Work Text:
I didn't have a lot of time to work with, which didn't do any wonders for me as I had so much on my mind. I was still hung up on my duel with Kaito, everything he said lingered on my mind alongside the memories of my past life that I now recalled.
Why did he die? I was the one who lost. It should have been me who died. He was needed much more. He had people waiting for him back at home. Truth be told these were all thoughts that manifested throughout and after our duel; after his death. Even so, why had it been him? I just couldn't wrap my head around it.
Alas, I had to push those thoughts aside. Yuma was going up against Don Thousand and I had to be there to help. That was the least I could do. If Kaito was still alive, he would have been the one to aid Yuma. Even if I died, I had to put forth my best effort to put a stop to this and stop any more people from dying. That was the least I could do.
Although, it was not all I could do. A thought lingered on my mind of apologizing to his younger brother who must've been left all alone now. I didn't know if I was going to make it past tomorrow, so I didn't have a lot of time to think about it, but I felt like I had to. For his sake, not just mine.
I headed off to Heartland Tower not long after.
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Originally I had intended to use my Barian powers to teleport inside the Tower, but as I didn't know what the interior was like and where it was safe to do so, I was relieved to find a window wide open not far from the ground floor. As I was hunched on the windowsill and about to enter though, I was being stared at.
The boy I assumed to be Haruto stared at me intently and made not a single sound as I quietly climbed in through the window. He didn't back away, not even an inch as I stepped closer. In fact, he showed no signs of fear or caution at all.
When I crouched down slowly to be on his level, I could clearly see the glistening tears still at the edges of his eyes, as if they were dams waiting to be broken. It made me sickeningly sad. Despite everything, this small boy's sorrow resonated with me. He and I had once not been so different, had we?
"Haruto..." I said to him quietly and cautiously to confirm that it was really him. I received no verbal reply, but I knew.
"I'm sorry."
My voice broke, pathetically so, even though my tone was low. It likely sounded more like a whisper than anything. The thought pained me so, but, I was able to apologize to the one person that Kaito cared about most, the person that would miss him more than anyone. It felt just a little freeing.
I was left utterly lost when Haruto, even then, didn't back away. But, his shoulders were shaking and his lip quivered. He should cry if he has to, I thought. He shouldn't hold it in. I didn't know how to tell him that, though.
Then he ran to me - He ran up to me and hugged me, crying into the fabric of my clothes. Why? Didn't he understand it was because of me that his brother was dead? Humans were fools after all. So very foolish and so full of emotion and desire. I had no idea how to handle a human child, but I felt an odd desire too - to protect him.
I kneeled down now and wrapped my hands around his shaking body. Goodness, he was small. He was so small and so fragile. How was he going to be okay without Kaito? I only held tighter at the thought, my eyes squint shut. Here, in the dark room, illuminated only by the moonlight, in the quiet broken only by cries, I held a small, grieving child.
Haruto eventually quieted down and I opened my eyes again, as if having forgotten where I was altogether. I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I looked up slightly, eyeing around the room and the top of the countertops when I saw what I was looking for. I stood quietly, letting go of Haruto and walked a few steps away to grab some tissue paper. The young boy was wiping at his eyes so I kneeled back down and held the tissue forward for him to take. When he didn't, I went ahead and carefully wiped his eyes for him. Then I sat there awkwardly, wondering what I should do. I couldn't bear to just leave him now.
Haruto grabbed me by the hand and I thought he was trying to lead me somewhere so I stood up to follow. I couldn't help but think how his hand was so very small in mine. I had no idea where we were going or what any of these rooms were, but he eventually stopped in front of a drawer. He opened it and took something, then turned to me and handed me a tiny wrapped cube shape. He unwrapped the one he had and ate it, so I followed, not really knowing what it was. It was sweet and melted in my mouth almost immediately. I thought I liked it.
"Me and Kaito always eat these. They help me feel better."
