Chapter Text
“You really don’t know, do you?” Alex set the glass back onto the tabletop, a little irritated and already buzzed from not eating. She couldn’t even count how many times Kara had stuck up for her when her name was being dragged through the mud. “Kara being Kara, I’m assuming she didn’t tell you about her time with Mxyzptlk?” Lena finished her drink and poured another round of shots.
“What about Mxyzptlk?” It was Alex’s turn to empty the contents of her glass. She took a seat on a barstool, gesturing for Lena to sit beside her. Lena sat down, placing the bottle on the counter so Alex could fill her cup, if needed.
“There are a lot of things that we, as sisters, don’t agree on and I’ll be the first to say that I wasn’t supportive of Kara’s unwavering trust of you being different from your family-–and most of all, putting that above everything else. I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for not trusting you and assuming that you followed the negative connotations surrounding the Luthor name.” Alex circled the edge of the glass with her middle finger, deciding that she probably did need more whiskey. Lena sucked in a breath, finding Alex’s admission unsavory but swallowing her indignant response.
“Kara fought for you. Every time. She always has.” Alex shook her head and filled her glass again. “I should have trusted her but she can be too trusting sometimes and it blinds her.” Lena leaned forward onto the table and peered down into the amber liquid.
“She wanted to tell you about her identity as Supergirl because she knew it would be important to you, but she also knew that displaying that raw honesty could explode in her face. She always feared your disapproval–was overwhelmingly unsettled about it even.” Lena inhaled sharply at that, not really knowing what to think.
“I wished she would’ve trusted me sooner. She made me feel like such a fool. I knew Kara always trusted me but when she’s Supergirl, we developed this animosity towards each other.” Lena took a drink to hide the heat in her cheeks. “Supergirl didn’t trust me but Kara did and tried to make me see things Supergirl’s way without me knowing that she was fighting to help me see that Supergirl did care but was hurt. It was like she was giving me these bits and pieces so I could come to the realization myself but I--” the dark haired woman relaxed her shoulders and took a breath, “I wasn’t listening. I thought I was doing right by her but I was hurting her and she would come back and hold me. Take care of me. Had I known earlier, we could have avoided all of this.”
“Don’t blame yourself. One thing I know about my sister is that she has a big heart and you’re someone that she couldn’t ever ignore. The problem is that she’s always been told to hide her powers since our parents took her in. For her safety and for the people she loves. They wanted her to have a normal life but Kara’s natural instincts to protect people, no matter the danger, ended up getting us in quite the predicament when we were kids. From there on, Kara hid herself, making do with a ‘normal,’” Alex used air quotations, “life in school and at CatCo. She had been hiding this secret her whole life because we always made her feel like she would put everyone in peril from the sheer idea that we knew what was best for her. Obviously, we know that Supergirl can handle herself and though she should be tactical with who she reveals her true identity to, the worry is always there. Every day that I see her fly off to fight for this city, my mind wanders to the worst. Supergirl may be nearly invincible but I can’t be anything but rational. Any situation she’s involved in could go bad. Her fight with Reign--” Alex’s voice cracked before gritting her teeth and heaved out a loud sigh.
Alex regained her composure and continued, “there have been a couple close calls where. . . I’d thought I had lost her forever.” She fought hard to hold back her tears, not wanting to get too broken up in front of Lena, but still had to swipe at a tear rolling down her cheek. Lena’s heart ached for Alex, easily empathizing with how she felt having been at the sidelines of the sisters’ unfaltering relationship for this many years.
“I’ll always fight for her and part of that fight was me being cynical of anybody she told her secret to.” Alex reached for the bottle again, overpouring out of nervousness. “I can’t tell you how broken she was when she told me that you cut her out of your life. It was like she was a shell of herself. Kara’s never been afraid of anything, but the one thing she told me she was afraid of was losing your friendship.” Lena’s hands fidgeted and she decidedly made it her job to fill their cups. A deep aching in her chest growing exponentially from knowing she had done wrong by Kara. “I’ve seen her through thick and thin and there’s a special love she has with you that has made me wonder.” Alex laughed softly with a sniffle.
