Work Text:
Kakashi had been planning his trip to Konoha for the past month, making sure his schedule didn’t intercept the time he would spend with his family. He had been talking to Iruka about this off and on for several weeks, absentmindedly grumbling about disrespectful clients who wouldn’t know courtesy if it bit them in the ass. Iruka had laughed at that conversation, nearly face-planting into the pot of water he had been boiling. That had caused Kakashi to laugh, too, his expression lighting up in a way that made Iruka’s heart flutter.
The invention of video calls was something Iruka was eternally grateful for.
He wished Kakashi would visit their hometown more, but he understood that he never really settled anywhere, not after leaving Konoha initially and joining the military. After that he built his private security firm, which took him all over, so he never put roots down. The closest he had was Konoha with his adoptive parents, adoptive brother Naruto, and Iruka.
They had been friends for years, since high school—maybe before, though Iruka wasn’t quite sure as that time in his life was still a little hazy in his memory, dealing with the trauma of losing both his parents so unexpectedly—and had stayed close even after Kakashi had left.
Iruka’s feelings for Kakashi had never dissipated, even though he had desperately hoped they would. He had done his best to bury the feelings deeply, thinking that if he didn’t acknowledge them, it meant they weren’t there. The thing about being in love with someone, especially someone you talked to near-daily and had been in love with for nearly a decade, was that those feelings didn’t just disappear.
His phone buzzed on his desk as he tapped the short edge of papers on the wood to straighten them. Setting the stack to the side, he opened his texts.
Kakashi had sent him a message letting him know that he would be arriving in approximately an hour, on time according to the schedule Kakashi had sent Iruka earlier that week. Iruka texted him back, asking Kakashi if he had decided to show up on time for once.
He laughed at his own joke, setting his phone to the side to finish gathering all his work. The bell had rung an hour before, and he had been hoping to get most of his grading done before leaving to pick up Kakashi from the train station, as it was now officially winter break and Iruka planned on maximizing his time off. All he had to do was finish going through the essays, input grades, and make sure his lesson plans for next semester were ready to go.
He packed the last of the work into his satchel, then put his jacket on and swung the bag over his shoulder. He patted his pockets to make sure he had his keys and wallet, picked up his phone, and left the classroom for the last time this year, locking the door behind him.
Checking his phone, he saw that Kakashi had replied to him, a gif of a pouting pug, which caused Iruka to burst into laughter.
He typed his reply as he walked the hallway toward the parking lot, letting Kakashi know he was on his way to the station.
*
Iruka pulled into the station at the same time the train did. He waited for Kakashi outside despite the chilly air, leaning against the front of his car.
It only took a few minutes for the lanky man to appear, his silver hair wild as ever, mask pulled up over his nose. A smile broke across Iruka’s face, and he ran at Kakashi, throwing his arms around his best friend.
“It’s been too long!” Iruka muttered against Kakashi’s neck, squeezing him tightly.
“I missed you, too,” Kakashi said, hugging Iruka just as tight.
They stood there in the cold for several long minutes, simply holding one another. Iruka was so happy to have Kakashi back in town, to be able to see him in person and not just over a screen. Iruka was a tactile person by nature, but even more so with Kakashi; when they were together, Iruka was almost always touching the other man somehow, even if it was just pressing close to him with their shoulders.
Finally, they stepped away from one another, Iruka still holding Kakashi’s arm, like he might disappear if Iruka let go.
Every time Kakashi left, it felt like Iruka’s heart was breaking just a little more. He wasn’t sure he could ever tell Kakashi how he felt, had felt for so long—not when it risked ruining their friendship—but it still hurt to have Kakashi leave every time.
“Come on, let’s get you home,” Iruka said, pulling on Kakashi’s forearm. Kakashi grabbed his duffle bags and messenger bag and followed Iruka to the car, dropping his stuff in the backseat before climbing into the passenger seat.
“When you say home, do you mean your home or Minato and Kushina’s?” He asked, turning slightly to look at Iruka.
“Naruto’s waiting for you,” Iruka said in reply. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you coming back for two weeks. Keeps switching between talking about how cool his big brother is and how lame he is. I can barely keep up with him.”
Kakashi smiled a little, his eyes crinkling with the movement.
“He’s doing well in class, though?” Kakashi asked. Anyone else would have thought Kakashi was just being polite, his tone so neutral he could have been commenting on the weather. Still, Iruka knew the man almost better than he knew himself and he could hear the concern, love, and affection he held for the rambunctious child.
“For the most part,” Iruka said with a nod. “Still gets himself into trouble on the regular, but his test scores are improving.”