My face grimaced at the way Haruto still referred to Kaito in present tense. Did he not fully understand that his brother was gone? Or was he in denial? It only saddened me further when I realized that that was the first time I heard Haruto speak tonight, and in person. He still seemed to hold on hope, somehow. Still, he was just a kid so I supposed that that was to be expected. I thought about how much I would've liked to be a kid in that moment just like him, how much I would've liked to stay hopeful.
We stayed together into the night as he showed me around various rooms and brought various belongings of theirs to my attention. One that stuck with me was a drawing of his. When he initially pulled it up to show me, I recognized it immediately.
"Is that Kaito's Galaxy Eyes?"
"Mhm! And that's Kaito down there," Haruto exclaimed, pointing to the lower right corner of the drawing. I took it from his hands to take a closer look.
"So it is." I said softly, eyeing the paper with an odd fondness. Sure, it was a little crudely drawn, but that mattered not for it was made with love. I used to draw once, too, when I was human. When I had time to spare, I would scribble scenes from Jinlon's various stories down on any parcel I could find, and Jinlon himself too. Those were all fond memories I was able to recall again, though I hardly knew how to handle them all at once. I had never drawn him nor anything else ever since, not after what happened to the two of us.
When I mentioned the fact, Haruto insisted that I draw again, and so, before I could make much of an effort to object, Haruto had already provided me with pencils and a piece of paper.
I found that it wasn't quite as easy as I remembered it once being though, recalling how to draw Jinlon even if I could see him so clearly in my head. ...Or could I? I was once again saddened, angered even, as I struggled to quite put the image I still held on of him on paper.
"Did you forget how to draw?" Haruto asked innocently when all I had on the piece of paper was a dot from me pressing my pencil against it.
"No, I'm just thinking."
My expression softened as I looked at him, being brought back into the reality of the situation and I ultimately decided that it didn't matter - just because I didn't remember him perfectly didn't mean he was any less important to me. Quite the contrary, I thought, thinking back to the duel between me and Kaito on the Moon. It was then that I remembered the card Kaito had entrusted to me. Whatever that card truly was, I knew that it looked a lot like Jinlon. There were things I still didn't have answers to it seemed, but I decided to push them aside. The thought of that card filled me with some confidence, and so I drew.
It was just a little weird since I hadn't done it in such a long time, but alas, the skill had never seemed to leave me, and that brought me some comfort. The Jinlon I drew ended up looking like the form of him that I knew with his golden fur, serpent-like body and big wings. I smiled sketching him, recalling the times he cared for me as best as I could.
"Wow, he's like a snake." Haruto commented, to which I replied with a simple "yeah."
"Can you draw Kaito there too?"
"Hm? Kaito?"
Haruto nodded enthusiastically and so I complied, trying my best to replicate how I remembered him. As is often the case though, even when someone's image is clear in your mind, it's very hard to replicate onto a piece of paper.
"Does this look like him?" I asked Haruto who confirmed that it did.
"Can you add me there too, next to him?"
With a small chuckle, I once again complied, having a much easier time this time since my reference was standing right next to me.
"You should draw yourself too, so it can be all three of us!"
This time I fell deep in thought, but not for long as I decided that at least per Haruto's request, I could do it.
My skill was nowhere near that of an actually good artist, I thought, but I also thought that for someone who very occasionally did it, it wasn't bad, and that went for this drawing too as I finished. The little depiction of my own self crossed over Jinlon's lineart a little since I hadn't thought of the space I'd need for so many additions, but Haruto's gleaming smile reassured me. I wasn't smiling though. I looked at my own work and gripped the pencil in my hand, thinking about Kaito.
"What's wrong?"
I couldn't respond to Haruto and his face only grew more concerned as I closed my eyes, trying to stop myself from nearly tearing up. Kaito and I hadn't known each other for long, but that only made it sting more. He managed to stir so much change within me despite that. Our time of being able to interact in any way at all was so brief, and even then all we did was duel, and that got Kaito killed. Even if indirectly, I still killed him. No matter what might've lessened the fact, his death was forever going to stay on my conscience, if I was going to make it past tomorrow.
I hadn't even noticed when Haruto left, but my attention was turned back to him when he returned, with one of those cube-shaped candies again.
