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Leonard knows that he’s in love with Jim, has known for quite some time now. Still, admitting to himself that he has feelings for Jim and admitting just that to Jim are two entirely different pairs of shoes. It’s not just that he doesn’t want to risk their friendship, it’s the fact that an old, cranky doctor like him is not good enough for Starfleet’s golden boy. But knowing that doesn’t mean that it’s not hurting Leonard to see alien dignities flirting with Jim and Jim responding to it.
He isn’t exactly sure why their last away mission upset him more than usual, but it’s probably the beautiful alien prince and princess undressing Jim with their eyes, the way they undeniably flirted with him and the bright smiles Jim gave them in return; smiles that Leonard wishes were directed at him.
The whole ordeal darkes his mood, he tries to hide it, really, but he doesn’t seem to be successful, because there’s no other way to explain Nyota’s presence at the door to his quarters.
“Leonard McCoy, what crawled up your ass and died there?” Is the first thing thrown at his head when the doors slide open revealing her.
“Hello Nyota, it’s nice to see you too. Don’t you want to come in?”
“Save your sarcasm for someone who still believes your bullshit,” she says as she walks past him into his living quarters. He can’t help but sigh. Some of the women aboard this ship really have made it their mission to make his life even more difficult.
He gestures for her to take a seat on his small couch while he takes a chair to sit opposite her. “Alright, what do you want? What’s wrong?” Leonard asks.
“What’s wrong? You tell me. I’m not the one acting all kinds of weird since our mission on Iroba Prime. No one got hurt, no one got held hostage, no sex pollen, no fire fight, no misunderstanding, just friendly people. Still I can see that something is bothering you, but what is it and how can we fix it?”
The more Nyota says the more of his facade of false annoyance cracks away, revealing bit by bit the emotions hidden underneath. “It’s nothing,” he tries to keep composure.
She just arches one perfectly shaped eyebrow, taking one analytic look, before she figures out what this is all about, “This is about Jim, isn’t it?”
“No,” they both know he’s lying, the heat rising up his neck to his cheeks, coloring them a faint red being an indicator of just that.
“It is. You two really are unbelievable.”
“What?”
“You can’t be that oblivious. You are giving each other heart eyes when the other isn’t looking. You unconsciously search for possibilities to touch each other. You’re basically attached at the hip. Your whole face lightens up when Jim is with you and the other way around. You two are so obviously in love with each other that there’s a betting pool on when you two will get together. Len, he loves you,” Nyota tries to explain to the stubborn man in front of her that his love isn’t unrequited.
“No, that isn’t possible, how could he possibly love me,” his voice breaks as he squeezes his eyes shut.
“Oh Len, look at me. What makes you think that Jim couldn’t love you, doesn’t already love you?”
He reluctantly opens his eyes again, emotions threatening to choke him, “Ny, you don’t understand. Do I love Jim? Yes of course, but I have an actual list of things that make me not good enough for him. First of I’m divorced, secondly I’m an aviophobic, old country doc, third of I come with a lot of baggage. And that’s only the first three points on that list, I could probably go on for the rest of the night. Do you now see why there’s no way that Jim would want me as anything more than his best friend?”
“Bones?” Leonard has totally forgotten that they had planned to meet for drinks after their shifts and now here Jim is, standing in his living room, having an expression on his face that Leonard can’t exactly place. “You can’t by any chance mean that. How can you think so low of yourself when you are the world to me, you saved this ship, you saved me multiple times. You are a Federation hero and one of the most renowned doctors. And even if you were the old country doctor you think you are, do you really think that would make me love you any less. You’re not the only one with baggage and you know it. For a long time I didn’t believe that anyone could like me, hell, love me the way I am and then I met you. I was afraid that I would lose you as my best friend if I told you how I felt.”
“Jim, I-I don’t know what to say.”
“How about kiss me,” Jim replies with a big smile plastered on his face.
“Idiots,” Nyota mumbles under her breath, leaving Leonard’s quarters without either Jim or Leonard noticing her absence.