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Jason leaned against the rail of the fire escape. Smoke curled around his lips as he breathed it out of his lungs. It was hot outside for Gotham, which meant that it was in the low 60s in the middle of the night. At least the breeze was nice tonight. Not that it really helped the swirling emotions in Jason.
He wanted to be mad. He wanted to be furious. This was the third birthday that Bruce had helped ruin. Granted, he didn’t do much for Tim’s besides criticizing every little thing that Tim did and then ripping into him for letting his boyfriend stay over ‘without permission’ like any of them had ever asked permission beforehand. Damian’s had been both of his parents.
It seemed like the four brothers had gotten closer and closer as each birthday was turned to shit. Those were generally the only days that Dick and Jason stayed in the manor anymore. Jason couldn’t stand to be in that place, he felt like the family disappointment. Dick and Bruce seemed to butt heads even more than they used to. Even Alfred had been getting fed up with Bruce’s temper tantrums.
The media would’ve eaten the idea up. The great Bruce Wayne not being the father his sons needed. And they were his sons. At one point they had all been a family that had laughed and had fun together. He didn’t know what happened. All he knew was that he wanted at least some part of it back. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t include Bruce and he was starting to think he was okay with that.
“I thought I’d find you out here,” Roy’s voice startled him out of his thoughts. “Going home that bad?”
“Bruce wanted to bitch at me about something.”
“Pretty normal for him.” Roy wrapped his arms around Jason’s middle and buried his nose into the back of Jason’s neck. Jason thought about putting out his cigarette but he couldn’t, he needed something to keep his hands busy.
“Except he behaves on our birthdays. They are the only four days a year that he promises to behave and play nice. Anyway, Dick reminded him of this and the fact that he had been an asshole for Tim and Damian’s birthdays. He commented something along the lines of it being his house and he was allowed to say whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Tim commented that he was acting like a child. He said something shitty in response, something that he knew would hurt him which made Tim storm out as he should. Dick said he was going to help Tim so he left. I said I was too old to deal with this shit and left. Before I came back here, I checked on Tim and made sure he was okay. Even Damian came up to make sure he was okay.”
“They seem like they’ve been getting along more lately.”
“Yeah. They talked it out just after Tim’s birthday but I like that they’re getting along.”
“I know you do.” Roy kissed the back of Jason’s neck. “Lian was asking where you were earlier. I had to explain to her that you had to go to dinner with your family because we got you earlier today.”
“I should’ve taken you guys. He behaves around company. Well, children.”
“I don’t think I would’ve been able to keep my mouth shut around him. He never liked me.”
“To be fair, he doesn’t like any of our boyfriends. He about had a stroke when Dick said he was engaged.” Jason felt Roy laughing more than he heard it. Roy had thought about the little eye twitch thing that Bruce does when he’s angry about something.
“Oh wait. Put that out,” he gestured to the cigarette, “I have a gift for you.” Roy went back into the apartment and grabbed the small box he had hidden in the bedside drawer.
“If my gift is you, I was already expecting that,” Jason said when he was in the room completely.
“It is, but I have something else too. Just sit Jaybird.” Jason sat down on the bed across from Roy and waited patiently. “So, this gift is a huge thing for us. And I want to explain after you open it.”
Roy handed Jason the small box, it wasn’t much bigger than an apple. Jason wasn’t completely sure how this was something big when the package itself was so small and light. He finally understood when the package contained a single key. Jason didn’t need to ask what it went to; he knew it was the key to Roy’s apartment. He already had a key to the one below it since that was where Roy kept all his Arsenal stuff and his workshop.
“I just thought it was about time that you had a key to this place. That way you can stop coming in through the window or having to pick the lock and concerning the neighbors or waiting until Lian or I open the door. I know this is big and screams commitment, which you hate, but I just wanted you to have that.”
“You want me live here?”
“You basically do already. Most of your clothes are here and you crash here almost every night and I don’t know it just seemed like the right thing to do. Please don’t freak out.”
“I’m not. Thank you.”
