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Inui can’t remember when he started feeling like he was unlovable. He wishes could point out the exact moment everything started, maybe blame it on someone. Blame it on Kokonoi. But more often than not he thinks that’s just how it is because he is unlovable.
He didn’t feel enough, but he desperately wanted to be. He wanted to revive the Black dragons to keep that part of him that wanted to be better so bad, he wanted to keep Shinichiro’s ideals alive. At the end, Black dragons went rotten and he wasn’t able to do anything but contribute to it. He felt so fucking useless.
Thinking back, he never felt quite enough. Sometimes he felt guilty when Koko would look at him and for a moment there was this flash of adoration in his eyes and he hoped he was looking at him, but the bitter truth was that Koko was seeing the ghost of his sister.
Sometimes he didn’t get Koko, because he knew he wasn’t as pretty as his sister and when they kissed, sometimes, he would call his nickname and not Akane’s name.
Inui wished that maybe Koko would get over it, he would finally see him as Seishu and he would love him and only him. But wasn’t that selfish? Maybe it was, wanting Hajime for himself in that way when he wasn’t the one who was supposed to be saved.
Breaking up with Koko, if he could call it like that, was probably for the best. The two of them clearly needed it, their relationship wasn’t exactly what you would call healthy, be it romantically or platonically. However it left Inui feeling empty.
He wondered what would have happened if Koko had saved Akane that night like he intended, would he become so money obsessed to save Inui? He isn’t sure if he actually wants the answer to that. He would be happier, he thinks. But after two or three nights of having these thoughts he figured out there was no point in dwelling on things that wouldn’t be changed. The past was just that, after all.
He probably needed therapy too. Just a thought.
“Is my best employee slacking off at work?” the voice abruptly cut Inui’s train of thought, had he been spacing out that much?
“Draken, it’s just you and me in this shop.” Inui remarked, raising an eyebrow at the taller.
Draken grinned, ruffling Inui’s hair carefully. It surprised him how delicate Draken could be, for his size and semblance. Being honest, a lot of things about Draken surprised Inui. “and you are still the employee of the month, but if you keep slacking off I’ll take your place, Inupi”
He doesn’t know why he pouts at the thought of losing his spot at the little portrait of employee of the month, it’s not like it was a real thing. Draken laughed at his face though.
“I’m joking! Having your pretty face up there helps with the customers. Can you pass me the tool by your feet?” god why was he so fucking casual when saying shit like that, he really wanted to know.
“I don’t think our employees care much about my face” he said truthfully while passing the tool Draken asked for, because really, who came to a mechanic because one of the employee’s was pretty?
The taller man chuckled again, like he found Inui amusing. Why? It was the truth, after all.
“Sometimes I don’t know if you are oblivious or you just don’t realize how pretty you are”
Inui decided to just shrug. He isn’t oblivious, and he didn’t think he was ugly, but he wasn’t as pretty as others. If a customer would come for anyone he thought they would come for Draken, especially how he was at the moment.
It was the middle of the summer and their AC had broken down, it wasn’t completely dead but it definitely wasn’t doing them any favor at keeping their place cold. Inupi might be thanking the AC and the company that didn’t come to fix it sooner because this resulted in Draken going around with no shirt on or a tank top.
It’s not like Inui didn’t see Draken shirtless often, they lived together, but there was something about him fixing a motorcycle while showing his arms that made Inui feel like just looking at him was inappropriate. Why was he so damn muscular and tall? If he didn’t work here Inupi thinks he would probably need his motorcycle repaired more often than not.
Was that okay? For him to think about his… friend like that? Seishu wasn’t completely sure about that, he wasn’t sure how many of his thoughts were just that Draken was obviously attractive and how many were his stupid and impossible crush on the taller man. God that was so embarrassing.
“Inupi? Have you gotten a fever or something?” Seishu had to contain himself from flinching because of the surprise, Draken was suddenly in front of him. He really needed to stop spacing out.
He tried to articulate any excuse or reply but the only thing that came out of his mouth was an unintelligent “huh?”
Draken smiled softly at him, placing a suspiciously clean hand over his forehead, did he wash his hand before checking on him? “Your face is red, did you really catch a cold in summer?”
The smaller one frowned a little at that. “Only idiots catch colds”
Draken raised an eyebrow, amused. “Could have fooled me” He dropped his hand from Inui’s forehead, grabbing him by the shoulders. “Well, it doesn’t seem like you have a cold, but you have been spacing out a lot so go to the apartment, it’s an hour before closing anyways”
His frown deepened at that “Are you sure?” that got him a stern look.
There was really no fighting Draken.
Maybe going back early was what he needed after all, there was a relief Inui felt when stepping into the apartment that could only be described as getting home. Their apartment thankfully did have a working air conditioner, the cold hitting the blonde’s face as soon as he opened the door.
