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Another night had gone, another night with tossing and turning and crying. The pillow was wet - like it always was. It had been like that since she rescued him and 'came' back two weeks ago. What a runaway. Came home after a little over a day....
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Giles lay in his bed staring out in the dark room. Not really looking at anything, just thinking. The same thoughts swirled through his head: How could he have been so stupid? Here he was, lying crippled in bed with a knee that would never be the same again. The doctors said that it would heal, but he would always limp. They couldn't say how much at this point, but probably a lot; he could even count himself lucky. The doctors who operated on him were excellent. It would have been worth it, if only the letter had meant what he had thought. But that wasn't to be. She hadn't even visited him whilst he was in the hospital. He was so far down now, that he wondered if he were ever to get up again.
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"But Will, you know that I can't do it."
"You have to Buffy. He's feeling so low - I think that seeing you is the only thing that can cheer him up."
"It’s because of me! Don’t you see that? He thought that I had run away and went after me. Spike caught him in a bad moment and tortured him!"
"Giles has been doing this for 20 years. He doesn't havebad moments unless he's distracted by something important"
"Like his slayer being a runaway."
"Buffy…don’t do this; not to yourself or him. You have to talk to him...we found the letter"
There was silence for a while before Buffy spoke
"I know," Buffy whispered, then she hung up.
Willow sighed before she put the receiver down.
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Giles looked at the apartment. The furniture was covered with plastic and his weapons and books on demonology were safely locked up in a trunk. No reason to risk the people coming to pack up his belongings seeing them. He had talked to the British museum and there was a job there for him. It wasn't like his old job, but still. It would be good to work there again. Giles checked his pocket for the third time. Yes, his passport and plane-ticket were there this time too. He wasn't going to miss this apartment, nor would he miss Sunnydale. Not at all. Too much had happened here, a great deal of it very unpleasant. He wouldn't miss the inhabitants either; he had never before met such an ignorant bunch of people! Willow and Xander he would miss a great deal.
…. And of course Buffy. It would be unbearable for him to be away from her, but he wouldn't survive being near her. He had known of his feelings for a long time, but could handle them. Now that he had let himself feel - believing that she felt the same way, it was too late. He couldn't suppress the way he felt again, it was too late. With a heavy heart he grabbed his cane, turn off the lights and left, closing the door and locking it for the last time.
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Buffy had dusted 7 vamps during patrol the last night. Something was going on, the last time she dusted 7 in one night was the last time the Hellmouth was supposed to open. She had no choice, she had to go to Giles with this and see what he could make of it.
Even though she had been reluctant to do it, Willow had kept her updated on his recovery, Buffy herself couldn't face him. Knowing that it was because of her that he ran out and ended up being tortured.
Her head was filled with thoughts as she approached the door of Giles' apartment. She wondered if she should just go straight in, but decided that she didn't have the right. She wondered if she would ever have it again….
Nobody answered the door so she knocked again…and again. Fear overwhelmed her as she started to think of different reasons for Giles not to answer his door. None of them were pleasant.
Buffy tried to open his door - it was locked. She had no choice but to use her key, this was emergency - it could be excused. A thought suddenly hit her; what if she found him with another woman? She knew that she would never survive that. She must have been standing there for 10 minutes, wondering what she should do.
Finally deciding that she had to go in there, she took a deep breath and went inside. The sight disturbed her more than any strange woman could. All his furniture was covered in plastic, this was bad. Very bad.
She ran over to the phone, it was dead. He’d already called the phone company to tell them that he was leaving!
Where was he going? Did he tell anyone?
Willow!!
So that was the purpose of the conversation last night. She should have known that it was more than just concern. He probably forbid her to tell anyone... still, Buffy felt betrayed that her best friend hadn’t told her. Especially since Willow had found the letter and knew how Buffy felt about her mentor. Buffy ran out the door heading straight for Willow’s house. She had to know when he left...and where. She was pretty sure that it was today, because of the phone call, but she couldn’t be sure.
"Willow" Buffy knocked hard on the door for the second time, and just as she was about to knock a third time did Willow open the door. Buffy went straight past her; looking pretty pissed.
"What is it, Buffy?"
"Where is he??!" The Slayer now had her hands at her sides, staring hard at the other girl.
"Who?"
"Giles."
"Oh.... well, what makes you think that I know something? You are, after all, his slayer."
"Drop it Willow; you know that he left, and you probably know where he’s going too. That was the whole point of the phone call yesterday, wasn’t it?"
