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Killua is a sensitive person, contrary to popular belief.
Now, Killua would argue that it was caused by the abuse and lack of affection he had growing up. That there’s no way he, a Zoldyck, could be a sensitive person innately. That’s not who Zoldycks were, and that’s definitely not what he was taught growing up. So, why was Killua, the heir of the Zoldyck family business, an ex assassin, so weak ?
As much as Killua tried to figure it out, Gon had already come to a conclusion, and it was that he was just born that way. That Killua, a cold-blooded killer, was a naturally sensitive person. The boy scoffed at the thought, refusing to accept that as an answer.
It was a warm, sunny evening. The hot sun slowly setting over the Yorknew skyline while the crescent moon serenely made its way into the sky, surrounding itself in spaced, pink clouds.
The pair of boys had been staying in Yorknew for the past week in an attempt to do some sightseeing with the money they got from their recent hunter job. Gon had told Killua that, “it was much more beneficial to spend money doing this than spending it all on choco robots.” The latter was mildly offended at the comment, but quickly got over it when Gon continued to pull him around the city, hand in hand.
At the moment, Killua was laying flat on his back, waiting for time to pass. Gon had gone out to get takeout for the both of them, and the blue-eyed boy was slowly getting impatient as the clock slowly continued ticking. He didn’t mind sitting around, hell, that was probably what he did most when he was an assassin. Other than being tortured, of course.
What he did mind though was how busy his mind was lately. He had recently come to accept his deep infatuation, dare he say love, towards his best friend and his mind seemed to be overthinking more than it usually did. Killua knew there was no chance in hell Gon liked him back. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if his friend left him on the spot if he ever confessed. I mean, who would be able to like someone like Killua? So dark and reserved, Gon was the opposite of that and deserved someone just as good.
Minutes continued to pass as Killua swayed his feet in the air and hummed some songs under his breath. After an eternity of waiting, Killua heard the door click, signalling that his best friend had returned to him. The boy sat up straight, now sitting on the edge of the queen-sized bed they shared.
Gon had “forgot to get two beds” and by the time they tried to switch rooms, the hotel was already full. Killua wasn’t enthusiastic about the idea at first, but of course, Gon had assured him that there was enough room for both of them so that they wouldn’t touch. Though, that’s where Killua’s problem lied. He had wanted to be able to touch Gon. Be held in his big arms or vice versa. And Killua felt so guilty about it. He had no right to think that about his best friend. It felt like a betrayal to Gon in a way.
When Gon turned the corner of their hotel room, Killua could feel his eyes light up. There, entering the doorway, was his gorgeous best friend, with a charming smile planted on his face.
“Hey!” Gon called cheerily, placing the food down on a small table diagonal of their bed.
“What’s got you in such a cheery mood?” Killua asked, curious as to why his best friend seemed happier than usual.
“I’ll tell you about it after dinner,” the spikey-haired boy replied, taking a seat at the table in the process.
“Ugh, whatever,” Killua sighed, rolling his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be able to persuade his friend further, so it wasn’t worth the effort to try. Killua took a seat across from Gon so that they were facing each other.
“So what did you get us?” Killua asked, trying to pick up what the smell coming from the bag was.
“Well I wasn’t sure what you felt like but I remembered you mentioned something about burgers the other night so I stopped by a stand and picked up a few,” Gon explained, opening up the paper bag on the table to reveal four burgers and a box of fries.
“You remembered that?” Killua whispered softly. He had only mentioned it briefly a few days ago, and even he forgot about it until now. An odd feeling erupted in the boy’s abdomen. It was an odd but comforting feeling. He never felt anything like it before, even when training to be an assassin.
“Of course I did, why wouldn’t I?” Gon asked, unfazed. The brown-eyed boy took a burger out of the bag and placed it in Killua’s hand, his fingers lingering far longer than needed.
The feeling in Killua’s stomach grew stronger.
Killua could feel his face heat up at Gon’s motion, so he quickly tried to cover his face by stuffing the burger in his mouth. The warmth of the food filling his typically cold body. He sighs contently as he continues snacking on his first burger.
The boys sit in a comfortable silence for the majority of their dinner. They made a few comments here and there, but were too indulged in their food to do anything else. When they had finished their meal, Gon reached into his green shorts and pulled out something small. Killua looked at Gon’s hand curiously and realized that his best friend was holding chocolate.
“I also saw a chocolate stand on the way there and decided to grab dessert!” Gon chuckled, opening his palm so Killua could snatch some from his hand. Killua somehow ate the chocolate faster than his initial meal, and it left Gon staring at him, face full of adoration.
