Archive of Our Own

Chuuya is fine. He's fine.

He takes a small sip of his wine before sighing and setting it down. It hits the table with a slight clink. He lolls his head against the backrest of his couch, staring up at the ceiling. He closes his eyes, trying to erase the scene from his mind. It shouldn't bother him.

He's totally absolutely fine .

The recent truce between the Port Mafia and the ADA has led to a lot more joint operations. He's unfortunately been assigned to work with Dazai and Kunikida. Chuuya doesn't know much about the stoic man, but he can sympathize with those who have to work with Dazai.

The three of them are crouched around a map in some secluded woods just out of the surveillanced area of the operation point. He and Kunikida are obviously the brawn of the unit and Dazai will be acting as the planner and support. They aren't really going for a gentle hand here; simply trying to take out a rogue organization that has been causing issues for both factions.

The map has blueprints of the facility overlaid on top of it and Dazai is pointing out the important areas.

"They should be concentrated here and here." He taps the map. "They'll have regular ammunitions, although there is intel of a strong ability user in their ranks. They'll likely be flanking the main loading entrance here." He places a finger on the first spot he tapped. "Chuuya can take care of them since their ability is unknown."

Dazai leans back from the map and brushes his hands off. He has a smug smile on his face as he looks at the two of them.

"Given what we know it should be an easy operation. I think we will go with The Sky Parts to start and then..."

Confusion washes over Chuuya. That operation modus makes no sense for the situation. Was Dazai fucking with them?

"Hah?! Why the fuck would we enter from above. It's not like Kunikida can even get up there without my help—which is not happening—or a helicopter."

The other two men stare at him. Kunikida takes the opportunity to explain.

"Nakahara, The Sky Parts means the three of us will split up and try to enter the building through separate access points."

Cold washes over Chuuya and he suddenly feels uncomfortable in his own skin. He turns his attention to Dazai who is watching him with a strange look in his eyes. It was always rare that Chuuya wouldn't know what Dazai was thinking, but he finds himself unable to decipher his gaze. Chuuya feels the gulf between them widen and he stands at the precipice.

"...to finish up we will use Pull Them Up and Out." Dazai continues.

This time Chuuya saves himself the embarrassment of being wrong about what the strategy entails. He knows that it means they remove the bodies themselves rather than wait for a clean-up crew, but that doesn't seem like it would fit this situation. Kunikida once again takes pity on him, likely reading his blank look.

"So we will have the Agency arrive as the extraction team."

Dazai uses both hands to point at Kunikida and grins.

"You got it, Kunikida!"

The map gets folded up and stashed away. All three of them rise from where they're crouched in the dirt. Both Dazai and Kunikida brush imaginary dust from their pants. Their synchronicity is revolting.

They begin making their way through the woods and eventually they see lights shining through the trees. They all share a look and begin moving in opposite directions. Chuuya can't help but pause when he sees Dazai leaving with Kunikida, though. Why had he just assumed the two of them would go together? Dazai catches his hesitancy and turns back. That same unreadable look is there.

"I'll go with Kunikida. He's likely to need more support than you." Kunikida is grimacing, but doesn't object to the assessment. And Dazai's right. Objectively, Chuuya is stronger than Kunikida. It makes sense for the strongest person to go by themself while the two weaker individuals work together. That's all true, but he can't help but feel… what? Disappointed? Upset? Angry? He doesn't know. It just feels wrong.

Chuuya stiffly nods and continues on his way.

He's made quick work of the grunts at his entrance. Bodies lay strewn about, but not one is dead. He was given fairly strict orders to abide by the ADA's rules of operation for this mission. He hasn't come across the ability user yet. He's sure Dazai would be able to deal with them without issue if they come into contact.

With no one left to stop him, Chuuya walks through the door he had busted open earlier in the fight, hands in his pockets. He makes his way to the center of the facility—the decided upon meetup point.

He comes across a few more members of the organisation, but it doesn't take long for him to strike them down. He doesn't even need to call upon Tainted to do so.

He finally makes it to the center of the building after methodically clearing out the rooms and halls he passed. However, the view before him makes Chuuya stop in his tracks.

The scene before him is… it's… Dazai and Kunikida are facing off against the ability user. Their ability seems to be long range, but they are also proficient in close up combat as they continue to dance around Dazai's attempts to touch them. Kunikida is continuously getting pushed back by what looks like a wall of sound waves accompanied by a loud boom each time. The same sound waves block Kunikida's bullet, looking very similar to the way Rashoumon eats space. Chuuya is surprised he hadn't heard the fighting earlier, but it must have just started. Dazai's not even out of breath yet.