“Does that thank you mean that you’re gonna keep it?”
“It does.”
“Does it mean you’re gonna use it because this is your home?” Roy was playing with fire and he knew it. But he just wanted to be sure that Jason felt the same about this as he did.
“You’re my home.” Goddammit Dick. They really had all gotten sappier because of that man. But Jason was willing to forgive his brother because of the look of pure joy that spread over Roy’s face. Not that he got to enjoy it much as the red head launched himself into Jason’s arms.
They stayed like that for a moment before the bedroom door was opened to reveal a still half asleep Lian pad her way into the
“Is Daddy home?” Lian asked, rubbing her eyes.
“I never left,” Roy said, thoroughly confused by his daughter’s actions.
“Not you,” her tone made it seem like the most obvious thing in the world that she was talking about Jason.
“Lian, did you just call me dad?” Jason asked as the small child curled into his side. She hummed slightly and quickly fell back to sleep.
“Well, I guess Lian has officially dubbed you her second father. Sorry to tell you, but you’re stuck with us.”
“Do you think I’ll do okay? I mean, I don’t even know how to be a good brother, how the hell am I supposed to be a good father?”
“You know exactly how to be a good brother. You know how to be a good person; you just don’t like to admit it,” Jason didn’t say anything back, instead he just moved some of Lian’s hair out of her face, “Why are you so scared?”
“I don’t want to end up like him and I just feel like I will.” Roy didn’t really know who Jason was talking about, whether it was Bruce who had turned into a asshole or his father who had just walked out. Although if Roy had to guess, it was probably both.
“Hey none of that. Remember when I said the same thing? You kicked my ass; don’t think I won’t return the favor.”
“You can certainly try.”
“I know ways to hurt you. Physical is not the only kind of pain my dear Jaybird.” If Jason said he wasn’t at least a little threatened by that he would be lying. “Can you take her back to bed?”
Jason maneuvered her into his arms and tried to make sure she stayed asleep. The walk to her room was interesting since there were clothes everywhere, many of them being Roy’s. Roy must have tried to do laundry only for Lian to decide to play in the clothes to get his attention, it always worked and she knew that. He finally tucked her into bed and placed one of her dozens of stuffed animals into her arms when she slightly whined in her sleep. If it was the one that looked like a bird version of him it was no one’s business but his own.
“I bet you didn’t think you’d be becoming a father for your birthday,” Roy joked when Jason returned to their room.
“It was certainly unexpected,” Jason closed the door behind him.
“You don’t seem all that against it.” Roy may have thought of Jason as Lian’s other dad for months (almost a year if he was honest), but he had never expected his daughter to feel the same way.
“I’m not, weirdly enough.”
“You’re maturing in your old age.”
“You’re older than me dipshit.” Roy hummed and sat up on his knees, resting his arms on Jason’s broad shoulders. Jason recognized the look in bright green eyes. It was a hungry look that he had seen a hundred times, even before they had decided to give their relationship a title. “Look, as much fun as having sex with you is-”
“It better be fun,” Roy interrupted.
“As much fun as it is, I am drained as all hell and would love some sleep.”
“Birthday cuddles?”
“Birthday cuddles,” Jason sounded like he was against it despite it being something that he wanted as well. Roy leaned in and placed a small kiss on Jason’s lips. It was Jason that leaned a little further into things. But it was also Jason who broke their kiss to yawn. Roy laughed.
The two would settle into bed, losing where one ended and the other began with how close they were. Jason let himself fall asleep, surrounded by a warmth that he thought he would never find in another person. Roy fueled the warmth that Jason had locked away in his chest for so long. Losing so many people, and then his own life, had made it hard for Jason to feel like he should need anyone. He could live on his own and that’s all he needed to live for, himself. But he was sure that now he was living for other people. Whether it be Roy, Lian, or his brothers it didn’t really matter. There were people that needed Jason to be around and be okay. As Jason and not as Red Hood.
