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“Hey Dick, could you pass me a blan-” A racket of coughs filled the room, interrupting Marinette mid-question.
“Oh never mind, I can’t hear anything over Damian’s coughing anyway” She scoffed, getting up from her seat next to Damian.
“What was that Mari?” Dick shouted from across the room. Marinette gestured vaguely to the blankets next to him.
Dick threw one of the folded blankets to her, which landed in a fluffy heap in front of her. She thanked him and bent down to grab it. As she did, she couldn’t help but feel like she was forgetting to do something.
Luckily, Dick was thinking the same thing, “Hey, when was the last time we checked Dami’s temperature?” He asked, looking up at her quizzically.
“Oh crap it’s been a while” She swore, turning back to her sick boyfriend.
She grabbed the thermometer from the side table by her chair, “Hey Damian, can you turn towards me please?”.
Damian didn’t budge.
“Damian?” Mari crept closer, sitting on the edge of his couch
She nudged him gently. No response.
“Oh my goodness, is he dead?!” Dick gasped melodramatically.
Mari rolled her eyes, “No, you dolt. He isn’t that sick, he probably just fell asleep.”
“Yes, the eTERNAL SLUMBER”
“Oh my heavens, Dick”
A loud congested snore stopped the conversation, making both Marinette and Dick jump. They turned to the source to find Damian now facing them, drool trailing from the corner of his mouth.
Mari raised her brow, “There you have it, he’s just sleeping”, she snarked.
Dick huffed dramatically, making Mari roll her eyes. Marinette started to smile and quickly turned to prevent Dick from seeing. After all, he was insufferable when his exaggerations made her laugh.
“You know you love my dramatics, Mari”, he started, “but alas, my humor is wasted in this family”.
He sighed deeply and put the back of his hand to his forehead, “I can feel my lifeforce draining,” He looked up to check that she was watching, before gasping dramatically, “Marinette please, the only thing that can save me is your laughter”
And with that, Dick threw himself across his seat with enough force to knock the chair over, effectively hitting his head against the hardwood floor. “Owww” he groaned, his feet in the air from the fall.
Marinette laughed and shook her head, smiling wide. She quickly suppressed her need to make fun of Dick, “Oh hush you, I need to focus on Damian,” She said sternly despite the grin on her face, “And I can’t do that if you keep knocking the furniture over”, she added pointedly.
Dick simply groaned and flopped to the floor.
Right as Marinette started taking Damian’s temperature, Jason crashed into the room, his signature patch of white hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, “Hey I heard a thump, are you okay Mari??” He panted, clearly worried.
Marinette laughed, “Yeah I’m fine Jason, Dick fell over” she said lightly, pointing at the fallen man.
Jason blinked a few times before reacting, “AW MAN, I got worried for no reason??” he groaned loudly, “I thought you got hurt Mari, so I sprinted up here from training in the Batcave, but it was just DICK??”
“HEY!” Dick yelled indignantly, his head lifted just above the edge of the fallen chair.
Marinette was about to retort when the thermometer beeped, taking her attention off the two screeching men. Mari looked at the small screen of the device and went pale, almost falling over.
Jason and Dick stopped their squabbling and looked over in concern, “What's up Mari?” Jason asked cautiously.
Marinette looked up with fear in her eyes, “Damian’s fever went up. He’s at 103 degrees” She said, concern creeping into her voice.
Jason stopped, “that's not good, is it?”
Marinette shook her head, “any higher and we might have to take him to the hospital”, she paused, “and I’m pretty sure that's the last thing we want to happen.”
Jason scoffed, “Why don’t you just call Alfred, he could help”
Dick suddenly appeared next to Jason, and sighed, “Alfred is with Bruce in Spain, or did you forget that I’ve been Batman the past week”
Jason smacked Dick’s arm, “Of course I knew that. I meant actually call him, dipshit” He ignored Dick’s yelp from the hit, “The man has a phone”
The two men started bickering, and then started wrestling each other in an attempt to steal the other’s phone.
Watching the toddlers disguised as adults fight, Marinette was finally getting irritated, “GUYS WE HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT” She shouted, “Now shut up before you wake up Damian”
Dick and Jason stopped immediately, “yes ma’am” they spoke in unison.
Jason glanced at Damian’s sleeping form, behind Marinette.
Jason’s eyes lit up and he started to snicker, before laughing hysterically.
Marinette quirked an eyebrow, “Care to share what’s so funny, Jason?” She deadpanned.
He looked at her, delight in his eyes, “do you wanna find out if his fever is high enough to cook an egg”
A moment of silence pierced the room, Marinette concerned with her boyfriend and the fact that Jason wanted to use Damian’s fever as a stove.
“Jason, Damian’s sick and that’s what you’re thinking about???” She scoffed indignantly.
Jason looked delighted, and sprinted to the kitchen.
Marinette sighed, “Jason, are you seriously grabbing an egg?” exasperation filled every corner of her being.
Jason came back a minute later, a singular egg in hand, “This is science, Mari” he said, a bounce in his step, “besides, he’s dead asleep. He’ll never know”
She glared at him, and then looked back at Damian.
Jason took her glance at Damian as his invitation. He dashed over to Damian and pointed at him, “See? Dead asleep”
With that, Damian’s eyes flew open and he grabbed Jason’s wrist.
“If you crack an egg on me, I will murder all of you”
Jason screamed, and dropped the egg. On Damian’s face.
His eyes widened, “Oh shit, wait demon spawn it was an accident, I swear” he rambled, slowly backing up. He made eye contact with Mari, and she shook her head. He was a lost cause. The Red Hood was about to face his death once again.
Damian threw off his blankets, and stood up. Red, hot, searing anger, and egg dripped down his face. He took one step, and promptly passed out.
Mari dove to catch his head before he injured himself, his face landing in her arms like a volleyball.
Jason started laughing, “Holy SHIT, I thought I was going to die”, his laughter turned maniacal at the sheer luck of his newly extended lifeline.
Damian’s voice came out of nowhere, muffled by the Mari arm pillow, “It’s not too late for that, you absolute heathen of a brother”
A string of profanities followed Jason out the door, reminding Mari of just how colorful his language could be if he was actually scared for his life. But she did estimate that in about four minutes, he would come back to try to fight the now unconscious (yet again) Damian.