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“Shit.”
Ellie cursed, finger pulling the trigger with increased frustration. The harsh click of an empty magazine echoed in the space between her and her target. The clicker before her launched itself forward, the fungal plate bisected its head split in strange directions as it screeched.
Her sneakers squeaked against the tile of the floor as she moved, eyes never leaving the dripping, snapping jaws, and the rotted, fetid teeth, that were gnashing closer and closer to her nose.
Ellie threw the empty pistol at it’s gross fucking face. She grinned as it thrashed from the impact of metal against the larger section of it’s plate, reeling backwards with a howl of anger and pain.
Ellie internally congratulated herself for the direct hit. She was truly the gun fucking master.
The victory was short lived, ferociously the clicker scratched at is face momentarily before it reared up and screamed in her direction. Loud enough that Ellie swore she could feel the throaty clicking in her bones as it located her. It’s muscles contracted in jarring convulsions underneath yellowed, paper thin skin, the blue and purple veins that tracked down it’s arms seemed to bulge with the effort as it stalked towards her. The clicker’s whole body jerked about in movements that distantly reminded her of watching the victims of soldiers who took pleasure in electrocuting dissenters for fun back in Boston.
Her throat closed up a fraction, her hands tingled. Unfamiliar pinpricks rippled across her skin, up her spine, filling her head with a loud buzz.
Fear.
Ellie scrambled backwards, hand fumbling around her back pocket for her knife. Her hands were slick with blood and they shook. Shook like they had when she was back in Boston, her best friend begging for release, screaming at the barrel of her gun as her left eye went milky white. Shook like they had as she tried to stitch Joel’s stomach together, the prospect of loss so heavy she had to grip her hand so tightly she lost feeling to steady herself. Shook like they had three weeks ago, watching David blood wash away, turning the small section of icy cold river she plunged her hands under pink, echos of his final laugh caught in his throat as she hacked him to pieces playing over and over in her mind. Shook like she wasn’t in the middle of surviving another encounter with the infected.
In life and death, your hands can’t shake.
From another room she could hear Joel screaming her name and the sounds of gunfire as he made his way to her. They had been separated when the Ellie had crawled through a vent in an effort to open a stairwell door for Joel. The bottom floor of the mall had been flooded in a collapse, there was no way to go but up and hope they could make it out or at the very least up onto the rooftops away from one danger.
Her fingers brushed the handle of her knife, her hand steadied. With a firm grip, she pulled the weapon free, pressed down on the release button to deploy the blade with a click in one practiced motion. Out of the corner of her eye Ellie saw the sharp slice of light catching a blade and her vision wavered, shimmered as though she stood alone in a haze of fire. The chunked mangled flesh of a head blossomed red at her feet.
Everything stopped as her back foot caught on something large and she found herself falling as her feet kicked out from underneath her. Her elbows stung as she landed, her back hitting the concrete seconds before her head cracked against the ground so hard her vision momentarily went bright and then darkened. She heard the scrape of metal against tile as her knife skittered away from her.
Ellie snapped her eyes open and found herself looking into the milky pale eyes of the corpse of a runner she had killed. It’s blood coagulated and blackened, soaking her flannel and jeans as she tried to move into a better position to run.
Her sneakers were old, over their travels, the rubber tread had worn away to practically nothing and Ellie’s legs shoot out from underneath her like a new born deer trying to walk for the first time. Frustration and fear spread through her veins, her heart pumped nothing else to her limbs. It felt like all her blood had drained and all was left was the thought that she was going to die.
A flash of metal bright cleaved apart David’s face, coming down again and again. His laughter a harsh crescendo in the quiet.
I was right, Ellie. Wasn’t I? David’s oily voice filled her head, viscous, dripping down her spine threatening to halt her movement entirely. Everything does happen for a reason, doesn’t it?
Ellie lowered her gaze, breaking away from the nightmare, adrenaline spiking high in her chest, flushing out the fear. “Fuck you, asshole!”
After everything she had done; she couldn’t die here.
There was no time to run, there was no time. The clicker rushed forward, raising it’s arms towards her. It’s limbs twitching with anticipation. Her eyes darted around landing on the red handle of a large plumbers wrench, similar to the ones the Director of her school would issue to problem students for bathroom maintenance punishments. Lucky her she was plenty fucking familiar with the tool.
