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Tim finished setting up the couch, feeling the toll of the day’s events weighing him down. There was a burning ache in his muscles, a tingling numbness in his fingers, all his limbs heavy like lead, yet weak and wobbly like pudding, making his movements feel sluggish and wrong. He dropped down on the couch with a grunt, seeing Lucy walk into the room wearing the clothes he loaned her.
“Wait, I thought you were setting that up for me.” She looked confused, which in turn made him confused. Did she honestly believe he was going to let her sleep on the couch? Was that the impression she had of him?
“I’m not gonna have a guest sleep on the couch.” As he said this, he noticed she had taken all her makeup off, making her look even younger than usual. At this realisation, he glanced around the room, gesturing at the couch to make it seem like that was why he looked away.
“And I’m not gonna kick you out of your own bed.” She sounded just as offended at the idea of kicking him out of his bed as he was at the idea of making her sleep on the couch.
We could share, that would be a solution to this dilemma.
Holy shit, stop being creepy. Nope, not going there.
“Come on, get up.” She made a little waving motion with her hand.
“Okay.” He sighed and stood up; he never could say no to her. “Um …” he looked at her, feeling uncomfortable and moving his arms around. “Do you need … anything?”
“The last 24 hours back.” Tim’s heart went out to her. Standing there, a little hunched into herself, she was clearly exhausted and weighed down by everything that had happened. Nothing like the usual energetic Lucy he was used to. In the middle of his living room, she looked so small and fragile. His clothes, hanging adorably loose on her frame, only added to the effect. He realised how much he liked seeing her in his clothes, and wished desperately that he could see her in his house wearing his clothes again someday, under much better circumstances.
“I'm afraid I don't have that power,” he muttered. As he said this, he felt a strange sense of déjà vu before realising this conversation seemed eerily similar to a conversation they had after her kidnapping, when he had asked the same question and she had asked him for a time machine. His heart physically ached at this realisation, and he felt his nose itch with the urge to sniffle. He supressed it; Lucy needed him to be strong right now.
“A hug.” Warm relief washed over him and loosened the knot in his chest at the knowledge that she was comfortable enough asking him for a hug, as well as knowing that there was something he could do for her, no matter how small it was. Then, noticing she was shaking her head and almost seemed ready to dismiss it, Tim didn’t hesitate.
“Yeah. Come here.” He crossed the room and hugged her, trying to give her all the comfort he could pour into that one hug. He felt her arms come up around his torso and her nose press against his shoulder. He wrapped one arm around her back and the other went up behind her head, wanting to protect her and ward off the pain he knew she was feeling. Lucy stifled a sob, making Tim’s stomach and his chest tighten painfully. “It's okay,” he whispered, hoping to soothe her.
“Thanks,” he heard her mumble into his shoulder, and he held her tighter.
As he held her, he gradually became aware of things he should not be noticing under these circumstances. It was endearing how small she felt in his arms, his frame practically engulfing hers. She seemed to fit perfectly in his arms, almost as if she was made specifically to fit there. Or maybe he was made to fit around her, to protect such a wonderful creature from the pain her wonderful heart would cause her in this harsh world. Her head fit perfectly under his chin, and he could smell the coconut shampoo she always used.
He felt her every curve pressing against his body, and he couldn’t help but notice she was clearly not wearing a bra. The feeling of her chest pressed against his made his heart race and his body heat up, and hated himself for it. When he felt a problem stirring between his legs, he guiltily moved his head around hers and let go of the hug. Immediately he missed the warmth of her body pressed against his. Not wanting to let go of her entirely, he opted to squeeze her arm instead. Mentally, he kept kicking himself.
Get a hold of yourself. She just lost her best friend! She doesn’t need her T.O. being a pervert to her on top of it all!
Ex-T.O.
Nope, not going there.
As these thoughts shot through his mind, he looked down at her. She looked so lost. He just wanted to wrap her up in his arms again and never let go. Her fingers were on her lips, drawing his eyes down to her mouth. She moved her fingers around on her lips a little, and as he watched the skin yield under her fingers, he wondered if she would like it if it were his lips instead of her fingers. He had forced her to eat something when they first arrived at his house, and knowing she had just eaten a small bowl of strawberries he wondered if he would still be able to taste them. Forcing his eyes back up to hers, he saw how she was looking at him. Like he held all the answers, and she was scared and confused and—
Oh, oh no. Not now Lucy. If you look at me like that, like you want me to kiss you I don’t know if I can do the right thing.
“Um ...” He had to get out of there, before he did something that would mess everything up, especially with her looking at him like that with those damn eyes. “Good night … Yeah.”
It took every bit of training and discipline he had learned during his time in the Army and on the force to stay composed. He forced himself to walk out of the room at a normal pace, rather than sprint like he wanted to. He dropped onto his bed, trying to think of everything but the way she felt pressed up against him or how adorable she looked in his clothes. He most certainly wouldn’t let himself think about her looking at him like that again in a very different setting, or about what it would be like for her to be in the bed with him.
Looking in the direction of the living room, where Lucy was, he put his hand on his torso, his skin tingling everywhere she had been pressed up against him.
Don’t you dare go back out there. She’s in pain, she lost her best friend. You’re the senior officer, her T.O., the older person here.
She’s vulnerable in so many ways. Don’t you dare take advantage of that.
He fluffed his pillow.
You’ll be no better than those men you arrest or those dirty officers who take advantage of their young female junior officers.
If she needs anything she’ll come to you, you know that.
At this thought, he felt himself settle down. Lucy would come to him if she needed him. The best thing he could do for her – for both of them – was to get some rest, get his energy back and reinforce the lines that were starting to get blurry.
His phone rang, and as he looked at the caller ID, he knew his rest would have to wait.