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If Wen Ning had any circulation to be cut off, he's quite certain his arm would be asleep right now with the way Jiang Wanyin was sleeping on it. He squeezed his hand into a fist and opened it again as if it had and he needed to get the blood flowing. If he were being honest, this was not very comfortable. Wanyin had been laying on his chest before, that was comfortable, but then he had to roll over and pin Wen Ning's arm to the bed. He wanted to move. There was no real reason to move, it's not like staying like this was going to hurt him, so he looked over at the man causing the dilemma and sighed, deciding it wasn't worth potentially waking him.
It was nearly morning anyway so he wouldn't have to wait too long, there was no way this arrangement of theirs was going to be completely comfortable for him all of the time anyway. When it first happened nearly three months ago he never expected it to become a nightly routine. The two of them often found themselves in the same places and while they made a valiant attempt to ignore each other completely, they had too many shared connections in this world and those connections were determined to bring them together. The first time they talked, really had a conversation, was the night Wei Wuxian got married. Wanyin was feeling melancholic and happened to find the same spot in the Cloud Recesses Wen Ning always went to be alone. It didn't take long to figure out he was extremely drunk. In retrospect that was probably the only reason why the conversation happened, it probably didn't even matter who he was talking to, but Wen Ning felt honored to be trusted with the feelings Wanyin voiced that night.
That was also the first night they slept together. Or, Wanyin slept and Wen Ning held him. It was nice, Sandu Shengshou wanting to be held was a surprise and Wen Ning was sure he was going to be yelled at and kicked out in the morning, but Wanyin was warm and it felt nice to be with another person and to have a physical connection. On the other hand he was also filled with anxiety, fully expecting things to turn bad. But the morning came and Jiang Wanyin opened his eyes and though it was covered quickly Wen Ning was sure he saw something like relief in them.
"You're still here." Wanyin said in a groggy, still halfway asleep kind of voice.
It wasn't angry or an accusation like Wen Ning would have expected so he just nodded, gave an awkward smile and said "I'm still here."
A month after that Wen Ning accompanied Wei Wuxian to Lotus Pier and it happened again. Only this time Jiang Wanyin wasn't drunk, and Wen Ning stayed. His excuse was that he wanted to stay with Sizhui, who was staying with Jin Ling, who was here. But then a week passed and Sizhui left and he stayed and there were no more excuses. It was odd. It was sudden. And was still odd if he thought about it for too long. They never talked about that first night after it happened and they never talked about these nights here. It almost felt as if speaking about it would break the spell. All of the progress they have made interacting peacefully, or as peacefully as possible with someone like Jiang Wanyin, would shatter and he would be hated again and he would be forced to leave Lotus Pier. These nights of warmth would end.
So Wen Ning just seemed to be living here for the last two months and no one knew why and since the clan leader said nothing, neither did anyone else. There was one exception, Wei Wuxian knew why now. It was about a week ago when Wei Wuxian showed up suddenly to Yunmeng and decided on a whim to enter Lotus Pier in the middle of the night and surprise his brother by barging into his room to announce his arrival. He was most likely treating it like some sort of prank, expecting to be yelled at in a way he found entertaining. What he was not expecting was to find Wen Ning in his brother's bed. Wei Wuxian froze and stared for a moment, giving Wanyin enough time to wake up and process what just happened, and then burst out laughing.
"Shit, I'm so sorry" Wei Wuxian choked out in between laughs, "I shouldn't laugh, I shouldn't, sorry!"
Still laughing of course.
"GET OUT!" Jiang Wanyin looked ready to kill someone and might have acted on that if Wei Wuxian hadn't nodded and left, managing to hold what was left of his laughter in
Wanyin avoided the both of them the next day and Wen Ning was scared, more scared than he had been prepared to be, that it was over now. Wei Wuxian promised not to tell, but did want to talk to Wen Ning about it. That conversation was excruciating.
"Jiang Cheng can be intense and I know you're both lonely but I just want to make sure this isn't hurting you. Either of you" Wei Wuxian said, sincerity mostly replacing his amusement
Wen Ning was mortified, talking too quickly and stuttering as a result, "Wei-gongzi, please, this isn't what you're thinking!" He managed to get out, "It's just something that happened and it's just sleeping. Nothing else! It's just-"
"Just what?" Wei Wuxian asked.
Wen Ning didn't know how to answer. It was a good question. What the hell was this?
"I don't know what. I do know I don't want it to stop. I know we've been getting along much better-"
That made Wei Wuxian suddenly laugh again, "I would hope so! He's letting you in his bed with him every night, he definitely likes you now."
"I don't know about that" Wen Ning argued, "We argue, he yells all of the time."
"Jiang Cheng yells to express his affection" Wei Wuxian smiled.
"He yells to express everything."
That got another loud laugh before Wei Wuxian leaned forward, grabbed his hands, and when their eyes met he could still see some amusement there "Ah, Wen Ning, don't be stupid like me, okay?"
Wen Ning did not have the slightest idea what he meant by that but looking over at Wanyin sleeping soundly crushing his arm, he knew he couldn't bring himself to move. And it wasn't for convenience, it was because Wanyin slept so soundly. It was because he was the only person who ever got to see Wanyin like this and he wasn't going to give up a moment of it.