The clicker dove on top of her. Ellie used her sneakers to catch it’s full weight by its shoulders. It struggled towards her hands clawing at the thick canvas of her jacket and jeans as it tried to leverage its face closer to hers. Her thighs burned as she held it above her, blindly she felt beside her trying to find the end of the wrench. Slowly her legs began to give and the foot of space between her neck and the clacking dripping teeth of the infected became mere inches. Close enough she could feel the air vibrate with each gnashing bite it made.
With veracious speed the clicker grabbed her face. Fear surged throughout her body and gave her strength Ellie grunted with effort and pushed her legs against it’s shoulder pushing it away from her and forcing it to let go. She whipped her head to the side, eyes finding the wrench handle and using the clicker for purchase, she reached over to wrest it free of debris with one desperate pull.
The wrench’s weight and balance were unexpected, much heavier than the ones she had used in Boston. Her wrist twinged with pain from the stress, as she arched her weapon into the temple of the clicker as hard as she could.
Though the angle was awkward, the plates on the side of its head exploded, showering her in fungal chunks and foul blood. The clicker howled, rotten nails clawing at the air as it toppled over. Ellie used the momentum and rolled over on top of it, bringing the wrench down over and over.
“Fuck! You! You! Fucking! Fuck!” Each strike was punctuated with a shout. Wrench brought down over and over until a gunshot over her left shoulder and the thump of a body next to her followed by a second shot and a choked gurgle brought her out of her trance.
Ellie glanced at the second clicker near her and spun around to see Joel aiming a smoking pistol at the body beside her. She stood, the wrench dislodging from the pulverized head of the clicker with a squelch. She held it loosely at her side, watching him.
“You alright, Ellie?” Joel’s voice was muffled by his mask. His chest heaved, behind his mask Ellie could see the white of his eyes as they scanned her for a moment before he seemed to catch himself and he moved towards her slowly with an outstretched hand. Half way towards her he knelt and picked up her empty gun. Spores hung between them in the air, drifting out of the infected bodies that made a path of gore from his feet to hers. He wiped some fungal gore off on his pants and inspected the weapon.
Ellie nodded, wiping blood off her face on the forearm of her jacket. She scowled as she realized how soaked with blood her jacket had become. A high startled scream filled her head, her lungs began to close until she choked on the thick black smoke and fear that lingered. No amount of distance had quelled that fire. There were no embers to put out, part of her was still trapped in the restaurant, the blaze still burned.
“I’m fine.” The voice that left her mouth was flat and hollow, it didn’t sound like her and Ellie found she didn’t care.
The loud metallic clang of the wrench slipping from her hand and hitting the floor echoed in the empty room. The noise startled her and she jumped.
“It’s alright. I think we cleared ‘em.” Joel spoke quietly, glancing around the room as if to confirm what he said as he presented the grip of the pistol to her. “You did good, kid. Gotta keep track of the bullets in your gun.”
An intense feeling rose the hairs at the back of her neck, one that she felt more and more frequently since Colorado. As if some unnamed beast kept locked away inside her was beginning to rattle the bars of its cage screaming to get out. She’d saved him countless times already and yet he still couldn’t just admit he didn’t trust her.
“I fucking know, Joel.” She snatched the gun from his hand. “Maybe if you shared some ammo with me. You gave me this fucking thing for emergencies. Some emergencies require you to trust me with more than one magazine you know.”
Joel sighed, the lenses of his mask fogged up as he did. He massaged the back of his neck with his hand before he dropped to his side the face of his watch flashing in the sliver of light that broke through the cracked walls, suspending the spores that filled the air in time. “You’re right, I should trust you more by now.”
He picked up the pistol at his feet, and pulled out the magazine, digging into his pocket to produce a small handful of bullets. “These are all we got right now. Let’s stick together and see if we can’t find us some more supplies.”
He extended his hand to her, the bullets an ironic olive branch between them. She grabbed the offering, gentler this time, and put the extra magazine in her pack and a few bullets in her pocket before loading up the rest.
Joel patiently waited, nudging rubble with the toe of his boot, until she finished loading her magazine. Ellie jogged over to where her knife had ended up, resting along a wall, covered in growth, the husk of an infected in repose lay nestled in the middle, like some fucking up shrine to decay. Snatching it up quickly, Ellie shoved her knife into her back pocket. She headed back over to Joel who gave her a nod, before they continued.
