Chapter Text
For once, the Koopa Kingdom was filled with the sounds of joy and celebration. The normally barren collection of ash and gravel that called itself a field had an enormous audience stretching for miles. There were koopa troopas with clip-on bow ties, goombas with polished boots, piranha plants wearing their best pots, everyone knew they had to dress up for this event. And at the far end of the field, standing in front of a river of lava, was the cause of all this commotion.
At first glance, it appeared to be nothing more than a traditional airship. It certainly had all the bells and whistles you’d associate with one like propeller masts, a ship design plucked straight out of the century of petticoats and pirates, not to mention the statue bust of the kingdom’s ruler resting just below the ship’s bow. However, a closer look revealed some subtle differences. The ship was made out of metal with sleek chrome plating for example, and the statue bust’s mouth was closed to form a triumphantly toothy grin instead of being traditionally open. Oh, and there was also the giant white round canon protruding from the ship’s hull.
As the crowd went absolutely wild upon seeing the recently built airship, none were more proud of its existence than the kingdom’s own ruler, Bowser Koopa. His spiked green shell facing the audience, the king had his arms folded, his claws occasionally tightening or loosening his spiked bracelets. The wind was restless that day, practically blowing his fiery red hair with ease. Not that he minded, however. In fact, it felt quite good as the wind moved around his head, his two white horns withstanding the gusts like they were mountains.
“She is quite exquisite, your majesty.”
Bowser looked down to see his loyal advisor Kamek pushing his round glasses back up his nose. Bowser noticed with amusement that Kamek’s blue robe appeared faded. He clearly put it through the washer and dryer at least twice in a row to make sure it was absolutely clean. A bit overkill, but Bowser appreciated the effort nonetheless.
“Indeed,” Bowser replied. “Not that I need to ask, but everything is in order, yes?”
“Absolutely!” Kamek answered with the most eager smile he had. “All we need is for you to begin, my liege.”
Bowser gazed upon the recently built airship, beaming with pride. Turning his head towards the thousands of adoring subjects, the burly humanoid turtle smiled upon them, particularly at the eight young children sitting in front. The koopalings were predictably causing a bit of a ruckus, more than the rest of the crowd. Unpredictably , the ruckus was in support of today’s event. Iggy was clapping, Lemmy was happily bouncing on his big green ball, Wendy swung her golden hoops, Morton whooped and hollered, Roy’s red shades glinted in approval, Larry did a funny dance in Bowser’s honor, and Bowser Jr. waved a big painting of his dad above the crowd. There was, however, one koopaling who didn’t engage in celebration. Bowser’s mood nearly soured as he saw his son Ludwig Von Koopa standing still, glaring daggers at him. Of course, it wasn’t like Ludwig didn’t have a reason to be upset. Bowser slightly understood where Ludwig was coming from, even. But the little brat had to suck it up, it was best for everyone.
“Sire?” Kamek said, pulling Bowser back into the present. “Do you suppose it’s time?”
Checking the clock on his phone, Bowser nodded in agreement and carefully walked over to the podium. As he coughed and did a small test to make sure the microphone worked, Bowser wondered if he made the right decision in even getting a microphone. Indeed, his voice could be heard from miles, perhaps even countries, away. In the end though, Bowser opted to get the mic anyway. It may have been functionally unnecessary, but it was a great asset in providing presentation !
Speaking of, Bowser realized it was time to get the ceremony going and proceeded to speak:
“Thank you,” Bowser said hands raised in an attempt to calm the wild crowd. “Your applause means the world to--”
The crowd went “WOOP WOOP” and “WOO” at the Koopa King’s half truthful token of appreciation, putting the man off his footing. But it was only for a little while, as he realized this adoration was what he deserved.
“Indeed…” Bowser continued, his smile now comfortably smug as his claws held on to the edges of the podium. “And now! I’d think it’s about time for the ceremony to beg--”
The crowd went “YEAH” and “GO KING BOWSER” at the announcement of the beginning of the ceremony. Bowser’s smile began to fade as he realized his audience was perhaps a bit too excited.