However, most of these people knew not to wake Jason up during one of the few nights that he was actually able to sleep peacefully. Like tonight. Tonight, he was awoken by Roy getting out of bed, and taking most of the warmth with him. Jason curled further into the bed when Roy opened the window, letting the cold air into what had been a nicely heated room. Jason hadn’t heard the knocking that Roy had.
“Your brothers are at the window,” Roy’s voice was still thick with sleep but the sudden concern was so much more apparent.
“Brothers?” Jason rolled and looked at the two boys that had made their way into his bedroom. Damian looked relatively normal, maybe a little more annoyed than normal but it was surprisingly not directed at Tim today. It was Tim that had him the most concerned.
He was in a sweatshirt that he had stolen from either Jason or Dick. It looked like it was swallowing him. He was playing with the strings to give his hands something to do but it was completely subconscious and they could all tell. Jason was sure that if the hood was down it would’ve been able to see how much Tim had been pulling at his hair.
The boy looked lost in his own head. They had all seen Tim do that when he was analyzing something, especially something that confused him. Jason called out his name, hoping that his eyes would actually focus on something. Tim acted like he didn’t hear anything, although maybe he didn’t. It was completely possible that he was here physically but somewhere else entirely mentally.
Jason crouched down so that he could see a little bit more of Tim’s face. “Tim,” Jason tried again, soft but firm. Tim closed his eyes for a moment but when he opened them, he seemed to be here now. He looked momentarily confused before focusing his gaze on Jason. “You here?” Tim shrugged. At least it was a response to a direct question, he wasn’t dissociating quite as hard anymore.
“Hey, Timbo,” Roy’s voice came from behind Jason. Roy had noticed the clenched fists Jason had. They all knew only a few people could make Tim spiral so far and so quickly. “You want some coffee?”
Tim nodded and let Roy lead him out of the room. Jason stood and put his hand on Damian’s chest, stopping him. Tim turned to look at why Damian was no longer right behind him but let himself get led again when Damian nodded and Roy assured that they would be out in a moment.
“What happened?” Jason asked when he heard the kitchen sink running.
“You should have Tim tell you.”
“I am going to ask him, but I want you to give me a brief summary so I know what I’m getting into.” Dealing with people in a state like this was something that Jason was quite proficient at actually. But it was a lot easier to know what to say and how to act when he had an idea of what happened.
“Bruce came into Drake’s room. Grayson and I were no longer in there, he said he would be fine.” Tim had been trying to show that he could be strong enough to deal with things on his own, Jason knew that. “All I heard was Bruce’s shouting, I didn’t hear any specifics. Grayson fought with him too.” Dick was trying to get the attention off Tim. Unfortunately, this was not the first time Dick had done something like that. “I do not think it helped,” it usually didn’t, “After Bruce stormed off, I heard them talking in Drake’s room so I went to check on him. I suggested we come here after Grayson said we needed to leave.”
Jason dropped his hand and let his brother go. Damian had been here before so he knew the layout of the place. Jason just needed a second to compose himself. How the fuck was he supposed to do this? This wasn’t some civilian that he was helping out, this was his little brother and the man he had once thought of as a father.
“Where the hell is Dick when you need him?” Jason muttered to himself, looking for his own shirt which had been haphazardly tossed aside when getting ready for bed.
“You rang?” Dick said from the window, although he sounded softer than normal.
“Where were you?”
“Talking to Alfred. I told him we were gone and that Tim’s door was locked. He said Bruce had already figured that out, got ready, and went out.”
“The other two haven’t been here for that long.”
“It seemed like it was going to take a long time to get Tim up here, I left it to Damian.”
“If this were any other night, I would say that you were crazy.”
“Bruce is the fucking crazy one. If Tim doesn’t tell you all of it, I’ll tell you what I heard, which was at least most of it.” Jason nodded. There was no avoiding this any longer and he knew it. Jason was never someone who feared a situation he was about to go into, but this one terrified him more than anything.
Dick followed Jason out of the bedroom and into the living room where the others were. Tim was cradling a cup of coffee that still had thick steam coming off of it. It should be burning his hands, and it probably was, but he didn’t really notice the feeling. Tim felt so numb. This was going to be a long process.