"Here, you can have another!" he told me as I took it from him, unwrapping and then eating it. I let its sweetness melt in my mouth and indeed, it did make me feel better. Strange how that works.
I stayed with Haruto for the whole night and early into the morning. I knew I couldn't stay for long, but I couldn't bear to leave him all alone here. Or, well, he did have his father. Apparantly his father thought he was asleep though.
Eventually, I managed to usher him to bed, which was helped by the fact that he was so sleepy by now. I couldn't imagine him falling asleep on his own after his brother's death if it weren't for me being there. Actually, his father should've been here to fill that role, I thought as I covered Haruto with the blanket. Perhaps he had woken up after already being put to sleep? Either way I decided to give his dad some leeway.
"Will Kaito come back?"
I eyed Haruto in silence, racking my brain over what I should reply. Kaito was dead, he wasn't coming back, but how was one supposed to tell that to a child?
"He never left." I half-whispered to him.
"He'll always be by your side when you need him."
The implications of that should've been clear to anyone, but I was hoping that Haruto didn't quite understand. I hoped dearly that when the reality of the situation really settled in for him, it would be just a little easier to handle than me telling him straight-up.
Haruto closed his eyes, and I sat by his bedside for some time before deciding that he was sound asleep. Despite my wishes, I had to leave. A duel was waiting.
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I still couldn't quite wrap my head around the fact that everyone except for Astral had been reincarnated. Me having to get used to living as a human on top of it didn't help one bit. Not only were all the Barians besides me back for me to converse with, but everyone else, too. That included Kaito.
He was alive, and I couldn't face him.
At least he didn't go to the school that I was now attending, which was a relief. Of course I missed him and Haruto, but I had no idea how to go about meeting them again. After everything that had happened, I was utterly lost, and in my stubbornness, I talked to no one about it to get any advice.
I was residing at Ryoga's mansion with the other Barians who had no place of their own to stay at this point in time. It was chaotic at best, but I was grateful nonetheless.
It was when I had come back from school one day that Ryoga came up to me to hand me what seemed to be a letter of some sort.
"Kaito told me to give this to you."
I looked at the paper in his hands, then at him, and then at the paper again, this time taking it from him. Unfolded, it read:
'Mizael,
Haruto wants to see you. You won't have to see me if you don't want to. The two of you can talk alone.'
Signed, Kaito...
"Would you mind delivering a response back to Kaito?"
"The two of you can talk! I'm not a mailman!"
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After exchanging a few more letters, I agreed to spend a day with Haruto. I still wanted to see Kaito, but I was afraid. Haruto being a child made meeting him a lot easier, so that was what I settled on, for now anyway.
I had been sat on a park bench, waiting. It'd been very warm and I started to regret not tying my hair up in a ponytail. As a Barian I hardly had to worry about anything so trivial, but it had felt like I was melting in the sun. Eventually though, I saw Haruto running up to me with Orbital 7 behind him. I'd never seen Orbital in his normal form, but Kaito had described him in a letter to me. Haruto greeted me warmly and I couldn't help smiling back to him. Although I had only met him once before, I hadn't realized quite how much I wanted to see him again, and to see him happy. He made a comment that me and Kaito should meet up too and whatnot, but I brushed it off. And so, we spent the morning and afternoon together, talking, exploring and playing tricks on Orbital even though we would have gotten lost if it weren't for him.
The evening was approaching when we arrived at Heartland Tower where I was going to drop Haruto off. The boy really wanted me to come inside though and knowing that Kaito was in his lab, I couldn't resist taking at least a moment to visit their home again. It might've pained me, remembering the last time I was here with Haruto, but it also brought comfort. I wouldn't have to associate this place with bad memories anymore.
I had forgotten how many floors this thing had, but we only stayed on one of the lower ones where Haruto lead me outside to what seemed somewhat like an unconventional balcony. Really, we were just standing on top of the lower platform that extended outward from the rest of Heartland Tower.
