Work Text:
there’s a certain kind of solace that comes with sitting at the bottom of a river. beyond the bone chilling freeze of the water, the way your lungs burn when you’re pushing them little to far, the pressure building in your skull, so loud it feels like you’re about to explode, its peaceful. these things sound awful and painful on their own, but combined they turn into this wonderful relief of absolute nothingness. maybe its just a tad of masochism, but there’s no place where dazai would rather be.
when their mind inevitably loses out against their need to breathe, they’ll float back to the top. still lost in that trance of nothingness, they’ll come out of the water. laying on the shore while coming back to themselves, barely breathing beyond the occasional ---but necessary--- gasp for air.
they’ve been missing for too long, kunidida, or maybe atsushi will come to find them. a thought nearly drowned out by the pressure remaining hopes that its atsushi. their mentee always was much softer than their current work partner. (another thought, louder than the rest hopes no one will find them. that they’ll just be allowed this one mercy of rest.)
(it doesn’t occur to them that its far to late for someone to fish them off the riverbank.)
so, they stay. eyes open and unmoving. fixed on the night sky above them. sliding once again into that blissful nothingness.
--
their awakening is abrupt. a presence at their side, one that was not there the night previous sits to their left. eyes that are still coming back into focus recognize the uneven cut red hair and the mind feels a sense of relief, that’s immediately drowned out by pure dread. they survived, that much is obvious. and chuuya is here to drag them back to the ADA, their shitty little shoebox apartment, back to their life--
chuuya’s eyes lazily open and glance over at dazai. he mumbles something that dazai can’t quite understand. eyebrows narrowing, he repeats himself. it sounds like pure static. shoulders fold inward on a sigh, and he reaches to touch dazai, fingers hovering millimeters from their hand. after making eye contact with a dazai who’s still not quite there, chuuya reaches out and gently holds their hand.
the full body shudder that streaks through them is expected, and delt with by a light grounding squeeze. dazai slowly gains back a shread of coherency, lightly squeezing chuuya’s hand back.
the sunlight glares down upon them, and for the first time dazai is thankful that chuuya’s tacky hat is protecting them from the harsh rays.
chuuya says something again, and still goes unprocessed by them. instead of sighing this time, he gently pulls dazai into a sitting position. a flash of panic goes through Dazai--not yet I don’t want to go back just yet, please just a little longer—this train of thought is silenced by a hand on their shoulder and a look that promises that its going to be all right.
a sequence of events happens that they can’t process entirely happen, and end with sitting in a warm blanket in chuuya’s apartment, being spoon fed a bowl of rice.
full coherency comes back to dazai, and they mumble chuuya’s name. it comes out horse and unsteady from the hours of their vocal cords being locked, but chuuya smiles.
it’s a soft look. one that they instinctively wants to curl away from, but is instead paralyzed by the beauty of such a simple thing. chuuya leans into dazai, gently murmuring a soft, “welcome back” as a kiss is placed gently on their forehead.
maybe, dazai can find a new solace here, instead of resting on the bottom of a riverbed.