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Reigen rocked back on his bar stool at the Happy Trails and blinked, trying to concentrate on what Serizawa was saying next to him. He was going in and out of the conversation, but the other man hadn't noticed yet.
“But at the end they switched places!” said Serizawa, grinning loosely. They had been here for a half hour and Serizawa was already on his fourth drink. Reigen couldn’t remember what he had ordered, but it had a tiny cocktail umbrella in it.
Reigen chuckled. That was a joke, right? He gripped his lemon sour tighter and his hand slipped down from the glass’s condensation. It was his second and his face started its tell-tale tingling.
We’re having fun. This isn’t a date, but we’re having fun. He’s having fun.
Serizawa still failed to notice that Reigen hadn’t said anything and continued talking. It was the cost of doing business: when he lost the anxiety of being around others, the line that separated himself from the world blurred and his self-awareness went down in the cross-fire of burning liquor and low tolerances.
Hearing the timbre of Serizawa’s voice warmed Reigen, but he struggled to follow along. His mouth, specifically his tongue, felt clumsy. Without his mouth to speak coherently, he was out of his element and mute.
The irony was not lost on Reigen.
Furrowing his brows and glaring down at his drink, he picked it up and finished what was left. He puckered his mouth at the lemon and shook his empty cup at the bartender.
The bartender sat down the glass he was drying. “Another?” He asked, taking Reigen’s.
Reigen found that he couldn’t speak, so he nodded. His face radiated heat and his eyes watered stray tears that he wiped away with his thumb. The room pressed its stuffiness upon him, though the bar was empty save its regular patrons.
He had suggested popping in for a drink after an unpleasant exorcism earlier in the evening, involving a haunted tree that was kidnapping the local cats. They had managed it, and had pleased the client after chasing and capturing the cats released from the branches. Serizawa had agreed to the idea of a drink with enthusiasm and began drinking at a pace quicker than Reigen was used to.
He coughed, and his throat closed up, stirring a hot wave of irritation to course through him.
Am I allergic to cats?
He examined his suit jacket and picked at the stray cat hairs on his sleeve. This is not happening right now. That damn birch.
The bartender sat down his third lemon sour and Reigen took several large gulps to clear his throat.
Serizawa swung his hands around in sloppy gestures, as if he was poorly imitating Reigen’s precisely erratic hands. “Would it be okay if I say something? I’ve been thinking lately that you wouldn’t mind, you’ve always wanted me to speak my thoughts, and who knows, maybe you feel the same way? You invited me here and we’ve been having a good time, and I’m thinking. Wait, hold on, I need a drink to say this.”
Serizawa paused and downed his drink all at once. “I’m thinking.” He exhaled, then loosened his tie. “Sorry, I’m getting nervous again. I was thinking that maybe we are good for each other? Not uh, just at work, but in more—”
He paused once more. Reigen had never heard him ramble so much in one breath. He squinted and saw that Serizawa’s lips were moving silently.
Serizawa hadn’t stopped speaking; Reigen had stopped hearing. His auditory processing crapped out, like a blip in the signals between his ears and mind, and his balance wobbled before his hearing returned a moment later.
Serizawa finished and then smiled shyly at Reigen. He leaned forward, expecting an answer to whatever he had said. His eyes shone bright and his face was rosy and still with anticipation.
Reigen’s heart stuttered with that look, and then settled into a familiar ache. At first he had no thoughts as his brain filed away Serizawa’s smile, but he jolted on his bar stool. That wasn’t a joke that seemed kinda important but what — okay he wants you to agree.
Reigen’s mouth was itching and he was going downhill fast. To answer him, he nodded and wiped his hand down his mouth and chin. “Can we, can we go back to my place?”
His hopeful smile slipped away into a stunned slack-jawed mouth, and then he broke into a bigger grin. “I— yeah! Okay let’s go.” He slapped the bar when he stood.
Reigen licked his lips. His tongue buzzed like static on a TV, and his mouth felt numb. Touching his face, he pulled out his wallet to pay the tab. I don’t know if I can make it home at this rate.
He sneaked a glance at Serizawa, who was straightening up his appearance with the mirror behind the bar. He’s nice to help me out.
Serizawa got the door for them and Reigen stepped outside first. He breathed the night air in sharp, jagged breaths.