But that's not what roots him to the ground. Dazai and Kunikida are moving around each other flawlessly. They aren't even saying anything—it's like they instinctively know where the other will be. Dazai moves his torso to the right slightly as he attempts to rush the ability user and Kunikida fires off a shot where his head just was. The bullet is stopped again, but Dazai has closed the gap slightly. The ability user tries to move away once more, but finds themselves in a corner of the room with nowhere to go. Chuuya himself had barely caught on to their plan and he was an outside observer.

Kunikida and Dazai share a split-second glance before Dazai rushes in and touches the ability user. This in turn allows Kunikida to get closer. Dazai ducks and Kunikida throws the ability user over his shoulder, knocking them out, and restrains them on the ground. The whole fight probably hadn't lasted five minutes.

Chuuya still stands in the entrance to the room and if he had been anyone else his mouth would have been hanging open. He finally composes himself, feeling off balance for some reason. He's about to continue farther into the room when Kunikida stands. He turns to Dazai and says something that Chuuya can't hear. He also can't see Kunikida's expression, but Dazai's sure is in full view.

Chuuya watches in horror as Dazai smiles. The corners of his mouth upturned just the slightest amount, eyes becoming soft then closing, his face relaxed. And… and he knows that fucking look. 

Knows it knows it knows it.

He thought that was his smile. The one reserved specifically for Chuuya. But here Dazai is turning it on Kunikida. He thought that look meant that they understood each other. That things were… mutual. If Dazai is turning that on Kunikida then Chuuya guesses he's moved on completely. From the mafia, from him.

Chuuya is at least aware of himself enough to know that he never really got over Dazai. Might never.

Chuuya thinks he should be angry. Maybe sad. But he can't feel anything. There's just a soft ache growing inside him.

Dazai says something else and Chuuya watches as Kunikida starts shaking him, obviously angry at whatever he said. Dazai just keeps grinning through the rough treatment and he looks like he's enjoying himself. A sharp pang goes through Chuuya's chest, cutting through the emptiness he feels. Their dynamic is so similar to his and Dazai's own, but is just different enough in small yet big ways.

Chuuya finally picks up his leaden feet to walk further into the room. Dazai looks past Kunikida's shoulder and catches his eye. He doesn't look surprised. Had he known the whole time that Chuuya was here?

"Oh Chuuya! Nice of you to join us! I think we are all finished up here."

Kunikida releases his grip on Dazai's clothes and turns to face him.

"Thank you for your assistance."

All Chuuya can do is nod.

They make their way out of the building, making sure that all of the organisation's members are restrained. Chuuya doesn't say anything despite Dazai chattering away about nothing. All it gets him is a rise out of Kunikida. He can feel Dazai's gaze burning the side of his face, but he ignores it. When they arrive at the entrance the agency's Doctor and the Weretiger are there waiting for them.

Chuuya stands off to the side as they work out the logistics of cleaning up. He has half an ear on the conversation, but his attention is drawn away when he hears Dazai's laugh. His genuine one. It's not mocking, but light and short and you can just tell he's enjoying himself.

He turns to see what the commotion is and it's Dazai talking with Kunikida. 

And Dazai is wearing it again. That look. That fucking look. Chuuya's look.

So. He's fine.

It's just one more thing he has to deal with. Somehow the pain coursing through him feels just like it did when Dazai betrayed the mafia. Only worse.

Lately it's been just one threat after another to the city, but he can handle this. He has to.

His fingers wrap around the neck of the bottle. He has work in an hour. Has to oversee a shipment coming in at the docks, but it's fine. He knows when to stop. It's not gonna affect his work.

He checks the time and realises that at this point he actually has work in twenty minutes. He stands unsteadily, swaying slightly before activating a bit of Tainted to steady himself. Unfortunately, he puts too much force into it and ends up cracking the tile in his kitchen. Frowning he releases his ability.

Great. Something else to deal with.

Chuuya slowly makes his way to the bottom floor of his apartment building. Walking outside he climbs into the car that's waiting there to take him to the docks.

Usually he makes small talk with the driver, but today he can't be bothered. Instead he quietly presses the side of his head against the glass of the window, trying to cool his heated skin. He watches the city pass by in a blur, his eyes unfocused. And suddenly they're here.

The docks are quiet this time of night, only people with illicit dealings are ever out here this late.

Chuuya steps out of the car and nearly staggers as the world spins around him. Seems the drive hadn't helped him sober up much. In fact the movement then the sudden lack thereof is making him feel worse.

It's late December and that's very clear as he wraps his coat around his shoulders tighter. At least this way he can pretend the flush on his face is from the cold.

He sees Akutagawa waiting at the entrance to the warehouse they're using tonight and makes his way over. Upon viewing him Akutagawa narrows his eyes.

"You're late."

Chuuya's not, but he regularly arrives early so for him being on time might as well be. He turns a glare on Akutagawa and steps into his personal space leading him to immediately bristle and stand up straighter.