“There’s nothing she wouldn’t do for you.” Lena saw the sway in Alex’s body when the older sister took a careful sip of her drink. The CEO kept attentive to all the information she was absorbing. “So,” Alex set her glass down a little too fast, making a loud clink sound when glass met the table. “Mxyzptlk, the fifth dimensional being.” Alex slurred as she took another drink and Lena looked at the bottle of scotch, thinking it was best to keep Alex from drinking in excess. “Mxyzptlk came to her and she chose to go back in time to fix her relationship with you.” A shiver ran up Lena’s spine and her interest grew twenty fold. “She went back to multiple memories of where she thought it would be reasonable to reveal her identity to you. Every memory yielded the same response from you. Kara thought she could fix it, but every time she tried, she grew more bitter from each outcome. I could see the hurt she felt despite her saying otherwise.” Alex swung the glass in the air unceremoniously.
“She went through all of that with high hopes that you would come around and that the future would not end in one or multiple people dying, as a result. I saw her disappointment, anger, and pain. I could feel it as if it was my own when she told me that there was no alternate timeline that would change how you felt about the betrayal. Regardless of how strong she is, she has shown an immense weakness for you. She’s cried and has had sleepless nights upon realizing that there was no way she could fix anything. It’s the only thing I’ve seen that’s disabled her from being positive and putting one hundred percent into her work. I could see the hurt in the way she wasn’t herself when she was at the DEO and on our sister nights. I also lived through it on several nights when she would call me over to her apartment and the only thing she could think or talk about was you. It was always you. Our usual sister time had become a deeper look into how she felt about losing you.”
“I’m sorry, Alex, I--” Alex waved her hand to stop Lena from apologizing and poured yet another drink.
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. It’s mine for making Kara feel like you weren’t someone we could trust.” Lena stayed silent, unsure of how to answer. “I’m glad that you both have come to terms and I hope that you know that there’s more to Kara than what she’s telling you.” What? Lena opened her mouth to talk but the eldest Danvers spoke again. “I know she’s been hard on you but it doesn't change how she feels about you.” Alex went to grab for the bottle again and Lena interrupted.
“And how is that?” Lena crossed her arms, already expecting disappointment. Alex rolled her eyes at Lena and accidentally filled her glass more than half-way.
“She loves you. Since she’s met you it’s been Lena this and Lena that. She wasn’t like this with Mon-El and he was shitty and from Daxam!” Alex shook her head and struggled to sip the contents of her glass. “It’s never been about your last name.”
“I love Kara too and would do anything to protect her and it’s unprecedented that we wouldn’t consider each other in mind.” Alex snorts a laugh at that. “What?”
“Lena, for a genius, you really can be quite dense sometimes.” Lena turned to her with an offended look.
“Excuse me?” She said, affronted.
“I just said that she has never been this protective of anyone else except you.” Lena winced.
“What are you saying?” Lena asked, obliviously.
“Really?!” She said in a surprisingly high tone. “C’mon. I shouldn’t have to explain this to the both of you.” Alex dug her head into her hands, sinking forward.
“I’m not--” Lena reached her hand out to prevent Alex’s head from hitting the counter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’ worry abou’ it. I think it’s time I go back to my quarters.” Lena pried the glass out of Alex’s hand and tried to steady her by the shoulders.
“You’re not going anywhere unless I take you.” Lena said firmly as Alex rubbed her face with both hands as if trying to rub off the feeling of drunkenness from her head. “You can follow me.”
Alex got up and swirled in the chair before she almost ate shit from stepping off the barstool. Lena caught her by her right arm just in time, barely holding up her weight.
“I think it’s better if I walk you.” Lena arched an eyebrow at Alex, paired with an incredulous stare.
Alex patronized herself for her own behavior. “Fine, but don’t say anything about this.” She wiggled her finger back and forth at Lena and it made the latter laugh.
“It’ll be as if it never happened. Come on, now.” Lena reached her hand out to pull Alex up to her feet. “You can stay here too, you know.” They walked to the door as Alex stumbled.
“Here is fine.” A shy smile graced Lena’s lips as she turned to guide Alex to the bed.