“Err yes,” he said, the talons of his left claw tapping at the podium. “Well, how about we get start--”
The crowd went “HIP HIP” and “HOORAY” at Bowser’s suggestion. Now, the applause was getting annoying.
“So, as I was saying…” Bowser attempted to get through to the people, his smile having drooped into a frown. “We should start--”
The crowd went “START IT WOO!” and “GO OFF KING!”
“…We should start …” He repeated through gritted teeth, his claws having dug into the wooden podium. “The ceremony--”
The crowd went “WAHOO”…and that was the last straw.
“WILL YOU SHUT UP AND LET ME START THIS THING ALREADY?!” Bowser roared, his voice indeed traveling for miles, perhaps even countries.
The crowd went silent and Bowser sighed as he looked at the now broken podium, its edges ripped off by his claws. Shaking the wood off his talons, Bowser spoke into the microphone, though he already knew it was blown out. Well, that was a waste of about thirty coins in total.
Bowser then looked up at the audience that was still quiet. After a second or two of him staring at them and vice versa, Bowser slapped on another confident smile and tossed the blown out microphone onto the wrecked podium.
“Thank you!” He said cheerfully, his claws clasped together. “Now, while I’d normally encourage against this, I want you all to take your eyes off me, and instead gaze above!”
The crowd followed his instructions, taking in the view of the chrome airship in all its aviation based glory. The sight was so wondrous that people started to cheer again, but a glaring eye from Bowser nipped that little idea in the bud real quick.
“A true marvel, isn’t she?” Bowser continued, pacing back and forth on the stage as he started to find his groove. “So elegantly designed, so exceptionally sturdy, so utterly powerful! I feel no hesitation in declaring the S.S. Toadstool to be the finest airship this kingdom has ever produced!”
A few members began to clap and, as Bowser nodded his head in approval, more hands joined in.
“For years, I’ve had the odorus reputation as a brutish invader of lands. A vile kidnapper of princesses!”
The crowd booed, despite such an assessment being completely and utterly correct. Even Bowser understood this as he was quick to amend:
“Of course, I have no intention of stopping my endeavor to steal the heart of the lovely princess,” Bowser said sheepishly before hastily holding a single talon up. “But! I have other ambitions as well, and so does this kingdom for that matter! In fact, I’d say it’s time to expand our reputation, and I have just the crew in mind to make that happen! Come on down, fellas!”
Right on cue, the S.S. Toadstool’s anchor was dramatically cast to the ground as five figures proceeded to slide down the anchor chain. The first to land was a lanky koopa troopa with a white lab coat, followed by a boo ghost with swirly glasses, a cherry colored bob-omb, a green hooded shy guy, and a blue goomba that wore a captain’s cap. The goomba captain moved his jaw around to ease his sore teeth, likely because those were what he used to slide down the anchor chain.
“First off, I’d like to introduce,” Bowser said, his claw gesturing towards the lanky koopa. “Dr. Carl Doyle!”
The koopa troopa awkwardly tugged at his coat as he walked towards the towering king.
“Not only is this strapping lad top of his class in the field of physics, he’s also the big reason we’re here today! Any words you’d like to say before you head off, doc?”
Dr. Doyle timidly began a speech that was quite moving…to those who could actually hear it. It was at that moment that Bowser remembered another reason he chose to purchase a microphone for today.
“Wonderful words of wisdom!” Bowser exclaimed as he cut Dr. Doyle off (not that Bowser could tell, the kid was so quiet). “Now then, onto our next brave voyager, Hunter ‘Spooks’ Hutchins!”
Dr. Doyle wisely decided to simply nod and move on as Hunter floated onto the stage.
“Dr. Hutchins is well-known for his studies of culture and society. Whatever the crew discovers, he’ll write it down and perform peak analysis!”