“Probably because he has people who believe in him and take the time to work with him individually.” From his sideways look and smirk under his mask, Iruka knew Kakashi didn’t mean people in general, but Iruka himself. Iruka seemed to be the only one who had an endless amount of patience for Naruto.
Maybe it was because Iruka saw a part of himself in Naruto, that mile-wide mischievous streak that was equal parts because it was fun and a cry for attention. The boy was loved very much, by many people, especially his family, but he didn’t always know how to ask for what he wanted or needed, and that meant he found ways to get the attention he needed, even if those ways landed him in trouble most of the time.
For Iruka, that was normal child development.
For others, it was an annoyance.
Iruka rubbed at the scar on his nose, a nervous habit he could never seem to break, as his cheeks heated. Kakashi was always doing this, dropping little compliments for Iruka, praising him in various ways, both big and small. Iruka always responded with a blush.
“He’s a great kid,” Iruka said quietly, trying to deflect the attention from himself.
Kakashi just hummed in response, looking out the window as the town went by.
*
Kakashi barely made it out of the car before Naruto barrelled into him, arms thrown around his neck. The momentum had Kakashi spinning the two of them. Iruka was laughing at them, the sound wrapping around Kakashi, warming him from the inside.
“Naruto! You didn’t even put shoes on!” Minato was yelling from the doorway of the house.
Naruto clung to Kakashi’s neck, his feet dangling above the ground.
“Don’t put me down, Kakashi! The ground is cold!”
Kakashi chuckled. “Then why didn’t you put shoes on?”
“I was too excited! You’re finally home! I’ve been waiting forever for you to get back. I have so much to tell you. I got a new frog, his name is Gamatatsu!”
Naruto went on as the three made their way into the house.
*
They fell into a routine of sorts, one they always seemed to fall into when Kakashi was in town. Kakashi and Iruka spent most of their time together, visiting random stores in town to do last-minute shopping for the holiday. They met with friends here and there, Kakashi spent some time with Minato, Kushina, and Naruto, but Iruka was always on his mind, front and center.
When they weren’t out doing things, the two men stayed in at Iruka’s, ordering take-out and watching movies and shows Kakashi hadn’t had time to watch while working. This was Kakashi’s favorite part of coming back to Konoha, curled into Iruka’s couch, Iruka stretched out next to him with his head on Kakashi’s lap.
It was on one of these quiet evenings that Kakashi was gently running his fingers through Iruka’s long hair, the ministrations lulling Iruka into a deeper sleep. He made a noise before settling back into his unconscious state, and as Kakashi looked at Iruka’s sleeping form, it brought a small amount of peace to his soul, having Iruka so close and happy.
*
As it got closer to the day Kakashi was to leave, he noticed a difference in Iruka’s behavior. When Iruka thought no one was looking, he lost his ever-present happiness, the one that felt like stepping into the warmth of the day.
Something was wrong, and Kakashi wasn’t sure what. Every time he tried to bring it up to Iruka, he would just smile and brush him off, changing the subject.
Kakashi wanted to push him on it and find out what was bothering him, but didn’t want to upset Iruka further. He figured Iruka would talk about it when he was ready.
*
Iruka had talked himself in and out of this a million times already. Going through with this risked losing his best friend, but it could mean he could have something more, could stop dreaming about having Kakashi as more than just his best friend and actually have him as his partner, his lover, his everything.
He bit back the tears that threatened to fall.
Iruka didn’t think he could watch Kakashi leave again, not knowing when he would see him next, if it would be for the next holiday or longer. He didn’t want to say goodbye.
There was an ache in Iruka put in him by the ache in Kakashi, the one he could clearly see every time Kakashi talked about working and travelling and not having a real home. Iruka wanted to be Kakashi’s home.
He said his goodbyes to the Uzumaki-Namikaze’s, promising to return over the weekend for family night. The drive to his flat was quiet, his anxiety building. Kakashi kept glancing at him before taking his hand briefly and squeezing it.
“Ruka, it’s not forever. And you’ll see me tomorrow before I leave.”
“Don’t leave,” Iruka whispered before he could stop himself. They were parked in front of his building, the car idling quietly. “Please… just don’t leave again. Stay. Stay here with me.”
Kakashi didn’t respond, the silence stretching endlessly between them.
Iruka took that as his answer, gathering himself and his stuff and leaping from the car, running into his building, bounding up the stairs, and locking himself in his flat where he spent the next several hours curled in bed, mourning the loss of a relationship that never was.
*
It was almost daybreak by the time he realized how much of an idiot he was. He had stayed up all night, doing mental gymnastics, trying to sort through all the things Iruka could have meant when he asked Kakashi to stay, asked him not to leave again.
