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They’ve been dating for about a month. It’s going pretty well. At least, Kirishima thinks it is. It can be hard to tell with Bakugou, sometimes. Things are more or less the same as they were before they started dating—Kirishima isn’t sure if that’s because they’ve always acted kind of like a couple, or because they basically just act like friends now.
The way Kaminari tells it, Bakugou has always given him special treatment. Kirishima supposes that’s true… Bakugou doesn’t yell at him as much as he does others, and he lets Kirishima eats his leftovers when he's made too much food. In fact, he shoves them at Kirishima as if he'll be offended if he doesn't eat them.
They hold hands, now. Never in public, but when it’s the two of them, settling down to watch some hero documentary on Bakugou’s bed after they’re studied out for the day, Kirishima settles on the bed, propped up on one elbow, and Bakugou lays in front of him, and grabs Kirishima’s hand and holds their intertwined fingers to his chest. They watch tv like that, on Bakugou’s laptop, and Kirishima wants to hold him closer, wants to bring their bodies flush together and maybe even press a kiss to Bakugou’s shoulder, always exposed in those thankfully tight black tank tops he always wears. Kirishima wants to hold him close enough that Bakugou will feel the way his heart beats patterns into his chest, tangible proof of what the blonde does to him. Sometimes he gives in to these desires, and sometimes Bakugou hums and settles in. Other times he’ll freeze up and pull away.
They kiss now, too. Sometimes it’s chaste, sleepy kisses, shared in the dim glow of the movie credits as they play, right before Kirishima reluctantly peels himself out of Bakugou’s bed. He takes his time, not wanting to overstay his welcome but so desperately hoping Bakugou will ask him to stay the night. He doesn’t, but sometimes he’ll pull him back in for another kiss. It’s so soft, so cute, so unlike the harsh words that typically come out of Bakugou’s mouth during the day.
Sometimes their kisses aren’t so chaste. Rarely, after class, Bakugou will stomp into Kirishima’s room and announce his presence with a slammed door, or a bag thrown on the floor with a loud thump. He’ll park himself on Kirishima’s lap and attack his lips, and the kisses are hurried, sloppy, and so, so good. Kirishima gives as good as he gets, and always takes the opportunity to kiss Bakugou the way he’s dreamed of for so long before they started dating.
It’s over as suddenly as it begins, though, and Bakugou always pulls back before it goes too far and insists they start studying, usually with some insult woven in. Kirishima, breathless and helpless to the blonde, swallows his protests and they get to work.
But Bakugou isn’t an easy person to get close to. They hold hands, and they kiss, and they share almost every meal together. Perhaps it’s not fair for Kirishima to wonder if they even act like a couple—of course they do, Bakugou doesn't let anyone else even touch him. Kirishima feels so lucky that he gets to hug Bakugou, and kiss him, and hold his hand. He loves doing those things.
Just… sometimes, he feels like he’s not any closer emotionally to Bakugou than he was before they started dating. He thought that being boyfriends would mean Bakugou would open up more, would let down his guard. But he’s basically the same. He still clams up when things get too personal, and he prefers blowing things up and sparring to work out his feelings over talking, even to Kirishima.
Maybe especially to Kirishima, he thinks, looking out his dorm window and seeing Bakugou follow All Might and Midoriya into the forest. He knows they train together, but Bakugou is always tight-lipped when it comes to any information beyond that. Whether that’s because it’s some kind of weird secret, or because Bakugou simply doesn’t want to discuss anything Midoriya-related, Kirishima couldn’t say. He knows it’s not his business just because they’re dating, and he respects Bakugou’s boundaries so he stopped asking a long time ago, but it still hurts a little that this is another thing Bakugou can’t (or won’t) trust him with.
Kirishima knows it’s unmanly to be insecure about his perfectly fine relationship like this, so he jumps off the bed and throws on some gym clothes, resolved to sweat out his negative feelings at the gym. He’s going camping with a bunch of guys from their class this weekend, Bakugou included, and he’s really excited for some quality time with his buds, and to show off all the camping skills he’s learned since his frequent hiking trips (dates? Were they considered hiking dates now?) with Bakugou.
He returns to his dorm hours later, to find Bakugou sitting on his bed lazily flipping through a Crimson Riot encyclopedia Kirishima’s friends had gotten him as a birthday present last year. Kirishima jumps a little, “Oh! Bakugou, what are you doing here?”