Truth be told, Bowser didn’t really know exactly what cultures or societies Hutchins wrote about. He just knew the ghost was supposed to be very observant and analytical so he instantly assigned him for the journey. For his part, Hunter didn’t seem to mind as he ate up the attention the audience gave him, even performing the signature boo tongue wag.
“Next up,” Bowser announced, grateful that Hunter was already one step ahead and chose to step off before he started introducing the next member. “Demolitions expert and all around dynamite gal, Scarlett Cherry!”
The red bob-omb eagerly ran on stage and took a bow.
“There won’t be any obstructive walls while she’s around,” Bowser quipped. “Famous for her pivotal role in helping the trapped miners of Koopa Mines escape their dark and dank doom, Scarlett hasn’t met a single object she couldn’t blow up with a single explosion! Give her a hand, folks, she needs at least two!”
A few polite chuckles escaped from the audience as Bowser bitterly lamented their sudden hesitation to go all out on the applause. He got over it though, as he went on to the next member.
“This guy is quite the character,” Bowser said, dragging his last few words out while the shy guy in green crept up to the stage. “May I introduce to you, Ted Jefferson!”
The shy guy proceeded to bow awkwardly as the audience gave a much more livelier reception.
“Don’t let his timid behavior fool you,” Bowser said, Noting with slight amazement how Jefferson seemed even more stage shy than Dr. Doyle. “This man right here is an expert hunter, having taken down the most dangerous beasts in this kingdom, often without fire power!”
Jefferson merely bowed to both Bowser and the crowd before quickly retreating to where the other crew members were.
“And finally,” Bowser said, his index talon raised once more to heighten the drama. “We have perhaps the most important of our humble gang of explorers, put your hands together for Captain Arthur Maize!
The goomba captain attempted to do a little twirl of his cap, but his head just couldn’t quite pull it off.
“No stranger to strange land, Captain Maize has piloted many an airship through the most dangerous of storms, blizzards, and even enemy fire! With him behind the wheel, the S.S. Toadstool will weather anything that comes her way!”
The crowd clapped and cheered as Captain Maize nodded his head and then walked over to join the rest of the crew.
“And there you have it, folks!” Bowser said. “These are the brave souls ready to take on the most perilous journey that’s in store for them!”
…Well, that wasn’t quite true. There were a number of unnamed grunts who were running the ship but they weren’t integral to the mission, so they didn’t count.
“And now, Dr. Doyle,” Bowser said, his claw closed into a mighty fist. “ACTIVATE THE CANON!”
With a swipe of his hand, Dr. Doyle had produced a small grey remote out of his lab coat pocket. He pointed it at the canon and, after waiting for one second, pressed the lone black button on the remote. In no time at all, a purple swirl of energy had formed inside the canon. At first it was moving about in a slow and sluggish state, but soon the swirl began picking up speed. It then became so fast it was spiraling, until finally the canon released the energy from itself resounding in a big satisfying boom.
The mass flew with a haphazard speed before stopping in front of a patch of open sky, as if it had splat onto a wall. The purple mass then expanded until it was roughly the width and height of the S.S. Toadstool, still showing off a spiral like motion to those who gazed into the purple blast. And to cap it all off, a hole had appeared in the purple blast, widening and widening until it completely replaced the purple energy. The crowd went back to pre-Bowser meltdown levels of applause. An airship that could generate its own portals! Truly, the Koopa Kingdom had come a long way. And as Bowser gazed into the pitch black portal, he smiled. For today would add a new descriptor to the great Koopa King: Kidnapper, Invader, and Explorer !
“What you see before you,” Bowser explained, his eyes still glued to the phenomenon before him. “Is a portal to another dimension, an alternate universe previously uncharted by anyone of this world… until now ! In just a few moments, the S.S. Toadstool will enter that portal and explore the dimension for a month’s time, studying and observing the world beyond. And when she returns, the Koopa Kingdom will have truly made history. For we will be this world’s first multidimensional travelers!”
