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“Have you ever been to the sea?”
Kang Kwon Joo smiled faintly at the slightly odd question Derek Cho asked, then she turned her head to none other than the object he pointed. The sea.
“Not in a work-related situation. Maybe you planned it, or you just suddenly find yourself walking on the sand, watching the waves wash your feet.”
Now her eyes darted back to the gentle figure sitting in front of her. Derek stared at her softly, waiting for an answer. In a non-call centre situation, he was always so patient with her. He never pressed her for answers, although she always found his questions intriguing.
“If by the sea you mean the beach, like this, then yes. I am now, with you.”
Derek smiled. “And before this?”
“In Long Island, when I study voice profiling.”
Derek nodded, sipping his soju. “So you never went to the sea with him?” he didn’t mention the name, but somehow Kwon Joo knew.
“Team Leader Do Kang Woo?”
It’s strange, as well as a relief. With Derek, Kwon Joo could talk about the former Golden Time Team Leader as a human, not as the wrongfully accused, wrongfully murdered, most pitiful human being everybody had treated him like after his death.
Before Derek, every time people talk about Do Kang Woo, it was always grim and gloomy and full of guilt and regret. It was sadness and then stopped in the middle, then they went on with their lives, trying to forget. Or maybe they were like that because Kwon Joo was there. Because they knew it’s heartbreaking for Kwon Joo, and they didn’t want her to suffer more than it is.
When Derek came back to this country and transferred to Busan, one thing she learned from him was that all this time, she tried so hard to forget Do Kang Woo, one thing that they both knew would never happen in a lifetime. He told her maybe she could try to let go instead. But she didn’t know how or where to start.
So Derek started by slipping trivial questions about Kang Woo between their lunches or investigations. Derek helped her remember not only what she did that went wrong, but also how Kang Woo’s attitude, sarcasm, attention and care made her feel. He made her feel easy talking about Kang Woo as a partner, as a person, not as someone who got killed.
Kwon Joo smiled at Derek. “We were busy chasing the Fabre. But I think that’s where he wanted to go.”
He nodded. “Before I went to college, we used to ride a bike to Malibu beach, to celebrate Lisa’s birthday.”
“Malibu? Isn’t Santa Monica the nearest beach from Beverly Hills?” Derek’s stepparents’ house was in Beverly Hills.
“When we got home, we knew that our stepfather would hit us. So, might as well spend a whole day far from them.”
Kwon Joo looked at Derek empathically. Whenever Derek talked about his childhood days, she wanted to tell him that he did great.
“Other than Lisa?” she asked.
“With Golden Time Team, in Vimo Island. One day before you disappeared with Fabrelab.”
Kwon Joo smiled at the bittersweet memories of almost three years ago when she impulsively left Golden Time Team to learn the truth about her ears.
Derek poured a drink to her glass. “Do you want to take a walk along the beach? Together?”
Again, Kwon Joo smiled at Derek’s question. Or invitation. He didn’t have to emphasise his invitation to walk along the beach with him. But of course, he added ‘together?' just to make sure his intention was well delivered. And that made her heart skip a beat.
So they walked, side by side, along the Haeundae Beach, under the moonlight, passing some tourists who were busy swimming or enjoying the night music.
“So you never went to the sea alone?” Kwon Joo started their conversation after about 10 minutes of walking to the east.
Derek shook his head. “Even in LA, I prefer to watch the night sky or the city from somewhere tall.”
“Any particular reason? Oh─” She instinctively sought support from Derek’s arm when the waves were lapping against the shore, washing her still-covered feet.
Derek chuckled and pulled her away from the waves that crashing stronger as the night goes. She took off her shoes and carrying them as they walked again.
“I don’t know. Whenever I got a case near the sea and no one beside me, I feel sad, empty, or alone, one of those.”
“Right?”
Derek turned to look at Kwon Joo’s face and found her looking keenly at him. “So, you’ve been to the sea alone…”
Kwon Joo looked back at the dark sea. “I’ve been here several times, and other beaches, too, following investigations. When I’m alone, I feel sad, too. Sometimes angry, confused, and empty. Regret, too. I think the sea brings out our dark thoughts.”
“Maybe that’s why people visit the sea together.”
She looked at Derek again. “Hmm?”
“Sea… beach… ocean… It amplifies the sense of uncertainty and abundance of vagueness. That does make the presence of someone beside us calming and reassuring. It is some sort of confirmation that we exist and are not alone in this world. To keep us from falling… into an endless loop.”
Derek’s brow furrowed slightly, he watched the sea. Kwon Joo was dazed, not only at the deepness of his thought but also his ability to arrange his words which softly piercing through her sense.
"Detective Cho…" She gripped his arm and she just realised she hasn’t let go of her hand that lingered around his arm.
Derek turned his attention to Kwon Joo. “Yes, Kang Center?”
“I loved Do Kang Woo.”
Derek nodded. “I understand.”
“But I also think I deserve to be happy,” she looked at him in the eyes for a moment.
“You deserve to be happy,” Derek emphasised the word 'deserve'.
“Right? I want to be happy, too,” Kwon Joo looked at him again, eyes filled with worry, hope, and also determination.
Derek stopped, making her stop too. They stood far in front of a group of youngsters who were enjoying bonfires and singing soulfully.
"Kang Center, happiness doesn’t always come to you by itself. You can’t only wait for its presence.”
Kwon Joo still looked at Derek, though she didn’t say a word. But she knew for sure that what he said was right.
“Slowly. Step by step,” Derek pushed a strand of hair off her face. The wind was getting stronger. “Happiness also doesn’t always come in just one try.”
Slowly, she smiled a little. “If I follow your advice… will you be waiting patiently?”
Derek started to walk again. They took a path closer to the pedestrian walkway.
“Kang Center, we are now standing on two different sides of a field. You are on one edge, I am on the other one. We have the same goal. So, rather than asking me to wait for you, what if we walk together towards each other? So that we could meet more quickly.”
Derek tilted his head to her and raised his eyebrows, waiting for her answer.
Kwon Joo smiled, now visible. She slowly nodded.
At that, Derek also smiled. That first step towards happiness, he made it. They both made it.
“I once read a quote from a US series,” he said as they walk back to her car.
“Hmm?” Kwon Joo was watching the tide rising and falling quietly. Derek was right, the presence of someone beside her made her calm.
“If you can’t feel anything, then I’ll feel everything for the both of us.”
Kwon Joo turned to look at him and found him also looking at her. She knew the mentioned quote and the circumstances behind the words. And she knew his circumstances, their circumstances.
“I think I could go on with that,” he concluded, nodding to himself.
Kwon Joo shook her head and looking back at the sea again. “That is only possible if one party doesn’t feel anything.”
Derek looked at Kwon Joo who was back watching the sea. He smiled widely and took her hand in his, entwining them together. Her eyes widened as she turned to him.
“This is me taking one step.”
And Kwon Joo gripped his hand back.