Archive of Our Own ^beta

Charles walking into the sickroom past midnight was surprised to see Sophy seated by the fire, instead of Nurse.

“Sophy why are you here? Isn’t Nurse supposed...?”

“Shhh... “ Said Sophy, “Nurse is tired out, Amabel has been very tiring this evening. It is an excellent sign of recovery when a patient is irritable. However I told Nurse, I could watch her while she has a rest. I am not easily undone by a few hours loss of sleep”.

“But… It is not fit for you …”

Sophy held up a hand. Charles looked tired and displeased. She gestured to the other chair by the fire. “Keep me company, if you will”. Charles glanced towards the screen. He could hear Amabel’s breathing, it wasn’t as strenuous as it used to be, and she seemed more comfortable in sleep.

He set his shoulders and lowered himself into the other chair by the fire and looked over at Sophy. She was dressed in her nightwear with the gown buttoned to neck and sleeves, her hair in a long messy plait down one shoulder. Her hair gleamed orange-gold in the firelight. He had never seen Sophy so attired. She wore outfits striking and flattering and very much in the current mode. He remembered Eugenia’s expressed thoughts on this on numerous occasions. This was a softer more relaxed version of Sophy he had yet to see. He wondered idly if he was violating propriety by being here with her, then dismissed the thought. Nurse was in the anteroom, and she had asked for his company. Sophy had some sewing in her lap but seemed to have been contemplating the fire before he arrived.

Noting his glance and her attire, “Nurse is there to play propriety if you are worried” she said.

Charles huffed. Slightly embarrassed to be caught staring. “Are you worried about Anabel’s condition? Or hatching some other scheme?”

“No. No, Amabel is quite out of danger“. She seemed embarrassed to admit “No scheming. Sometimes my pensive moments catch up with me.”

Charles loosened is cravat and undid the top stud on his collar and settled into his chair. It was surprisingly comfortable. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back into the chair.

“You met with Eckington today” Sophy said.

He should have known she couldn’t keep quiet. He raised an inquiring brow.

“You always have a line between your brows on days you meet Eckington “Her lips twisted in a teasing smile “Don’t tell me. You have many more when you spend half an hour in my company“

His face twisted in acknowledgment, but his eyes smiled and the frown line disappeared. She laughed softly. She took up her mending but continued talking.

“Minding one's books and making decisions about one's estate takes a lot of concentration to be done right since it affects one's tenants, the future of the estate as well as one’s own family. I am fortunate that Sir Horace’s agent is quite competent and plans improvements well in advance. He only applies to me when he needs a decision sooner than he can get an answer from Brussels (or wherever Sir Horace is at that time). So it is rarely I am required to furrow my brow. But I make it a point to check on the tenants and the staff when Sir Horace is away for long periods”

Charles masked his surprise. It had not occurred to him previously that Sophy had a hand in those matters. But of course she would. Of course she would have a hand in her father’s estate and handle it ease, without making a grand fuss.

“My worry you noticed was on behalf of Mary Harding, a maid at Clavering’s. She just lost a child not much older than Amabel. I saw the child when I visited two weeks ago with Francis. Even with the best doctor in the area attending, she has not been able to make it. “

Sophy shook her head slightly as if to shake off a worry she couldn’t do anything about. “It’s lowering that there is nothing more I can do to ease her loss”.

She caught his astonished expression.

“You needn’t look so surprised. I am not only the frivolous creature you think I am” She smiled. “Do you think that just because I am a daughter I am free of responsibility? As a little girl, I used to read in the study when Sir Horace was working with his steward, and am quite familiar with the goings-on of an estate. It was natural to take over parts of it when Sir Horace was away and Maximus has long reconciled himself to my hand in management”.

“Just last week I had to make a decision on a part of a land that was not doing well, Hubert came up with a brilliant idea on that one. Maximus was quite skeptical for some days, but after consulting with other farmers he agreed that it was a very good solution to try”.

“You will make someone a very good wife Sophy“ Charles said, an odd expression in his eyes.

“Do you think so? I may make someone a very competent wife. Sadly it is not the most valued virtue in a wife, and most men would not tolerate interference in their matters from mere females. “

“It will not take you long to change their minds”

She looked up at him her eyes appreciative of the compliment. “I suppose, but it’s so much work.” She sighed.

“I have to look around and find myself a husband. Much as he loves me, Sir Horace will soon put his mind to it. Its time he settled down with someone or has the freedom having affairs with widows without having to care for his daughters’ reputation”

“Sophy!” exclaimed Charles aghast. “Have you no sensibility?”

“What? I needn’t think about such things with you. I know you like to pretend I am like your sisters, guarded from the true nature of gentlemen. Sometimes I wish it were so. It would be easier to look up to them. I have been abroad, moved with soldiers, rode miles within them. Seen them at their worst, held them as they cried. I know how noble and honorable men they can be. But I also how they can use the least excuse to debase themselves and others.”

She shook her head. “So ... my question is.. Do I choose from my admirers the best and doom myself to forever being disappointed? Or do I choose the worst and be gladdened by the slightest good deed?”