His flushed face burned in the cool evening air, and he pressed his palms against his cheeks. I’m so embarrassing; he has to see how red I am.
His shirt collar constricted against his neck tighter than it should be. He tugged on it and swallowed thickly, an odd lump stuck in his throat.
Determined to end the night with a semblance of grace, he remained impassive to his condition. He shrugged off his suit jacket and draped it over his arm.
Walking up from behind him, Serizawa dropped his arm around Reigen’s shoulders.
He stiffened and his eyes widened, but he muffled his surprise into a cough. Walking a few steps, Reigen rolled his shoulders to relax and Serizawa’s arm settled heavily across them.
Blinking and swallowing his heartbeat down, he reasoned Serizawa’s gesture away. He must have drank too much too, I guess, and can’t walk straight, he thought. Or he’s one of those touchy-feely drinkers.
Reigen’s feet were not cooperating and he felt light-headed. Did we drink this much last time?
They walked down the dark side streets with their bodies close together like that. Sweat dripped down his shirt collar. His feet tripped and he stumbled into Serizawa a few times. The inside of his mouth itched like a wool sweater. Physically, Reigen was faring poorly, but he feared any pulling away would break the spell and Serizawa would become distant from him.
This would be better if I was just tipsy and not puke-on-his-shoes drunk. Reigen moaned to himself over his bad luck.
Being so distracted by how unwell he felt, he tripped, and Serizawa caught him by placing his free hand across his chest.
His hand lingered and held him strong and sure. He murmured, “Watch your step.”
This was too much for Reigen. The blood roared in his ears, pounding out his heart’s racing pulse. He’s going to have to exorcise me at this rate. My heart is going to stop.
“I hope you know that I don’t drink this much all of the time,” Serizawa slurred.
Reigen’s stomach swished dangerously inside him, like a threat waiting to rise. “I’m not one to judge right now.” His own tongue felt swollen and it blunted his words.
Serizawa’s eyes became thoughtful as he considered something. “I didn’t experiment with alcohol as a teenager. It’s not like my mom would buy it for me.” He leaned more of his weight on Reigen’s shoulder. “And then it wasn’t very often that we would do this when I worked for Claw. I was always too nervous about what would happen if I let myself go too far.”
“Well, you haven’t put us on top of a building, or stuck us in a tree, so I think Drunk You is doing fine,” Reigen rasped, and then cleared his throat.
He bowed his head. “Thank you. It’s important to me that you know.”
They passed around a corner and Serizawa began talking again. “I don’t think I’ve been this happy in a long time.” He sighed. “Do you know how long I’ve been wanting to tell you? For seven months now.” A hiccup escaped him, and he said, “I’ve been so worried about it and now it’s like a weight has been lifted from me.” At that, he squeezed Reigen’s shoulder.
Reigen’s vision darted across the cement beneath them, his mind chasing for an answer. He missed something, his gut knew it. Is he still talking about drinking?
If it matters that much to him, then I can’t tell him that I don’t care. He treaded delicately through the conversation and replied, “That’s good. It’s important to speak your mind.”
“What about you? When did you notice that you felt this way?”
Felt this way about what? Reigen frowned at the obvious yet opaque question, but his face felt stiff and strange. He watched his feet, careful not to misstep again. “As long as I can remember. I dunno.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Really? Huh.” He looked off into the distance, as if reexamining a memory, and he snorted a giddy laugh.
Reigen’s mouth hurt, and speaking was a chore. He let the conversation go, telling himself I do not have the energy to unpack that.
They walked further in silence. Reigen didn’t trust his mouth to make the right noises. His head was stuffed with cotton, a fuzzy and surreal sensation, not helped when Serizawa kissed the hair on the side of his head.
It was soft and brief, a mere flutter that almost knocked Reigen off-balance and over the curb.
He reeled, but caught himself. The man’s drunk , he thought, bewildered, heaving out-of-breath. If he wasn’t, I’d stop us right here and kiss him for that.
Somehow, Reigen found himself back at his apartment building. They climbed the stairs to his apartment with Serizawa stifling his laughter behind him. Reigen’s fingers fumbled his keys into his lock before he succeeded and they pushed inside.
Going directly to his couch, Reigen kicked off his shoes and collapsed onto it. He tossed his suit jacket next to him. Finally home.