“You’re so cute sometimes,” Gon blurts randomly. Killua nearly chokes on his chocolate at the confession. He could already feel the blush rising to his cheeks as he tried to process what his friend just said.
“I— what ?” was all Killua was able to manage as he swallowed the rest of the milky chocolate.
“I said I thought you were cute,” Gon repeats, even more earnestly than before.
“Don’t say stuff like that, Gon, it’s so embarrassing,” Killua tried to mask his elation about the compliment with annoyance.
“How’s it embarrassing? No one else is around,” Gon counters, clearly confused about Killua’s argument.
“Well I— argh, it doesn’t matter,” Killua attempts to argue back but ultimately fails. The boy slides down the chair and onto the floor in an attempt to escape the brown-eyed boy’s gaze.
Killua watches as Gon walked over to their bed and sat in the middle of it, and then focused his gaze back on the boy under the table. “I can make it up to you?” Gon asked, and Killua’s interest instantly peaked. What did Gon want to do?
“You don’t have to, but how do you plan to do that?” Killua questioned. He crawled out from under the table and made his way next to Gon. Their hands lightly touching as Killua positioned himself on the bed.
“Well I may have gotten you one other thing…” Gon replied, scratching the back of his neck.
“You know I’m not a fan of gifts,” Killua lied. The boy, in fact, loved gifts, but always felt so guilty and undeserving afterwards, so he tried to steer clear from receiving any presents.
“I know, I know, but I couldn't not get one,” Gon assured.
“Ugh, whatever then. Show me,” Killua huffed. He was actually really curious as to what caught his friend’s eye.
Gon flashed that stunning smile again and quickly dove his hands into another pocket. After a few seconds of searching, the boy pulled out a silver necklace. It was simple, but what really caught Killua’s eye was the crescent moon charm attached to it. Killua swore he felt tears marginally form.
“It’s a moon necklace!” Gon beamed. “I saw it and instantly thought of you.”
Killua rapidly blinked any tears that formed away and asked, “why did it remind you of me?”
“Well for one, the moon is beautiful.”
Killua blushed again. Gon really had to stop doing that.
“And its colour is really similar to your skin and hair too! Oh— and the moon looks so cool and mysterious, just like you. And I also know that your astrology sign is a cancer, and it’s ruling planet is the moon! Isn’t that cool?” Gon continued to ramble on about the similarities between Killua and the moon, and Killua couldn’t help but watch in awe.
He slowly felt tears form in his eyes again, and he knew that one more thing would completely tip him over the edge.
“Killua?” Gon asked. The boy sat up and looked into Gon’s big bright eyes. Blue meeting brown hesitantly.
“Yeah?” Killua mumbled quietly, as if he only ever wanted Gon to hear.
“I uh— I love you. So much. More than I think you’ll ever know. And I—“ Gon cut his sentence short as he saw tears violently run down Killua’s face.
“I’m sorry,” Killua was able to utter as he ran to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.
The crying boy let out soft sobs as he tried to lower his volume. No one ever spoke so kindly and soft towards him like Gon did. He was never complimented or even told a simple I love you from his family growing up, so when someone so dear to him had told him something so kind, he completely burst with emotion. He tried to hold back, he really did, but not even digging his sharp nails into his hands were able to distract him from the welling in his eyes.
Killua hated everything about crying. He hated how weak he felt. He hated the large lump in his throat that made it painful to swallow. He hated the small headache he always got after sobbing for hours. And he especially hated the memories attached to the unpleasant action. Crying was weak and his family was anything but that. So, if Killua even dared to show his want to cry, he was punished heavily.
The guilt of crying still stayed with him to the present day, and as he continued to let sobs wrack through his body, he couldn’t help but feel disgusting and powerless. Gon was probably disgusted with him too. He completely abandoned him on the bed to hide the shame he was feeling. He was truly a bad friend, and Gon had to have seen that. As guilt continued to rise through him, Killua heard a soft knock on the door.
“Killua?” Gon called hesitantly. “I’m really sorry if I upset you with what I said. It really wasn’t my intention to make you sad.” Killua flung the door open. He wouldn’t let Gon feel bad about this, especially since it wasn’t his fault at all.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Killua stated, still gripping on the door handle firmly. Gon takes a hard look at killua as he tried to explain his sudden outburst. Killua’s typically pale skin was now pink, almost red, courtesy of his breakdown. His shirt was extremely soaked, and his hair looked like it had been pulled on roughly. An emotion Killua couldn’t quite place was shown in Gon’s eyes, and he had stopped to stare at Gon as well.