"I'm not. Would it matter if I was?" His voice is harsh like he's commanding a dog.

"No. Apologies." No matter how strong the kid is, it's not his place to make comments like that to his superior. Akutagawa waits a moment before he speaks again. "Why are we both here anyway. Is it not overkill for a regular shipment?"

Chuuya relaxes his glare and steps away from him.

"There's some small-time gang that's been giving us trouble lately. Dunno why we've been having such an issue crushing 'em, but tonight you're just extra insurance."

Chuuya isn't really expecting them to have any problems. That gang would be stupid to attack them here with the port practically crawling with mafia members.

Chuuya takes a deep breath and he feels like the sea air has helped him sober up somewhat, but he still feels a little out of sorts.

"Okay. Let's get started."

It's all very routine. The cargo comes off the ship no problem and Chuuya makes sure that everything is checked and accounted for. He's so used to this he could probably do it in his sleep. Or, he supposes, a little drunk since that's where he's at right now.

He's just signing for the final package when a loud boom comes from outside and the whole building shakes, sending dust cascading down from the rafters.

Everybody rushes outside only to see a plume of smoke rising from the ship.

"Goddammit!" Chuuya gnashes his teeth together and uses his ability to propel himself onto the ship. It doesn't take long for Akutagawa to follow.

They're greeted on the deck by about twenty people. Each one of them is heavily armed.

The boat sways and Chuuya nearly stumbles as the movement makes him nauseous. He's suddenly wishing he hadn't drank at all. He quickly uses Tainted to steady himself. He can't afford to show weakness in front of his enemies.

He and Akutagawa stare down the group before them. Chuuya can tell Akutagawa is getting twitchy. He's already jumping at the bit to attack. They don't have to maintain their stand off for too long. One of the group members speaks up.

"The mafia has had control for too long! It's time someone new comes into power!"

Now Chuuya is pissed off. These fuckin idiots are gonne come here and mess up his shipment? There's only twenty of them so they obviously don't stand a chance.

Chuuya takes a step forward and the whole ship creaks. Akutagawa moves to follow, but Chuuya harshly pushes him back.

"Stand down, Akutagawa." His voice leaves no room for negotiation and Akutagawa doesn't try to move again.

He takes another step and the group fires at him. Of course not a single bullet reaches their mark. He flings them all back into the crowd, actually hoping that they miss so he can get his hands on these imbeciles.

Chuuya rushes forward. With a quick snap of his leg the closest man is down in a second, the kick knocking him out cold.

This is exactly what he needs right now. A little something to blow off a bit of steam. He's not even going to use his ability. He wants to feel the crack of his limbs colliding with theirs and the way their flesh gives on impact.

He dodges someone trying to take a swing at him with no effort and kicks them so hard they go flying back over the railing of the deck. He continues to dance through the group, barely having to think about what he's doing as he takes down each member with ease. It's not enough. He doesn't feel any better after beating these guys up and there's only a few of them left.

So he does something he doesn't usually do. He removes his hands from his pockets and drives his fist into the closest person's face. He feels bone crunch under his knuckles and blood splatters onto his face.

Distantly he can feel himself grinning.

This was what he needed. To use his own hands to get rid of this nuisance. He continues like that, brutally taking down whoever is close to him. He isn't really aware of much outside of the fact that there are warm bodies around him that are perfect targets for his fists.

It only takes a few more minutes before Chuuya is the only one left standing. He had barely even broken a sweat. He casts wild eyes around himself looking for anything else to hunt down. His eyes land on Akutagawa and he takes an aborted step towards him before the rocking of the boat slams him back into his body.

A second later and he's leaning over the railing where he tossed one of the gang members earlier and retching into the sea below. Apparently he was still a little more tipsy than he thought he was.

He hears Akutagawa walk up behind him.

"Are you… drunk?" He sounds disgusted.

Despite Chuuya's love of wine he had never actually shown up to a job wasted. He doesn't bother to answer Akutagawa, it's pretty obvious at this point anyway.

Chuuya finally pushes himself away from the railing to stand on unsteady legs. He turns to look at Akutagawa who is regarding him with a sneer.

"I got the job done, didn't I?" He starts moving to walk past Akutagawa, but what he says stops him in his tracks.

"Dazai would have done it without sustaining damage to the ship."

Rage flares up inside Chuuya. He barely stops himself from curling his hands around the runt's neck.

"Say that to me again."

His body glows with the red hue of For the Tainted Sorrow. He knows Akutagawa can feel the weight of gravity within the air. Of course Akutagawa doesn't listen to his threatening aura.

"It would have been easy for Dazai to do it. He would have ordered his men to take care of it. Wouldn't have even needed you. Not in the state you're in."

