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Of all the things that could wake one up, Lauren hadn’t expected it to be the mattress dipping abruptly on one side, nearly flinging her off the bed. And just when she had finally managed to enter deep, peaceful sleep too.
She braced herself with one hand on the bedside table and the other on the edge of the mattress, and once she was steady she bolted back to a sitting position on the bed and looked over to the source of her problem, which happened to be no other than her husband. Kieran laid on his side of the bed after apparently having flopped face-first on the pillow, one leg on top of the bedsheets and the other hanging down the bedside, unmoving.
Lauren would usually scold him and try to kick him off the bed for getting on the clean sheets with his outside clothes, and she would’ve done just that hadn’t she been abruptly assaulted with the heavy, sharp scent of liquor.
“Heaven's sake, Kieran, you reek of alcohol!” she cried, batting at his shoulder while holding a finger to her nostrils. “Get up, you idiot!”
Kieran barely groaned as a reaction to her shoving, lazily turning his head to look at her. She stopped when she met his hazy azure eyes, and he stared up at her until his eyes focused a little more and he seemed to recognize her.
“What are you doing in my bed?” he mumbled, the words barely intelligible when half his face remained buried in the pillow.
Lauren frowned at him, but felt a bubble of amusement raising as she answered matter-of-factly:
“Kieran, we're married.”
His eyebrows rose. “We are?” his mouth widened into a dumb smile, his voice adopting a tone of wonder. “That's awesome.”
“ Oh my god ,” Lauren breathed a laugh, leaning back to appraise him fully and noticed he hadn’t even taken his coat off when he came in. She furrowed her nose again as another wave of the smell currently cloying him hit her and then proceeded to state the obvious. “Kieran, you are drunk.”
“ No, I'm not .”
“How much did you drink? You're wasted!” Lauren laughed again, taking his jaw and turning it away from the pillow. “You're going to suffocate. This was definitely Kym’s doing. What did she give you?”
“ I only had –” he lifted his hand, squinting as he tried to keep his unsteady fingers an inch apart. “– this much .”
“Sure you did,” Lauren scoffed amusedly, staring down at him. It wasn’t often that Kieran got drunk, not to say never. He had a high tolerance and never drank past a certain amount of drinks, a habit he had developed over the years due to carrying so many secrets he didn't want to accidentally spill. Even after the storm had passed and they had walked into peaceful life together, he still kept that habit, a sort of burden he had to drag along.
Clearly, leaving him alone with Kym as drinking partner and Will as only supervision had not been the best idea Lauren had. The four of them were supposed to meet up after work, but she had gotten caught up with work last minute, forcing her to stay behind. She encouraged Kieran to go with their friends, promising to finish up as soon as she could and meet them at the bar, but several hours and a headache later she had decided to call it a night instead and just head back home.
Never again.
“I can't believe Will let this happen,” Lauren huffed, rising to her knees and tugging at his sleeve. “Get up, we need to get you out of those clothes.”
Kieran hummed in response, looking up at her with mischief in his drunken eyes and a sloppy smirk. “We don’t need to get out of bed for that.”
Lauren barked a laugh, shaking her head disapprovingly. She slapped his butt, making him flinch in surprise. “Get up, you ass.”
Kieran groaned as Lauren dragged him back to his feet, and he focused intently on the floor until it had presumably stopped spinning before looping an arm over Lauren’s shoulders and letting her guide him to the bathroom. She let him sit on the toilet as she went back to fetch a stool, finding him in the exact same position she had left him. Lauren laughed, leaving the stool under the showerhead before going over to Kieran, who stared up at her with half-lidded eyes. She dedicated him a soft smile, which he gladly returned.
“So you had fun?” she asked, brushing his bangs back to see his face better before reaching for the ribbon that barely managed to loosely hold half of his hair up.
“Mhmm,” he hummed. His eyes had closed when she started combing his hair with her fingers, and he sighed, placing his hands at her hips, his thumbs tenderly brushing her hipbone over her nightgown. “But I missed you.”
“Sorry for leaving you all alone,” she chuckled, letting the ribbon fall on the counter and pushing the coat off his shoulders. “I ended up being too tired to go.”
“It’s fine,” he mumbled, squeaking his eyes open. “I probably should learn to hang out without you by my side by now.”
“I’ll be with you next time, promise,” she shook her head, dropping the coat on the floor and then getting to work the vest and shirt open. “It flatters me that you enjoy my presence so much, subordinate, but I would be much more at ease knowing you can be on your own for an evening and not be miserable.”
“Of course I enjoy your presence, I married you,” he pursed his lips in thought, his head bobbing once as she helped him out of his shirt and knelt to take off his shoes. “Though I assume it’s more surprising you married me .”
“Nothing to be surprised about there,” Lauren chuckled, lightly hitting his legs with the second shoe and dropping it on the floor too. She sighed, unbuckling his belt. “Oh, you’re so gonna pay for this, dearest .”
