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“Hey, dad?”
“Hm?”
“Were your parents, like, abusive or something?”
Harry didn't drop the pot he was holding, but he did set it down on the stovetop nearly in slow motion. He didn't turn around to look at CJ. “Why do you ask?”
CJ, sitting on the kitchen counter behind him, crunched on some more trail mix. “Because of Dizzy,” she admitted, subdued. “Because I've never, ever heard you talk about your parents in my entire life.”
Harry finally turned around, clicking off the burner and turning to face her. He watched her for a moment, considering. “My dad wasn't exactly the best person,” he said finally. “Not sure about my mum; she left us when I was three. Never saw her again after that.”
CJ’s eyes were wide, mouth hanging open with a handful of trail mix halfway to her mouth. She dropped it back into the bag (Harry mentally added trail mix to the list of snack food he needed to add to his personal stash to keep CJ’s hands out of it) and swallowed loud enough that he could hear it. “She just left?”
“Yeah, duck,” Harry said gently. “She just left.”
CJ looked down at her lap, kicking her feet on the cabinets. “That sucks. I'm sorry.”
Harry shrugged. “It does suck. But it was more than thirty years ago; I barely remember her. Harriet does, a little, but from what I've heard she wasn't around much even before the divorce.”
CJ stuck her hand back in the bag; it looked like she just wanted something to do with her hands, because all she did was absently stir her fingers through it. Harry wrinkled his nose.
“Not to derail the conversation, but that's really, really gross.”
CJ looked down at the trail mix, blinking in surprise. “Oh. Sorry. I washed my hands.”
“Still gross. If you want a bag of trail mix for yourself, you're buying it. Otherwise, you pour out a bowl.”
CJ eyed her hand in the bag. “What about this one?”
“You've done a pretty thorough job of marking that one as yours,” Harry said dryly. “I'm getting the single packs from now on. You're the only one who can eat out of that bag now if we don't all want CJ cooties–”
“Cooties? Seriously?”
“–so you'd better be paying for your own bags if you're gonna do that.”
CJ grumbled a little under her breath and pointedly dug her fingers through the bag. “Fine. What about your dad?”
Harry sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back against the counter. “I told you. He wasn't a great guy.”
CJ nodded but didn't look up. “Was he… kind of like Dizzy's family? Like, locking you up and making you clean and shit?”
“Swear jar,” Harry said, and CJ groaned.
“If I have to pay for trail mix and the swear jar, I'm not gonna have any money left!”
Harry shrugged. “So either stop swearing or stop getting greedy with the snack food. You're clever, I'm sure you'll come up with a solution.”
CJ opened her mouth to argue, then deflated. “So, did he hit you?”
Harry sighed. “Are you sure you really want details about this, duck?”
“Does that mean he did?”
CJ's voice came out small. Loud and bright as she was, Harry almost forgot sometimes that she was only ten. “Yeah, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “He did.”
CJ nodded and slowly pulled her hand out of the bag. “I'm sorry, daddy.”
It had been a minute since he'd heard her call him that. He wanted to brush it off, but that hurt was harder to let go of than a mother he'd barely even met. “Thanks, duck.”
Her voice shrank even more. “Was it really bad?”
Harry couldn't think of a way around that question. “It was pretty bad sometimes," he admitted. "Harriet moved in with Anthony when she was eighteen, and I stayed with her a lot. Landlord didn't like it, so I spent some nights at Gil's, too.”
“Just some?” CJ asked, eyes wide and distressed. “Why didn't you leave?”
“I was a kid,” Harry said gently. “I didn't have anywhere else to go. Not permanently, at least,” he said, cutting CJ off when she opened her mouth. “The LeGumes didn't have the space, and Harriet and Anthony could barely afford to feed themselves back then, let alone me.”
“What about Uma?” CJ asked, sounding almost desperate. “You could have stayed at Uma's, right? Did you stay with Uma?”
“I did, sometimes,” Harry allowed. “But that was right around the time of her mum’s accident. They had enough going on without me crashing there every night.”
“But that's not fair,” CJ said, kicking one heel back against the cabinet with a bang as she tried and failed to blink back tears. She set the bag of trail mix to the side so she could scrub furiously at her cheeks, scowling.