All the fight drains from Chuuya. And isn't that the truth. Dazai doesn't need him. Sure he doesn't need Dazai either, but it sure would be nice to be wanted like that.

Chuuya pushes his hat farther onto his head and walks off into the night, Akutagawa's eyes trained on his back.

Back home, Chuuya presses the heels of his hands into his eyes. He takes in a shuddering breath.

He sobs.

" Fuck. "

This is the second joint mission with the Detective Agency in so many weeks. This time he's meeting them at the agency first.

Chuuya reluctantly opens the door to the office and is greeted by a sight that puts a bad taste in his mouth. Dazai and Kunikida are going over a set of documents together, leaning into each other's space. Their heads are tilted towards each other as they speak in low tones and their faces are serious. Chuuya realises that the three of them are the only ones in the room.

After far too long of Chuuya staring at them being immersed in their own little world, Dazai finally looks up and realises that Chuuya is standing in the doorway. Dazai makes a big show of looking up at the ceiling and groaning as he throws his hands in the air. At least he moved away from Kunikida.

"Ugh and today was going so well. Now I have to see the face of a tiny slug."

Normally Chuuya would be annoyed at Dazai's words accompanied by a slight feeling of fondness for his ex-partner. But right now, he's totally blank. He can't dredge up any emotion.

"Yeah because I want to be here, slimy mackerel." Chuuya says sarcastically, but his heart isn't in it. The sentence comes out more monotone than he was aiming for. Dazai frowns at him.

"You're two minutes late, Nakahara." Kunikida is looking at his watch. Already Chuuya feels exhausted. He had a… large glass of wine before coming here, but his head isn't even swimming pleasantly anymore and he just wants to go home.

"Mr. Stickler-For-Rules is so lame. I'm always late, you should be used to it by now."

"That's because you're the King of Laid-Back Land. Others should not compare themselves to you in that regard."

The two of them continue bickering as if Chuuya isn't even there. He watches them with a pang in his chest and realises what he's been feeling. Jealousy. That should be him in Kunikida's place. 

He understands that he can't be Dazai's partner anymore and he's okay with that. It wouldn't work with how their organisations are often opposed to each other, despite the current truce. But this part of their usual relationship he hasn't experienced since he fought against that dragon during the whole Shibusawa debacle. That experience had cemented for him that their connection still ran deep between them. But it seems like Dazai is ready to cut the thread connecting them.

Now the hand on his cheek feels more like it was a goodbye.

Chuuya stands on his balcony, leaning over the railing. His face is illuminated by the soft glow of his cigarette as he takes a long drag. Releasing his breath he watches as the smoke rises into the air and fades away.

It's strangely quiet tonight. A few cars pass by on the streets below, but as it's a weeknight, most of the city is asleep. Chuuya doesn't usually have the time to stand around and stare up at the sky. And really he still doesn't. He has somewhere to be, but the thought of leaving this small, peaceful corner of the world has him physically ill. 

He closes his eyes, grounding himself by focusing on the cold seeping through his gloves from the iron railing beneath his hands. He doesn't even need the smoke to be able to see his breath. His eyes sting and he doesn't know why.

The peaceful atmosphere is broken by his phone vibrating against his thigh. He doesn't want to look, but he sighs and pulls it out anyway. There's a single text notification.

'Where are you?'

He grimaces and is about to put the phone away, but instead it starts vibrating again. An incoming call from 'Mackerel.' Chuuya should change the name. It feels too… intimate, now.

He debates on whether he should pick it up or not. He really doesn't want to talk to Dazai, but, on the other hand, he is supposed to be meeting up with him and Kunikida to complete the operation that they met at the Detective Agency office to plan. Before he gives himself more time to think about it, his thumb slides across the screen and he brings the phone up to his ear.

"Chuuuyyaaa, you took so long to pick up!" Chuuya pulls the phone away slightly. Dazai was much too loud for the little bit of quiet he had found for himself tonight.

"Dazai." The wind blows through his hair. He had left his hat inside, too tired to even think about using his ability to keep it on in the blustery air. "What do you want."

"I can't believe Chuuya stood me up." And oh. Why'd he have to say it like that? "I've only had Kunikida to keep me company and he gets annoying when he's ticked off and—"

"Dazai. What do you want. " Chuuya repeats himself. He's not asking the same question anymore. Dazai is quiet. Chuuya thinks he also knows he's asking a different question.

"...Ah, well… I just wanted to annoy Chuuya a bit. I don't really need you here. I'm sure Kunikida and I will have no trouble dealing with this without you." The call disconnects before Chuuya can say anything else. Chuuya listens to the dial tone of his phone for much too long before lowering it. Immediately he's changing the contact info. From 'Mackerel' to 'ADA'. Trying to make it the least personal he can.