“Easy, now.” Lena used as much of her strength as she could to gently lay her onto the bed. She hadn’t had any extra bedding so she wrapped Alex up in the comforter she was already laying on.
“Lena,” Alex grabbed her hand when she turned to leave and it startled her. “She does love you, y’know. Like, really, really--” Alex hiccupped. “You’re her--you’re her--” She dug her head into the corner of the pillow. “You’ve gotta watch--” she yawned, “the tapes.” She mumbled something else below her breath and let go.
“Her what? What tapes?” Lena wanted to know more, but Alex had already drifted off. She walked over to the couch, Alex’s words still on her mind in addition to all of the endless possibilities of Kara’s endeavors. She laid on the couch and thought of how Kara had tried to fix their relationship by going through multiple alternate universes. It was killing her not knowing what Alex was going to say. With her curiosity getting the best of her, Lena got up and tucked in Kara’s sister one last time before going back to pour herself another drink. This should be the last drink. She thinks as the liquid burns through her chest. Kara still isn’t back. She couldn’t bring her back. What is it going to take? She raised from her chair, bottle and drink in hand to go down to Kara's room. There wasn't anybody in sight. She carefully and quietly walked the perimeter to find Brainy typing away.
“Brainy.”
“Lena.” He turned in his chair. “You should be asleep. You’ll need all the energy you can get for tomorrow.” Lena raised the bottle above her head.
“Couldn’t sleep. I’m going to the lab to find a way to bring Kara back.” Brainy nodded.
“I will continue configuring what’s needed.” He kept a straight face and turned to resume his typing. Lena walked past the mainframe to get where she needed to be. She hadn’t been used to a publicly open lab where every movement could be monitored but she pushed the thought aside. This wasn’t something she was hiding. She didn’t have to be mindful of other people’s feelings unless there were casualties. She missed Kara. Not only as her best friend but also as her saving grace. She wanted to go back to the relationship she had had with Kara before she had known her identity. Kara wasn’t any different, she had finally realized. Kara and Supergirl were the same and she admits she saw two sides; however, she had long ago seen the disposition of their relationship. Those small changes in Kara’s temperament and mannerisms when it came to Lena talking about her mistrust in Supergirl. How Kara had pursed her lips and swallowed before looking down so she could let the feelings pass. Kara had provided her a safe space to vent and be herself. Just her. Family name aside, without any restrictions or judgment.
Lena took a deep breath, set the bottle and glass down, and opened her laptop to analyze the data she had already memorized. She sat down and carefully went over every word thrice as she had done since Alex took apparatus from her. Reading and rereading to find something. Lena grabbed the crystal and rotated it in her hands.
“What are you hiding that I cannot find?” She sat back in her chair. Tapes. Tapes. Tapes. The word replayed in her mind. Maybe the tapes were stored in the room that Alex had organized for Kara’s return. Lena logged out of the laptop and jogged to the elevator of the tower.
“Lena? Lena!” Brainy called out from behind the desk but she didn’t pay any mind. The brunette had tunnel vision, forgetting the algorithms that were replaying in her head and the heaviness in her heart growing from the possibility that Kara could be in pain or worse; left without her powers and destined to be lost in looping traumatic memories. Even if they do get Kara back, will she be the same? Will she still be her Kara? Tears pricked her eyes and she clenched her fists. All those arguments they had were such a waste now. She should have spent more time building their relationship instead of tearing it apart. All that time, lost. There was still so much she wanted to tell Kara. She took in a trembling breath, losing her composure. She stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors but Brainy ran and swept across the sensors to enter. “No more boxes?”
“No more boxes.” Brainy hung his head and gave an exasperated sigh.
“Finally. Your intelligence is far too high for you to be so daft. Although we had agreed boxes were inefficient, you still have been using them.”
“Belittled for the second time today. . .” Lena rubbed her eyes and pinched her nose as she shook her head. At this moment, there is an approximation of 98.77% that your work will affect the future. Brainy holds his tongue and straightens his shoulders. “What is it, Brainy?”
“You have no idea the impact your work will make. Your intelligence could nearly rival mine.” Lena choked on a sob and looked away. “Nearly.” It was a compliment coming from Brainy but would otherwise be a backhanded compliment from anyone else.