He did everything he usually did after their shift, except the presence of his giant roommate was clearly missing. It bothered him, to an extent, the way he missed him.
It wasn’t a feeling of intense yearning, he wasn’t exactly sad that Draken was still back at their work. It was more like he was aware of the other was missing, like he subconsciously noticed the boots missing besides his own working shoes, the lack of someone telling him he was taking too long in the shower, of the missing hands on his waist while he brushed his teeth to move him aside a little. Everything about this way of missing was gross, because he knew Draken would be there soon, he just wished that was sooner.
At some point he must have fallen asleep while reading on their couch, Seishu is only aware of this because he wakes up when he feels a pair of hands brushing through his hair. His eyes lazily try to stay closed, blinking slowly as he looks up to Draken.
“Is the book boring?”
Inupi frowned at that, looking down at the book he was reading as if he needed a reminder. “It’s my favorite book, I think I’m just tired”
“I have seen you reading that too many times” He could register now that Draken was trying to tie his hair up. This is what he meant by how delicate he could be, with those huge hands of his and immense strength, it still felt like he could never cause any harm to Seishu. The blonde can’t think of any time Draken has been too rough when doing his hair or painting his nails, he always did everything with so much care. His hands had calluses from their line of work, but somehow it still felt soft when he ran his hands through his neck to make sure there was no stranded hair.
“Well, it’s my favorite book for a reason.” He shrugged, his eyes closing involuntarily as he felt Draken’s hands on his hair.
“Makes sense” Draken responded with a low chuckle. God, he loved his voice.
Seishu barely registered when Draken had been satisfied with his hair and left it on a bun, moving over the couch to sit behind him, strong arms pulling him closer and staying around his waist.
“Can you read it to me?”
He leaned back until his head was comfortably on the taller’s chest, going back from where he was to the first page. If he was gonna read The song of Achilles to Draken he might as well do it properly.
He then asked Inupi to read the whole book to him. Inupi would have been embarrassed of the tears he spilled if it wasn’t because he noticed Draken hiding away his own tears towards the end. It amused him, how this man was the same one that once took out his men of Black dragon all by himself, this strong and bold man was also the owner of a heart so golden Seishu wasn’t sure anyone was worthy of holding it.
Seishu let out a groan for what felt like the 20th time in the last hour, a small pout on his pink lips that it pained to admit was adorable. It pained Chifuyu to admit it looked adorable because he seriously didn’t sign up to witness this year long pining his friends got going on.
“All your moping around is gonna disturb Peke J”
“It’s gonna disturb me, more importantly” said Takemichi from his place sitting on the floor of Chifuyu’s room.
“Guys, don’t be mean” jumped Hakkai “it must be hard, you know, to figure out how to ask out someone you like so much”
Chifuyu raised an eyebrow. “You sound like you are projecting”
“I couldn’t possibly know what you mean by that”
“Sure you don’t, wanna show us your lock screen again?”
Inui groaned again. This time he wasn’t sure if it was because of his friend’s bickering or because he still hadn’t figured out whether or not he would confess to Draken.
The issue was, Seishu was unsure of what love looked like, at least when it was directed to him. He could clearly see it in his friends, in the way Hakkai would look at Mitsuya like he hung the stars on the sky, the way Chifuyu’s eyes were so fond yet longing. Takemichi’s eyes burned sometimes, however the love they held seemed to be changing owners. Not that Inui wanted to unpack all those feelings for them.
But he never knew what love looked like when it was directed to him. He knew what love directed towards his sister looked like, though. It looked painful.
“How am I supposed to know if he likes me back before asking?”
“I don’t think you are supposed to always know, ‘nupi, that’s why you ask,” frowned a little Chifuyu.
“Well, but how do I avoid getting rejected then?”
“Why would you get rejected?”
“If he doesn’t like me I’ll get rejected”
“You spent a week reading to him as he did your hair, kissed your forehead, cuddled you and prepared little snacks for you, Inupi, do I have to spell it out for you?”
Inupi frowned at that, dropping his head between his legs, letting out a sigh. He wished he could be as sure of this as his friends were. A reassuring hand rests on his shoulder, making him move his head to the side to see the warm smile Takemichi was giving him.
“It’s okay, even if it happened, it’s Draken-kun we are talking about! He would never break your heart”
Seishu smiled softly, yeah, this was Draken after all. How could he ever fear Draken hurting him?
“And even if it happens, you’ll have us, no?” The way Hakkai said this was a genuine question, his head tilting with an innocence Inui was surprised he was able to maintain, yet it calmed the blonde’s anxieties.
He didn’t know what romantic love looked towards him, however this, the soft smiles and encouraging words, he did know. Because he was no longer alone.
