Chapter Text
“Is this what you listen to when you’re alone?”
Carlisle, as both a doctor and a centuries old vampire, was not easily startled. The things he had seen in surgery, in triage, and during his stay with the Volturi had whittled his nerves and his reflexes down so they moved in time with the rest of his calm, collected demeanor. And especially after living all these years in a house with Emmett and Jasper and their rowdy, playful tendencies, he was not one to jump at a crash or a shout. However, on one of his rare evenings alone that he had previously been spending reclining on the porch with a glass of wine and the Victrola humming an old favorite album of his, he turned with a jolt at the gentle question that had come from behind him. However, when he realized who the voice belonged to, he eased back into his chair and couldn’t help but smile.
“Isabella,” he greeted, lifting his glass to the flushed girl standing sheepishly in the middle of the living room. “Always nice to see you. I’m afraid Edward isn’t here. And, yes, this is what I listen to when I’m alone, which isn’t often.”
The song that was currently playing was heartfelt and bouncy, but it was in Italian, so Carlisle imagined Bella didn’t have any idea of what it was about. Anyways, he could see that her knee wiggled a little to the beat, and he suppressed a fond smile at the motion. She pushed hair off her shoulders and looked at him with those big, brown eyes of hers that he suspected were what drew Edward in in the first place. He had to admit, the shape and depth of them were entrancing.
“Gotcha. I wasn’t here for Edward, actually, I forgot my book in his room from the last time I was here and I kinda need it tomorrow. I wish I’d remembered earlier, though, I didn’t mean to disrupt your night off,” she explained, holding up a worn paperback.
“You’re not disrupting me at all, don’t be silly,” he laughed. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you like, it’s not like I’ll be going to bed anytime soon.”
She giggled at that, the embarrassed color returning to her cheeks.
“Right. I’m guessing that Edward and the others are still off with Esme for Mother’s Day weekend,” she said, cautiously making her way out to the porch to sit beside Carlisle in the cool, evening air. “He mentioned that he’d be out of town for a little while.”
“Indeed, they are. It was actually the girl’s idea, but you know Edward and his brothers can’t resist a little trip to stretch their legs and get some fresh air.”
“I’m sure they’re doing more than that.”
“Definitely. I keep telling myself I’m going to get Emmett and Jasper tested for ADHD but I just never get around to it,” Carlisle smiled as he took a sip of his wine. Dry but fruity, hundreds of years old but not quite as old as he was. He couldn’t imagine what a 1600’s era wine could possibly taste like right now. Actually, right now almost all he could smell was the intoxicating aroma emanating from the girl sitting cross legged next to him. He had always been aware of it but now she was right next to him, staring out at the trees and caught in a sweet, nighttime breeze that carried her scent right to him.
“It’s nice out here,” she remarked quietly. “You can hear everything.”
“You have no idea how much I can hear at night in this house,” Carlisle stated, suddenly aware of the double meaning that sentence carried, and Bella bristled. “I mean, the wildlife. You’d think it’d be quieter at night, but not with these ears. Especially birds and foxes.”
He was rambling. He was a little nervous. He hoped it wasn’t obvious, especially since he wasn’t 100% sure why he was.
“When are they coming back?” Bella asked innocently, definitely unaware of the way Carlisle was fidgeting in his chair.
“Tomorrow afternoon, if all goes to plan. Esme is pretty good at keeping everything running on time but there are always setbacks with our clan.”
“She’s pretty good at a lot of things,” Bella remarked. “I know they’re not really her kids but you’d never know.”
“Mm.”
“How did you know she was your one and only?”
The question startled Carlisle and he turned to face Bella, who was looking up at him like he held the answer to every question she could ever ask. She was only halfway through her 18th year but she seemed so much older even now. He thought for a moment, taking a deeper drink from his wine before answering.
“I guess I don’t know for sure,” he began hesitantly. “I think I just hoped, and she hoped, so we decided to hope together, and now we’re here. I mean, once I turned her, there’s really no going back. I could never leave her, and I don’t want to.”
Bella nodded sagely, clearly thinking hard.
“I thought you’d sound a little more certain, honestly,” Bella confessed and Carlisle looked at her simply. “Just, you guys seem like total soulmates.”
“Why are you asking me this?” he asked and her eyes darted around his face before looking at her arms curled around her knees, which she had tucked to her chest.
“I…” She trailed off, struggling to find the words. Carlisle thought he might be overthinking what she might be hinting at, but he decided to give it a go anyway.
“Are you having second thoughts about your relationship with my son, Isabella?”
Her silence confirmed his suspicions and he gave a quiet nod. He had worried about this since Edward had first shown interest in her and had her join their world, but in this moment it felt like less of a life and death matter and more of a silly relationship problem he wanted to help fix.
“What’s bothering you?” he coaxed and she groaned, slumping her head against his leg. He tensed at first, but after a second he found the sudden and rare warmth...nice. That was definitely the word he was looking for.
“I don’t know, I feel so bad for being so uncertain, especially because of everything that’s at stake now that I know but I...sometimes I find myself attracted to other people and wonder what it’d be like to be with them. Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!” Bella burrowed her face further into Carlisle’s cool thigh and he instinctively reached to rest a hand on her dark hair. It was just as soft as it looked, and he tentatively ran his fingers through her hair to soothe her.
“That’s completely natural, Bella,” he insisted. “I mean, you’re only human. It’s natural for your heart and body to take the wheel sometimes.” Bella raised her heart shaped face to look at him then, her straight brows knit across her pale forehead.