“I know,” Harry soothed. “I know, duckling. It's okay.”
“It's not! You didn't deserve it!”
That, unexpectedly, brought a lump to his throat. “I know I didn't,” he said roughly. “It's okay though, CJ, I swear it is. I'm okay now. Sweetheart, hey, look at me.”
He stepped forward, catching her hands in his and ducking so he could look up at her. “Hey, come on.”
“You shouldn't have had to,” CJ choked out, crying harder now.
“I know,” Harry said gently. “You're right. It was unfair, and it–” He paused. “Trade you a swear word.”
CJ sniffled. “What?”
“Yeah, you let me swear once and neither of us puts anything in the jar.”
CJ nodded, and Harry took a deep breath, letting go of her hand so he could brush away a few of her tears.
“It was shitty,” he said frankly. She hiccuped, and he squeezed the hand he was still holding. “I got hurt, yeah, and it wasn't okay, and sometimes I still get tripped up over it. But baby, I swear I'm telling you the truth when I say I'm all right these days.”
“You just said!” CJ cried. “You just said it wasn't okay!”
“It wasn't okay,” Harry said. “The way my dad treated me was not okay. But I am okay.”
CJ sobbed once, then sniffled. “Why did he do that?” she asked. “He shouldn't have– why did he do that?”
Harry grimaced. “There's not a reason, baby. Or maybe there are reasons, but they aren't good enough. Trust me, I've spent years trying to figure it out. Finally had to admit I'm never going to, then I had to make myself be okay with that.”
“What happened to him?” CJ asked. “Is he in jail now? For– for doing that?”
She couldn't even say it. Christ, this kid.
“No,” Harry said, and CJ’s face crumpled even further. “He never went to prison for it. A few people made reports over the years, teachers and one of our neighbors, but nothing ever came of it.”
“Are you saying he got away with it?” CJ asked disbelievingly. “How did he get away with it? No one ever stopped him?”
Harry shrugged. “St. Thad’s wasn't a great place, kiddo. A lot of people got away with things they shouldn't have. I moved out when I was sixteen, and I only saw him once after that.”
“I hope you beat him up,” CJ said fiercely. “I hope you– I hope you punched him.”
“I didn't hit him,” Harry said. “Contrary to popular belief, I don't go around punching people I don't like. He was in the hospital, and he wasn't even awake. I think it would have upset the nurses if I attacked an unconscious patient.”
CJ’s shoulders slumped. “Did someone else beat him up, and that's why he was unconscious?”
Harry snorted, grimly amused despite himself. “No. He just had a lot of health issues, and he drank too much on top of that. Harriet and I went to see him at the hospital, but he was already pretty sick. He didn't wake up while we were there.”
“He's dead now?” CJ asked. “He didn't go to jail, but he died?”
“Yeah,” Harry said quietly. “He did.”
“Good,” she said. “I– he– good.”
Harry kept himself from sighing, but just barely. CJ was a kid, and she'd never known James. It made sense her feelings about him wouldn't be as complicated as Harry's, but he couldn't deny it stung a little, hearing her be happy about his death. Harry had still lost something when his father died.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by CJ tugging him forward and carefully wrapping her arms around his shoulders. He hugged her back automatically, then pulled her even closer when he felt her press her wet cheek to his neck.
“I'm glad you're okay now,” she mumbled against his shoulder. “But I'm sorry you got hurt.”
“Thanks, duckling,” Harry said, voice thick as he nearly choked on the lump in his throat. “That means a lot.”
“If anyone ever hits you again, I'll beat them up.”
Harry barked out a surprised laugh at that. “I appreciate it, but if someone hits me, I'd prefer you let the adults handle it, all right?”
CJ let out a soft humph, clearly not thrilled with that idea, but she didn't press the point. He didn't doubt she'd go flying in with both fists swinging if she thought he was in danger, which was as terrifying a thought as it was heartwarming.
“How about we just stay out of trouble, okay?” he asked softly. “And we'll just keep looking out for each other.”
“Yeah,” CJ said, still a little teary, but sounding satisfied. “That sounds good. Let's do that.”
“Okay then,” Harry murmured, tilting his head so he could press a kiss to her temple. “We'll do that, then.”