They had entered the building back loading dock and unable to gain access to the main mall, they had tried to get somewhere via an old stairwell and now found themselves trapped in a section of collapsed, flooded storefronts with a handful of infected. Crumbling concrete holes in the walls, open mouths with rebar teeth forever crying out in the dark. The husk of a collapsed giant that once provided a world with an escape from reality. Now they were trapped in its belly reality making itself known in every darkened corner and echoed howl of wind.
Her shoes were soaked through, her clothes were ruined, Ellie wanted to scream, but she was so fucking tired. None of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was getting the fuck out of here and getting to the Fireflys.
Carefully they maneuvered through a swath of collapsed rubble where a back hallway had been collapsed by the floor above them. The building creaked and moaned with each step, the second floor had barely survived on this side. Outside the stores the floor had snapped in harsh angles, holding up what remained. They made their way around the edge of the hole, ducking in and out of old stores trying to find a way around. Old advertisements hung, rotten and tattered, on the walls next to scores of infected overgrowth, spores denser in the back of the collapse rooms clearing slightly the closer they got to the central hub of the mall.
Ellie studied a few of the advertisements as she passed them, there were ones like she had seen before with girls who chose not to eat when they had plenty of food to choose from. Faces painted up to look deathly pale with large purple eyelids and bright red lips. There were new ones, tall muscled men in heavy pads captured in various action poses as they threw a football, lanky kids in holey shirts and ripped jeans, their unnaturally colored hair spiked up reminding her of some characters she’d seen in Savage Starlight.
The one she currently found herself in front of, hung on the remains of a back wall in a room full of shattered glass, was a faded image a small child with large glasses smiling and laughing as her father held her aloft over his head.
Joel’s hand landed gently on her shoulder and she flinched, her shoulders hunching and her back seizing as if she was fighting off a physical blow. It was the first time Joel touched her since he had pulled her away from what used to be David, the sections of flesh that peeled apart to reveal white bone, two deep holes where a nose should have been. He was never human, she reminded herself, humans don’t eat other humans.
She felt her shoulders shake. She blinked, looking over at Joel’s masked face.
Joel said something, his voice tinged with minor annoyance, she stared at him and realized he had been asking her a question.
“Huh?”
Joel thumbed over at a section of frames with darkened glass in them, “You wanna pick out a pair of sunglasses?”
“No.”
“Suit yourself.” Joel stepped over to the rack and picked a pair off before remembering he still had his mask on and put them back shuffling awkwardly before pulling down a few bottles of rubbing alcohol from a shelf and shaking them with a pleased grunt.
They continued making their way through rubble, testing the metal security shutters and doors. All of them locked or jammed to Joel’s growing annoyance. Each time they found one he’d shake the metal with a little more aggression than the last.
Another room held old electronics and Ellie smiled to herself when she found a bunch of batteries for her cassette player as well as a few tools for Joel who gave her a thumbs up when she handed over her haul. They crawled through a larger break in the wall between two stores. Ellie’s foot caught on a taller section of brick she tried to clear, which ended with her tumbling through and landing at the feet of some humanoid figure.
Without hesitation, Ellie ignored the twinge of pain in her thigh as she flipped on her back, gun trained at the head of her enemy. A smooth faceless pale head stared back at her. Only to lower the gun with a low growl as Joel popped through the hole after her, chuckling when he realized the only danger posed to Ellie was her own two feet.
Old mannequins unsettled her, she warily eyed them as if they were going to move. It took all her concentration not to shoot whenever they turned a corner to be confronted by several faceless torsos with missing limbs. They were unnaturally thin, their hips and chest large, there was no way these things were normal. She remembered the poster, the one with the lady who didn’t eat even though she always had food.
“Did some people really look like this?”
Joel shrugged, “Some tried. Not really an achievable body type.”
She kicked at one as the passed, it’s leg crumbling apart at her touch, “Whoever designed these things was a fucking creep.”
Finally, after some concerted effort from both of them, they managed to crawl into the second floor of a large store that seemed to brighten Joel’s spirits after he got a quick look around. The spores had dissipated, giving way to a mostly intact building, some overgrowth spilling in from a few larger cracks high up on a wall. Sunlight poured in, dappling the area in light. It was warm and the sounds of birds singing wafted in, the store calm among the chaos they had escaped from.