"W-well, if you understood that, why didn’t you stop him by going there yesterday?"
"I didn’t understand it; not until today – when I arrived at his place and found all his furniture covered in plastic! Why didn’t you just tell me? You were my best friend." Buffy’s voice was beginning to sound less angry and more pleading.
"He made me promise not to tell anyone; especially you. You really hurt him this time, Buffy! A-and what do you mean with that I was your best friend?"
"I meant that if you don’t tell me where he’s heading then there’s a good chance that I won’t speak to you for a very long time."
Willow knew that Buffy was serious, but she had, after all, given Giles her word that she’d keep quiet. After a brief hesitation she finally decided that she couldn’t risk losing her best friend, even if it meant breaking such an important promise.
"He’s leaving for England in a little while. You might still catch him if you’re quick."
Buffy didn’t bother to say goodbye as she stormed outside.
"When does the flight for England leave?" Buffy nervously tapped her fingers against the counter and looked around while waiting rather impatiently for an answer.
"There is one leaving for England in 5 minutes. Gate 15."
Buffy didn’t even remember to say thank you, all she could think of was to get to Giles before it was too late. Gate 15, where was that? She stopped briefly to look at a map over the airport. Damn, it was on the other side of the airport. It would take a miracle for her to make it in time!
She must have knocked over at least a dozen people before she reached Gate 15 just as the stewardess closed the door.
"Can you please let me in there? I have to talk to a friend of mine who’s on that plane. It’s very important."
"Sorry, but you’re too late. The plane has already left the gate."
"Isn’t there a way you can stop it??"
The stewardess just shook her head and walked away.
Buffy realised that there was no use in arguing the moment she asked the question. The woman couldn’t bring the plane back. She walked beaten to the window to stay and watch until the plane took off. When it did, everything that had happened hit her with full force, and she just sat right down and started to cry. Luckily there was a seat right behind her or else she would probably have sat down on the floor.
Giles was coming back from the kiosk after buying a newspaper. Now he was looking forward to sitting down and reading it while waiting for his flight. He couldn’t wait to get on that plane. Then it would be too late for him to change his mind and go back. As he rounded the corner to the gate he thought he spotted something familiar. Could it be? He walked closer, and decided to take a chance after studying the person a little more.
"Buffy?"
Buffy couldn’t believe this! She could have sworn that the voice she just heard belonged to Giles. Was this how it would go on? She would hear his voice and see his face everywhere?
She wished she could follow him to England, but truth be told, she didn’t have the money. And she doubted that her mother would chip in. She could picture it; ‘hi mom, I’m madly in love with my 45 year old watcher, but now he’s gone to England without knowing how I feel, and I want to go after him – can you pay for the ticket?’
Yep, she definitely knew how that conversation would end.
Giles was so sure that it was Buffy, yet the person on the bench didn’t turn around. He walked closed and said her name once more.
"Buffy?"
This time Buffy was sure that she had heard right. It was someone saying her name, and she could bet her life on that it was Giles. She slowly turned around and there he was... standing about 4 feet from her. He suddenly got a concerned look on his face, and she wondered why. But then she remembered that she was crying, and she couldn’t seem to stop. When he stepped towards her and she saw that he was limping, she remembered the reason why and that only made her cry harder.
Giles took her face in his hands and carefully wiped away the tears. Not for a second did he think that the tears were for him. He tried to get her to look at him; look him in the eyes, but failed as she refused to look up.
"Buffy, what’s wrong? What has happened? Why are you crying?"
Finally she looked up. "I thought you’d left for England. That I’d lost you; for the second time in only two weeks. Aren’t you supposed to be on that plane?"
"No. That plane leaves for Manchester. I’m going to London – my plane doesn’t leave for another 25 minutes."
"Oh."
She was so relieved to have Giles with her, that only now did she let the anger take over.
"What do you think you’re doing?! Were you just going to leave without telling anyone? Without telling me?!"
She removed his hands from her face.
"That was the plan, yes. I was going to phone you, however…"
"After all we’ve been through...all I get is a lousy phone call from you when you’re doing something as major as this! Don’t I deserve more?"
Giles didn’t feel the need to defend himself or his actions anymore. God, she could be so selfish sometimes!
"Don’t I deserve more than this, Buffy? For one and a half weeks was I in that hospital. How often did you come to see me? Once! And you left after a couple of minutes! Why did you come anyway? So that you could tell yourself that you at least had been there, avoiding the guilt!"
