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Roy sat on the rickety wooden swing that had become so familiar over the course of his life so far. He pushed the soles of his beat up sneakers into the mulch, starting a gentle swing as he lifted them again. He always came to this park after visiting with his uncle, and the sway of inertia always calmed the gnaw of anxiety in his stomach. Roy wasn't sure why he always felt so strange and conflicted about that relative; he always got to play loads of video games and eat more sweets than he was ever allowed at home. Still, the way his uncle would always insist that Roy sit in his lap come afternoon and how everything went from there left a feeling of vague uncertainty. Surely other people did this, too. This was normal, right? It felt nice enough in the moment, and he was always reassured that the only reason he couldn't tell his parents was because they would take all the fun away. No more hours spent competing and heckling people on Call of Duty or watching horror films. Roy didn't want to lose that. His parents never let him do anything that enjoyable, and frankly, they were both assholes in their own ways. He held his hands in front of himself as his swing slowed to a halt. Looking deeply into the lines, he wondered what he had done to deserve the way he was treated by his mom and dad. At least Uncle made him feel special.
When no answers magically appeared from his palms he squeezed them into fists, a glint of anger beginning to bubble up inside his chest. None of it made any fucking sense. He never asked to be born. He certainly never asked to be hit and yelled at for every little mistake he made...so, he just stopped trying to be good. The feelings of confusion and displaced worry continued to worm in his abdomen before another familiar sensation surfaced. Roy gripped the chains of the swing tightly, cold chain meeting clammy hands. It would just be easier if he killed himself. He was sure of it. If only he'd stop being such a loser and get the moxie already. He could put an end to his short life and be free from the pain and misery that he tried so desperately to ignore. His mind began to do somersaults over the idea, tossing it back and forth as it always did in moments like these. The outside world seemed to fade a little as Roy's eyes fixed on the ground in front of him and his gaze grew glassy.
"ROY!"
The shout startled him and as he blinked, he realized there were tears on his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with his oversized sweater sleeve, not wanting anyone to see. He looked over his shoulder to see Rob waving at him.
"You okay, man? I called your name like three times."
Rob had a look of genuine concern on his face as he spoke. If it had been anyone else, Roy would have felt disgusted by the pity. He nodded curtly, not yet trusting his voice to not break. He glanced over at Ross, who stood next to Rob with his hand in his pockets. They were almost always in his pockets. Ross didn't say anything, which isn't unusual, but Roy could tell that he was silently analyzing him with concern too. Ross was so quiet and observant; Roy sometimes felt a little too exposed when he would try to calm him down from his outbursts of anger. He was a good friend though and Roy couldn't deny that. Rob halfway pranced over to the empty swing next to Roy, plopping down and rocking on his feet while pushing back on the swing. He wore the same happy smile he always had around Roy. They were best friends after all, or so Rob proclaimed. Roy wouldn't admit it, but he felt the same.
Ross sidled to the other side of Roy, leaning against the metal bar of the swing set. Rob perked up again, unzipping his jacket pocket and reaching inside. He pulled out a napkin bundled around something, and the faint smell of chocolate permeated the air. Rob held it out to Roy and he took it, though he raised an eyebrow.
"What is this?"
His voice was confused, but still carried the blunt edge that it often had. Ross spoke next, leaning his head back against the pole and closing his eyes as a breeze began to rustle the leaves of the oaks surrounding them.
"We were playing Halo at Rob's and his mom baked some treats. I was on the way home when we spotted you in the park. You looked lonely, dude."
Roy unwrapped the napkin to find a fresh baked chocolate chip cookie. It was still a little warm, and it looked delicious. Roy's heart felt just a little more full as he looked down at it and then glanced at both his friends. They were so good to him...how did he ever deserve it? If he thought too long about it, he might start crying again so he quickly took a bite of his cookie and let the chewy sweetness soothe his mind. He hummed appreciatively and Rob commented on how his mom always made them this time of year. Ross said he preferred the "spooky month" donuts she made, complete with candy vampire fangs. As Roy listened to the pair talk, his heart continued to swell and his eyes watered with a strange feeling of grief and gratitude. It was so good to not be alone. He quickly blinked to clear the impending tears, continuing to chow down. The cookie was gone in a few more moments, but Roy felt much better already. It didn't take long for the darker thoughts to leave his mind once again and he interrupted Rob's excited chatter.
"Thanks, guys." He mumbled plainly, wiping cookie crumbs from his mouth with the back of his hand. Ross opened an eye to peek at Roy, his dark fringe already beginning to poke past the brand new beanie his dads had given him just a few months ago. He smiled gently and perhaps, a little knowingly.
"Sure, man."
Robert simply grinned, happy to see Roy returning to his usual self and he began to swing himself with a bit more vigor. Ross began idly walking circles around the pole, his hand gliding over the chilly metal. Another breeze swept through the park, separating some golden yellow leaves from the trees and ruffling the boys' hair. The silence was comfortable and no one felt the need to speak until Robert piped up again.
"Well, Ross really needs to get home. Wanna walk with us?"
Roy didn't reply immediately, only stood up off his seat and brushed some lingering crumbs off his sweater.
"Yeah. Let's get Ross home. Maybe you want to go to the candy store with me after, Robert?"
The sound of Ross scoffing interrupted the conversation and the other two looked just in time to see him roll his eyes.
"Kevin's there today. Steal a candy bar from him for me."
Roy couldn't help but chuckle. Kevin was much older than Ross and already living on own; he had just secured his newest job as the candy shop clerk. The troublesome trio did often nick a few small candies every now and then, running off before Ross' older brother could do anything about it. Not that Kevin cared enough to make a big deal about it anyway, and Ross knew it.
They headed out of the park together as Roy muttered something about hopefully running into those two other kids that were always in costume even in the middle of June. Robert agreed with how silly the notion was, and Ross simply shrugged. Roy continued to feel better with each leaf that crunched under his shoes; every step forward felt more assured and confident. His worries were now long forgotten, at least for another moment, as he strolled down the sidewalk with his friends.