“I didn’t know that you thought that highly of me.” Her stomach fell and she could feel hot, heavy tears falling from the corners of her eyes.
“Forgive me for making you feel--” Brainy tried to find the correct sympathetic word, “inadequate.” The attempt was not lost on her and it made her laugh, tears falling of their own accord. Brainy held his hands behind his back, not engaging in her emotional response. “Had you been involved in our efforts, there was a--” His mind wandered to the statistics of each and individual issue but he buried the facts. “A far greater chance that the events that have materialized would have resulted in far less injuries or casualties. Although, I can say that some decisions, those driven by emotion, have not been in favor. From my assessment of my previous knowledge and your most recent decision, I ascertain your feelings for Supergirl—Kara, are the same I have for Nia Nal.” The doors opened and Brainy strode through, leaving a nonplussed Lena behind.
“Why haven’t you said anything?” He asked, curious. Lena walked into the room with one thing on her mind, scavenging through drawers and containers without care as Brainy watched. “What are you looking for?”
“They’ve got to be here somewhere.” She looked with purpose, hands sifting through paperwork and clothes.
“The redundant sources we initially used to find Kara?”
“No, the tapes.” Lena scoured the area for unchecked spots or boxes.
“Tapes are futile to produce a solution to finding Kara and Alex only brought her necessities.” Lena slammed a filing drawer shut.
“You’re right. Kara would have them at her apartment.”
“Wait, I didn’t say--” Lena walked around Brainy and back to the elevator. She was antsy and impatient and couldn’t stop herself from pressing the button again. She folded her hands together and pulled at the rings on her fingers as a distraction. There had to be something, anything in Kara’s place. Where did she leave her copy of Kara’s apartment key? Did she throw it out after their fight? No. The second drawer to the left of her bed.
“Lena?” She didn’t respond but he followed her nonetheless. “Lena?” Her mind was circling, twisting, and folding in on itself. What was in these obscure tapes? What exactly were the trials and tribulations of said tapes? Which memories did Kara choose? Perhaps it had been a message that Kara had left her but then why wouldn’t Alex have said something about them earlier?
“Yes?” She answered without paying attention, caught within her own mind as she usually did when she was trying to find an answer to something that was at her fingertips.
“There is something you don’t know.” He said carefully.
“Respectfully, Brainy, there has been a plethora of things that have been hidden from me, I don’t think that I could be shocked by whatever else I’ll learn.” Brainy dipped his head and cleared his throat. “That being said, I’m going to need your help. I need to get to my loft and then to Kara’s. It might be a longshot but I reconfigured a safer and more advanced prototype of the Lexosuit--without the use of kryptonite.” She corrected, feeling the pang in her chest from not doing right by Karain the past. “I had planned to make enough for the Superfriends in case we would have to enter the phantom zone ourselves but I underestimated what we were up against.” Lena walked out of the elevator and straight to the lab. She crouched down and pulled a black case out from underneath one of the tables. “Here.” She opened the top and there laid four out of six color-coded boxes nestled neatly in thick black foam. “I made Alex’s first,” she pointed to the turquoise shell, “and mine and yours right after.” She pulled the midnight purple and black and gold devices from their respective places. “The last one is Nia’s.” Brainy was transfixed on the baby blue shell that it took him a couple of seconds to receive the box. Lena could see something stirring in his eyes but didn’t want to pry. “Are you sure everyone is sleeping?” He nodded and pocketed the device.
“We will have to be quick. I don’t fear many things but the disappointment from Nia Nal is not something I would particularly like to experience.” Lena gave a faint laugh as she closed the box and stowed it away.
“Let’s hope we can quickly find what we need then.”
---------------------------------------------------
“What are we looking for?” Lena unlocked the door to Kara’s apartment and slipped inside. Brainy walked through the threshold and brought his finger down on one of the almost dried out petals of the sunflower bouquet Kara had left on the kitchen counter.