The blonde narrows his eyes. “We had plans.”
Oh shit. “We did? I don’t…” Kirishima trails off, worrying his lip. It’s incredibly rude of him to blow Bakugou off, even if it was a genuine mistake. “I thought you were training with Midoriya today.”
Bakugou shrugs. “It didn’t take long. I said I’d help you pack for the trip, remember?”
That’s right—Kirishima remembers because he had been so happy when Bakugou offered to help, and he was excited to get some one-on-one time before they left for the trip the following day, since they had both been busy with their respective internships all week. How could he have forgotten? Kirishima’s stomach sinks, “Dude, I’m so sorry, I completely forgot! I went to the gym, and then Kaminari roped me into a Mario Kart tournament with Sero, and—”
“’S fine, idiot.” Bakugou closes the book with a snap and stands up, “Well? We doing this or not?”
Kirishima glances at the clock. It’s almost nine o’clock. He hadn’t realized how late he’d been playing games in Kaminari’s room. “That’s okay, dude, I can do it on my own. I know you’re usually asleep by now, and I don’t want to keep you up. Plus I uh, haven’t eaten dinner yet.” As if on cue, his stomach growls loudly. The protein bar he’d scarfed down after his workout has long since worn off.
Bakugou rolls his eyes, “C’mon, let’s go to the kitchen. I made too much stir fry earlier. We can get you packed after. And stop calling me dude.” He snaps the last bit, but Kirishima is too giddy over the leftovers to care.
“Thanks du-Bakugou! You’re the best!” He throws his arms around Bakugou, who stiffens at first, but relaxes into his arms after a moment. Kirishima pulls back and smiles warmly at his boyfriend, “How was training with Midoriya today?”
Bakugou’s features fall into a familiar mask of indifference and he shrugs, “Nothing special. Let’s go, I want to get into bed before ten.”
They end up staying up until eleven, because Kirishima misplaced his warmest pair of long underwear, and he tries settling for the threadbare pair he can find, but Bakugou insists on tearing apart his room until the nice pair is found. Kirishima feels bad, but maybe not too bad, because at the end of it Bakugou is yawning and has an adorable, sleepy flush to his cheeks that makes Kirishima want to squeeze or kiss them, or maybe both. He doesn’t get the opportunity, however, because a Bakugou past his bedtime is also a cranky Bakugou, and the blonde stomps to bed the moment the hiking bag is zipped up.
The next day, Bakugou seems like he’s in a worse mood than usual. He ducks out of the way when Kirishima tries to kiss him before they leave the dorms, and huddles into his jacket and glares out the window the whole bus trip over to the mountain, hands shoved deep into his pockets where Kirishima can’t even try to hold them. Kirishima assumes it’s just a lack of sleep and tries not to let it bother him—Bakugou is just prickly sometimes and that’s okay.
He did shove Kirishima’s favorite flavor protein bar (the one Kirishima always eats first out of the variety box and then has to suffer through the rest) into the redhead’s hands before putting his headphones in and blasting music loudly enough to drown out any noise for the rest of the bus trip. Kirishima happily eats his breakfast (Bakugou always knows when he’s skipped a meal, probably because he’s eating Bakugou’s cooking ninety percent of the time) and chats with Kaminari and Sero the whole way there. He knows the fresh mountain air will lift Bakugou’s moods like it always does and the trip will be great.
Kirishima is right; after a stern lecture from Aizawa on the realities of their training, they start heading up the mountain, and he can tell Bakugou is pleased by everyone acknowledging his expertise on mountain climbing. Kirishima beams when Bakugou delegates the tasks to set up camp, and has Kirishima help with the tents. Kaminari lets out a long whistle, “Kacchan just wants to be alone with his boyfriend!” He cackles at the sound of small explosions as he follows Midoriya and Sero toward the frozen lake.
“Kami’s just being stupid, ignore him.” Kirishima smiles toothily at Bakugou, who looks embarrassed from Kaminari’s comment.
“Yeah, yeah, Sparky’s just jealous Mindfreak couldn’t come with us.” They set up the tents in silence save for a few instructions on Bakugou’s part. It’s a familiar routine, one they’ve perfected in the many times they’ve camped together.