"I-Isn't this a little dangerous!?" I called out to Haruto when he ran closer to the edge with no fence there. He stopped in his tracks but I still put my hand on his shoulder as if fearing he'd run straight off the edge if I didn't.
"Kaito says I can't come here alone, but you're here!"
"I still don't know how to feel about this..."
"Don't worry, I won't go too close. It's a little scary anyway."
I breathed a sigh of relief, almost wishing Orbital was here to keep us both in check, but appearantly he was needed in the lab. If it was Kaito telling him that then I was a little concerned by the fact that he trusted me to be left completely alone with Haruto. If he really did trust me though then I was grateful.
Calmed down, I eyed the surrounding area, admiring the fact that we could walk all the way around the tower if we wanted to.
Suddenly the thought that Kaito wasn't far from where we were now started nagging me and my mind started running laps thinking about seeing him again one day.
"Are you okay?" Haruto asked, noticing my silence and the grimace on my face. I gave him a small laugh, trying to push my thoughts aside.
"Sometimes you just wanna scream like a child."
"Do you want to scream right now?"
"Hm?"
"We can scream right now!"
I stared at him with wide, confused eyes, but then I pushed aside any excuse not to do it as a smirk crept up to my face. Really, why not? Who was gonna see it? And if someone was gonna hear it then that was Kaito's problem, not mine.
"You know what, why not?" I told him, restraining myself from saying something like 'fuck it', though I mused what Kaito's reaction would be if Haruto picked the word up from me.
I straightened my back, took a big breath... and I yelled. I yelled to the skies with every bit of frustration, confusion, and newfound wonder as well. With gratitude. I yelled for as long as my breath could last, until my voice was gone and I had to stop in order to catch a breath.
I breathed for a moment and out of the corner of my eye I could see Haruto staring at me. Before I could turn to him though, he himself turned, head slightly tilted towards the sky and he yelled too. It was arguably quieter and shorter than mine, but regardless, he sure could make noise for a child.
I smirked at him and when he was done I yelled again. As if exchanging yells we continued screaming to the sky until I finally deemed that it was best to stop so Haruto wouldn't scream his voice away. Kaito would surely scold me for that. Haruto was breathing pretty heavily but he seemed happy.
"Do you feel better now?" he asked, still catching his breath.
"Damn right I do." I smiled.
"I wonder if brother ever wants to scream too."
"...probably not."
"Bold assumption."
My eyes widened as I immediately recognized that voice. I didn't turn around though.
Haruto called out to Kaito and ran up to him. Even though I wasn't looking at them, I could see the two of them so clearly in my head. I always thought about how good of a brother Kaito would be, and I wondered what it would've been like if I had had someone like that back when I was still human all these years ago. Though I thought it was fitting that I had no one but Jinlon, just as Kaito and Haruto had no one but each other. At least, before they met Yuma and the others, I assumed.
"I left something for you downstairs, Haruto." I could hear Kaito say, stopping my train of thought. Haruto was quick to go with Orbital now tagging behind him when Kaito told him to go on his own, and that he would join him in a moment. And so, me and him were left alone in silence. It struck me then that that was the first time we had been truly alone together, just the two of us. I could hardly hear anything besides the gentle breeze, so I guessed he was looking at me, waiting for a sign, maybe.
He called out my name in an ever so gentle voice, just like when he asked me if I would tell him what happened to me if we were to meet again, back on the Moon... There, where the dragons clashed, and a life was lost, and another was spurred on by believing in the other.
Thank you for teaching me to believe in people.
I mouthed that into the air, against the chilly breeze gracing my lips, but my voice was absent.
I turned around partially to look at him out of the corner of my eye, then fully. It was really him, same as he'd always been, and alive. At the back of my mind I was still struggling to fully accept that last part. But I was glad. That was another thing I couldn't bring myself to say.
In the silence I couldn't break, I stepped forward. I took a second to just look at Kaito, and a moment later he was enveloped in my arms, all at once. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or if Kaito was okay with it, but I wanted to let it happen. I held him close and as I felt his body against mine, I couldn't resist but to lower my defenses further. Any tension in my body melted away and I buried my face into his shoulder.