"Come on, Giles, like it was easy for me. I mean, after that letter..."
"Oh, that’s right. The letter for Angel. There’s another thing. Angel tortured me for hours; I can’t ever forget and forgive. Even if I know that it was Angelus in my mind, my heart doesn’t. Every time I see him, or hear about him, I remember! And still you’re pouring out about your feelings for him to me!"
"You don’t get a thing, do you?!" Then she stormed away.
Giles started to calm down and think. Why did the letter make it difficult for her to come and see him? Did she finally realise how it made him feel? He also noticed, now that he was calmer, that people were staring. Never mind that. What did she mean with ‘you don’t get a thing’? He had to wonder about that later. Now he had a Slayer to find.
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Giles had seen her walk into the ladies room. He counted himself lucky because if she hadn’t stopped, he wouldn’t have had a chance of catching her - especially with his injured leg.
He went to the door and leaned against the wall beside it while he waited for Buffy to come out again.
As he waited he began to think about what had happened. Possible reasons for her to come after him here – she had to have threatened Willow, or something similar, because the young witch had been sworn to secrecy. And of course - what Buffy had said before she ran away and into the restroom.
He stayed confused, and the fact that Buffy stayed in the restroom didn’t improve things either.
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Buffy was curled up in a corner, crying. She couldn’t believe this. He was just outside the door, around a 100 feet away from her, and she had nothing to lose by telling him, but everything to lose if she didn’t. And still, she was sitting in a ladies-room crying her eyes out, and probably making a whole lot of other women angry since she kept the door locked....
This couldn’t go on. She stood up and started to wipe the tears away from her face.
Then she suddenly heard something over the speaker:
Attentions please, British Airways' Flight 3612 for London is now boarding at Gate 15.
This was it. It was too late; Giles was probably on board already. Buffy slid down to the floor and started to cry again.
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Giles heard the announcement, and now he definitely didn’t know what to do. It was obvious that Buffy had something very important to tell him – should he wait and hear what she had to say? On the other hand – a ticket to London wasn’t cheap and he had a feeling that no matter what she had to say it would end up with him being hurt again, but then again.... So, should he go?
Go or stay? When the final announcement came it was clear to him what he had to do. It wasn’t easy, but he had no choice this time.
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Buffy stood up after the final announcement. She wiped away the tears with her hands first before she splashed water in her face. After waiting a couple of minutes until she was calmer, she walked out, more depressed than ever. She knew that she would never see her watcher again, and as the mere thought would have made her seize with despair – to be faced with the reality of losing him was literally killing her in addition.
She was staring at the floor so she didn’t notice the man standing in front of her before she walked straight into him. She hastily mumbled ‘sorry’ before she started walk again, but got a surprise as the man grabbed a hold of one of her wrists and held her back.
"What’s wrong with you?! I said I was so...."
She looked up as she said it and stopped talking for a moment as she realised who it was that held her captive. She couldn’t believe her own eyes
"Giles!!"
She quickly embraced him and put her head on his chest. She thought she had run out of tears, but she could feel them coming again as he put his arms around her. They stood like that for a while before Giles gently pushed her from him and used his finger to lift her face up so that she would look at him instead of all the fascinating designs on the floor.
"Buffy...I need to know. Why did you come here? And what did you mean when you said that I didn’t understand a thing?"
Buffy swallowed a couple of times before she answered him. "I-I came her because I can’t do this without you. The slaying..."
"The truth, Buffy. I need to know – that’s why I chose to stay instead of boarding that plane. I need to know what you’re saying."
"The letter...I lied. "
Giles just looked at her, now he was starting to understand, but he needed to hear her say it with no evasiveness.
"You lied? What do you mean?"
"It wasn’t about Angel, it was about you. I chickened out and told you that it was about Angel because I couldn’t stand to hear that you only see me as a daughter."
There, now it was all out in the open. Hopefully he would stay now. He would probably reject her...she only hoped that he wouldn’t laugh...
But instead he did something that she would never have thought, or dared to hope, that he would do.
He bent down and kissed her. It was gentle, and to bystanders it wouldn’t look like something two people had longed after for so long. But for Buffy it was the most incredible thing she’d ever experienced.
"Buffy.... I don’t see you as a daughter. I never have, and I never will." It was barely a whisper; their faces were still touching. He could feel Buffy smile before she kissed him back.
The END