They finish earlier than expected, and Kirishima steps back to admire their handiwork. “You know, it is pretty awesome to get to do school training with your boyfriend, I don’t blame Kaminari for being jealous.”
Kirishima reaches out to Bakugou and tugs him close. The blonde huffs and hugs back, slumping into Kirishima’s arms. Kirishima pulls back a bit to look at his boyfriend. He always looks so pretty like this, perfect nose and ears pink at the tips, red eyes contrasting the snow around them brilliantly. Bakugou hates winter because it makes his quirk harder to use, but Kirishima loves the way his boyfriend’s pale skin flushes so prettily in the cold. Kirishima cups Bakugou’s face with his hand and leans in for a kiss. Bakugou flinches at the movement and jumps back like he’s been burned.
“C’mon Shitty Hair, let’s go help the idiots with the fish. If we leave it to them, we’ll be eating snow for dinner.” He turns and heads towards the lake without a moment’s hesitation. Kirishima gapes wordlessly behind him for a moment, stunned by the sudden change in mood. He shakes it off, though—Bakugou clearly just wants some space right now. That’s no problem, Kirishima understands that just because he’s cuddly all the time doesn’t mean that everyone is. He runs to join Bakugou and the others at the lake.
He’s admiring the huge and frankly, very impressive fish that Midoriya and the others had caught when it kicks back to life for a second and whacks Bakugou square in the back. He’s too far away to catch Bakugou before he falls into the lake. “Bakugou!” He calls out, and goes to reach out to his boyfriend but Midoriya beats him to it. Bakugou glares up at Midoriya, eyes filled with fury and something else Kirishima can’t quite place. He’s taken aback by the biting way Bakugou snaps and stands up himself, ignoring Midoriya’s splutters and outstretched hand.
Kirishima watches as Midoriya repeatedly tries to feel Bakugou’s face—pretty uncool to repeatedly cross boundaries Bakugou had clearly set, actually. Kirishima’s about to tell him to lay off when Midoriya announces, “Kacchan, you have a fever!”
He what? Kirishima stares at his boyfriend, shocked, as Midoriya goes on, talking about how Bakugou had had a headache the day before. Kirishima didn’t hear anything about that. Why didn’t Bakugou tell him he had a headache yesterday, or that he was still feeling unwell today? He had a fever? And he just fell into freezing cold water! Should they call Aizawa? They should go home, they should—
He doesn’t realize he’s talking out loud until Sero snaps his fingers loudly in Kirishima’s face, bringing him back to the moment. He barely hears what he and Kaminari are saying, but he understands that they are stuck on this mountain and will just have to stay the night there.
Bakugou snarls, “Shut up! I’m fucking fine, stop worrying.” And he’s not fine, Kirishima absolutely is worried, but obviously Bakugou doesn’t want him to be, so he swallows his feelings and works with the others to get Bakugou tucked into bed, ignoring the blonde’s loud complaints at being manhandled.
Kirishima listens to everyone fretting over Bakugou, struggling to speak around the lump in his throat. He feels so stupid. Bakugou had a fever and Kirishima hadn’t noticed, despite spending the most time with him alone that day! They leave him in the tent and Kirishima hears Midoriya urging Bakugou to let them know if he needs anything. Yeah right, Kirishima thinks bitterly, knowing Bakugou would rather chew off his own tongue than admit he needs help.
It’s not manly to be angry at his boyfriend while he’s sick, but Kirishima can’t help but feel frustrated. He’s mad that Bakugou never told him he was feeling sick, and he’s mad that he didn’t notice himself.
“Wow, good catch on Kacchan’s fever!” Kaminari slaps Midoriya on the back jovially.
“Midoriya, you knew something was wrong with Bakugou earlier today, didn’t you?” Iida says, looking curiously at his friend.
Wait, what? He did?
“I thought he looked kind of sick,” Midoriya admits, “But I couldn’t be sure. I wish I wasn’t right. Kacchan is always so miserable when he’s sick.” He explains how he thought Bakugou was sick based on how he was acting earlier in the day.
Kirishima sits quietly, listening to the others praise Midoriya for his Bakugou expertise, like he’s some subject they all studied but only Midoriya had the test key. It’s stupid to be upset about this, he knows. Midoriya’s knowledge of his childhood friend doesn’t take away from Kirishima’s current relationship. But still, the fact that Bakugou hid that he was sick from Kirishima like he was just another extra… it hurts, a lot.
