Work Text:
Guess mine is not the first heart broken
My eyes are not the first to cry
Rachel. My beautiful, wonderful, courageous, compassionate best friend. I knew from the start that you were the sexiest creature I had ever seen, but I would have never known how deeply my feelings would develop for you. I would have never guessed that you would become the most important person in my life, the person whom I would look to for courage, compassion, friendship, and love. At least, love on my part.
You denied any love for me in a romantic sense, but I knew it was a façade. I saw into you completely when our auras merged that one day in the kitchen. Nothing was held back, so I experienced your complete love for and total acceptance of me. Yet you continued to repudiate those feelings. I tried my hardest to be patient, hoping that one day you would finally break down those walls to allow your true feelings out.
I'm not the first to know there's
Just no getting over you
Unfortunately, those walls never fell. I continued to follow you like an attention starved dog, hoping that their master would deign them with a few good words here and there. Why, Rachel? Why couldn’t you accept that my love was as worthy, if not more so, than any other you had experienced? I tormented myself with the knowledge that you felt the same way that I did; I kept trying to find a way that would find that love shined down on me. My soul became ragged, as if a banshee had attacked me and left me with barely enough aura to live, leaving me feeling hollowed out and empty. I came to the conclusion that you would never admit your feelings to me, that I would never experience that joy that should be found in soulbound lovers. I had to take steps to distance myself from you and your pent up feelings, before I imploded from unrequited love.
Those words I spoke to you in San Francisco broke my heart. I knew I needed to speak them, so that I could possibly move on from the heart-wrenching feelings I always felt when near you, to finally have that hope that someone might love me as much as I loved you. Seeing you cry at my words nearly broke me. I almost retracted my words on the spot, but I held fast by some unimaginable force of will that allowed me to stay the course. I knew that, despite your words, you were grieving as only a friend, and not as an abandoned lover. Still, I almost broke down after that last kiss; I knew a part of my heart died that day.
You know I'm just a fool who's willing
To sit around and wait for you
But baby can't you see there's nothing else for me to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
I dated Glenn and then Nina, two people who I cared for deeply. Glenn shared experiences and interests with me, so I found it easy to pretend with him. Nina needed me, which is an attractive feeling. For a while I was able to feel like I had that relationship of equals, where both shared in the same love and devotion to each other that made a great relationship. However, the longer I was with her, the more I realized that I was lying to myself, that I had fallen in love with the idea of being needed. I soon recognized that this was not what I wanted; I would never attain the relationship I wanted because that would have only been with you, Rachel.
I enjoyed the times I spent with both of them thoroughly, but it was never that love that I felt with you. How can you experience the greatest love that anyone can know, the love that sees beyond any faults, just seeing the best that person is, and move on from it? Is there a way to deny the fact that you found your soulmate, that one person who completes you like no other? I found no way, no solution to this love that breaks my heart every time I see you.
But now there's no way to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
You’re angry with me now, as I constantly make excuses to not see you. Just hearing your voice, even with anger in it, is enough to bring those feelings to the surface. Nina has become more and more irate with me, as the lies that I had gotten over you, Rachel, have become more and more apparent. She has threatened to move out multiple times; I have managed to sway her to stay, but in my heart, it wouldn’t bother me if she left. Pretending to care has become burdensome; one day I know I won’t make an effort, which will leave me alone. I’ve always been alone, though.
My head is saying fool forget her
My heart is saying don't let go
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do
I'm hopelessly devoted to you
Dear heart, you will never understand why I made this choice, a choice that will hurt and anger you. I hope that my love for you has made you stronger, and that you can share that love with others. I will never understand why you never chose to share your love for me with me, a love that was apparent to everyone who knew you. Perhaps you never found me worthy of that love, or you were afraid to share that love with me.
You have found love and happiness with a known murderer, a person who doesn’t hesitate to hurt others for his own good. Yes, he you found worthy, while I waited in the shadows, hoping and praying that one day you would shine your love onto me. That hope I have held onto these long years became doused when I heard the news. You were to be married.
But now there's no way to hide
Since you pushed my love aside
I'm out of my head hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you
I no longer wish to feel this pain that consumes me. Rachel, my dear heart, I will always love you. I know that, with this action, the pain of that love will go away. I will no longer remember why I love you, but that will be for the best. If I don’t remember why, it will no longer torment my days and nights without your presence in my life.
I hope our souls will meet again one day; maybe then we will get the happy ending that was denied us here.
All my love, Ivy
The Cincinnati Enquirer:
Last night, famous vampire Ivy Tamwood was found dead in her home, of an apparent suicide. Tamwood was the last living member of her line, one that spanned over 300 years. She is survived by her parents Robert Randall and Annabelle Tamwood, and a younger sister, Erica. Services are being set by her family for a private ceremony.