This wouldn’t have happened had he stayed at the Manor like he was supposed to. He could have protected his brother, like they had with Damian. He let his own emotions get in the way of helping his brother.
No. Now is not the time for a pity party or for him to blame himself. He needed to be the brother Tim needed him to be. He needed to be the role model Lian thought he was. This was going to suck and he knew it. But that didn’t change anything.
He sat down on the couch next to Tim, Roy stood to make room. Tim didn’t acknowledge that Jason had joined them, staring straight into his coffee.
“Tim,” Jason tried. Tim didn’t move or show that he heard Jason at all. “I need you to let me know that you can hear me.”
“I can.”
“Can you tell me what happened after I left?” Tim looked over at Jason. His hand started trembling, Jason watched to make sure that coffee didn’t spill onto the carpet.
“Do you still see him, when you close your eyes? Or feel phantom pain?”
“Sometimes.” Jason didn’t ask who Tim was talking about, but he could guess and he would guess correctly.
Tim took a long sip of his drink before continuing, “I can still hear his laugh. Taunting me,” Tim’s voice dropped more, just barely above a whisper.
“That’s the worst part. That’s the part that hardest to get over.”
“He said I should get over it. It’s been years. I should be fine. In fact, I kinda asked for it,” that was a statement that never made him less upset the more he heard it, “I was the only one that wanted to be Robin. I was the only one that sought it out,” that may have been true but it didn’t make this any better, “He said he had stopped trusting me after that. He said I was the weakest Robin and that was why he didn’t stop you or Damian from taking it from me. That’s why he was so ready to give the mantle to someone else.”
Jason pulled Tim further into his side as the boy cried harder. Dick looked heartbroken at hearing all this again. He had also caught one part of Tim’s murmuring on the ride here. The phrase, ‘he’s right’ had been what angered him the most. Roy looked about ready to march over to the Manor and beat the shit out of Bruce with his bare hands. How could a father say that to his own son? Roy remembered when Bruce was cool, when he stood up for Roy against Oliver, when he stood for something real.
“All I ever did was try to impress him and make him proud. And I failed. I failed all of my parents because I wasn’t good enough.” Jason about said that Tim hadn’t failed, but that wasn’t what Tim needed to hear right now.
“You didn’t fail me. Or Dick or Damian or Conner or Alfred. Bruce will never admit that he’s proud of you because to do that, he would need to admit that you’re better than him at something, and you are. You’re a better detective than him, than all of us combined.”
“Damian said the same thing once,” Tim muttered into his chest.
“And would he lie?” Tim shook his head, “Exactly. So, who are you going to believe? Your brothers or a crazy man in a dumb looking bat costume.” Tim leaned back and laughed slightly. He wiped a lot of the tears from his face. “So?”
“I know you’re right, it’s just hard.”
“It will be. But we’re here with you.”
“I know.”
“Daddy?” they all looked over to the tiny voice from the hallway. Jason felt bad for having woken Lian up for a second time tonight. She seemingly noticed the other men that were in the living room. At least she knew all of them. “What are you doing here?”
“Hey Lian,” Dick said, “Uncle Tim was having a hard night, so we came to visit Jase.” Tim looked over the couch at Lian and tried his hardest to smile at her. It didn’t really work though.
“You look scared.”
“A little bit,” Tim was too tired to lie. Lian disappeared, running off to her room. Roy looked as confused as the rest of them felt. Jason had a vague idea of what she was going to do, but he kept his mouth shut for the moment. She returned with a stuffed animal tucked under her arm. She plopped herself onto the couch smushed next to Tim.
“Here,” she announced, handing the creature to Tim. Tim looked at the animal and tried really hard not to cry. It was a bird, which was fine, but he noticed that the bird was dressed like him. He had seen one of these in a shop window once but had never thought someone he knew would have it.
“Thank you. But why?”