His hands held onto my sides hesitantly, but then they moved to my back, and they pulled me in further. I didn't know why it was making me feel... the way it was, but I didn't want it to end. It was so very surreal.
But, after a few minutes, or however long it had been, we pulled away. My hands fell to his sides instinctively, like I wasn't ready to let go of him just yet. We just stood there, almost close enough to feel one another's breaths. I could tell his eyes were staring into mine, but I couldn't bear to look at his again just yet.
"I told you you and Kaito should meet too!"
My eyes darted wide and I immediately stepped away. Kaito stared at me almost quizzically, before an understanding quickly dawned on him. This person I had once indirectly killed, and always tried to beat, and now I held him like that? I stared at the ground in shame. What was I doing? I could tell Kaito kept looking at me for a good few moments before finally turning to Haruto.
"Did you like it?"
"Damn right I did!"
Kaito's eyes widened immediately and the shame I felt was instantly gone, instead replaced by surprise, then amusement. I still didn't raise my head but Kaito could full well see my smirk as he looked at me while I was trying my damndest not to laugh.
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We joined Haruto downstairs and spent the evening together, although I never really addressed or looked at Kaito again. It was strange having him there and now I was even more hesitant to interact with him at all after hugging him so suddenly instead of, I don't know, greeting him? Anything but what I ended up doing.
Eventually, while Haruto and Orbital were occupied, Kaito turned to me and offered for me to eat dinner with them. I decided that that was my cue to leave.
"Sorry, but I think it's best that I go, it's getting late. Thank you for the offer."
"Of course, I understand."
I desperately wanted to say more, but I had no idea what, so to avoid the awkward silence for any longer, I merely turned to walk away.
"Mizael?" Kaito added then. I didn't reply, but stopped to hear what he wanted to say.
"Thank you for looking after Haruto."
My eyes widened in surprise at this statement, there was so much gratitude in it that I didn't know how to react. It made sense, I knew how much Haruto meant to him. I chuckled awkwardly.
"It was just once."
"You visited him on the night that I died."
I couldn't help my head from lowering slightly, my teeth gritting for just a second at the memory. The way Kaito could just say that bewildered me, even thinking about what happened on the Moon that day brought me such pain. But, I also found a bit of solace in how it didn't seem to bother Kaito as much anymore. It was in the past, after all, and both of us were ready to start with our new lives. Or, well, I wasn't sure how ready I was.
"I shouldn't have said that. Sorry, Mizael."
I snapped out of my thoughts immediately. I must've remained silent for too long for Kaito to say that.
"No, no, you don't have to apologize..."
I trailed off as if unsure, but in truth I was just having a little bit of a hard time picking up the conversation again where it left off. I finally turned, still not directly facing Kaito, but at least able to see him.
"I did visit Haruto that night, yes."
I could see a small smile on Kaito's face, and when he didn't say anything I continued.
"He's really sweet. I couldn't help wondering what he was like after our duel. You seemed so fond of him," I pondered for a second before continuing again. "I'm glad you two have each other."
"And I'm glad he had you when I was gone."
The corners of my lips tugged upwards despite my best efforts, and then I wondered why I was trying to hide it anyway. I had never felt as comfortable as I did around Kaito.
"And I'm glad to have you." slipped my lips before I could stop it.
"Sorry, what I meant was that I'm glad you're alive."
Kaito crossed his arms, his smile was just a little wider now, and the fact that it was directed towards me made my heart flutter.
"We've come full circle then."
I realized we had, and I blushed at myself for that, bowing my head just a little to try and cover it.
"Do you have a place to stay?"
"At Ryoga's place... Why?"
I don't think I had to ask why, it just came naturally.
"You're free to come back again if you'd like. It must be a mess over there with so many people residing in his mansion. Besides, I'd like to hear more about that drawing you made for Haruto."
I stuttered for a second in embarrassment, trying to recall exactly what that drawing looked like.
"My point is that Haruto and I would be happy to have you."
Finally, since first seeing him that evening, I looked him in the eye again and I smiled just slightly.