Charles wisely kept his silence. Sophy had never shared personal thoughts with him. It was perhaps the late hour, or her train of thought, or maybe the fact that Charles did not feel at war with her, as he usually did into any conversation.

Sophy continued oblivious “It is a tough decision. It's lowering to think that I feel more competent selecting a curricle than a husband” She laughed softly to herself.

“If your taste in curricles is an example, you will choose a husband you can barely control, and take great pleasure in doing exactly that.”

“Do you have a serious opinion on this? You are fond of giving advice, feel free to give me the value of your wisdom, I may even heed it” Sophy said mischievously.

Charles shook his head and moved his eyes to the fire. He did not rise to the bait. The thought of Sophy married to any of the eligible bachelors in the marriage market, was not a thought that sat well with him. But he put his mind to answer seriously since she asked it of him.

“I think Sophy, whoever you decide on, you will manage to make him the best person he can be. It has not escaped me the change you have made in people around you. Take Cecy, she has more poise and dignity, and frustrating and downright irritating as it is, she is standing for what she wants. She will not bow to me and will keep the poet on the straight road if that’s where she ends up. Hubert seems to have matured in a blink of an eye, he is confident of giving his opinion and doesn’t hide his intelligence behind a frivolous mask. Theodore’s ambition seems to be to ride better than you. And the girls informed me that they prefer to have gentleman friends rather than beaus when they grow up because it is so much more fun to have normal conversations with men, than have poems quoted about their fair eyes.

“Are you in your cups, Charles?” Sophy teased. “I never thought to hear such words of praise from you”. Then she also turned serious. “Have you considered Charles, whether it is everyone else who changed, or have you learned to look at them differently?”

He thought on this as a twig burned and fell into the fire casting a few sparks on the way. His eyelids dropped, and he had a vision of a very young Sophy in a pale pinafore, racing in the grass at Ombersly. “Charles, Charles! ” she called, her face lit up and eyes dancing, a wide infectious smile splitting her face. Her shining red hair streaming behind her as she ran toward him with her arms outstretched, the weak sunlight bathing her making her seem almost otherworldly.

“Charles!” again that insistent voice. He came to himself, realizing he was asleep and dreaming. He straightened himself in the chair with an apologetic look towards Sophy.

“If I’m putting men to sleep with my prattling, I must strive to polish my conversation, of all things I did not think I was boring” Sophy exclaimed.

“You are not boring Sophy” Charles hastened to reply. Then he continued with an odd twist in his lips. “Nor am I an eligible bachelor”. Sophy looked him in the eyes, and he was struck by how her expressive eyes were suddenly blank, masking her thoughts.

“I am just tired today, more so than I thought”

“Tell me, Charles, why do you always bear your burdens alone?” Said Sophy changing the subject. “You have a family, you have Hubert who wants to be accepted as an equal by you, and yet you strive to do everything alone”. “I have no family to speak of, but I have felt the companionship of your brothers and sisters, and they have helped me as I have them”. “How will Hubert or Theodore learn to manage their affairs, or properties if you do not show them how?”

Charles thought of the first serious conversion he had had with Hubert, and subsequent discussions they had had about the estate. He thought of Cecy exclaiming at the joy she had felt after their night out with friends when he had treated her as an equal rather than someone he had to look after.

“You are right, Sophy… I have never been shown how to go on as the head of the family, or how to manage estates.” He surprised himself as the words left his mouth. He had never unburdened himself to the best of his friends. “I learned the hard way, from my steward, from my friends, from my uncle who bestowed my living. You learned by sitting in your father's study. I have never had the privilege of that. But that is no reason to do the same with my brothers” he smiled at her look ”Or my sisters”. “Perhaps they will be more capable of managing their future husbands’ estate, before it is lost at a gaming table”

“Thank you, Sophy” He said “I appreciate your attempt to fix my life” he smiled as she acknowledged the hit. She opened her mouth to continue but was distracted by a weak cry from Amabel.

Sophy got up and busied herself competently heating some milk on the fire. As Charles watched, he realized that Sophy never mentioned Eugenia, in her answer to his loneliness. He was well aware that Sophy didn’t like Eugenia. He thought of fireside conversation with Eugenia in the not too distant future. Her matter-of-fact conversation devoid of warmth, her lack of humor, and her involvement in family matters he was beginning to resent. Would the intimacy of marriage soften Eugenia? He thought of such intimacy depressed him. He wrapped his loneliness around him like a cloak. He would do his duty. This bed was of his making, he could not blame it on the excesses of his parents. He would make the best of it. But he would also take Sophy’s advice. There will be more to his life than duty. He would make sure he brought joy to someone’s life, be it his brothers or sisters, or his future children.

He pasted a bright smile on his face and turned to help Sophy with Amabel. Here was someone he loved and could help openly, and as he watched Amabel respond to his words, the sadness around his heart eased.

He let Sophy’s storytelling wash over him and didn’t realize that Amabel was asleep, and Sophy was looking at him. He was still wrapped in his thoughts, and they flitted suddenly to the possibility of bringing joy to Sophy, of seeing love and understanding in her laughing eyes directed towards him. His heart contracted painfully. He rose, his hand going out to Sophy to help her rise, then he caught himself, turning his heel quickly left the room.