“He helps me when I’m scared. I thought he would help you.” Tim sniffled and tried really hard to hide that he was absolutely crying again. At least a little bit. Tim wrapped one of his arms around Lian and pulled her further into his side.
“It is very sad in here,” Roy commented.
“So, what do you suggest?” Dick asked.
“Disney!” Lian shouted, causing Tim to jump. “Sad people watch Disney movies.”
“Oh, I know exactly which one we need to watch,” Jason motioned for Roy to get closer for him to so he could whisper the movie to Roy. The smirk that slid over Roy’s features showed that he agreed. He searched through their collection and finally finding the right one. When the title card popped up, Tim rolled his eyes.
“Why do you have to make fun of me for liking Moana?” Tim asked. Lian had moved to sit on Jason’s lap, leaving more room for Damian and Tim to comfortably settle on the couch.
“It is a good movie,” Damian chimed in. Jason so wanted to question why Damian had watched Disney movies, but then he remembered that Dick and Jon existed. Those two boys were obsessed and it makes sense that they would force Damian to watch these adorably animated movies. Jason at least had the excuse of an eight-year-old despite having seen all of them far before he knew about her.
They would make it through all of Moana and most of The Princess and The Frog before people started falling asleep. It had started when Tim leaned onto Jason’s shoulder and sighed, falling asleep almost immediately.
Jason had sat with his feet kicked up onto the coffee table, a habit that Roy hated but was letting slide for the moment. Tim was curled into Jason’s side, holding the doll that Lian brought out against his chest like if he let go of it, he would disappear. Damian had passed out at some point, leaning on Tim slightly. Roy had finally gotten Lian back to sleep and had offered to make breakfast. Jason normally cooked but he was stuck in this spot and Dick couldn’t cook to save his life.
“They can’t go back,” Dick’s voice cut through the silence. It wasn’t exactly comfortable but it was nowhere near as tense as it had been.
“What can we do about it?” Dick clearly hadn’t gotten what Jason was trying to say if the look on his face said anything, “How are we going to stop Bruce from barging in here and demanding we give his kids back? Tim can get away with staying somewhere else because he’s legally an adult, but Damian will have to go back.”
“What if Damian stayed with me and Wally?” A family direction. How could it be bad if he was staying with family? Especially the shining citizen that was Dick Grayson.
“I don’t think the law cares. You’re not his guardian, only his brother.” Jason didn’t need to point out that Dick knew this. Being a cop only came with a few perks and knowing the laws well enough to get around them sometimes was one of them.
“Since when do you follow the law?”
“Since it affects the safety of my family. If you try to take Damian away from Bruce before he can make decisions on where he lives for himself, you will bring hell in the shape of a man down upon us.”
“Bruce doesn’t get to be counted as a man.”
“Well, he’s the shape of one. And that doesn’t change my point. You’d need to prove that Bruce is mentally unfit to have children in that home and that will never happen. He can buy his way out of anything. You can’t go a physical route because that would put his identity as Robin in jeopardy.” Dick lowered his head into his hands and muffled the groan that escaped him. Jason was right. Damian was going to have to go back. As if hearing the noise and knowing that the conversation was going to focus on him, Tim hummed in his sleep and shifted, which caused Damian to move and wake up.
“What is going on?” Damian sounded far too alert when suddenly awoken.
“We were talking about you two,” Jason gestured to Damian and Tim.
“I do not want him to go back to the Manor,” Damian said.
“Why?” Dick asked. Jason was really hoping the answer wasn’t something snotty because he could not deal with that right now and would not be able to stop himself from yelling at the youngest. He should’ve known better after everything that happened on his birthday, but old habits die hard.
“It would be terrible for him. Bruce is going to be worse than normal.” He surely was full of surprises lately. It was almost like he grew a heart.
Jason hadn’t noticed that Damian had been calling Bruce by his name this whole time until now. Not Father or the occasional Batman, but Bruce. It was something the rest of them did. They had started doing it because it annoyed him and that was how they showed they were tired of his shit. Damian must have really had it tonight.