“Well I’ll be damned.” Joel surveyed the walls. She could hear some building hope in his voice, muffled as it was by his mask. “I think we found a winner here. You think a store like this’ve been picked clean already.”
He pulled his mask off revealing a grin. Ellie tried to remember the last time he had smiled. Just before he had been impaled? He had been explaining football. When was the last time she had smiled?
Ellie frowned at her thoughts. Stupid.
Joel knocked his knuckles against her arm to get her attention and pointed ahead of them, “Think we can find anything good?”
A section of guns and ammo lay before them in mostly unbroken cases, some jagged pieces of glass littered the floor, where someone had grabbed a few guns.
To the left of where they stood Ellie could look down and see all sorts of clothes seemingly made for survival, a stark contrast of the clothing to their right, small swaths of fabric on plastic hangers that probably wouldn’t cover more than the tops of someones legs. Ellie crept over to the edge of the broken escalator and looked down, she could see bows on the walls and all sorts of outdoor sporting goods. Much like the section of the mall she had found in Colorado, the panic of her search for a first aid kit kept her from really taking in the place.
“Would ya look at all this,” Joel hefted a pack off the wall and laughed as he showed her the Red cross on the front faded white text reading Emergency Bug Out Bag. “We really coulda used this a few months back. Woulda made your life a lot easier.”
Ellie half-nodded, more interested in the large wall behind him were all sorts of sporting goods that she had only ever seen in movies. Surfboards, skateboards, kayaks hung on the wall across from sections of fancy five person tents and folding camping chairs.
Joel gestured her towards a section in the middle where there were racks upon racks of somewhat preserved clothing.
“You, uh. Should pick out some new clothes,” Joel scratched at a patch of dry blood on his jacket. Brown flecks flaking off towards the floor. “Looks like we both could use some clothes that aren’t covered in blood.”
While the promise of newer clothes didn’t make her light, getting a few moments to herself help. Joel trundled off towards the section with a large sign reading mens looming above it. Leaving her alone in the boys section with her thoughts. Ellie grabbed a pair of green cargo pants, red button up, and a black crew neck shirt. Absentmindedly running her fingertips over her scar. The bubbles of infection taunting her from her forearm. She’d never be able to wear short sleeve shirts again. She grabbed a white long sleeve shirt off of a hanger, and knocked the plastic limbless torso that displayed the tatters of her black tshirt since before she was born.
Peeling off her old clothes Ellie left them in a pile at her feet. The new clothes were light and dry and she stretched and twisted to get used to the feeling on her skin. She wasn’t sure how long she had been picking out clothes but her ears picked up on how quiet the room had gotten. Even the howl of the wind outside had seemed to calm down.
“Joel?” Ellie called out towards where she had last seen Joel receding form as he headed to find clothes himself. The was no response. She chewed her lip for a second before pulling her gun out and calling out again. “Joel this isn’t fucking funny, if you don’t say something I’m gonna shoot your ass!”
“Well, that’s a little excessive don’t ya think.” Joel’s voice startled her and she whipped herself around to see him coming from a section of boxes to her left. “You might not wanna shoot me after you see what I found.”
“Is it a rocket ship?”
“What? No? Why woul –” Joel paused, his face scrunched up in confusion. Rolling his eyes, he tossed a box her way. “You know what never mind. Try these on.”
The box hit her square in the chest as she caught it. A single sun-bleached star stood out against faded black cardboard. Opening the lid Ellie jumped up as she revealed a pair of canvas sneakers, black.
“Holy shit these are almost brand new!” She held out the old shoes to the light. The rubber was a little cracked with age in places. One shoe was a little more faded than the other but that didn’t bother her.
Ellie grinned and crouched down putting the new shoes side by side with her old pair, they were slightly bigger, which meant she finally had a pair that would fit comfortable. Her old ones had become uncomfortably tight in the last month or so. She began untying her left shoe, glancing up when she heard Joel scoff.
“Probably cause no one round here is crazy enough to think these shoes are good for survival.”
“Excuse me, who has been keeping his boots together with duct tape and positive thinking?” Ellie flipped him off, tossed one of her old sneakers over her shoulder and jammed her foot into the new one. The canvas was stiff and the rubber creaked slightly as she moved her feet. She had never had something that was hers first before. Always something old and handed down.
“They fit alright?” Joel crouched next to her, he smiled and it make his face crinkle around his eyes she had only seen this smile once before in the photo she had stolen.