Logically, Kirishima knows that isn’t fair. Bakugou probably just didn’t want to worry him. But it’s hard to be in the dark like this, it’s hard to feel like his own boyfriend is a just a stranger he gets to kiss sometimes. Especially when Midoriya, for all Bakugou’s complaints about him, seems to know Bakugou so well. They have an undeniable connection, and it’s hard not to feel small in the wake of something so poignant.
Although maybe the problem isn’t Midoriya, at all. Maybe it’s Kirishima—maybe he’s not enough for Bakugou. He thinks about how Bakugou had been acting weird all day, how he kept his distance on the bus, how he wouldn’t kiss him all day. It’s obvious, in retrospect, that he was trying not to get Kirishima sick. And Kirishima had just looked at Bakugou, who had been flushed red with fever, and thought about how pretty he looked in the cold. Pathetic.
Kirishima doesn’t even realize how obviously he’s sulking until Kaminari nudges his leg, “Hey man, what’s up?”
“Huh? Nothing! I’m just um, cold.” It’s a bad lie, really. He can just harden his skin slightly to block out the cold, and Kaminari knows this, but mercifully doesn’t say anything. Instead, he stretches theatrically and yawns, “Man, I’m beat. Kiri, you should sleep with me tonight, so you don’t get Blasty’s cold. I’m heading in now, but go check on him before you come too, yeah?”
Despite Kirishima’s mood, he can’t help but smile at the sight of Bakugou wrapped up tightly in his sleeping bag. “Hey, you awake?” He whispers, and sits down next to Bakugou. The blonde groans and shuffles himself closer to Kirishima, but not quite touching. Kirishima reaches out and runs his hand through Bakugou’s hair, and his boyfriend’s eyes flutter open at the touch. “Wha—Eijirou?”
Kirishima melts—it’s the first time Bakugou has said his first name. The poor guy is clearly miserable, blonde hair matted flat on his forehead with sweat, normally sharp eyes glassy. He’s out of it, so he probably doesn’t realize what he’s said, but it makes Kirishima’s heart clench all the same. “Here, sit up for a sec, drink some water.” He cracks open a new water bottle and helps Bakugou drink a few mouthfuls, before the blonde pushes it away.
“’M done,” he says petulantly, and wow, Bakugou is so cute when he’s sick, it’s criminal. Kirishima wants to take care of him, but just based off how the whole day went down, he knows Bakugou wouldn’t be comfortable with that, and he wasn’t going to take advantage of his boyfriend’s basically unconscious state.
Bakugou flops back into his sleeping back with a groan. Kirishima whispers, “I’m going to go to sleep in Kami’s tent, but let me know if you need anything, okay? Night… Katsuki.” Kirishima’s face warms up as he says it, even in the chilled air. It feels good to say his boyfriend’s first name, it makes him feel a little closer to Bakugou. It makes him feel better about utterly failing Bakugou earlier in the day, although Kirishima still can’t decide if he’s more frustrated with himself or his boyfriend for hiding his illness.
He waits there for a few minutes until Bakugou’s breathing has evened out, and the blush from saying “Katsuki” has faded from Kirishima’s face.
Kirishima goes to bed feeling much more at peace than he did before he visited Bakugou. Kaminari is already snoring loudly in the tent when he makes his way in, but he forgives him right away since it was Kaminari’s idea that helped Kirishima feel so much better to begin with. He smiles into his pillow at the memory of Bakugou sleepily saying his first name, and resolves to discuss his frustrations with his boyfriend tomorrow.
Tomorrow doesn’t happen the way he plans, though. They end up fighting a huge Yeti—robot?—in the early dawn, because of course every UA training exercise has to feature giant robots. Naturally.
Between getting their asses kicked by a giant robotic snow monster and a huge lack of sleep, Kirishima can’t keep his eyes open on the bus ride back to UA. Bakugou and Midoriya (who also ended up coming down with a fever) are sent to the infirmary and everyone else heads promptly to their dorms to pass out.
It isn’t until early afternoon when Kirishima wakes up, disoriented and vaguely sweaty. He remembers Bakugou was sick, and trips over a dumbbell on the floor in his haste to check on him. He hardens just in time to make an extremely loud thud and a rather big scuff on the floor.
“Ah, fuck.” He mumbles, staring down at the scuff. Aizawa is gonna tear him a new one for that.
