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Patton sighed as he looked at the vegetable in front of him. He would not say he hated potatoes per say. No, hating potatoes was attributed to Optic Blast who had taken to declaring his loathing for the vegetable at every waking moment for the last 2 months over and over and over again until even Patton started to get annoyed with him. Of course, to be fair to the hero… Patton hadn’t used laser vision to blow up a sentient potato monster, getting mashed potato gore all over himself only to be expected to eat potatoes for the next 2 months straight because the potato monster had spawned normal potatoes all over the city and really the only way to get rid of them was for everyone to band together and eat them.
So, no, Patton didn’t hate potatoes. He had not declared that they were now his mortal enemy. But. Well. Look... He was an optimistic man who did his best to see the upsides to everything, but even he was starting to get a little sick of potatoes.
He was hungry, though, with four hours of his night shift left, and there weren’t many options in the superhero headquarter’s very small kitchen except for potatoes. So… potatoes. Yeah.
“That’s a pretty forlorn expression to give a root vegetable at 2:13am,” a voice said.
Patton glanced up to see the teammate he’d been paired with for the evening, known by the pseudonym The Invincible because of his superstrength and tough skin. He and Patton didn’t… exactly get along. They’d been two teams for a short while that fought each a bit, and even after deciding to come together as one big team, they tended to still have a bit of animosity between the two groups. He and The Invincible in particular didn’t see eye to eye all of the time. Their senses of humor did not meld well and while they agreed on goals much of the times, they often disagreed on the methods to achieve those goals. Not to mention, they’d often been paired up in fights before becoming a team considering he had superstrength and Patton had a forcefield.
Patton would much rather be paired up with Logan or maybe Goneboy. Optic Blast wouldn’t even be too bad despite having been on the opposite team. They got along okay when he wasn’t being crabby about potatoes and… the rest of existence. He almost reminded him of his roommate, Virgil in some ways and Patton loved Virgil.
“Well, you know,” Patton said to The Invincible. “Potatoes.”
“Potatoes,” he agreed, understanding as only a citizen of their fair city could.
“Trying to decide if I want mashed, baked, or fried.” He frowned down at the vegetable. “All of the options sound…”
“Like shit?” The Invincible suggested, eyes shining behind his mask.
Patton pursed his lips at him in disapproval.
“Oh, come on, say it,” the other man said. “Come on. You know it’s true. Just say it.”
Patton looked down at the counter. “It’s true,” he mumbled, “but I don’t have to say it.”
The Invincible paused. “Eh, close enough.” Then, he snatched the potato up from in front of Patton. “We’re not making a boring potato dish tonight,” he declared.
“Oh, then what are we making?”
“Cookies,” he declared.
Patton blinked. “Well,” he said, “I’m all for cookies myself, but how…?”
“Oh,” The Invincible said, “I’ve done a lot of potato experiments in the last month or so. Let me enlighten you.”
***
Well, Patton thought as they put the potato cookies in the oven, he wasn’t sure how they would taste, but they were certainly an interesting concoction. “So, you really think that’ll work?” he asked.
The Invincible just shrugged. “Maybe,” he said seeming fully unconcerned.
Patton couldn’t help but chuckle. “Well, it was…” he paused, “fun, at the very least.”
“Just call me Mr. Fun.”
“No can do,” Patton said. “I once fought a living doll called Mr. Fun.”
“Oh?”
“He was not fun. He ate children.”
“Those are always the worst types of living dolls. Like, if a giant money ate a kid, yeah, sure, at least they’re getting nutrients out of it, but a doll? It’s a doll! What’s even the point? Fun?”
“According to Mr. Fun… yes.”
“Huh. Do you think the cookies need frosting?”
Patton thought about it for a moment. “Chocolate?”
“Well, yes, obviously.”
***
“Hmm,” Patton said, studying the cookies once they were out of the oven.
“Hmm,” The Invincible agreed. “Well, we can at least try them. Half the fun is the experimenting after all.”
“Do you do a lot of cooking experiments?”
The Invincible nodded. “Some turn out better than others. I’ve found awesome things, but also horrible things. If it tastes bad, I feed it to Roman…my dog.”
“You have a dog?”
“Eh, he’s more of a stray I let hang around. I do have a cat though and she’s great.”
“Oh, I love kitties!” Patton said. “I’m a bit allergic though.”
He whipped out his phone immediately to show Patton pictures of his grey and black cat named Diesel Fuel. He ended up in his excitement to show all of his kitty pictures, accidently showing Patton one that shad a man in it as well, and that’s how he first saw Remus’s face.
The potato cookies were… bad.
Patton hoped Roman enjoyed them!