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Snake waits.
There’s too much to process, so he gives Otacon the time and space while trying to run Philanthropy to the best of his ability. It was an ideal time to learn in case Otacon was ever unable to fulfill the desk jockey role, but god if it wasn’t confusing. Snake spent most of his time relaying events back to Mei Ling, who knew much more than Snake, passing the reins over.
Otacon wasn’t eating - a normal occurrence during stressful times - but Snake starts to leave out meals, knowing Otacon would fret about spoiling food but feel too guilty about putting it to waste, eating it with a pout. Like a dog refusing to take a pill until realizing it’s coated with peanut butter, dismissing any previous feelings in favor of the inevitable overriding hunger.
After what feels like years, Otacon knocks on Snake’s door. He was in the process of scribbling notes of what Mei Ling was reporting back, curtly telling her goodbye before hanging up.
“What’s up?”
“We need to talk.” That’s an understatement. “There’s a lot to talk about, I-I know, but I can’t stand wallowing in it anymore.” Sitting at the edge of Snake’s bed and taking up as little space as possible, Otacon exhales slowly. “Uhm. Where do you want me to start?”
“You start with what you’re comfortable with.”
“Sorry for making you pick up my slack with work. I’m sure most of Mei Ling’s jargon is lost on you.”
“That’s not a problem; I get to see her cute face again.” At that, Otacon just barely manages to hide a faint exhale through his nose, a small laugh reserved for Snake makes jokes like that.
“Thank you for the food, also. If you weren’t here, I probably would’ve starved to death.”
“Of course.”
Rubbing at his arm, Otacon looks down at the floor, mindlessly shuffling his feet along the grain of the wood. “I guess I should explain more.”
“Only if you want to.”
“With the, uh, Discovery - I took that gamble because, well, you know. And after you met her I’m sure you could see why I hoped it was her. I know it almost killed you - I think about it almost every fucking day,” bunching his jeans, Otacon hisses through his teeth, pained at the memory. “It was my attempt to get closure, I guess, and I didn’t consider the potential risk it had, sending you out like that. Now, granted, neither of us had any idea things would turn out that way - Ocelot, of all people, showing up - but the entire thing was because my feelings for my sister clouded my role as your partner. And for that I’m truly sorry.”
In the last two years, Otacon had apologized for fucking up, but now Snake had a better understanding of what Otacon was thinking. Even though it was hard to accept, Snake nods silently, letting Otacon continue.
“And, er, the thing I confessed to her— I’m sure you heard, of course, even if you were pretending not to for privacy. I think that was also part of getting that closure; finally being able to explain myself.” He rubs at his eyes, almost as if anticipating tears, only to come up dry. “It was futile, of course, and she probably died disgusted with me. Do I feel better by getting it out there? No, not really. It’s a dirty secret she didn’t need to know and I had dropped on you and Raiden when you had a million other things to focus on. But, you know, now it’s out there. If you think less of me for that then, well, I appreciate you staying and I won’t blame you for any grudges you have, especially because of that mission two years ago. You almost died because of my ghosts and now I’m left with reopened wounds. My skeletons are out and I…” he trails off, not looking up at Snake. “And I’m sorry I dragged you into my family problems.”
“Ota— Hal. You’re not the only one with baggage, especially about family issues. I’m not mad or disgusted by you, either.” Scratching the back of his neck, Snake sighs. “Thanks for telling me. You don’t have to say anything else.”
“I just feel like I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me shit. When I joined Philanthropy I meant I’d stay regardless of what happens - if I was really pissed, I would’ve left after the Discovery. Did I?” Hal shakes his head. “No, and I won’t leave because of this, either. This is something we can go over at some other time if you think it’ll help - I’m always willing to listen, you know that - but for now let’s slap a bandaid on that wound and keep moving forward. We can’t get dragged down just yet.” Standing up, Snake extends his hand for Otacon to take. “Now come on, we’ve got a baby to hunt down.”
Pulling himself up, Otacon grips Snake’s hand when the other starts to walk away, stopping him. With an eyebrow quirked in question, Otacon closes the distance and kisses Snake, long and slow, like he was dreaming. Pulling back, Snake cups the back of Otacon’s head and smiles that tiny, almost microscopic way he does.
“Feel better?” He mouths, rubbing his thumb behind Otacon’s ear. With a meek nod, Otacon pulls him in again, grateful to be where he was - on his own two feet with someone supporting him through all his fumbling, warm and real and alive under his touch.