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“You scared me, you know.”
Alex sighs, stroking the arm lazily draped over her stomach. Steph is curled up at her side, eyes closed, not asleep, but… restful. Finally.
At this time of day, the sun hovers just outside the window, forming a warm blanket over the two of them. Alex could lay like this for hours.
“I’d given up,” she continues. “So long ago, I just gave up thinking I’d ever find a place like this. Somewhere I could belong. A home. With people I loved. And someone like you, who would see what I was and still accept me.”
Alex brushes away a tear. A flash of anger wells up inside her, an aftershock. She grits her teeth and waits for it to fade.
“I can’t lose you, Steph. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know things are a little weird right now, but everything’s gonna be okay. I’m here for you. Always.”
Steph shifts closer, burying her face in Alex’s shoulder.
“Okay,” she says.
“Here,” Alex says. She rolls onto her side, pressing a kiss to Steph’s forehead, then reaches to the floor and grabs her guitar.
With the first few chords, she watches realization dawn on Steph’s face. A song they’d written together, back when Steph had felt up to that sort of thing. Slowly, Alex feels a familiar warmth start to radiate off of Steph. It seeps into her, filling her chest.
“Hey,” she says, smiling. “There she is.”
Steph manages a small smile back. Alex sinks back into her pillow, reveling in the feeling, and continues to play.
After everything that happened that spring, it takes some time for things to feel right again. Well, maybe they’d never felt right for Alex. There’s a point somewhere along the line, after being passed from home to home to home, where the childish optimism dies, and life becomes all about bracing yourself for the next tragedy. Even once she was reunited with her brother, deep down, she knew it couldn’t last. Life was cruel that way. Love existed only to be ripped away.
She doesn’t know when exactly things started to change. It happened gradually, beneath the surface, all the pain and heartbreak of the past fading into the background. It’s still a part of her, of course, but she’s more than that now. Here, in Haven Springs, she’s more than that. Here, she’s home.
More than that, her power is no longer the curse it once was. Once she stopped trying desperately to drown it out, once she’d found people who actually believed it was real, she learned that she could help people, in a way no one else could. And for the first time in a very long time, she felt joy. Not her own at first, but basking in the glow of others, it gave her the hope she needed, that maybe someday she could find her own. She wanted to feel just like this, always.
Her power is still evolving, growing more sensitive to the feelings of Haven’s residents. It’s no longer just the strongest emotions. She’s beginning to feel more: the small pleasure of a cool breeze, the nagging worry of having left the iron on. Maybe it’s this place. In the orphanage, fear and anger and misery surrounded her, crawling inside her and hollowing her out, night after night after night. Now there is calm, and she feels she can finally breathe, but this thing that’s inside her, it feels… hungry.
It can be too much at times, like with Ryan, weighed down with guilt about his father, about Gabe. It’s a different feeling from the kids at the orphanage, not as intense but just as oppressive, a black hole pulling her in. Of course she tries to help, but even knowing and feeling his pain wholly and completely, there is only so much that words can do for someone. When he tells her he’s decided to leave Haven, she’s ashamed that it comes as a relief. The Alex from a few months ago may have tried to stop him, but she lets him go, hoping he’ll find peace elsewhere. It’s what’s best for both of them, she tells herself.
And then there’s Charlotte. Alex can see it plainly, how far she’s come, how much she’s healed since it happened. The anger is largely gone, but there’s a lingering sadness there, scars that will never fully heal. And when she’s around, Alex can feel it all.
“Thanks for watching him. I really appreciate it,” Charlotte says, hovering outside Alex’s door. She gives her a playful punch in the arm. “And hey, it’s good seeing you.”
“Yeah,” Alex says, forcing a smile. “You too.”
Charlotte smiles back, then turns to follow her son down the stairs. Something stops her. She turns back to Alex.
“Look,” she says. “I don’t want to make things weird, but I have to ask. Have you been avoiding me?”
“What?” Alex says, laughing it off. The answer, of course, is yes. But even if she were to let Charlotte in on her secret, even if Charlotte believed her, the truth is just too cruel to speak out loud.
I can’t stand to be around you.
“I just…” Charlotte starts. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I know Steph’s been picking things up for you at the shop. I just want to know if everything’s okay between us.”
“Of course it is,” Alex lies.
“Okay,” Charlotte says, though she doesn’t sound convinced. “You know, I don’t think I ever really apologized for how terrible I was to you after Gabe died. I’m so sorry, Alex. You had to be going through just as much as I was. I had no right to treat you like that.”
“No, Charlotte, please. It’s okay,” Alex says. She steps closer, deeper into Charlotte’s aura, and lays a hand on her shoulder. She feels like she’s drowning. “I could never blame you for that. The truth is you were closer to him than I was.”
Charlotte draws a shaking breath, wiping her tears.
“Alex, please just know that you’re family,” she says. “I want you in my life. Ethan does too. So please, if there’s anything I can do…”
“I want that too,” Alex says, and now she’s crying too. “It’s not your fault. It’s me.”
Alex can feel it through the hand on Charlotte’s shoulder, the sadness taking form, clinging to her skin. She can take it all away. She can make Charlotte better. She can have the family she always wanted.