His heart hurts.

The night is suddenly indescribably colder. His small piece of the world ruined.

Chuuya is coughing as he wakes up. He's been smoking a lot more lately and his lungs don't seem to agree with that. He feels like shit all the time and he knows it's not just the result of his new poor health choices. The world is grey and it feels… it feels like someone has died.

Honestly, he doesn't want to get out of bed. Even just the thought makes him exhausted. Still, he has things to do, messes to clean up, skulls to crack.

He eventually makes it to the kitchen where he pours himself a glass of wine. It's become customary to have at least one glass when he gets up. The alcohol moves through his system, the warmth of it coating his insides. After a moment his mind is pleasantly dulled and for once he's glad he's a lightweight. Drinking one glass of wine to get like this feels much better than if he had to drink four.

Lately he's been operating inside a bit of a haze. Nothing really feels real but that's fine. Dazai's voice echoes in his head.

' I don't really need you… '

Chuuya drinks another half glass and finally he can't hear him anymore.

Chuuya wakes up with a start. He's hunched over his desk, passed out on his folded arms. He looks down at the documents strewn across his work surface, noting that half of them have been smudged with ink. 

Earlier in the day, Kouyou had invited him to tea. It was something they did once a month since he joined the mafia. For the first time ever he considered rejecting the offer. He had zero energy to try and hide his current state from Kouyou; had no interest in her trying to psychoanalyse him as they sat across from each other. In the end, he had gone. It would have been worse if he declined. He hadn't drank beforehand, but the whole time he yearned to add just a little bit of alcohol to his tea to take the edge off. His hands had nearly shook when he brought the cup up to his mouth, Kouyou's eyes boring into him the entire time. She hadn't said anything directly, but Chuuya had seen that look in her eyes. She would be keeping an eye on him.

He didn't need her to baby him. He was fine. He just enjoyed the disconnected feeling alcohol would sometimes give him. Sometimes it made him feel worse, but those floaty moments made the imbibing worth it.

Altogether the experience had been utterly exhausting which would explain why he is now sleeping at work.

Chuuya raises his head from his desk. He's groggy and it feels like he's still half asleep as he looks around trying to figure out what even woke him up in the first place. A knock against the frame of the door and a cleared throat has him whipping his head around to see Mori standing in the entryway to his office.

First, Chuuya is confused as to why Mori is here. If he needed something he would have surely called Chuuya to his own office. A moment later, however, shame washes over him. He can't believe that the Boss saw him asleep at his desk, especially while he should be working.

Chuuya rushes to stand up to greet him properly, but Mori only raises a hand to stop Chuuya in his tracks. He sits back down, silently.

Mori is smiling at him in that unnerving way of his. Chuuya has never really felt threatened by anyone, but Mori definitely comes the closest. He sits up straighter and Mori's smile widens.

"Chuuya! I hear you've been having some... difficulties lately."

Chuuya fights off the urge to grimace. Had Koyou ratted on him? Or maybe Akutagawa was the more likely suspect. Mori takes his silence as the cue to continue.

"Now, while I'm not here to chastise you about your habits—you are a grown man, after all—do make sure your indulgence does not have any bearing on the organisation as a whole." There's a silent ' or else ' tacked onto the end. 

Chuuya can feel warmth creeping up his face and it's not the pleasant heat that wine brings. To be chastised by Mori and essentially told to get back in line is humiliating. Still, there's nothing to do about it.

He removes his hat and bows slightly.

"Yes, sir."

Mori nods once before turning to leave, but he pauses for a moment. Chuuya can practically feel the glee pouring off of him.

"Also, I'm sure you'll be happy to know that Dazai has requested that you be the main point of contact between us and the Agency."

Chuuya can't help but wonder why and his phone suddenly feels a thousand times heavier in his pocket as though his ability has activated all on its own. Of course Mori would be thrilled about this. Maybe he thinks it's the beginning to Double Black reforming. Yet, it seems like there's no possibility of that happening. After the phone call on his balcony, he has no interest in talking to that bastard again. Before that he wouldn't have minded reforming a new partnership with him, but Dazai has someone new for that now. It doesn't matter what he thinks, really. If the Boss wills it then so it must be.

Chuuya grits his teeth. "Yes, sir." He says again.

Mori offers a slight nod and finally leaves. Once he's out of sight Chuuya is able to release a breath of relief. Chuuya goes back to his reports, having to remake several of them. His phone remains a constant, ever present weight.

It's not even a problem. 

Dazai never calls. Chuuya has no reason to.

When he arrives at headquarters Akutagawa is standing in his office glaring at the wall. Once Chuuya enters the room that glare is turned onto him. Chuuya feels slight annoyance that Akutagawa is occupying a place he considers to be his personal space, but he lets it go. Akutagawa surveys him for a moment.