“Do you think we can take a few more pairs with us Joel?” Ellie winced at how openly hopeful she let herself sound at the prospect of several pairs of shoes that were hers and hers alone.
“Sorry, kid. We need that space for food and ammo. Maybe after they figure out a cure we can come back and get you some new ones.”
“Aw c’mon Joel please.”
“Nope.”
“Pleeeeeeeaaase?”
“I said no.” Joel chuckled, his knee popping as he stood.
“You’re an ass.” Ellie grumbled, as she finished tying her shoelace into a tight knot.
“Sure am. Maybe this will change your mind.” Joel held up a rucksack and shook it, all sorts of cans clanking against one another. “Tonight we’re going to have a feast.”
Hours later they had posted up on the eastern face of the mountain range. They’d be following it for the next few days. A small outcrop of stone tucked them away from the rest of the forest allowing them to light a nice fire. Joel sat on a log, knife in one hand, carefully shaving down a piece of wood into the facsimile of some woodland creature.
Across from him Ellie sprawled out on the log she was using as a seat, she held a comic above her head, occasionally gasping or laughing to herself. On the ground around them was all sorts of empty food cans, and ripped MRE packages. Ellie was completely full for the first time she could remember. Her stomach uncomfortable from all the food. She had eaten like she’d never see food again and they still had enough food left over to get them to Salt Lake.
“Hey, was commanding science officer a real job you could have?” Ellie thumbed a page of her comic, the science officer in question cowering on the page as Dr. Star held a scalpel to his throat.
“I dunno.” Came Joel’s answer from the other side of the fire. Ellie watched smoke rise between them. “Probably.”
“What did you do, before the outbreak? You smuggle hard drugs or something?” Joel sat up straight and stared at Ellie for a moment before laughing to himself. He shook his head, and she frowned. Where the fuck was this reaction when she was telling him the best puns in the book.
“I worked construction, I was a carpenter. This here,” Joel waved the wood he was whittling around, “Is probably the closest I’ll ever get to wood workin’ again.”
“Can you work the wood into something cool like a laser gun?”
“I am workin’ the wood into somethin’ cool right now.” Joel checked his work, then rubbed at his beard, his eyes trained on Ellie. “Ya know, whittlin’ is pretty calmin’ if you ever wanna give it a try.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ellie held her place with a finger and folded her comic up, resting it on her chest. Narrowing her eyes at what was in Joel’s hand. “Are you making a dinosaur?”
Joel grunted and gave her and offended glare. “What? It’s clearly a deer.”
“I dunno, looks more like a dinosaur to me.”
“Looks like a dinosaur to me,” Joel mocked in a high pitched voice. “Maybe we really should have checked your eyes at that store. You clearly need glasses.”
With concerted effort Ellie managed to haul herself up into a sitting position and scooted closer to Joel.
“So you wanted to be a singer, huh?” Ellie flipped back to the final page of the latest comic Joel had found her. Daniela Star and Captain Ryan were being forced to fight each other to death and of course there was a fucking cliffhanger.
“Yeah, but those days are long behind me kid.”
“Not really.” She grimaced and shoved her comic back into her pack with a huff, “I want to be an astronaut, and I’d say those days are past. But anyone can sing.”
“I don’t have a guitar.”
“Sure you do,” Ellie laughed, vocalizing a random guitar riff. Joel stopped his whittling and stared at here before his lips tightened, quirking up slightly.
“Alright, alright. That’s enough of that.”
“Pretty good guitar, huh?”
Joel’s eyebrows creased, his eyes observing something on Ellie’s face, before suddenly he relaxed, his whole body easing up. He chuckled to himself and picked back up his knife and half-finished deer which was clearly a dinosaur of sorts. “Sure, kiddo. That was a pretty good guitar. Let’s not go around playing it all the time okay?”
A grin split Ellie’s face as she stared at Joel, “Hah!”
“What?”
“You called me kiddo.” Ellie tapped his foot with hers. “That means we’re friends now.”
“Guess I did.” Joel blew off some shavings into the fire. “Don’t get used to it.”
“Will you sing for me?”
“No.”
“C’mon, I fuckin’ saved your life and you won’t even sing for me?” Ellie crossed her arms and pouted. “This is bullshit.”
“Look, after all this is over I will alright? I’ll even teach ya some songs. Good songs.” Joel dusted off his creation, checking its form against the blaze of fire. Shadows casting half his face in darkness. “Promise.”