“I think… I think I can fix this.”
Charlotte tilts her head, curious.
“What do you mean?”
Alex looks into Charlotte’s eyes and sees the hope in them. She realizes then that there’s only one choice.
She focuses all her energy into her hand, pulling Charlotte’s sadness into herself. It seeps into her skin, coursing into her veins, faster and faster, like she’s starved for it. It’s too much. It’s too much. She tries to stop it, but it won’t let go. The grief. The heartache. The guilt. They become a part of her. They become everything she is.
Their connection snaps.
Alex collapses to her knees, her body convulsing with painful sobs. Tears fall to the floor like rain. She screams.
“Alex!” Charlotte kneels next to her, pulling her limp body into her arms. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s gone,” Alex says, shaking. “He’s gone.”
Thankfully, the feeling doesn’t last. Pain is a deeply personal thing, and without Charlotte’s lived experiences to feed off of, it just sort of… fades away.
“You… took her sadness?”
Steph tenses in her seat on the couch, her concern a low hum in Alex’s head.
“Yeah,” Alex sighs. “But honestly, I’m so glad I did it. She was really hurting. God, if you could have felt it... You remember when I told you what I could do? You called it a superpower.”
“Yeah,” Steph says, wincing. “Sorry about that. That was insensitive, huh?”
“No, that’s the thing. You were totally right. I’ve been fighting against this thing for so long now, never considering how I could maybe use it for something good. And then when I finally did, it was all just… pop psychology bullshit.”
“Hey, that’s not true,” Steph assures her. She lays a hand on Alex’s knee. “You helped me.”
“Thanks,” Alex says with a smile. “But come on, we just played foosball. You forgot the pain for a little bit, but it never really went away, did it? People spend years in therapy trying to get past their trauma. A lot of them never do. I can free them from that. I have the power to help people, like no one else can. How selfish would I have to be to turn my back on them?”
“Okay,” Steph says. Her worry becomes sharper, louder. “I hear you. But when... everything happened, you told me how angry she was. You said it was like, consuming her. And you refused to take that from her. You told me it wasn’t your place.”
“God,” Alex laughs. “I must have sounded so self-righteous. Honestly, I think I was just scared of what it might do to me. But what do you know, I’m fine. Better than fine. I feel like I’ve finally found my purpose.”
“Taking away people’s pain? You’re sure? I dunno, I think working through those feelings is important, don’t you? It’s part of being human.”
Alex lets her head fall back, sighing deeply. It’s a comforting thought, that she’s stronger now because of her pain, that there aren’t parts of her broken beyond repair.
“All I know is if I had that chance... if I could do that for myself, I would. In a heartbeat.”
Steph looks away, shaking her head.
“I wouldn’t.”
Alex shuts her eyes, frustrated.
“Yeah, well, not all of our lives were as easy as yours.”
“Excuse me?”
A wave of anger hits Alex, bubbles under her skin.
“God, sorry,” she says. “I didn’t mean that. That was shitty.”
“Yeah, it was,” Steph says. She takes a breath. “But… I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m just uncomfortable with the idea, okay?”
“I get it. I’ve been living with this power for so long, I forget how crazy it all sounds.”
Alex slides her hand along the couch and takes hold of Steph’s, giving her a reassuring squeeze.
“But hey, don’t worry. I’ll be careful. Trust me. Have I ever let you down before?”
“Never,” Steph says. She smiles, but Alex can feel the fear spilling out of her.
True to her word, Alex is careful. Even as her neighbors’ inner voices grow louder and louder in her head, she keeps her hands in her pockets and walks right past them. There’s an ache in her heart, knowing she can help and choosing not to. Maybe Steph is right to be cautious, but as time goes by, it starts to feel more like cruelty.
After all, Alex’s relationship with Charlotte has never been better. They see each other nearly every day, and though her cheeriness is still largely an act, it feels like Alex can finally see everything that Gabe saw in her. And now without all that hurt holding her down, she can become exactly that person again, Alex is sure of it. Alex gave her that chance.
On the corner of her street stands a run-down old house. For a while, she assumes it’s abandoned, but as she’s walking by one day, she feels it bleeding through the walls. The feeling is almost unbearable, a lifetime of misery piled mountain high: abuse, abandonment, betrayal, heartbreak, loss. Someone lives in that house, a prison of their own making. Alone. Suffering.
Still, Alex walks on by. But the feeling grows. Every day, stronger and stronger, creeping ever outward, until finally she can’t ignore it anymore.
She steps up to the front door and knocks.
After that, she stops fighting it. Everyone has something holding them back, whether it’s some deep trauma or just day-to-day stress, and she’s the only one who can do something about it. Haven Springs isn’t some paradise, no place is, but maybe with her help, it can come close. A place where people can be free from their chains, where they can be the truest versions of themselves.
It’s an uncharacteristically romantic idea coming from someone like Alex, but the thought of it makes her almost dizzy with excitement. Maybe it’s an unrealistic dream, delusional even, but if anyone can do it, it’s her.
Doesn’t she owe it to them to at least try?