“You okay, Shitty Hair?”
Kirishima looks up from where he’s sprawled on the floor to see Bakugou standing in the doorway, staring down at him with a look that’s equal parts amused and exasperated.
“Yeah, I’m fine, dude! Rock solid!” Kirishima knocks his hardened fists together and laughs weakly as Bakugou rolls his eyes and lets himself into the room, closing the door behind him. He’s just relieved to see his boyfriend looking healthy. Not that he could tell when he was sick, but…
Kirishima smiles brightly at Bakugou, who leans back on his bed. “How do you feel?”
“Fine. Recovery Girl gave me some candy and my fever broke pretty much right away. Told you, not a big deal.”
Kirishima clears his throat and joins Bakugou, sitting on the bed. He’s relieved that Bakugou is feeling better, but he’s still not crazy about what happened. “Uh. I don’t really know if that’s something you can decide for me. I was really worried about you.”
Bakugou narrows his eyes, “And there was no fucking reason to be worried, so what’s the problem?”
“The problem—” Kirishima pulls nervously at his hair, “The problem is that you didn’t tell me you were sick. I didn’t even know you had a headache before, and you—oh god, you stayed up all night helping me pack!” His stomach sinks. Maybe if he hadn’t lost his long underwear, or better yet, could just pack his own damn bag, this wouldn’t have happened.
Bakugou sits up and opens his mouth to speak, but Kirishima cuts him off, “You would’ve been fine if you had just gone to bed on time before we left! It’s all my—”
“OI!” Bakugou shouts, “Kirishima! Calm the fuck down, this is why I didn’t tell you. Knew you’d blame yourself, and I was already feeling shitty, I didn’t want to deal with that too.”
Kirishima bristles, “But you didn’t even tell me about your headache before. You told Midoriya, but not me!”
“That’s because that shitty nerd would know something is up with me, anyway! He would’ve just bugged me about it all day until he found out I had a headache, so I just told him.” Bakugou scrubs angrily at his face with his hand.
“So you can’t hide it from Midoriya because he knows you so well, but you can hide it from me?” Kirishima asks, stung. The unsaid because I don’t know you so well lingers in the air.
Bakugou stands up and starts pacing, “What do you want from me? Fuckin’ Deku has known me forever and he takes notes on everyone around him like some kinda freak, of course he knows when I’m sick!”
“I want you to tell me when you’re sick! I’m your boyfriend!” They haven’t fought like this before, ever. Kirishima’s chest aches.
“Fucking so?” Bakugou hisses, palms crackling a bit. He looks down at his hands in shock and clenches his fists tightly enough to smother the small explosions.
“So, I want to take care of you when you’re sick! I want to—to be there for you, Bakugou!”
“Well, I don’t fucking want you to!”
“Why are we even dating if you won’t let me support you?” Kirishima’s cries, eyes stinging with tears.
Bakugou snaps, “If I knew having a boyfriend meant I had to give up all my fucking privacy, maybe I would’ve reconsidered.”
“Maybe you should reconsider, then!” Kirishima’s throat burns.
Bakugou flinches hard. He whirls around and stomps out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.
Kirishima sits numbly on the bed, stunned. He can’t believe things escalated that far, that quickly. His heart is thumping painfully in his chest. He didn’t mean to pick a fight, he had just been frustrated.
Tears stream from his eyes as he thinks about what Bakugou said. He doesn’t want Kirishima to take care of him, to be there for him? So what, he’s no different than all the “shitty extras” Bakugou complains about day in and day out, no better than the people he keeps at arm’s length?
Except what, he gets to make out with Bakugou occasionally, gets to hold his hand, gets to watch his favorite movies with him and tease him for knowing all the words? Before, that felt like enough. That felt like everything, because Kirishima thought it meant that he was different than everyone else, that if he was just patient enough, he’d eventually be let in.
Clearly, that was a misguided line of thinking. Bakugou has made it clear that he doesn’t want Kirishima to truly know him. And now, what? Are they broken up? He doesn’t want to be. He hadn’t meant to say those things, but he can’t take them back now.
Kirishima tucks himself into bed and cries into his pillow, letting out big, heaving sobs but doing his best to keep quiet. He doesn’t want Bakugou to hear.