“Did you know Henry wanted to rap?” Ellie watched the flames, not daring to look at Joel as she spoke. Something about killing David had changed her, her body tensed as she waited for Joel’s response and she hated it, “Sam told me that.”
“Ellie.” Joel’s voice was a warning shot in the dark between them. One she elected to ignore.
“I just think it's fucked up we don't talk about what happened to Henry and Sam. Or Te-” Or Riley. Or David. Or anyone. They were all dead yet they still followed her. Attached themselves to her shadow, hiding just out of the corner of her eye. No matter how fast she turned around she’d never catch their gaze.
“Ellie.” Joel's voice went low and hard, cutting her off. “I know you want to talk.” The ease in his shoulders and face tightened up, his body curling in on itself imperceptibly. “But it's only going to make things worse.”
Ellie stared hard at Joel, opened her mouth, retort on her tongue, and closed it hard, teeth clacking against each other from the force of it when she saw how tired he looked. Years of loss hidden in the lines on his face.
Things happen we move on, that's what he had said after Tess, after Sam... Henry... the photo she stole from Maria suddenly carried physical weight, she wasn’t carrying a piece of paper around anymore, she was dragging a body along behind her.
Had Joel said that after Sarah?
If she died would he say that too?
It had been months and she already couldn't imagine moving on from Joel like that. They sat there observing each other for a moment before the pain left Joel’s eyes and he relaxed again.
Joel folded the knife is his hand close, tucking it into the breast pocket of his new green flannel.
“Talkin’ about this stuff, there’s no point to it.” His voice grew quiet, his eyes aflame as he gazed into the fire. “It’s like a moth to a flame.”
Ellie followed his gaze in time to seem a moth fly too close, a flame licking out and consuming it in a flash. “It’s enticing, but in the end it’ll burn ya.”
Ellie considered what he had said, nothing was going to bring them back. Nothing was going to stop the hurt, she could keep trying to stop it, but more pain would come. Maybe Joel was right. Maybe he was wrong. If she could help with a cure, stop all this unnecessary loss? Maybe Joel would see there was something more.
Beside her Joel cleared his throat.
“Hey, we’re havin’ a good night. We don’t get many of those.” He opened a can of fruit cocktail with his knife and passed it to her before picking up a new block to carve. Joel wiped the fruit juice covered knife on his pant leg and began carving an outline into the soft wood “Why don’t you tell me what you know about space or somethin’. You got a favorite planet or what?”
Ellie grinned and went through her mental index of space facts for one to share with Joel before landing on her favorite mission, “Okay, so the Voyager is a deep-space probe we sent out to explore space in the seventies and it’s still out there! It’s the most distant human made object in space. At least that we know about.”
Joel smiled and settled into his project as she continued.
The flames had begun to die down when Ellie realized she had been talking for so long. She poured some of the contents of the can into her mouth to shut herself up. Joel blew some curly shavings off the back of his hand and dusted off his creation.
“Can’t say I was expectin’ all that.” Joel chuckled. “You learn all that in school?”
“No,” Ellie, licked her lips and swallowed her food before nodding her head at what Joel had in his hands. “What’s that supposed to be?
The thing was oblong, with three fin like stubs around the bottom half. Joel had crudely carved a circle into the side. Whatever it was, it was making Joel act nervous as he presented it to her.
“It’s uh, thought it was obvious.” Joel muttered, glancing at her and back to the wood in his hands, as if it were obvious. “It’s a rocket ship.”
Plucking the wood from Joel’s hands Ellie twisted it about hers. There was a childlike charm to the finished product. It was the rough shape of a rocket if you got your ship designs from earlier science fiction books.
“Pfft, that’s not what they look like,” Ellie laughed out loud and rolled her eyes. Dumping more sickly sweet preserved fruit into her mouth she tried to talk around a cheekful of masticated cherries and pear, “You were alive when they were launching shuttles into space. There’s no booster rockets. Where’s the fuselage? The stabilizers?”
Joel reached over and plucked the ship out of her hands, tossing it to the side of the fire by his pack. “Are you gonna heckle me every time I try to do somethin’ nice for you?”
“Are you gonna sing for me?” Ellie asked as she drained the can, tipping her head back and looking down the aluminum cylinder towards Joel.
“I sai-.” Joel started.