"You're drunk. Again."

Chuuya rolls his eyes and lights up a cigarette as he brushes past Akutagawa to sit in his office chair.

"So what. We're in the mafia. Who cares if I show up to work a little tipsy." Despite Mori's confrontation it's as good an argument as any. He blows smoke into the room and Akutagawa coughs. Chuuya grimaces and turns to open the window behind him, he at least has the wherewithal to realise that Akutagawa standing in a roomful of smoke can't be good for him. The two of them stare each other down.

Chuuya's completely right, of course. The general populace of the mafia would see no issue with him drinking on the job. It was just unfortunate that his executive position means he doesn't seem to get the same treatment from Mori. Akutagawa eventually averts his gaze. Chuuya reaches into a drawer of his desk and pulls out a bottle of wine and a glass from a decanter set. He would usually never drink wine from anything but the proper glass, but lately he hasn't been able to bring himself to care.

"You're needed in a meeting with the Black Lizard." Akutagawa says, changing the subject.

"Oh? What for?" Chuuya welcomes the different topic, though he hasn't interacted with the Black Lizard for a little while. Sometimes he and Tachihara went out for drinks, but that hasn't happened in a couple months. Chuuya's schedule has been too jam packed.

"It seems that the gang we—you dealt with at the docks has a much larger memberbase than we thought. Boss has decided the Black Lizard will deal with them and wants you to tell them what you know about the gang." 

Chuuya nods and stands up, putting his cigarette butt into his portable ashtray. He doesn't think he'll be of much help, but the distraction is welcome.

"Fine, let's go." Chuuya says and follows Akutagawa as he turns, his coat flying around him dramatically.

The two of them walk through the halls in silence. Some of Chuuya's steps are a little wobbly and he can't call on Tainted here as per usual without causing a stir. 

Eventually, Akutagawa takes them to one of the meeting rooms on the mid-level floors. He stands aside and allows Chuuya to be the first to enter the room. Chuuya pushes open the doors and comes face-to-face with the leaders of the Black Lizard. Tachihara, Gin, and Hirotsu stand around the table.

"Hey man! It's been too long!" Tachihara calls out, lifting a hand. Chuuya smiles back at him, feeling a little bad after blowing him off so many times.

"Yeah, let's go get drinks sometime."

Tachihara's face goes through some strange contortions before landing on a smile that looks more forced than Chuuya's felt.

"Ah… yeah, sure." He sure doesn't sound very enthusiastic and Chuuya frowns. Whatever, he has a meeting to conduct. He moves to the head of the table and sits down, everyone else in the room following suit.

Hirotsu hands him a file. "The information we currently have on the gang."

Chuuya opens it and looks down at the document, but he can't get his eyes to focus on the words. They swim in his vision. He clears his throat and turns his gaze back to Hirotsu.

"Alright, thanks. I don't have much info to offer, really. They weren't particularly well-trained and aside from stoppin' their bullets I didn't even need to use my ability to take 'em out. They said something about the Mafia being in power for too long? They're obviously not very well organised if they only sent twenty men to deal with me and Akutagawa." Chuuya tries to give them all the information he has in hopes that they won't make him read the file right now. He doesn't want to reveal just how much he's drunk. Honestly he's surprised he's still coherent enough for this meeting. Maybe his tolerance has increased recently. "What's your plan so far for dealin' with 'em?"

"Well, we figure they'll probly try to go after our smaller, less protected holdings. There's one jewelry store in particular that would be a pretty good target. It's small and they do carry some of our stock, enough of it to warrant interest." Tachihara explains.

"The plan is to stake out that location, perhaps place a couple low-rank members out front as extra bait. When they attack we need only to capture one or two of them. After interrogation we will know everything we need to and will have no issue destroying the remnants of their group." Hirotsu finishes the explanation and Chuuya looks to Gin to see her nod in agreement. Chuuya drums his fingers against the table as he takes a moment to think it over. It's hard to sort through his thoughts, but eventually he nods.

"Alright. That seems like a sound plan. Proceed. Keep me updated, though. They really pissed me off." Tachihara lets out a small chuckle at that.

Chuuya moves to get up, but pauses when no one else does the same. Hirotsu coughs lightly into his fist and Chuuya suddenly has a bad feeling about this.

"Please forgive us, Executive Nakahara, but there is one other matter we wish to discuss."

Chuuya frowns and slowly lowers himself back down to his seat. He's willing to hear them out, at least. He had thought that a full blown meeting about some little gang was a bit much.

"Akutagawa and others have alerted us to your recent… habits."

Chuuya's eyes dart to Akutagawa who is leaning against the wall by the doorway.