The answer was staring him in the face, had been for nearly the whole time he had known Iruka. The other man had been his first crush, his only crush, the one he loved, and he had to stop ignoring it.
Kakashi had been in love with Iruka for nearly a decade. Instead of running from the idea, he needed to face it, hold on to it, tell Iruka how much he meant to Kakashi, that he was the reason Kakashi woke up every day, just to see his good morning texts.
He grabbed the keys by the door, quietly apologizing to Minato for borrowing his car. He had to talk to Iruka, face-to-face, as soon as possible. He didn’t even consider that he might wake the other man up. Kakashi just had to see Iruka.
The drive was short, Iruka’s flat not far from the Uzumaki-Namikaze home. He parked on the street across from the building and ran across the road, pulling his jacket tighter around him. It was freezing out, and the wind was not helping the temperature.
He ran up the two flights of stairs to Iruka’s flat, knocking on the door while trying to not disturb the neighbors. Technically he could let himself in, but that felt wrong, especially after how they had left things the night before.
There was no answer, even after the third round of knocking, and Kakashi really didn’t want to piss off the neighbors. He pulled his phone from his pocket, tapping Iruka’s picture to call him. The phone rang… and rang. Kakashi was almost sure he could hear it ringing inside the flat, but there was no answer.
He had fucked up, completely and utterly fucked up, and now he had lost his best friend, hadn’t he? His hand fell to his side, Iruka’s voicemail picking up. Absentmindedly he clicked the end call button, turning to walk back outside into the bitter cold of the early morning.
Kakashi didn’t want to go back to the house, didn’t want to see the looks of pity from Minato and Kushina. They knew, of course they knew. The two of them had probably always known, even before Kakashi realized how deep his feelings ran.
He started walking, no destination in mind. By chance, he ended up in the park that was a couple blocks over from Iruka’s flat. The grass was dewy, the temperature freezing the water to ice, crunching under his feet. A low fog had settled on the field.
It didn’t take long for his face to feel like an icicle, his hands long gone numb. He should go back, pack his stuff, and prepare for his train ride back to his temporary home before he had to leave for another work trip.
He was so tired of this life already.
A soft voice startled him.
“Kakashi?”
His head snapped up, taking in the beauty that was Iruka in the early morning light, the fog and sunrise haloing him, creating an illusion that he was glowing.
“Iruka?” Kakashi’s voice cracked. Maybe he had officially lost it and was hallucinating.
Concern was clear on Iruka’s face as he walked closer. “What are you doing out here?” Iruka asked, now in front of Kakashi, mere inches between them.
“I went to your flat, I needed to talk to you, but you weren’t there. What…”
Iruka’s face turned pinker than it already was, scratching the scar on his nose. “I… couldn’t sleep, so I went for a walk.”
Kakashi swallowed hard. Maybe he still had a chance; maybe he hadn’t completely and irrevocably messed this up.
Tentatively he reached up, his hand cupping Iruka’s cheek. His face was freezing, and Kakashi wondered how long Iruka had been out walking.
“I’m sorry, Iruka,” Kakashi whispered, scared to break the morning quiet.
Iruka nudged his face into Kakashi’s palm, his eyes closing. Kakashi could count every eyelash that rested against those pink cheeks, right above the line of his scar.
Another breath, and then Iruka was opening his eyes, a smile plastered on his face, one that was so far from being real it broke Kakashi’s heart to see it.
“It’s fine, Kakashi,” Iruka said.
“Don’t,” Kakashi said quickly. “Don’t diminish your feelings.”
Iruka’s smile turned sad. “You’re the only one who can see the smiles I’m faking.”
“It’s because I want to see the real you. I want to know everything that goes on in your head, everything you feel. Iruka, I want your heart because you have mine. You’ve always had mine.”
“Kakashi,” Iruka breathed.
But Kakashi wasn’t done; the wall he had built around his heart and mind had come tumbling down and he was left bare and exposed, but only to Iruka, always Iruka.
“I want to wake up every day with you in my arms and never leave the warmest bed I’ll ever know. I want a home and I want that home to be you.”
“I don’t want to watch you leave anymore.”
“Let me stay.”
Iruka smiled, small but genuine, and Kakashi felt like the sun had been directed at him. Iruka took his hands in his own, bringing them to his lips. His words were almost lost to the birdsong of the early morning.
“Your hands are cold,” He said, brushing his lips against Kakashi’s knuckles.
Kakashi smiled, pulling Iruka to him and kissing him deeply, trying to convey all the love he had for the other man.