“Yeah, yeah. When this is over.” Ellie turned her head skywards, to the patch of night sky above them, letting her eyes adjust until she saw what she was looking for.
A tiny pinprick of light slowly drifting in the night sky. She pointed upwards.
“If you look closely you can see a satellite.” She faced Joel watching him as he searched for what she was pointing at. “You see it just below the handle of the big dipper. “Riiiight…” Ellie moved her fingertip. “There.”
“Well I’ll be damned.” Joel’s brow unfurrowed as his eyes tracked the satellite. “You know I can’t remember the last time I saw a satellite. Musta been just before the outbreak.”
“It’s crazy to think that there’s stuff we made up there. Just floating around.”
“Yeah,” Joel’s voice caught as he continued to watch the sky, a slight smile cracking across his face. The fire made the shadows on his face dance, it made him look twenty years younger, before the world hardened him. Before the wear on his soul had seeped into his skin. There was some part of Joel from the photo still inside him – somewhere. Ellie wiped at her nose, eyes darting over to her pack before she thought better of it. There would be a better time than now.
“Even after we’re gone there is something left of us that lasts. Humans might never make it back up there, but the memories and knowledge we sent up there will endure.”
There was an unfathomable amount of distance between her and the Voyager, between her and the satellites that drifted above. Yet she was connected to these things, all humans were. Whatever happens that part of her, part of all humanity would drift and explore and continue onward. There would be something to remember even if no one was around to remember it. Who would remember her after she was gone? They were all dead, everyone except Joel. Maybe there was still something left for her.
“Gettin’ a little philosophical there. I reckon I like what you’re getting’ at.” They sat staring up at the night sky a little longer, the silence wasn’t as stark between them as it had once been. It almost felt comfortable. Ellie lost sight of the tiny dot, finding a new one just beyond, Ruchbah the star in Cassiopeia's knee. She watched the sky with Joel until the fire died down. If he lost sight of the satellite he didn’t mention it.
Eventually she found herself being jostled awake by a gentle hand on her back. She had nodded off, her chin on her arm. Blinking away sleep, she rubbed at her eye. At her feet was Joel’s gift. She was pretty sure Joel hadn't left it there earlier.
“Thanks for the rocket ship, Joel. It’s pretty okay.”
“Alright, time for bed. Your eyes clearly need a rest.” Ellie’s smart retort died in her mouth as she yawned. Flipping Joel off as she flopped into her sleeping bag she yanked the blanket over her shoulder as she watch Joel sidle into his own sleeping gear and roll over. His back to the embers he grunted as he settled.
The crackling of cooling embers were loud in her ear but not loud enough Ellie couldn’t hear Joel’s whispered, “Night, kiddo.”
Tucking in on herself, Ellie drifted, the sounds of screams and fire faded away for the first time in weeks as she drifted off.
“Night, Joel.”
In the morning they woke up cleared out their camp in relative silence. Joel focusing on cleaning up their mess while Ellie packed her gear back up. Her fingers brushed the laminate of the photo, before she thought better of offering it to Joel. They had a mission to finish. Maybe in time she thought, she could teach him you can’t stay stuck forever, moving on doesn’t mean you’re moving forward.
The sounds of heavy footfalls drew her out of her thoughts and she found herself staring at a purple comic cover, Joel grinned at her, pleased with himself, “Found another one of them comics in an abandoned car over there. S’ in pretty good condition all things considerin’.”
“Woah, that’s the one I need.”
“What’s the sayin’? Survive and Endure?”
Joel passed over the comic, on the cover Daniela Star held out the limp body of Captain Ryan with one hand around his neck. It seemed she wouldn’t have to wait too long to find out how they were going to escape their predicament. She crouched down and unzipped her pack, finding a comic sized sliver of free space she tucked it in there for later.
Despite how things started, Joel was trying. Even if he messed up there was no fault in that. She messed things up too. Maybe in time they would go their separate ways. For now, even if things were bad she was safe, and a little less scared. No matter what she did Joel would be there he hadn’t left her yet.
“Something like that. Ready to go?” Ellie hopped up and held her hand out high for Joel. After everything they had endured to get here, what they had survived to make it this far, it had to be for something. She couldn’t see it any other way. They were past the point of no return now.
“To the edge of the universe and back?”
Joel high-fived her with a chuckle, “Sure, kiddo. To the edge of the universe and back.”