Steph steps through the door of the apartment. She shuts it behind her, then leans back against it, eyes shut. Alex can feel the storm of emotions from across the room.
“Hey,” she says, approaching cautiously. “What’s wrong?”
“This has gotten way out of control,” Steph says softly, deliberately. She’s holding back. "You need to stop.”
“What are you talking about?”
Steph opens her eyes and finds Alex’s. She stares, unwavering.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” she says. “Those aren’t even people out there anymore. You’re turning them into fucking zombies!”
“Zombies?” Alex laughs. She can’t help it. “Come on, you’re being ridiculous. I know you’re still uncomfortable with my power, but—”
“Stop saying that!” Steph shouts. “Stop acting like I’m the one with the problem here. You are ripping out the deepest parts of these people, and they have no idea. None of them asked for this.”
“I’m helping them!” Alex screams. “How can you not see that?”
“No. You’re doing it for yourself. You can’t stand being around all these negative feelings, so you just… snap your fingers and wish them away. I should’ve seen it sooner.”
“What are you saying? I’m with you more than anyone, and I haven’t taken anything from you. And to be honest, it’s miserable being around you these days.”
“And why do you think that is?” Steph snaps. “God, do you hear yourself? All you care about is how other people’s feelings affect you.”
“That’s not true!” Alex says.
She draws a calming breath, then closes the distance between them. She takes Steph’s hands in hers.
“Come on,” she says. “You know that’s not true. I care about you more than anything.”
Steph looks down at her feet, shuddering. A tear falls to the floor.
“Alex, I’m leaving Haven.”
Alex recoils, letting Steph’s hands fall.
“What?”
“I can’t stand it,” Steph says. “Nothing here feels real anymore. I can’t live like this.”
“Please,” Alex says. Her voice is so weak, she can barely hear it. “You can’t leave. I love you.”
Steph picks her head up, finding Alex’s eyes. She steps forward and puts her hands on her shoulders.
“And I love you,” she says. “So come with me. We can forget about all of this.”
She swallows, searching for the right words.
“Look, it’s my fault too,” she continues. “I should’ve tried harder to understand what you were going through. I should’ve tried to help find another way to deal with it. Honestly, I was scared of what was happening to you. But I promise I won’t hide from it anymore. We can figure it out together. So let’s get out of here.”
Alex’s face stings with tears. The fear in the air between them is so thick, she can’t breathe.
“I can’t,” she chokes out. “The voices out there, they’re so loud. All the time. It never stops. I can’t go back to that, Steph.”
Steph nods, holding herself together for just a moment before breaking down into sobs. She pulls Alex tight into her arms.
“I’m sorry,” she says into Alex’s ear. “I’m so sorry.”
It’s not long enough before she’s pulling away, and then her hand is on the doorknob.
“Steph, please,” Alex begs.
“I hope you find peace here, Alex,” Steph says.
“I need you.”
Steph turns away, twists the knob.
“Steph!” Alex screams.
She shoots her hand out. It hovers in the space between them, shaking. Steph freezes, turning her head over her shoulder.
“Alex?” she says. Her voice quivers. “Don’t. Not me.”
“I need you,” Alex says again. “I need you.”
It happens in a flash. Steph throws the door open and takes off, scrambling into the hallway.
She isn’t fast enough.
Alex lunges forward and just manages to catch Steph’s wrist. She pulls, hard. Steph’s back hits the wall, and Alex is on her, forearm pressed against her chest.
“Please,” Steph says, wide-eyed. Fear grips her so tightly that she doesn’t even struggle. “Don’t do this.”
“It’s okay, baby,” Alex says. She runs her hand over Steph’s cheek, tears streaming down her face. “It’s okay.”
Steph’s fear catches and tangles around Alex’s fingers. She takes hold and pulls.
She should be used to the feeling by now, of taking on someone’s darkest emotions. But this...
This is Steph’s greatest fear. Alex herself.
What are you doing?
You wanted to help people.
FREAK
But you ruined them.
You ruined all of them.
PSYCHO
You’ve seen the worst parts of them.
But you…
MONSTER
You’re the worst of them all.
Alex blinks and the world snaps back into focus. She’s on the floor in the corner of the room, hugging her knees to her chest, shuddering violently.
“No,” she whimpers. “No, no, no…”
“What did you do to me?”
She looks up. Steph is towering above her, pulsing with rage.
“What the fuck did you do?!”
She moves toward Alex. The floor seems to quake with each step.
Shaking, Alex raises her arm.
Alex finishes playing and sets the guitar down. She settles back onto the bed, leaning her head against Steph’s shoulder, feeling her hair tickle her skin. She bathes in their warm glow.
“You’re gonna say it’s corny,” she says. “But I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now.”
Steph doesn’t say anything like that, and Alex can’t say she minds, happy enough to lay here and listen to the rhythm of her breathing. After a moment, something wet hits Alex’s cheek.
“Hey,” she says, pulling back to get a good look at her girlfriend. “Why are you crying?”
Steph smiles, wiping her face.
“I don’t know,” she says.
Alex laughs, giddy.
“I’m happy too,” she says.
She reaches up and runs a hand through Steph’s hair, then leans in and kisses her.