As the cheering continued, Bowser was in thought. For just a brief moment, he had reconsidered extending the journey to half a year’s time like Dr. Hutchins requested. He made a salient point when he said that studying the culture of a small village, let alone in a whole other dimension possibly alien to theirs, would take considerably more than a month to reach any meaningful conclusions. But Bowser quickly dismissed his second guessing. He couldn’t guarantee that other kingdoms weren’t performing a mission similar to his. In this game, it didn’t matter if you left first, only that you came back first.
With that in mind, Bowser signaled to Captain Maize, who nodded and lead the others back to the anchor. Once all the crew were back on the S.S. Toadstool, the anchor was reeled back in, the time for ego boasting officially over. After a few seconds, the S.S. Toadstool quickly sailed into the portal, its mast fans spinning at top speed. The portal subsequently vanished the instant the ship had sailed through the other side, their journey having truly begun.
As the crowd finally started to pack up and leave, Bowser stayed, looking at the area where the portal was just seconds ago. Truly, he thought, this endeavor would be remembered for centuries to come…
15 YEARS LATER
“Your majesty!” Bowser’s loyal advisor Kamek cried, having flown in from the window via his magic broom. “I bring unbelievable news, the S.S. Toadstool has finally returned!”
“…The what ?” Bowser asked, his lips inches away from drinking out of his “World’s Worst Dad” coffee mug given to him by Bowser Jr.
“The airship that could create portals to other dimensions, the one you sent dimension hopping all those years ago, it’s back! It’s finally back!”
“…Oh.” Bowser then proceeded to sip his coffee as he went back to browsing through his touch screen phone. “Send uh, send a small group of minions to welcome the crew home and then tell them to see me in the throne room.”
That last command probably wasn’t a good idea, considering he’d have few nice things to say to those jerks who took their sweet time getting back.
“Well, err, we did , sire,” Kamek revealed, his voice shaking. “A couple guards went to the S.S. Toadstool and waited for the crew to come down but the ship didn’t even land. It was just hovering there despite frequent radio calls to at least cast anchor. So when we still didn’t get a response, I sent a small airship with armed guards up there, just in case, and they…found something.”
“Uh-huh…” Bowser mumbled, clicking on the latest video of “Peach Crumble”, an online baking show hosted by the now former princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. Today’s episode was one of those bake off specials she sometimes did, this one featuring…
“King Bowser!” Kamek yelled, his voice now irritated.
“Well, what did you find?!” Bowser snapped, his talon having jabbed the phone so hard it created a tiny tear through the extra thick screen protection he purchased.
“I think you should see for yourself,” Kamek said uneasily.
“…Alright. Give me a few minutes,” Bowser said, as he resumed the episode. This time, the guest was Peach’s own daughter Bianca. Bowser found it bitterly amusing how she seemed to take more form her old man, especially his bulbous nose and stocky figure. Peach looked about the same as ever, though her hair had finally started to show strands of grey. He felt the urge to stroke his own hair, which had long ago lost its fiery red color. Though he supposed he could…
“This can’t wait my liege!” Kamek said. “I really think you should come, right now!”
“To do what?” Bowser asked coolly, his eyes still on the phone. “See the crew, have a chat, thank them for their service, drink up and--”
“Sir, the crew’s all but missing.”
Finally, Bowser rose his head up from the screen and looked at Kamek.
“The ship was utterly trashed inside, practically a war zone. We were lucky the ship’s logs were more or less intact for us to go through, considering how damaged everything else was. More importantly, we found two life forms on board. One was the sole crew member we found in there and the other…Again, I must insist you see for yourself.”
No further prompting was necessary, for Bowser was already headed out the door, his wand in hand. On the way over to where the ship was, Kamek continued to inform the Koopa King on the situation.
“Only one survivor huh?” Bowser asked, walking slower than he normally did to let Kamek catch up. “And you said the rest were…?”