He must fall asleep, because the next time he opens his eyes it’s dark outside. Freakin’ great. As if he didn’t feel like garbage enough, he slept the last day of Spring Break away. Now he’s gonna have a hard time falling asleep tonight, and it will throw off the rest of the week. On top of that, Kirishima just feels gross right now. His eyes are all crusted together, and he knows his face has to be red and puffy from how hard he was crying before. He checks the time. It’s eight o’clock, so the showers should be thankfully empty right now.
Kirishima takes a scalding hot shower, hot enough to stain the rest of his skin pink so it’s not just his blotchy, cried-out face. It’s therapeutic, and if he tears up in the shower remembering his fight with Bakugou, that’s just his business. He does feel a tiny bit better when he heads back to his room, rubbing his hair dry with a towel. He stops short at the figure sitting against his door, holding a covered plate.
“Bakugou?”
“Kirishima,” Bakugou jumps up, looking back at the closed door. “I thought you were—” He cuts himself off and lets out a shaky exhale. “Nevermind.”
The notion that Kirishima would ignore Bakugou is laughable, really. Even when he’s hurt, he can’t imagine not opening the door for his best friend. Bakugou’s eyes look a little pink-rimmed, too.
“What’s that?” He gestures at the plate in Bakugou’s hand.
Bakugou hurriedly shoves the plate and a packet of disposable silverware at Kirishima, “I figured you'd be hungry, so. It’s katsudon.” Kirishima should be hungry. He hasn't eaten all day, but there's something twisting in his stomach that makes him feel sick. He walks into his room, holding the door open for Bakugou to follow.
He sits at his desk, staring dumbly at the plate of food in his hands. Bakugou stands awkwardly. The air is thick.
“Are we broken up?” Bakugou blurts out.
“No! At least, I don’t want to be!” Kirishima almost chokes in his haste to answer.
Bakugou lets out a breath and nods. “Okay.”
“Okay.” Both boys visibly relax. They sit in silence for a few minutes, tension dissipating steadily from the air. As the thing in Kirishima's stomach eases, he's struck with how hungry he is. He uncovers the plate and digs in. Of course, it's delicious.
“Why didn’t you just open the door? It’s always unlocked.” Kirishima says, mouth full of food.
“If you didn’t want to see me, I wasn’t gonna force you.” Bakugou shifts uncomfortably, “I get it.”
Kirishima feels a pang shoot through his heart. He swallows. “I always wanna see you.” He says softly.
“You—how d’you just say things like that? You’re always telling me how you feel and shit, even when it’s embarrassing.” Bakugou sits on the bed with a huff.
“It’s not embarrassing if it’s you. I mean, it is, but… I want you to know how I feel about you, even if it’s… a lot, sometimes.”
Bakugou grunts in response. It’s silent except for the sounds of Kirishima eating. He clears the plate and sets his fork down.
Bakugou looks up at the clink, “Fuck, did you even chew?” He snorts.
“I was hungry! Plus, you know it’s my favorite. Lucky thing you made that for dinner tonight, thanks for the leftovers!” Kirishima smiles brightly. He wants to feel normal, for a bit.
Bakugou scoffs, “You’re joking, right?”
“No…? It really is my favorite!”
“Not about that, you—” Bakugou closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, like he has to prepare for something. “I made that because it’s your favorite, and I specifically made enough for you, too. It’s not just whatever I don’t eat.”
“Wha—really? Man, that’s so nice. Thank you.” Kirishima kind of wants to cry. It's a really nice gesture.
“You know I always do that, right?” Bakugou is looking at him like he’s stupid.
“Always do what?” Maybe he is stupid.
“I always cook for you. When I make food, I make enough for you on purpose. It’s not—it’s not an accident. And I don’t make it as spicy as I want, because I know you won’t be able to eat it then.” Bakugou looks like he’s about to combust.
Kirishima laughs, “Wait, for real? You want your food spicier? Man, sometimes the mapo tofu burns my mouth so bad I can’t taste anything for a day.” He crosses the room to sit on the bed next to Bakugou and slings an arm around him. “Thank you, though. I didn’t know.” He really didn’t, although looking back it may have been obvious.
Bakugou sighs and leans into Kirishima’s chest. “I should’ve told you.”
“About the food? Nah, I should’ve figured it out, honestly, it’s kind of obvious now that I—”
“No, you idiot. I should’ve told you I was sick.”