“So you’re only attracted to Esme now? Since you’re not a human anymore? Is that how that works?” she questioned and he swallowed a little more thickly than he expected.
Was he?
“I mean...I was human once, too. My body has changed immensely but some things remain the same. Instincts. Urges. Maybe they’re even a little bit enhanced. You can’t be any worse than me,” he told her honestly and her pupils expanded just a little bit, but Carlisle was incredibly aware of her eyes taking this information in.
“What I’m saying is, you shouldn’t feel guilty about any desires you may have for people other than my son. Crushes come and go,” Carlisle clarified, setting his wine glass down. “As long as you don’t engage with other people while you’re with Edward, you have nothing to be ashamed of, I promise.”
Bella let her eyes leave his face and it was as if someone had removed a steaming hot cloth from his forehead. He relished in the cool wind that rushed over their heads.
“Thanks, Carlisle,” was all she said before getting to her feet and leaving him alone once more. The Victrola was still spinning but the music seemed so quiet, even after he heard the front door bang shut.
Their conversation and her presence (and lack of) left Carlisle restless until the break of dawn, pacing around the house. If his heart had any blood left in it, it would have been pushing it in a rush through his veins. He was suddenly very uncomfortable in his own mind and with his decisions, having second thoughts about every decision he’d made since he was 23. He had been comfortable in his choices and his routine for so long: Wife, kids, family, doctor, the occasional move, the occasional fight with aforementioned wife and kids; cozy with the familiarity of it all. He had been so lonely for so long, that once he hadn’t been, any and all thoughts of anything reckless had simply left him. Others depended on him as he depended on them. He couldn’t afford to falter, to skip out on a single day of work, to let his mind wander to darker corners…
Corners dark like Bella’s hair, and sharp like the point of her perfect chin pressing into his leg, so close to a place that nobody but himself and Esme had touched in every sense of the word in a long, long time.
What was it about Bella last night that had thrown Carlisle off so completely? Perhaps it was because it had been the first time they’d ever interacted one on one, without Edward or Charlie breathing down his neck to leave them be, or perhaps it was the way she had sat and spoke with him so easily. She was an itch he didn’t realize he had to scratch, and now all he could do was scratch, scratch, scratch
“We’re home!”
Alice’s clear, sweet voice burst out and Carlisle realized he had been staring blankly out the kitchen window so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed Esme’s car pull into the driveway, nor heard the babbling gaggle of them all approach the front door. He made his way out of the kitchen and greeted them all as if everything was completely the same, nothing new. He was quickly caught in the whirlwind of a family reunion: Alice innocently dropping her bags at the foot of the stairs for anyone else to carry up to her room, Emmett approaching him with an inquiry about whether or not mosquitoes could make vampires itch, Jasper and Rosalie chatting in their own special twin (fake or not) way, Edward asking him if Bella had been by and, of course, Esme greeting him with a kiss and her signature smile that left him even more breathless then he usually was. Only this time, it didn’t dazzle him the way it always had, and he quickly stifled the panic that brought him by informing Edward that yes, Bella had been by and would appreciate a visit from him, and just like that he was out the door and into the woods towards the Swan house.
“10 bucks says he’s about to go cry on her floor about how much he missed her SO much,” Emmett grinned mischievously. “I swear he never shuts up about her.”
“All I’m going to say is you’re not far off from the truth,” Alice giggled, taking advantage of the mystery her precognitive abilities often brought. “It’ll be a pleasant visit, nothing crazy.”
“What do you say about a pleasant visit of our own, Rose?” Emmett teased, grabbing Rosalie from behind and pulling her against his broad chest. “I can’t guarantee nothing crazy.” Rosalie flushed and smacked him, but followed him up the stairs, trailed by Alice and Jasper suddenly caught up in their own lovey dovey conversation.
“They’ve been so squirrely all weekend,” Esme chuckled, setting her nice travel bag down on the couch. “They all definitely need to get it out of their system.” Carlisle laughed and slipped his arm around her slim waist.
“We should probably get ready for a hunt later tonight then, hm?” Carlisle suggested and Esme nodded, nuzzling into his neck. “I’m pretty hungry. I haven’t eaten since the night you all left.”
“Aw, you didn’t wait for us, did you?”
“The blood just tastes so much better with you all here,” Carlisle crooned, kissing her amber hair. “It wouldn’t have been as satisfying.”
“I can think of a thing or two that might satisfy you,” Esme purred and Carlisle raised his eyebrows at her boldness. She wasn’t prone to suggestive flirting, so he was taken back.
“What might that be, cara mia?” he probed, his voice wavering a little.
“I don’t know, I just think we’re overdue for a little one on one time, don’t you?” Esme looked up at him in a familiar way, her eyes black and hungry.
Bella looking up at him, her pupils blown wide, her breath catching in her still breathing chest as he looked into her eyes and realized what had been shaking him so badly the whole rest of that night.
This wasn’t fair. To her, to Edward, to Esme, to himself, to anyone.
“I have some things to finish up for work, maybe another time, my darling,” he managed, kissing Esme chastely on her perfect lips. “I’m so happy to have you back home.”
“I’m happy to be back home too, my love,” she replied, and it killed Carlisle to hear the confusion in her voice she was trying so hard to hide. “I think I’ll go take a shower.”
“Use the downstairs one, I don’t think you wanna be anywhere in the upper level for a while,” Carlisle said as he strode towards his office and he heard Esme laugh, and the sound of it made his heart clench like a guilty fist.