Serizawa was slower, stumbling in the dark until he found the spot next to Reigen. He took his own suit jacket off and draped it onto the arm of the couch as he took his seat. He rested his hands in his lap and hesitated before sitting on the edge, straight-backed. The laughter was gone and he was suddenly nervous about something.
Reigen’s face was still burning and numb. His collar was too tight to breathe in, even though he had already loosened the knot of his tie. He brought his hands up to his neck and thought, I need some air.
His hands were sweaty and his fingers slipped over the little buttons. He struggled to unbutton the top of his shirt and painful seconds passed without progress.
In the darkness, Serizawa’s warm hands brushed aside his tie and rested on his own fingers. Serizawa began helping him with his shirt, his thumb popping each translucent button out of its buttonhole as his hand went down the row. Their faces were close together, and Reigen could feel Serizawa’s hot breath hitting his face.
His head swam with the proximity. His mouth wasn’t working right. Three lemon sours was too many. He needed more water. He needed to puke. He needed—
Serizawa kissed him.
Beyond his burning mouth and tingling lips and useless tongue, Reigen was undoubtedly being kissed.
A tremor of pleasure shook from the crown of his head, down into his body and through his toes. The heat in his mouth evaporated, drowned out by the heat surging all along his skin. Serizawa seared him where he held him. I’m kissing him. I’m kissing. I’m.
His breath caught and his body froze. Reigen said with the corners of his mouth, “What… what are we doing?”
“That’s what I’m thinking, too.” Serizawa pushed closer, kissed deeper. His hands were around Reigen’s shoulders and that felt intoxicating, being held.
He melted into the kiss.
Serizawa was inexperienced, but Reigen’s clay lips were not cooperating either. He tried kissing him back the best that he could, but abruptly Serizawa pulled away.
“Why does your face feel weird?” He turned on the table lamp behind him. A beat passed, then he gasped, “What is that?”
Reigen blinked in the sudden light and touched his face, “Huh? What’s wrong?”
Serizawa leaned closer, examining. “Um, the bottom half of your face is swollen. It’s all red and sweaty, too.” He poked his face with a finger.
Reigen slapped his hand away, “That hurts.” He prodded his face more gently. Self-consciousness overwhelmed him, and he turned away from Serizawa.
His face burned again. Why couldn’t he have just ignored it. What is happening? He waved Serizawa off, “This happens sometimes when I drink, but it’s not usually this bad. It’ll go away.”
Serizawa frowned, still drunk, and thinking. He scratched his chin. “Your face breaks out in a rash when you drink?”
His brain felt stupid and spinning. Unable to think clearly anymore, he said, “It’s not that weird. I drank too much.”
In a burst of nervous energy, he pushed himself out of sitting and walked into his kitchenette. A breeze hit his chest while he moved: the top half of his shirt was undone. He left that alone and grabbed a cup from the cupboard.
“It’s a little strange. My face doesn’t do that when I’m drunk.” Serizawa shook his head. “That looks like a reaction.” He leaned back into the couch. A thought struck him, because then in a higher pitch he said, “Why did you invite me to come over if your face hurts this much?”
With the fridge hanging open, Reigen ran his hands through his hair, frustrated. The questions were coming too quickly, and hitting too close to home, and doubts of what they just did were creeping in.
He turned back to face Serizawa. “I don’t know. I was distracted with my throat not working. I thought if I got any worse then I was going to choke at the bar.” He reached into the fridge, and added, “But you’re always welcome here anyway.”
Serizawa was silent.
Reigen finished pouring water from his filter into his glass. He chugged it and then raised the cup to Serizawa. “Do you want some?”
Serizawa shook his head. He took one of the couch’s throw pillows that was stuck behind him and held it across his chest.
Reigen grabbed his cup and the filter and sat down at his kitchen table across the room. He poured another glassful of water and held it up against his cheek. Then he drank it empty again.
He was feeling a little bit better. The cold water was soothing, and his temperature was returning to normal. The prickling on his tongue softened and smoothed away.
Relief poured through him. I guess he’s seen me in worse conditions before. His mind wandered over the more embarrassing exorcisms from their past while his immediate mortification ebbed.