They spent some hours like that, talking with light hearts about everything trivial that happened during their week. Since Chifuyu, Hakkai and Takemichi were still in school, they would tell Seishu about anything they deemed eventful. Hakkai always knew gossip from everyone, which somehow was deemed unsurprising to the blonde.
Chifuyu was in the middle of ranting about his favorite manga when Inui felt his phone vibrating, lazily taking it out to check since it wasn’t like a lot of people texted him.
From: ken
‘when are you coming back? tell chifuyu he has stolen my roommate for long enough’
‘did you walk there from their school? i can pick you up’
How can he still make him feel so much with a dumb text? Inui was starting to believe Draken was involved in witchcraft and that was the reason for his intense feelings for the other.
to: ken
‘we did walk here. you don’t have to worry though, i’ll just take a bus or something’
‘missing me already?’
He was surprised with how quick he got a response. Stubborn as always.
From: ken
‘I have. I found a series we could watch’
‘I’ll pick you up in 30 minutes?’
To: ken
‘I hope the series is good. Let’s buy takeout on our way home’
From: ken
‘okay, Sei, I’ll see you’
He didn’t notice when he started smiling, but he did ignore the knowing eyes on him on purpose.
In the end the series Draken had found was good, it catered both their tastes and if only Inui could pay more attention he would love it. The blonde stopped trying to pay attention a while ago, the voices of his friends still in his mind as he tried to pretend he was paying attention. Thankfully Draken was holding him on the couch, with Inupi across his lap with his head resting on his chest, so he didn’t have that much visibility on him.
Seishu couldn’t think of any place safer than there, in Draken’s arms. He had been debating for so long what to do with his feelings, as if he could decide to stop feeling them if he pleased. Truth is, Ken Ryuguji was unfair, because how was he supposed to ever not fall in love with him?
Ultimately if there was any place safer for the blonde to leave his heart, Seishu wouldn’t be able to even imagine it. His heart, even if the feelings aren't reciprocated, would never receive any harm from the tattooed man. That’s just how Draken was, he cared so deeply, he would never hurt him if he could help it. He was so unfair.
“Is something bothering you?” No seriously, he was the worst. Of course he would notice every change on Seishu.
The scarred boy stayed still for a minute or two, he wasn’t sure, but Draken waited for him during that time. He always would.
Seishu slowly lifted his head from it’s resting place, sitting up slightly to look at the other properly but still reluctant to leave his place on the taller’s lap.
“I think- no, wait.” he tried to start, frowning. It was for the best if he didn’t act unsure of his emotion, he thought.
His fingers went almost instinctively to the other’s braid, starting to undo it without any protest from Draken. He tried again, “I just meant to tell you something, but uhm, I don’t want anything to change or make you uncomfortable.”
He bit his lip with slight nervousness, he felt out of character. Draken only gifted him an amused smile, one of his hands coming up to take one of Inui’s that was on his now loose hair.
“What is it, Sei?”
Sei. Seishu. Right, that’s him.
It felt like the reminder of his name gave him all the courage he needed.
“I like you- no, I’m in love with you. And I understand if it isn’t mutual, I just felt like I needed to be honest about my feelings since, y’know, we live together and we have the shop and we also have a lot of plants-“
The melody of Draken’s laugh silenced him immediately, a part of him wanted to feel offended but nothing about his laugh would ever sound malicious to Inui’s ears. Still, he stared at him in a daze, expectant of what his reaction was.
“Oh, Seishu” the fondness in his voice squeezed the blonde’s heart in a way that could almost hurt but it felt like the most satisfying pain he had ever felt.
His free hand cupped Inui’s cheek, his thumb caressing the skin just below his scar. “How could I ever not love you?”
He must have been the blindest fool, he thinks, to notice until now the devotion in Draken’s eyes as he stared right back at him. And he wondered if this is how love felt for everyone or if it was just the privilege of being loved by Ken Ryuguji.
Seishu almost felt like he was gonna burn under the other’s dark eyes, so full of fondness and care that he never dreamed of deserving but he would rather burn a thousand times than miss that moment with Draken.
He was silent for what felt like forever, everything inside of him settling in and processing like an old computer trying to turn on. Then it felt like everything hit him at once and Seishu tried blinking enough to make the tears go away.
“This is when you kiss me” once again he was interrupted by the taller man, a small giggle on his lips that makes everything inside of Inui feel alive again.
Seishu let out a laugh too, taking his hand back from Draken’s to punch him lightly on the shoulder, getting the other to laugh louder, a protest ready to come out but was quickly drowned by the Seishu’s lips on his.
And the kiss wasn’t the best they would have, still a little awkward and sudden, both of them could still feel the other trying to suppress a laugh, and yet it still was perfect and all Inui could have ever wanted because being loved by Ken felt like the safest thing on earth.
Seishu felt like every cell of his body had been made to love Draken, so he loved. Draken made him feel as if he loved every cell in his body, so he was loved.