“That’s what we thought,” Jason agreed.
“Could he stay here?” Damian asked.
“Dick and Wally are going to have more room.”
“But you have more experience,” Dick challenged. He knew that space-wise, his apartment was better. But he also knew that Tim had always been a little closer to Jason on a personal level. It happened with shared trauma. Dick also knew that Jason was far more familiar with the nightmares that Tim had. Dick knew how to deal with Wally’s and his own, but nightmares where you have come to realize that you’re dying at the hands of a psychopathic clown was not something he knew how to deal with. Sure, he had his own Joker themed nightmares, but they were nothing compared to the ones his brothers had.
“Roy would have to be okay with it too.”
“Let us ask him,” Damian said. He rose from the couch and marched into the kitchen. Jason heard Roy protest slightly before he saw him get pulled into the living room by the arm. Damian looked like a really angry puppy and it would be hilarious if the subject matter was changed.
“Yes?” Roy asked.
“Can Tim stay here with you guys?”
“Why not with you and Wally?”
“I’m not saying forever, I’m saying until the wave that I know is coming passes.” It was a wave Jason and Roy knew all too well. Nightmares, terror, and terrible coping mechanisms were all in the cards for at least the next few months. “I know how to deal with Wally, who does not act like a normal person, ever, but I don’t know how to help Tim. And I’m sure I could learn but we don’t have time for that.”
“It’s gonna be crowded. We’ll need to move all that stuff out of the storage room and into the one below.”
“That is all your stuff,” Jason pointed out.
“We’ll need to move my stuff out of that room. It won’t be much of a room, but it could be something.”
“I think that would be good,” Dick said.
“We’ll have to wait and see what Tim thinks,” Jason said, “The choice is his in the end. We don’t get to decide this for him.”
“I doubt he would say no,” Damian said.
“What am I saying no to?” Tim asked sitting up and rubbing his eyes with a sweatshirt covered hand. “You guys were not whispering, if you thought you were.”
“We think that you should stay here, with me and Jason.”
“What?” Tim’s voice was high and small.
“Going back to the Manor is a terrible idea, and you should stay away from Bruce, at least for a little bit,” Dick added.
“You know I could just pay for my own place to live; I have enough money to.”
“We’ve been over why you living alone is a bad idea,” Jason added.
“Would I still be able to-” Tim’s voice caught in his throat.
“Yes,” Jason supplied, knowing that Tim was asking about being Red, “You can still be a hero.” Jason didn’t need to say it for Tim to know that this meant he could be Red Robin how he wanted to be, not how Bruce decided he needed to be. He could take a step back from being in the physical fights and work more in the background.
“How good is your Wifi?” Tim asked.
“Some of the best outside the Manor. Need it with all the shit one of us orders online,” Jason pointedly looked up at Roy, who was avoiding eye contact for a moment before relenting.
“I need parts and they’re the easiest to find online,” Roy finally relented.
“Would I need to pay rent?”
“No. Maybe watch Lian, especially when we go out on patrol and whatnot. But she likes you so it wouldn’t be hard,” Roy said.
“Would you two still visit?” Tim had turned his attention to Damian and Dick.
“Probably more often,” Dick admitted.
“More than likely,” that was Damian speak for yes.
“You guys are sure you’re okay with this?” Tim asked and Jason could tell that this was going to be a recurring question for months to come, “I don’t want to be a nuisance.”
“You are my brother. You’re never going to be a nuisance. Annoying in that sibling kind of way, sure. But I wouldn’t change you.” Tim smiled at that; it was the first one that any of them had seen in a long time that seemed so genuinely happy. “So, what do you think?”
“I think I want to.” A lot had changed for Jason on his birthday. He now had a key and a place to officially call home. He now had a child that claimed him as her father. And now he had one of his brothers close to him. He wouldn’t have to worry about how Tim was doing, he would know. He could keep a close eye on him and make sure he was actually doing better and getting well.
He was a few steps closer to having the family he actually wanted to have. And that was the best birthday present he could’ve asked for.