“Tapes.” Lena repeated what Alex had said. “There are tapes somewhere--” Lena flipped up the loveseat at the edge of Kara’s bed. “VHS tapes, I’m assuming. There is something in them that Alex wants me to see.” The CEO speed-walked over to the entertainment center in the living room.
“The eternity tape?” Brainy chastised himself again for his inability to keep his mouth shut.
“Eternity tape?” She walked over to him with a quirked eyebrow. “What do you know that you’re not saying?” Brainy fidgeted and stepped back.
“As you know, there are things I can and cannot say. Whether they are uncovered before their actual discovery will still create a change in the space continuum but I cannot inform you. This is of your own will. I cannot and will not intervene.” Lena glared at him.
“Fair enough.” She ran a hand through her hair. She hated going through Kara’s things. If there was one thing she considered of the utmost importance, it was privacy. Yet, her love for Kara was the downfall of it all. She checked the entertainment center again as she had in the past during all of their quaint movie nights. It’s no surprise they aren’t here. She closed the door and stood up. The closet.
She slid open one of the doors to the closet and visually inspected the contents but didn’t find anything. She closed it and opened the other. Down at the bottom were some boxes stacked on top of each other on the floor. The first was a box full of pictures of the Danvers family. The second was filled with all of Kara’s prized work she had completed at Catco. When she lifted the middle box, she almost dropped it in anticipation. She grabbed all three boxes in one go and put them on the bed, setting the ones on top to the side to examine the contents. The only description on the tapes were numbers. One through ten with the last three being starred and wrapped together in a red ribbon. She carried them out and put the first tape in. Why tapes in this day and age? Brainy dug his fingers into the edge of the couch cushion for the pain that was to come. Nothing was said between them as the CEO found the control to set everything up. She stood for the better part of the first tape until the events unfolded and began to go awry.
The first tape cut her, the second drew blood, and the third and onwards to the seventh tape obliterated her. Over and over and over. This is what Alex had been talking about when she brought up Mxyzptlk. She was so mean to Kara every time. To see Kara as Supergirl submitting to Lena because she wouldn’t hurt her was heartbreaking because she knew, when they were arguing, she had wanted Kara to hurt as much as she had. When the eighth tape ended, Lena wiped away her tears and did some introspection. She knew she had been hard on Supergirl, especially when she had made protective devices in the name of National City citizens. All of her efforts had everybody in mind, her best friend included. Her frustration grew again. She pulled her hair up and into a messy bun. The problem was her. Regardless of the time Kara revealed she’s Supergirl, Lena acted out in defense. How could there not be a timeline of where they got along? A time where they felt comfortable working together with all of the secrets out and all of Kara’s friends and family lived. It was both therapeutic to see her face again but also so difficult to see and feel her pain. There was a way that Kara looked at her. Like her own love was reflected on Kara’s face. The memories rushed back.
Kara bringing her her favourite foods. Being there for her when she felt lonely. She had kept that same insistent thought, who brings food from their favourite places from all over the world? Who never falters in being a shoulder to lean on when she knows that it is in detriment to Supergirl? She began to question the tenderness that Kara provided since they had met. Was it a love that was reciprocated? Why hadn’t she told her how she felt sooner? She remembered the first time she thought of wanting to graze her fingers on Kara’s skin, acting on her feelings without hesitation, and kissing her. Why have you gone through these lengths to fix things? She thought.
“Do you think she’s seen these?” She said, confused as to why the last tapes were bound together. Lena slipped the ribbon off and grazed the edges of the top tape with her forefinger and thumb, wondering if it was worth the torment to resume the binge. “The starred bits have to be the worst of them all.” Brainy crossed his arms, maintaining his stance on not interrupting Lena’s indulgence of the tapes. In a way, it was something she felt she deserved. The pain broke her barriers. Part of her wasn’t sure whether or not she would be able to continue but she had come here for a reason. She put the last two tapes on the table and did a double take at inscriptions on both. “I recognize those symbols.” The last was Kryptonese and the other had “Earth-62” intricately scribed in cursive. She fought the urge to skip nine, turning the tenth tape over to quell her curiosity.
She shakily slipped the ninth tape in, already expecting what could happen and hesitating to press play. Lena sighed, “Here we go.”