“Gone, completely absent,” Kamek said through quick breaths. “We couldn’t even find a trace of a corpse throughout the entire ship.”
Speaking of, Bowser and Kamek stopped upon entering the docking bay. Seeing the S.S. Toadstool in the flesh again hit Bowser a lot harder than he thought it would. This was supposed to be his legacy, his first benevolent gift to the world, his greatest achievement. Instead, it never came back when he said it would, making him appear to be even more of a joke than he already was. And as the months turned into years, pretty much everyone gave up on it, Bowser included.
But that was all in the past, and considering what Kamek said, there was probably a very good reason the airship was gone so long. Taking in a deep breath of pure determination, Bowser marched over to the now landed S.S. Toadstool. There were several guards on duty, some guarding the door, others pointing at the entrance with weapons grade fire flowers, and others still hyperventilating and puking.
Being made of stronger stuff (or, at least, boasting of being made of sterner stuff), Bowser ordered two guards to follow him and Kamek. Together, the four entered the S.S. Toadstool.
Upon venturing further into the S.S. Toadstool, it was perhaps inevitable that the power would be out. Why, indeed, would it be on? Kamek immediately performed an illumination spell on his wand so that the group had a flashlight to travel through the pitch black ship.
“This way,” He told Bowser as he led them down to the holding cells.
Along the way, the tired Koopa King observed the wreckage they passed by. Kamek wasn’t mincing words when he called the place a warzone. If anything, the lack of bodies was even more unsettling. There was absolutely no way whatever caused this didn’t leave behind at least one body. A small part of Bowser considered that maybe the rest of the crew were simply off the ship and still in the other dimension…which led to even more unsettling questions so he stopped that line of thinking.
Soon, the four had arrived at the holding cell. Bowser couldn’t help feeling vindicated, remembering all the complaints and criticisms of him demanding that a holding cell be installed in the airship. Such a feeling was immediately extinguished when he got to see the prisoners.
The first one they saw was the lone survivor of the original crew, sitting on his bunk and looking down. He was a shy guy, wearing a neat green cloak and tidy blue pants. Wait a minute…
“Ted Jefferson?” Bowser said, himself not even believing what he saw.
Upon hearing his own name, the shy guy slowly raised his head and looked at Bowser, his mask as expressionless as any regular shy guy mask.
“I’m sorry for the attack earlier,” Jefferson said with zero emotion. “I’ve been out of it for a while now. I’m ready to tell you what happened if you wish.”
“In a moment,” Kamek said curtly before turning to Bowser. “He wasn’t in here, originally, but we found him strolling along the corridors carrying a sharp piece of metal. We tried to pry it off, and he instantly swiped at us. After the struggle, we put him in here until your arrival, King Bowser. Now, I think you should see what this man was holding prisoner, my liege.”
Bowser nodded, following Kamek as they went forward to the last cell in the block, the two guards shaking behind them. When Bowser came to the cell, he didn’t even know what he was looking at, at first. The place was so dark and the shape was so vague, he almost thought it was just a shadow. Then Kamek shone the light upon it.
The thing was giant, towering slightly over Bowser himself, and just as wide. As for what it looked like…well. Imagine a round pink colored bag of garbage, filled to capacity with the odd ooze of slime crawling out of the top. Now replace the many creases one would find on a garbage bag with dark purple veins. Finally, imagine it beating like an enlarged heart.
Bowser instinctively pulled his wand on the creature, holding with it both hands. A wise move, too, for the blob was just starting to extend a noodle shaped appendage his way. As Bowser’s wand began to glow however, the appendage retreated back into the blob’s many folds.
The four quickly moved away from the blob and back to Jefferson, who was now standing completely still in the middle of his cell.
“Pretty ghastly, I know,” He said, still without emotion. “Imagine having to trap it all by yourself, ha ha.”
The more this guy talked, the more Bowser liked him less.
“I think it’s about time you told us that story,” He said, his wand on the survivor as Kamek unlocked the door.