Kirishima falls silent. He kind of forgot about their fight for a moment, and it had been nice. He pulls back from Bakugou and sits against his headboard. “Yeah, you should have.”
Bakugou looks at him, “I just—didn’t want you thinking about me differently. If I’m sick, if I’m not operating at my fullest potential, that’s on me, you know? It’s my business. And I can handle it on my own.”
Kirishima sighs, “I know you can, Bakugou. That doesn’t mean you should. We’re a team—at least, I want to be. I know I’m stronger with you by my side, and I want to help you when you’re not at one hundred percent. Although, I gotta say, Bakugou Katsuki at his worst is still a hell of a lot better than most people at their best. You beat the shit outta that yeti, man.”
Bakugou snorts, “Damn right.” He stares at Kirishima, mouth slowly curling into a smirk. “Did you call me Katsuki, the other night?”
Kirishima looks at the ceiling. “Um, what night? Nope, don’t think so.”
“Oh, you so did, fucker!” Bakugou snickers and tackles Kirishima to the bed, staring down at him like he wants to kiss him or kill him or both. Kirishima swallows loudly, “Okay, but… you called me Eijirou first.”
“Hah? I did?” Bakugou’s mouth drops open and he flushes. It’s adorable.
“You did. You were really sick and sleepy and out of it, but you definitely called me Eijirou.” Kirishima smiles smugly up at his shellshocked boyfriend.
Bakugou pouts. “Well, that’s shitty.”
Oh. Maybe this wasn’t a cute revelation, and was just another thing Bakugou hated to do because it made him feel weak, or whatever. Great.
“I wanted to remember the first time I said it.” Bakugou’s red all the way up to his ears now, but he maintains eye contact, staring resolutely down at Kirishima. He bends down and kisses him urgently, nipping at Kirishima’s lips. Kirishima gasps and Bakugou slips his tongue into his mouth, and it’s warm and wet and so good, and it makes his toes curl. Kirishima whines as Bakugou presses down onto him, kissing hungrily, almost like he wants to devour him, and he feels like the one that’s sick now, overheating from the dizzying attention.
It’d be easy to continue like this, to feel good that he called him Katsuki and got away with it, to revel in the admission of Bakugou kind-of admitting he did something wrong. But.
“Wait, wait, Bakugou—” Kirishima pulls away, breathing hard and he cannot believe he just willingly stopped kissing Bakugou, who looks unbearably attractive hovering over him, chest heaving and lips bitten red. Bakugou raises an eyebrow at him and waits.
Kirishima squeezes his eyes shut, “Can we just—can we keep talking?” He opens his eyes and sees Bakugou sit back, clearly confused.
“I thought we did talk? Aren’t we okay now?” And he looks like he really does believe that.
Kirishima doesn’t want to laugh, but a huff escapes him anyway. “Dude, you can’t just shove food at me and kiss me and expect our fight to fix itself.”
“I didn’t! We fucking talked, I apologized, or whatever!”
“Um, you didn’t, actually.”
Bakugou falls silent. A few moments pass while Kirishima waits for him to replay their conversation in his head. Eventually, Bakugou sighs, “Okay. I am sorry for not telling you I was sick.”
“Will you tell me stuff like that in the future?”
Bakugou hesitates. Kirishima sighs and looks away. He appreciates his boyfriend trying, but if they just end up here again in a month, does it matter?
“Hey, this isn’t fucking easy for me, okay? I hate being fucking weak, even in front of you. It’s bad enough that fucking Deku sees this shit when I don’t want him to.” Bakugou moves off of Kirishima completely and starts pacing the room. The energy is tense again, not unlike it was before their fight, Kirishima notes nervously. Still, he can’t just avoid talking about things because he’s scared of fighting.
But Kirishima doesn’t know what to say. He knows it’s not easy to be vulnerable; he likes Bakugou so much it hurts sometimes, and it’s terrifying to give someone else that much power over him. So he gets it, kind of. But if Bakugou can’t let go of those fears, what else is there to say?
The silence is loud.
Bakugou turns on his heel, facing Kirishima, and takes a deep breath. He opens his mouth, then closes it.
Kirishima’s about to ask him to just leave when Bakugou says, “It’s just like at the sports festival. Or—or the sludge monster.” He clenches his jaw and almost whispers, “I feel like… like I’m being fucking ripped open in front of everyone to see my shit, and I hate it.”