"Yeah, man. It's kinda… I dunno worrying, I guess. That you keep showing up to work drunk off your ass when you've never done that before." Tachihara chimes in. Chuuya's shoulders are tense and he feels trapped. Was this actually a fucking intervention? It really wasn't that bad. So what if he'd shown up drunk more often than not the past month? Who cared if he was going through a pack of cigarettes in three days when it used to take him months? He was just going through something right now. He just had to get over it and it'd all be fine. A quiet voice in the back of his head tells him that he has to face it to get over it. A louder voice says 'I don't need you…' He does his best to block both of them out.

"You've been smoking more too." Gin's quiet voice reaches him through his thoughts.

"You are all overstepping. This isn't some knitting circle where we all worry about each other. It's a job . And I'm still doing my work without issue so you can all fuck off." Chuuya had risen to his feet while speaking. He glares harshly at each of the individuals seated at the table. Each one of them avoids his eyes.

"Yeah? Read the file then. Don't think we didn't notice how you barely looked at it." Tachihara gestured to the small stack of papers in front of Chuuya.

"I don't have to prove myself to you." He stares Tachihara in the eye and he flinches back, but suddenly Tachihara steels his eyes, glowering back. Apparently Chuya's reaction time was actual shit right now as he didn't see the attack coming. Tachihara, who was seated closest to him, kicks out his leg and pushes against Chuuya's hip. That little bit of pressure is enough to throw off Chuuya's already faulty balance and before he can activate his ability he's sitting on the floor. He's staring up at the table, shocked and humiliated. He already knows that if he were sober there's no way in hell he'd be on his ass right now. Tachihara had proven that he wasn't operating at his full capability.

A hand enters his field of vision. He refocuses on Tachihara's face, who's looking down at him with sad eyes. Chuuya doesn't take his hand and Tachihara's expression looks like it's about to crumple.

"I don't know what's going on with you lately, but whatever you're going through, you need help. I know you'd never ask, but you don't need to."

Chuuya can tell that everyone else in the room is waiting with bated breath to see if he'll take Tachihara's proffered hand. He sighs and reaches up, using Tachihara as leverage to stand. He can practically hear the sigh of relief they let out. He's suddenly struck by the idea that everyone here very much knows that they wouldn't stand a chance against him if he had decided to get violent, even in the state he's in right now. They'd put up a good fight, but ultimately Chuuya would win without a doubt. They were really putting everything on the line for this. One false move and Chuuya could have snapped, especially when he's like this. He's really craving a good fight right now. He supposes that's just one more vice.

Tachihara holds out his hand again and Chuuya stares at it, confused.

"Cigarettes." Tachihara wiggles his fingers. Chuuya frowns.

"Is that really necesar—"

"Cigarettes."

Gritting his teeth, Chuuya hands over his pack. It's fine. He's got more at home anyway.

"We are going to stop by your place too, of course, and clear it out." It's as though Tachihara had read his mind. "Akutagawa, could you get all the wine from his office? I'm sure he's got a bunch of bottles stashed there."

Chuuya is about to stop Akutagawa from doing that, but realises that Hirotsu and Gin have strategically placed themselves in front of the doorway. He could strongarm his way through no problem, but he wasn't about to risk hurting them while he's not in complete control of himself.

"You better not fucking pour it out!" His wine collection probably totalled a cost of close to three million yen. He could re-buy everything, but he didn't particularly want to.

Tachihara pats him on the back. "Don't worry. We're just confiscating it for a bit… just until you get yourself under control." He says the last part softly.

He hates this development. Not only is he apparently incapable of doing his job correctly, but he's also become a burden for the Black Lizard and Akutagawa. It's unacceptable. He's their superior, he should be better than this.

Tachihara swings an arm over his shoulders. "If you ever need to talk about what's going on I'll listen. Can't promise I'll have any advice, though."

Chuuya would not be taking him up on that offer. But still, the thought is nice.

Chuuya has just gotten home from work and sits on his couch nursing a glass of water. He misses his wine.

It's been difficult the past couple weeks. He ended up going through withdrawal pretty bad from both the cigarettes and the alcohol. The first part of it he hadn't been able to go to work, it was all he could do to lie in bed sweating and shivering. He had not made for a pretty sight and he was glad he had been able to dissuade Akutagawa and the Black Lizard from coming by.

The next part had been better. He gone to work, though the cravings had frankly been obnoxious. He'd never wanted a cigarette so bad in his life. He had thrown himself into work as a distraction and had done so much that their profit margins for the quarter had seen a significant percentage increase. It actually rivalled Dazai's contributions from when he first joined.

His stomach drops. That is still something he has to avoid, though. Any thoughts of Dazai and his mood immediately worsens.