“Can I uh, hug you?” Gon asked, clearly unsure if he made the right decision. Killua was taken aback for a second. Gon wanted to hug him? The question lingered in his mind, but the more he thought about it, the less he wanted to refuse. The only times he and Gon had ever touched was if they had high-fived or grabbed the other's hand while leading them somewhere. Killua had longed to touch Gon, even before he had come to terms with his feelings about the boy.
Hesitantly, Killua nodded softly and gon basically sprung towards him, wrapping his big arms around Killua’s smaller frame. Gon’s arms felt like warm sunshine shining down on him on a sunny day. Making his entire body warm by the touch. Killua completely melted into his friend, letting himself indulge in the hug. After a minute or two, Killua finally had the courage to hug him back, and he wrapped his arms around Gon’s lower back. The two boys slowly dropped to the floor and silently sat in each other’s embrace.
Killua could hear Gon’s steady heart beat as he placed his head on the latters firm chest. Gon smelled of everything nature had to offer. He smelled of pine, of fresh grass and even the ocean. His scent brought bliss to Killua and the boy thought he could probably fall asleep right then and there. Wrapped in his big, warm arms, safe from any harm the outside world would throw at them.
Gon was rubbing small circles on Killua’s back, and it made him shiver at the feeling. Killua could also feel his friend’s warm breath, since Gon pressed his face right into the side of Killua’s neck. Everything at that moment felt so perfect that Killua couldn’t help but smile softly.
“Did you wanna talk about it?” Gon mumbled. Killua could feel the vibrations of Gon’s voice on his neck, and it made him slightly blush for a half second. Killua wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about it. It really wasn’t his thing to be all open and such, especially about emotions. But as Gon continued to wait patiently while rubbing his back gently, Killua thought it was now or never.
“It’s just well—“ Killua started. He never really was the best of putting his thoughts into words. “I never really got any affection growing up, as you may know,” Killua sniffled lightly. Short flashbacks entered his mind as quickly as he tried to push them out. “And just hearing you say that, it was just a bit overwhelming. That’s all.”
Even though that was only the tip of the iceberg, Killua had felt so relieved for getting it off his chest. He didn’t think having someone listen to him like this would be so nice. He breathed in heavily, Gon’s body rising with him.
“I don’t know if this’ll mean much,” Gon starts. “But from now on, I’ll be here for whenever you need to talk. And I’ll be there to compliment you and tell you I love you whenever you want me to, okay?”
“That means everything.” Killua hugs him a little tighter, never wanting the moment to end because then he’ll be back in reality. The reality where Gon doesn’t like him and that he’s only doing this because they’re friends.
“Did you wanna go lie down?” Gon asks gently. Killua knew the moment would end eventually, but not this soon. He wished he got more time to just stay in his friend's comforting arms. He swallowed faintly, and before he could reply, Gon added, “we can cuddle, if you'd like? I always did it with Aunt Mito when I wasn’t feeling well, so maybe it might help you.”
It’s like this man can read minds , Killua thought, but nonetheless hummed in agreement. “I think I’d like that.”
The two boys slowly rose to their feet and brushed themselves off, as sitting on a bathroom floor could never be sanitary. As Killua was about to walk out the door, gon delicately grabbed Killua’s wrist. The latter turned to face Gon, confusion overcoming his face.
“Want me to put your necklace on?” Gon asked, scratching the back of his neck. It was a telltale sign that he was embarrassed. Feeling just as embarrassed, Killua agreed and stood to face the mirror, and Gon walked behind him. The latter located the necklace in his pocket and daintily undid the clip. As Gon wrapped the silver around Killua’s neck, Killua couldn’t help but hold his breath from such proximity. Actually cuddling this boy was going to be a nightmare for him, he could already tell.
Once Gon clipped the necklace around his neck, his hand slowly and softly trailed down Killua’s back. The blue-eyed boy shivered at the contact. He stared down to look at the pendant resting on his chest. Gon was right, it definitely suited him. The paleness of his skin beautifully complimented the necklace, and the moon lied perfectly on his sternum.
He twirled it around his fingers a few times before looking at Gon and telling him, “I love it, Gon. Thank you.” This time Gon was the one to blush and after a brisk ‘you’re welcome’ he was leading them out the bathroom door.
Both boys swiftly changed into their nightwear and hopped onto the bed. Gon got under the covers first and lifted his arms up, signalling for Killua to join him. How could he refuse? The boy crawled over the bed and into the formers arms hesitantly, giving his friend time to change his mind. He didn’t.