On the far side of the living room, Serizawa rested his chin on the pillow and eyes downcast said, “Were you listening to me when we were at the bar?” His fingers picked at a loose thread in the seam.
He tilted the glass and looked through the bottom of it. The curve of the glass distorted the view beneath, unless he looked at it straight on. He wished his mouth stopped working again so he wouldn’t have to admit the truth.
He wetted his lips with his tongue, and remembered the kiss. “Not at the bar, no. But I think I know what you were saying now.”
“So…” Serizawa’s avoidant stare was burning a hole in the rug. He squeezed the pillow. “You did not invite me over... to hook up.” The lamp next to him revealed the redness of his embarrassment. He jumped off the couch and snatched his suit jacket. The pillow tumbled onto the floor. “I’ll see you in the office.” He sprinted for the door.
The cup slipped out of Reigen’s hand and clattered onto the table louder than he expected. “Wait!” He checked himself. “You don’t have to leave. You, uh,” he reached across and rubbed his own shoulder, the one Serizawa had held before, “It would be okay if you stayed.”
Serizawa jutted his lower lip out and it made him look sullen. “You don’t have to let me crash on the couch just because you feel bad. I should go home.” Still, he stalled stepping into his shoes, waiting to hear what Reigen had to say.
In a moment of clarity, Reigen thought, He doesn’t know that I would have said yes, if I had been paying attention.
He frowned and fiddled with the cup in front of him. “I was having a good time. But I’m not in any shape to be doing anything more than passing out.” He saw Serizawa raising a foot to step into his shoe, and he rushed out the last of his words, “But I would if I could! If you stay I might feel better later.”
Serizawa lowered his foot. He swayed, and steadied himself with the door. He didn’t say anything, but a battle was playing out across his face.
For every second Serizawa didn’t reply, Reigen shrunk further into his chair.
The moment of deliberation ended. He dropped his suit jacket onto the floor and said, “Excuse me.”
He swung his body and stumbled down the short hall. Reigen’s bathroom door banged open and then slammed shut.
He’s staying. Reigen dragged himself to his feet and got a second cup of water ready for Serizawa. He flicked the TV on, draped the suit jacket across the chair, and waited on the couch.
Reigen was asleep on the couch with his arms crossed and mouth hanging open when Serizawa shuffled out of the bathroom and down the hall. Serizawa fell into the spot next to Reigen, and the bounce jostled him into stirring awake.
He blinked and rubbed his eye. In the lamp light, his face’s blotchiness had disappeared and the swelling was down. He stuck his tongue out, and touched his mouth. He rubbed his throat, testing for any more swollenness.
Reigen stretched and put a hand on Serizawa’s shoulder. “I feel much better. I told you I would.”
Serizawa drank the water on the low table in front of him. He finished it and groaned, “The room is spinning.”
Reigen sank a little. Okay so I’m good to go but now he isn’t. He patted his shoulder and yawned. Placing his hand on the back of Serizawa’s neck, he said, “Lower your head upside down to stop the spinning. Put it between your knees.”
He folded himself in half, and Reigen stayed. For some time, he rubbed Serizawa’s back while his own eyelids were drooping.
Blearily, Serizawa raised his head. His eyes stared into nothing, but he didn’t look any worse. His dress shirt was ruffled and he had lost his tie in the bathroom.
Reigen watched him, feeling more like himself when he was concerned about Serizawa. I’m not inviting him to a bar next time.
He considered both of their shoddy conditions, but mentally dismissed it. None of it mattered but the simple ache in his heart that disappeared when Serizawa had held him. He’d wear his shirt half-undone forever if Serizawa would remain close.
“Let’s hit the sack. I don’t know about you, but I’m going to hurt my back on this couch.”
“Hmm?” Serizawa frowned and his eyes focused. “Sorry, what did you say? I missed that.”
He laughed once and stood. “I’m saying, ‘Come to bed.’” He took Serizawa’s hands. “You should stay.” He pulled Serizawa to his feet. “You’ll feel better tomorrow. Let’s wait for now, but later I want to give that kissing thing another try.”
Serizawa snorted, but he let Reigen walk him down the hall.
The bedroom door rebounded lazily on its tracks behind them as Reigen said, “We can give ourselves a late start at the office. There’s this cheap breakfast place down the street that serves free pie on Wednesdays. I love their lemon meringue.”