Now, he still craves some wine and wants to smoke, but it isn't quite so all consuming. He's not sure how but it seems like the ADA and Port Mafia joint ventures have been put on hold. It leads him to believe that Mori has caught wind of the Black Lizard's intervention. That in itself is embarrassing.

He's glad he doesn't have to see the detectives right now. If he did he's worried it might just send him back into a spiral. After being sober for a good number of weeks, Chuuya now sees that he hadn't tried to cope in the most healthy of ways. Not that what he's doing now is much better. He just avoids thinking about it. He hasn't really tried to work through his feelings about it much.

Maybe now is a is good a time as any?

Chuuya thinks back to all the little moments that he and Dazai have shared in the past. The soft way Dazai woke him from Corruption everytime. The way they bicker all the time, but it was always enjoyable to compete against each other like that. That moment when Dazai touched his face and called his actions beautiful . That was almost… God, a year ago now. If Dazai never returned his feelings than he sure was good at giving mixed signals. Its so long ago now that Chuuya wonders if he had somehow missed an opportunity that Dazai presented to him. With Chuuya collapsed in his lap and Dazai's hand in his hair, it was the closest they'd been to each other for years. Should he have followed up after that? 

But the thing is that they don't talk about those things. They just do. If Dazai wanted anything like that from him in return than he would have made it happen. Chuuya can't dwell on this forever, however, he needs to come to terms with it and move on with his life.

Just like Dazai did.

Chuuya's doing some errands in the city when he sees Dazai for the first time in about two months. He spots him and Kunikida walking down the street near the grocery store he frequents. For once, Kunikida doesn't look like he's got a stick up his ass. They really just seem to be enjoying each other's company.

Dazai is allowed to move on, Chuuya tries to convince himself. In fact, it's probably better if he does. It means no more reminders of his awful life in the mafia. Chuuya has realised that he really does just want Dazai to be happy. It took a lot of introspection, but he knows it's true. Dazai had such a rough start to his life that Chuuya wants to give him any small piece of joy he can. If that means staying out of sight and out of the way then so be it.

It still hurts to see them, but it doesn't overwhelm him like it once did. He's getting better.

Chuuya tries to rub his hands together to increase his circulation. It's February now and the cold weather has just gotten worse. Tachihara is standing beside him, hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. He's shivering.

Chuuya is here to oversee the Black Lizard operation involving that gang. After the jewelry store sting had gone perfectly they had gotten the location of their base out of one of their members. Like Chuuya said before, they were poorly trained. Both in combat and resisting torture.

He probably doesn't even need to be here, won't even need to lift a finger, but he wants to see this through. Sounds of fighting come from inside the building they stand in front of. He and Tachihara are posted here to catch any stragglers and to cut off any unexpected threats. However, Tachihara seems determined to chat with him.

"It's fucking freezing out." Tachihara's teeth are practically chattering together when he's not speaking.

Chuuya hums noncommitally.

"Got plans after this?"

Chuuya raises an eyebrow at him. 'After this' means it'll be five in the morning. Not exactly the time for 'plans.'

"Sleeping." Though things have been better lately, Chuuya often still finds himself exhausted. He's starting to wonder if this executive position is taking too much of a toll on him. It just seems like it's been a lot lately.

"I've got someone I'm seeing." Tachihara sounds smug and that catches Chuuya's attention.

"Oh, really? Within the mafia?" It wasn't unheard of to have relations outside of the mafia, but it was generally frowned upon. Civilians don't exactly have tight lips.

"Mm, yeah. A secretary from the lower levels, but, man, she's great." Tachihara's voice is dreamy. Chuuya's happy for him, he hopes things work out for them.

"Huh, well congrats, I suppose." He means it. "Never pegged you for the type to settle down." Chuuya turns a grin on him.

Tachihara laughs. "I think it might be a bit early for that."

For a moment there's a lull in the conversation. It looks like Tachihara is working himself up to say something, his face determined. Chuuya has a guess as to what he's about to ask and he really doesn't want to think about it. Not when the night has been pretty upbeat.

"Do you have anyone special in your life?"

Chuuya was right. He smiles a little sadly and tilts his head up to watch the sky.

"Ah, I did, but they've moved on. So no. No one right now." This way he could talk about without the implications that come with that person being Dazai. Even now, months after the realisation that Dazai doesn't want him the same way Chuuya wants him, the pain in his chest flares up thinking about him.

"Oh, that sucks." Chuuya snorts and Tachihara continues. "I'm sure you'll find someone who sticks soon enough."

Chuuya puffs warm air onto his hands, trying to warm them up. He's joined Tachihara in shivering. Maybe some day he'll find someone else romantically, but there will never be another Dazai. He's sure of it. Chuuya thinks Dazai might have been it for him.

His fingers itch for a bottle.