Once Killua was in Gon’s embrace, Gon let the blanket fall over them, completely engulfing them under the blanket. Gon somehow felt warmer than before, and Killua decided to take advantage of that and snuggle closer into his chest, resting his head right over his heart. In return, Gon tugged him closer and ever so gently placed a kiss on top of Killua’s messy hair. Killua’s eyes widened, but he made no effort to react.
They laid there in complete silence for about fifteen minutes. The only sounds were their steady breathing and cars honking from outside. It was absolute bliss, and Killua thought he probably would have cried again if he didn’t use them all earlier. After some time, Killua thought that Gon had finally drifted off, but he realized he was mistaken when he felt gon’s heartbeat suddenly speed up.
“Are you alright?” Killua asked quietly, voice so soft that Gon wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t snuggled up against him.
“Yeah, I’m just thinking about stuff,” Gon replied, just as quiet.
“What kind of stuff are you thinking about to make your heart beat that fast?” Killua asked genuinely. He wanted to know what was on his friend's mind. It was the least he could offer after everything Gon did for him tonight.
“It’s nothing important.”
“Are you sure?”
“No.”
“You can tell me anything, I promise,” Killua affirmed.
“Well this got me thinking…” Gon expressed vaguely.
“Well I know that , but about what?” Killua asked again, even more curious than before.
“About you. About us.”
Killua’s heartbeat was probably beating just as fast as Gon’s was. What could he be suggesting? Oh god, he probably wanted to tell Killua that this was strictly platonic and that anything more would simply be silly. This is what happens when you let your guard down , Killua thought.
Though he would rather not continue the conversation further, would rather spare himself the embarrassment of being indirectly rejected, Killua continued to ask, for Gon’s sake. “What about us?”
“What our relationship is like and what I want it to be.” God, here it comes.
“And the fact that I like you. Like, like-like you. More than a friend, y’know?”
Killua shot up like a rocket. He hovered over Gon, and he could see how wide his friend’s eyes were. He probably looked identical.
“You— what?” Killua questioned, not an ounce of malice in his voice. Just genuine shock. Killua could see the colour fade from Gon’s face, genuine terror seeping into his eyes.
“Oh god, you don’t feel the same, do you? I’m so sorry, forget I said anything. It’s just that with everything that happened tonight, I had a burst of confidence and thought there was a chance you liked me back, but clearly that was dumb of me so please let’s just ignore it, and we can move on,” Gon rambled on, trying to save, what he thought, was their crumbling friendship.
Killua sat in silence for a few moments, trying to collect his thoughts. He likes me. He actually likes me , Killua repeated in his head, a small grin growing on his face. In the midst of Gon freaking out, Killua simply hugged Gon harder than he ever had before, sticking his face right into the crook of the latter’s neck.
Killua felt Gon freeze under him, and he couldn’t help but laugh gleefully.
“Does that mean you—“ Gon asked desperately. Killua leaned back to make eye contact with his friend.
“Absolutely.” Killua could see the light restore to Gon’s big brown eyes, and he awed at the sight. Suddenly, Gon sat up and faced Killua, grabbing his hands in the process.
“Can I—“ was all Gon managed to say before Killua pulled him into a breathtaking kiss.
Killua’s soft lips met Gon’s mildly chapped ones, and explosions were set off around them. Killua wrapped his hands over Gon’s pink cheeks and pulled him closer. Gon smiled into the kiss and wrapped his firm hands around the small of Killua’s back, sending goosebumps all over the blue-eyed boy’s body. Though the kiss had only lasted ten seconds at most, it felt as if time had stopped around them.
Gon was the first to pull away, Killua slowly trying to follow his lips after losing contact. Gon was looking absolutely ecstatic and swiftly brought a hand to caress Killua’s blushed cheek.
“You know, I was going to ask to hug you again, but that was so much better,” Gon laughed playfully. Killua scoffed in return, but not feeling an ounce of annoyance within him.
“I’m pretty tired, though. So can we discuss this more in the morning?” Gon yawned tiredly. Gon was right, it was definitely better for them to talk about this topic with fully awake minds, and not when both of them were on the verge of falling asleep.
“Yeah, okay,” Killua replied, resting his head on Gon’s bicep.
“G’night, I love you,” Gon whispered as he pulled Killua incredibly close to him.
Killua sighed contently before replying, “I love you, too.”
It might have been from the surge of happiness he just felt, or the fact that Killua couldn’t think straight from how tired he was, but he was a bit shocked that sentence had managed to slip out. Either way, he was content with it because it gained a small kiss onto his warm cheek.
The two boys drifted to sleep in each other’s embrace, never loosening their hold for a second. As if they feared the other would disappear if they let go. If Killua had to choose one moment to live in forever, he would almost definitely choose this one.