to hold back the hurrah I really wanted to say. 

“Yes. He sent me a telegram this morning and told me. Apparently ‘You were not the right woman for him’ and ‘you had a mind of your own that he felt wasn’t suitable for a wife of his.’ Do you have any idea what he meant by that?”

I shook my head. 

“Of course you don’t. Why should I even bother… Do you have any idea how long I spent trying to find him? Do you have any idea how many worthless spineless insects I had to wade through before I found him? I tell you, this is not even a disaster, it is worse! Now I…"

As she turned her back away I slowly backed out of the room and ran as fast as I could. Driven by pure instinct I found myself in the entrance hall and ran out of the front door. And there…. The skies instantly turned blue, the red sea split itself in two and the spider covered that cave where Mary and Joseph were hiding! (Top of the class in religious studies. Can’t help being excellent!) Outside of the door was Catra, car ready and engine running. She bowed slightly.

“Good morning, Miss Greyskull. I take it from your hasty retreat that Shadow Weaver has found you?”

“Catra! You are sent from the gods! Can we possibly leave this place?” I didn’t bother to correct her, this wasn’t the time. Again she bowed. “Most certainly miss.”
I jumped in and away we drove. I could catch a glimpse of a small figure waving her fist at us but it grew smaller and smaller as we left for London. I had a ton of questions, but the speed and the roar of the engine was enough for now. As we entered the old beehive, to my surprise we didn’t go back to the old lair, but instead Catra took us way over town to London Euston.

“What ho, Catra?”

“Perhaps it is a good opportunity to take that trip to New York you mentioned a while back, miss? To place an ocean between you, your former fiancee and Shadow Weaver seems to be a good idea, don’t you think?”

I was all sunshine and rainbows. “It is the best idea you have had so far, Catra!”

A day later, when we were both good and well inserted in a first class cabin, a healthy dose of sea air, and a grand buffet for lunch, I decided it was time to get the parlour scene done. Catra was ironing my clothes so we would be ready for dinner tonight and the time was better than ever. I poured myself a glass of soda water (because it was rather hot in the cabin. The sun shining and all that.) “So, Catra. Was that your plan all along? Make him think I was above his station.” She coughed discreetly. “Not above it, miss. But at level with him. It is my experience, Miss Greyskull, that men have a tendency to idolize the woman above him, and tolerate the woman beneath him. But to actually accept a woman as your equal is a feat too hard for most men. Unfortunately.”

She looked down at the floor and shook her head. Catra talks very little about her background, but I instinctively felt that here lay a buried dog. Or cat. Or whatever. I also felt that I was not to ask her about this. A gentlewoman knows when to be discreet, but also when to lend a shoulder. I put my hand over hers. “I am eternally grateful for you, Catra. Thank you for clearing the matter out. You are one in a million. And you’re mine.”

I couldn’t help giggling, but this was genuine, in contrast to the previous giggles I had giggled with Mertyl… Mr Leech. And dang it, didn’t I make the woman blush? But it was over faster than a grasshopper's leap. “Thank you, miss Greyskull. I am glad you appreciate my service.”

“Oh, Catra… I can’t imagine a life without you!” I was silent. “But I have to ask, those books and articles were a complete bore! How could you be so sure that I would actually read them? They were probably written by excellent writers and the research was formidable I assume, but there were so very little murder in them!”

She smiled. “You once told me how you studied for a test in biology where you managed to squeeze all three advanced volumes of Olsen’s standard book of british birds ?”

I nodded.

“Well, since you have a very peculiar knack for remembering trivialities and interesting yet unimportant facts, I imagined that you spending your day reading on the subject your former fiancee found interesting, would lead to a short yet potent rewiring of your mind. So instead of quoting Burns time after another, you would most likely quote Newton's Philosophiæ Naturalis Principia Mathematica , if provoked enough to do so.”

My face must have been blank as the talkie screen after the film was over, because she rolled her eyes (for real, actually) and added “The heavy red one, miss Greyskull.”

“OH! Oh yeah, that was a bit of work, wasn’t it? That Newton fellow surely wasn’t a happy person.”

“Indeed miss.”

I had something cheerful about how all’s well that ends well on my lips, but then a horrifying thought struck me. “Catra! You are not in my service anymore! You are engaged with Lady Entrapta! And here you are! With me! On a boat! To america! At lunchtime!” I was getting worked up, but she placed a hand on my shoulder and sat me down in my chair again.

“Miss Greyskull. It was but three days ago when I gave myself notice from Lady Entrapta. I invoked ‘sartorial differences’ as the reason to end my position in her household.”

“Were you so sure that the engagement would end yesterday?”

“I had word from an acquaintance of mine, a Mr Harrison, that Mr Leech had visited the Aldwych theatre revue and had given extra attention to one of the ballet girls on more than a few occasions. Driven by fear and confusion it was probable that when he saw who in his mind was a much simpler, much easier girl, he would cut you off as soon as he could.”

“Who is this Mr Harrison? A fellow valet?”

“No, he’s the janitor of the theatre, Miss Greyskull.”

“Of course.”

I sat in silence for a few moments. 

“Well, Catra. You have done it again. As a sign of my gratitude…” I began to remove my wrist watch. “You can take this and throw it into the sea.” But to my astonishment she stopped me. 

“Actually, miss Greyskull… It does suit you, as the active woman you are, to wear that.”

“What? Dang it, Catra!”

She turned away to focus on the ironing of my trousers but I did notice the hint of a warm smile on her face. It warmed me even more than the sun through the window.

“However Miss… Your dress.”

“What is wrong with it?”

“Nothing, save for the fact that neither the cutting, the fabric, the style or the colour fits you.”

“I’ll have you know that Mr Leech praised how I looked in it!” I didn’t really mean that, but it was part of the game to protest.

“Another reason to celebrate the broken engagement then, miss.”

I smiled, as we were back to our familiar routine. “Ah well, Catra… Take it and give it to the fishes!”

She bowed and smiled so a hint of white teeth were to be seen. “It will be my pleasure, as soon as I have helped you out of it.”

Well, there is not much more to add. We spent the next month in America. For the first days, telegrams dripping with boiling acid were sent from London, but over time they started to appear more irregularly. Given enough time, I knew that Aunt Sharon would find other objects to be angry at.

But one day, as we took a stroll together through Central Park, a thought struck me. “Catra! I gave you notice!”

“Miss?”

“I did! I told you that you had to leave your position! And now you are here…”

I saw the scandal in front of my eyes but she placed a calming hand on my shoulder.

“As a matter of fact, miss Greyskull, you never gave me notice. Mr Leech told me to leave, but since you were not married, he was not, in fact, my employer. That is you, and you never said anything. So I was actually in your service the whole time.”

“Oh catra…"Had we not been in public I would have hugged her. "...I remember the look in your eyes though. I must have hurt your feelings greatly when I didn't say anything.”

“A bit, miss. A bit.” Catras' ability of understatement never ceases to impress me. “But even if I admit I wasn’t too keen, I realized that you didn't have much space to react in any other fashion. And besides that… These last weeks has been enough remorse for you, if I may say so, miss Greyskull.” She gave me her most white and toothy smile. I smiled back.

“Catra! You sly devil! Well then! Myrtle can have his ballerina, Aunt Sharon has again failed, we are together in New York, God is in his heaven, and all is well with the world, right, catra?”

“Right so, miss. Right so.”

The end.

Catra and Greyskull 

WILL RETURN. 

In

CARRY ON, CATRA!!