Chapter Text
Early December
The sun peeked through Olivia Benson's curtains accompanying the alarm blaring through the room, as if she needed multiple signs that morning had come. She hesitantly woke from a deep sleep, something that only came ever so often, and turned off the alarm with a groan. She sat up in bed, pulling the cover over her bare body to avoid as much of the cool air as she could. She had done it yet again; a promise to herself was broken that she could never seem to keep. Her mind soon drifted to the evening before when she agreed to have Elliot Stabler over for dinner once again. It started off innocently as they talked about small updates in each other's lives with Noah making most of the conversation. But soon after dinner, they would always end up alone on the same place on the sofa, having deeper and deeper conversations that neither of them were ever truly good at. Months ago, when they began rebuilding their relationship and healing, their visits would be quick and surfaced. But as more months passed, Elliot quickly began finding reasons not to leave and would stay longer and longer each time.
Though Olivia wanted to say something about it, she found it harder and harder to say something about it. He was healing, she was healing, and she wanted to do everything in her power not to ruin it. Even if that meant breaking a promise that she had made to herself. Just over a month ago, Elliot's visits has started becoming longer than they ever had been when Olivia had agreed to let him stay the night. They had a few drinks, and one thing suddenly led to another. Olivia had made a promise to herself that she wouldn't sleep with Elliot in their evenings together, but promises are more easily broken than they are kept. She apologized profusely when they had awoken the next morning, telling him she would never let it happen again. He quickly calmed her down by reassuring her that she helped keep his nightmares away, and once she knew that, it became harder and harder to say no when he would beg to stay over. She knew she had to put a stop to it soon though and tell Elliot to keep going to therapy and the nightmares should go away soon. Noah had already started asking questions, and she didn't even know where to begin to answer them. Most importantly, she wasn't sure if either one of them were ready for a committed relationship while they were both still healing from the past.
But yet, she wasn't ready to say goodbye to their nights together just yet.
The bed was empty beside her, and she looked at the clock noticing that it was already past nine. Normally, she would have to be already at work, but she had been off for a few days trying to get over the stomach flu. She thought this may finally be her chance to tell Elliot to back off a little bit, but he just insisted that he would take care of her and get sick with her if he had to. She just rolled her eyes with a smile and let him do just that. She tested her limbs, feeling the satisfying ache that Elliot's body always gave her. She ran her fingers across her lips as if trying to feel the traces his lips left on her. She then grabbed her robe that had been left at the beside before hesitantly getting out of bed. Walking into the kitchen, she found a small note on the counter.
'I made you a small breakfast that's in the microwave. Heat up and enjoy. See you soon.-El'
"Let's just hope I can hold it down this time." Olivia said to herself with a smile before heating up her breakfast. After a few days of not feeling well, she did finally feel like she was on the mend which she was very grateful for. She contributed the illness to being more stressed out than usual with work and other things. Though the job was always stressful, as she had started getting older, things seemed to affect her health more than usual.
After heating her breakfast up, Olivia walked over to the bar area where she pulled out her phone to check and reply to some missed emails that had come up. About thirty minutes after finishing her breakfast, which had smelled unusually potent, she felt the all too familiar sensation of saliva filling her mouth and the nausea start to get stronger. She tried to close her eyes and breathe through it, but her body would not show her any type of mercy. She rushed as quick as she could to the toilet before emptying what little she had from her stomach.
"Just when I thought I was getting over this damn thing.." She breathed before flushing the toilet and rising from the floor. Just as she finished brushing her teeth, she heard her phone begin to vibrate. "Olivia Benson." She answered, not even bothering to look at the caller ID, silently praying it wasn't something about work.
"Ms. Benson? This is Jaclyn at Dr. Jackson's office, and I just wanted to remind you of your appointment for your yearly physical tomorrow at four o'clock. Does that still work with you?" The sing-song voice of the receptionist at the doctors office came through the speaker.
"Um, yes. That still works, thank you." Olivia rubbed her temple with her free hand as she walked back to sit on the edge of the bed. Headaches along with a bit of a dizzy spell were almost part of her morning routine at this point, which she also couldn't help but contribute to the stress of everything.
"Great. Has anything changed since we last saw you?"
'Other than the fact that my former partner showed up after a 10 year absence, and we started sleeping together a month ago?' She thought to herself, never daring to even mention that.
"Well, I can't seem to keep much of anything down the past two days, and headaches along with dizzy spells have seemed to become a new best friend over the past month. I am experiencing more stress than usual though, so I think it may just be due to that." Olivia hesitantly told the receptionist; it wasn't her favorite thing to give all the details of her health to just anyone, but she hoped that by doing this it could help her doctor to maybe make all of this go away.
"Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. In fact, I see that we just had a cancellation if you'd rather come in today at two o'clock." Olivia quickly agreed to the new appointment time, feeling very grateful that this illness, whatever it may be, could be taken care of very soon. After hanging up the phone, she found herself laying down once again, trying to feel better before this doctors appointment.