What were they doing?
What the hell were they doing?
What the hell was he doing?
A groan and some shifting next to him told him this night was over. Wanyin turned back toward him and sat up slowly. This was...different? Wanyin stared at him for far longer than was comfortable with a contemplative expression.
"What's wrong with you?" He asked, direct as ever even this early.
Wen Ning blinked, "What?"
"Don't 'what' me! You look like you're about to cry. What's wrong with you?" He shouted, brows furrowing as he became more frustrated.
Wen Ning took in a sharp breath. He hadn't realized he was letting his emotions show like that. He certainly did not want to have this talk right this second. He looked at Wanyin's face and thought about how immediately his features became much harder when he woke. He looked so much older this way. He looked angry but Wen Ning was slowly learning to see behind the anger. Once upon a time Wanyin's tone in his questioning would make Wen Ning shrink back and feel attacked but now he can hear the concern in it. Jiang Wanyin was worried about him. That realization hit him in a way he couldn't have seen coming and if he could cry he might have started.
"It's nothing." Wen Ning lied, "You've slept in some, get dressed and go have breakfast."
Wanyin stared at him for another agonizing second before deciding to let it go for the moment.
"Don't tell me what to do" He barked as he got up from the bed and began to get dressed.
Wen Ning smiled softly and only let it drop when Wanyin left the room. Not now. He couldn't have that conversation now. He couldn't risk breaking this.
"Don't be stupid like me, okay?"
Wen Ning groaned and let himself fall back on the bed as he suddenly realized what Wei Wuxian was talking about. He let himself fall in love without even realizing. He was so fucked. Their conversation implied Wei Wuxian believed Wanyin loved him back but there was no way he could know for sure. He wanted to call Wanyin back in and tell him everything he realized overnight. He wanted to run and hide and never see Wanyin again. He wanted to know how Wanyin felt. He absolutely did not want to know how Wanyin felt. He hated this. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before sitting back up and deciding to meditate. There was nothing he could do right now, so why was he panicking? Wanyin would be taking care of sect business most of the day and he would have time to collect his thoughts.
Despite his attempts not to worry, it started getting dark without Wen Ning realizing how much time had passed. He'd been hiding in Wanyin's room all day, knowing he wouldn't come back until dark, but now it was getting closer to the time he wouldn't be able to avoid. Talking to Wanyin. He looked around the room and took it all in just in case. Made sure he memorized every detail he could in case he was right all along and talking about it was going to ruin things. As prepared as he could be he stepped out of the room. It took some looking but he found Wanyin in a secluded area of Lotus Pier. A beautiful spot with a view of the water where they both sometimes went to enjoy the peace.
Not giving him a chance to turn back Wanyin looked over at him immediately, "Oh, so you're done avoiding me now?"
Wen Ning did flinch at that tone. He hadn't meant to hurt him but he remembered how it felt to be avoided the day Wei Wuxian found out and felt guilt set in.
"I'm sorry" Wen Ning started, "I've been thinking about things, we should talk"
Wanyin visibly steeled himself, "About what?"
Wen Ning took a deep breath, "Wanyin, what are we doing?"
Silence. Definitely not the worst answer he could have gotten but it did nothing to quell his anxieties. He took several steps closer so that they were standing face to face. From here he could see clearly he wasn't alone in that anxiety. He guessed Wanyin wanted to scream right now since that was how he usually dealt with things and Wen Ning felt grateful he wasn't doing that now.
"Wei Wuxian freaked you out, didn't he?" Wanyin was gritting his teeth, holding something in Wen Ning couldn't place, "No one is forcing you to be here. You can just go if you want."
"Do you want me to go?" Wen Ning said with a shaky breath, taking another step closer.
"Why would I care?"
But Wen Ning could see it. Behind the clenched jaw, and the frown, and the angry furrow of his brows, he was just as afraid as Wen Ning had been. Maybe he would never understand how this started, why Wanyin wanted him here, but he was here now and had no intention of leaving. Wanyin was fooling no one by saying he didn't care and it was time to call his bluff. Wen Ning let the silence go on as he built up his nerve and closed the distance between them, bringing their lips together softly at first to give Wanyin a chance to back out but kissing him fully when he did not. He cupped Wanyin's face in his hands and pulled him in deeper, smiling lightly when he felt Wanyin's hands flail a bit, not seeming to be able to decide where to land. He settled for holding on to Wen Ning's arms.
It was awkward and brief and the most thrilling experience Wen Ning had ever had. He had never kissed anyone before. When they pulled back his head was spinning and all he wanted was to go back for more.
"I'm staying right here."
They fell into bed that night still kissing and letting their hands explore. Wen Ning kissed from Wanyin's mouth to his jaw, and relished in the gasp Wanyin gave when he got to his neck. He was sure he could do this forever, the rest of their talk could wait. They eventually had to roll back over, Wanyin laying on his chest slowly falling asleep. Wen Ning held him firm and watched his breath even out, closing his eyes and letting his own breath sync with it and it almost felt like sleep. He could feel Wanyin's heartbeat on his chest, he could feel the ghost of Wanyins lips on his, and now more than ever, he felt warm.