“For what, you undressing me?” he laughed to himself. “You do that plenty already.”
“For not kicking you out of the room when you got in the bed with these filthy clothes,” she pulled him to his feet again, discarding the last of his clothing and huffing as he leaned his weight on her, guiding him to the shower. “Help me out here, you’re heavy.”
They tumbled together into the shower, shuffling on the slippery tile until she could drop him on the stool, and without a care that she was still in her nightgown, she turned on the shower. Kieran sputtered as the cold water hit his head, hissing indignantly for a second until it warmed up to a comfortable temperature. That seemed to wake him up more from his drunken state. He sighed, closing his eyes and tilting his head up, letting the water rain down upon him while Lauren’s hands washed him. They stayed in their silence for a long time, not a complaint heard from either side, but his eyes intently focused on her as she worked until the scent of alcohol was gone and replaced with the familiar scent of home. She inhaled it contently, letting the subtle woody and floral fragrance of his products envelop her sense and relax her body. At this point, her dress was thoroughly soaked as well as the ends of her hair, but she didn’t care. She reached for his shampoo, and it was only when she had started to massage his scalp that he decided to speak.
“Why did you choose me?”
Lauren stopped mid-motion, her hands still poised over his head, and looked down at him. He was frowning, apparently deep in thought. She questioningly lifted an eyebrow.
“What are you talking about?”
Kieran stared at her, mouth set in a firm, straight line for a good second, his face slowly twisting into something like sorrow.
“You could’ve had anyone,” he muttered, smiling sadly. “Any man or woman would've been with you without a single doubt. Why me?” he sighed. “Why me when you could’ve had so much better?”
Lauren stared at him for a minute, the shower filling the silence that fell in the room. Now that he had said his words, Kieran lowered his head and stared down at his hands, toying with the delicate material of her soaked nightgown. She stood there, motionless, speechless.
It wasn't the first time he said things like these. It wasn’t the first time she found herself having to console him and reassure him, it wasn't the first time he questioned her love for him. She tried to remain calm about it. Sometimes, it frustrated that he'd keep questioning her feelings for him, but she knew that that came from something much deeper than she could understand. She knew most of his fears and insecurities were born from all that time he spent alone, and despite how much he loved her, he was also all too willing to give her up for her sake. She knew if she were to tell him to walk off her life, he would without a question.
But how could she? How could she ever so much as consider asking him to leave her? They had their fights as any normal couple would, but she still wouldn't give up what they had over that. She had made a very clear vow: to stand by his side in good times and in bad times until the day death did them apart. How could she wish to have anyone but him by her side? Who in this world could know her like he did, love her as he did? Who would understand the horrors and the pain and hold her through the aftermath as he did?
Lauren took his chin in her hand, tipping his head back so he'd look at her again. He had that weary look in his eyes she never wished to be the cause of, so to erase it she smiled at him, making sure to pour into her smile, gaze, and words all the love she had for him.
“I chose you...” she leaned down to peck the tip of his nose. “Because no one else is you. I chose you because I need my partner by my side, and that has always been and will always be only you.”
Still very drunk, Kieran took a second to let the words sink in, and then the biggest, stupidest grin bloomed on his face.
“I have the best wife,” he hummed, and Lauren laughed at his statement, resuming her work on his hair. Kieran continued his chanting, slightly swaying side to side. “Wife. Wife . You are my wife. And I am your husband,” he chuckled, his grin growing and he lightly kicked his feet in the air. “And I love my wifeee… ”
Lauren threw her head back and laughed while rinsing his hair. “Oh, you are going to regret this so much in the morning.”
“I love you, Lauren,” Kieran slurred, and Lauren smiled wider, knowing those words would never be a lie coming from his mouth, even when he was wasted.
“And I love you too, Kieran,” she leaned down to kiss him quickly, and with the last of the suds rinsed out of his body, she pulled him up to his feet again, letting him lean on her and hug her even though he was soaked to the bone. Lauren grabbed a towel and quickly wrapped it around his waist. “Let’s get you dressed.”
“In a moment,” Kieran murmured, burying his face in the pit of her neck. “Hold me, please.”
Lauren smiled softly again, chuckling under her breath as she wrapped her arms around him, touching wet skin and brushing out the knots from his hair with her fingers, waiting for him to be satisfied with the contact enough for them to move on with the night so they could finally go to bed.
She could scold him about having gotten himself drunk or bring up the bedsheets she had to change so late in the morning. They could laugh together about his clumsiness and drunken behavior when the sun was up, but it was still night, so for now she'd wait for him. She always had, and she always would.
For now, she would hold him, just as he asked, so he'd know that it was his wife who had taken care of him. So he'd know that if he tripped, she wouldn’t let him fall. So he'd know that when he couldn’t trust his own body, she would trust hers for both their sakes.
So he'd know that even if he was battered, bruised, cracked apart, or wasted, she wouldn't trade him for the entire world.