Of course, Kirishima knew Bakugou suffered during those events—he had heard the muffled explosions through the walls sometimes at night, and he could only assume Bakugou was having nightmares. Naturally, when he tried to reach out at those times, Bakugou would fall silent through the walls and Kirishima would resort to shooting him a brief, supportive text that goes unacknowledged. So while Kirishima did connect the dots, it’s something else entirely to hear it from Bakugou’s mouth.
Bakugou continues. “I’m fucking trying, but you—you can’t just say we should break up every time I fuck up.”
Right. He did do that. Despite priding himself on respecting Bakugou’s boundaries, he still crossed the line when it mattered. “Bakugou…” Kirishima wants to hold him so, so badly. But Bakugou looks as tightly wound as a wire, like he might snap at any moment and storm out of the room. Kirishima doesn’t actually know how to handle this situation, despite having basically begged him to open up in the first place. He’s failing again.
“Katsuki.” Bakugou corrects, and Kirishima floods with relief as he remembers that they aren’t the same couple that went into the mountain the day before. They have grown together, a little, and it was painful, but Bakugou standing in his room, clenching his jaw so tightly it looks like it hurts, baring his soul just a little bit, is all the proof Kirishima needs that his boyfriend really is trying.
Kirishima stands up and pulls Bakugou into his arms. “Katsuki, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t expect you to be able to talk about your feelings all the time. I know you’ve—you’ve been through some terrible stuff, and I know you’re working on it still.” Bakugou sniffs loudly against Kirishima’s neck and the redhead tightens his hold.
“I’m fucking sorry. I yelled at you and made you cry, just because you were worried about me.” Bakugou’s voice is thick, like he’s trying not to cry. Kirishima maneuvers them onto the bed and pulls Bakugou onto his lap.
“Hey, no. I didn’t have to push so hard, Katsuki. I was just… feeling insecure about Midoriya.” Kirishima admits, even though he kind of wants the bed to swallow him up even as he says it. It’s shameful, to be jealous of Bakugou’s childhood friend-rival-thing, when clearly there’s a lot of baggage there he doesn’t understand.
Bakugou stills. “Deku is… it’s complicated. I want to tell you about it, but… maybe not today.” He swallows. “Unless you want me to. I can.”
Kirishima smiles at the offer and kisses Bakugou’s forehead. “No, that’s okay. I appreciate you opening up.” He furrows his brow. “I really am sorry about pushing you. That… wasn’t cool of me.” He pushed Bakugou past where he’s comfortable, clearly. Thinking back, it’s pretty obvious that Bakugou has been trying to open up and show he cares this whole time. Kirishima pushed him until he broke down and almost cried, and he feels pretty shitty about it.
“I’ve gotta learn to trust you to go at your own pace with this, yeah?” Kirishima cradles Bakugou’s face in his hands, like it’s something precious.
Bakugou nods. “I want to tell you things. It’s just fucking hard. I’m going to try, but I’m sure I’ll fuck up again, and we’ll fight. If you can’t handle that—”
“I can! I swear, I know you’re trying. I won’t bring up breaking up every time we fight. I’m sorry.” Kirishima feels awful.
Bakugou murmurs, “’S’okay.” and presses a kiss to Kirishima’s palm. He looks so tired. Kirishima lays down, pulling his boyfriend with him.
He pulls his comforter over them and whispers, “I really like you, Katsuki.”
Bakugou snorts and whispers back with the same inflection, “You’re a fucking sap, Eijirou.” Kirishima’s stomach flips at hearing his first name come out of Bakugou’s mouth, and he can’t help but squeal a little and pull Bakugou closer. Bakugou barks out a laugh, “What the fuck was that noise?”
“Nothing!” Kirishima nuzzles into Bakugou’s neck and presses a light kiss to his throat, hoping to distract him from the decidedly girlish, giddy noise he had just made. He can’t help it, though. For the first time all day he can breathe easily.
“Mhm.” Bakugou hums and angles his neck to give Kirishima better access. “Can I stay here tonight?” He asks quietly.
Kirishima looks at him, red eyes widening. “Y-yeah, dude! Of course! Anytime!” They haven’t done this before; Kirishima has been too nervous to ask. Bakugou bops him on the head, “Don’t freak out, Shitty Hair. It’s not a big deal.”
Except it kind of is.