XX
Olivia fiddled with her fingers as she sat in the semi-silent waiting room. There was an elderly couple sitting diagonally from her who seemed to be glued on the old movies that were rolling on the television. She was almost grateful for the tiny bits of noise here and there due to the silence being almost deafening. She couldn't help but anxiously think about what was going to happen at this appointment. What she was going to find out. What she was going to have to do to fix it. She had a young child, a whole squad of detectives, as well as most of Manhattan to think about. The consequences of this appointment will affect them all. And Elliot..oh God, Elliot, she thought. The consequences and verdict of this appointment would affect him too..maybe more than she wishes it would, but it would affect him. What if she had to tell him she had a life threatening disease? Would he disappear again for another ten years? Would he constantly blame himself for doing this to her?
Breathe, Olivia, breathe..
Some things are easier said than done.
"Olivia Benson?" A middle aged nurse called Olivia's name, washing away all of Olivia's thoughts. Olivia grabbed her bag and followed the nurse. "My name is Lisa, and I'm Dr. Jackson's nurse." She said with a smile while they walked back to the examination areas. Olivia just gave her a friendly smile, which was all her nerves seemed to allow her to do. She took Olivia's height and weight before they went into an examination room.
"Please take your jacket off so I can get your vitals right quick." Olivia had almost forgotten that she even had a jacket even though she knew it was the first part of December, making New York a brutal place to be. She did as the nurse asked, and the nurse obtained all of her vitals. "Your blood pressure seems to be a bit high for my liking, but I'll let Dr. Jackson retry it if she wishes."
"Sorry, I guess I'm a bit more nervous today than usual." Olivia apologized with a small sigh.
"Don't be sorry, it happens all the time." The nurse said with a smile, and Olivia did her best to smile back. "So, I see you have been experiencing some nausea, dizziness, and headaches. Can you describe this a bit more in depth?" The dreaded question came where Olivia would have to broadcast her personal life to the nurse she just met. She felt as if they needed to build trust first or some kind of relationship. But there was never enough time for that. So, she just took a deep breath in realization that this was the only way that the doctor could help her.
"Well, about a month ago, I began seeing someone who I've known for a long time." God, I can't believe I'm doing this, she thought. "These symptoms started showing up, one after another, but I just thought it may be due to getting older as well as the stress that comes with my job." She silently hoped that the nurse could confirm her theory, but she also knew that wasn't exactly possible just yet.
"Ah yes, I see you're the Captain for the local sex crimes unit. That does seem like a stressful job." The nurse smiled sympathetically before typing some things on her computer. "I know this questions seem a bit personal, but we have to always ask. Have you been sexually active recently?"
"..yes." Olivia replied looking at the floor, hoping to not have to give too much detail.
"When was your last menstural cycle?"
"Ah, I'm not really sure. They seem to come sporadically these days if they even come at all."
"Okay, that's completely normal. Are there any other symptoms I should know about?" Lisa asked again, and Olivia shook her head politely. "Okay, Dr. Jackson should be in here soon, but I'll be right outside if you need anything." Lisa smiled before grabbing her laptop to leave the room. Olivia thanked her, and after she left the room, she did everything
XX
"..you want to do what kind of test?" As if Dr. Jackson's words fell on deaf ears, Olivia's heart started to race faster as she tried to clarify what the doctor said.
"Olivia, I know this may be hard to hear, but with your symptoms and recent history, there is a possibility that you may be pregnant. I am going to order you a urine test to rule the possibility out." Dr. Jackson spoke again while still typing things on her computer.
"Did you..did you just say to rule out pregnancy? I'm 53 years old, there's absolutely no possibility of that ever happening, so I would appreciate if you would please figure out what's going on with me." Olivia said curtly without even meaning to be. She just couldn't believe what this doctor was even insinuating about her condition.
"Actually, I have seen it happen with some other patients as well as some friends. I want to give you the best care possible, so I will have Lisa give you the instructions on the urine test." But I'm not other patients, she thought. Olivia wanted nothing more in life than to carry a child and to nurture it and help it grow, but she was sure that ship had sailed long ago. That's why she was over the moon when she was able to do that for Noah. Though he wasn't her biological child, she loved him more than even life itself, as if he was hers all along. Dr. Jackson was still able to get her to comply with the chosen treatment option, though she was sure she would never be pregnant, Dr. Jackson told her that the test could also detect any infections that may be causing this. After completing everything she needed to, Olivia was finally free to go with the promise that she would know some kind of results before the day was over.
And for that, she was thankful.
Or, was she?
XX
"..and then Andrew gave me a really cool new bouncy ball!" Noah excitedly held up a small blue ball at the dinner table that he was proud of for winning in a competition at school. Olivia was doing her best to listen, but the events of the day truly occupied her mind. She had her elbows bent with her hands to her face. Though she wanted Elliot here as well, she was grateful his personal family things took over his schedule that evening so that she could process everything while spending time with her son. "Mom? Are you okay?" Noah put his hand on Olivia's arm, shaking a little bit, trying to get her attention.
"Hm? Yeah, sorry, that's a very cool ball you got there. I'm so proud of you, sweet boy." Olivia ran a hand through his hair, hoping he didn't mind her deep thought too much. He just smiled sweetly and finished his last bite of dinner. "Tell you what, since you're so awesome, why don't you go get ready for bed while I clean up and then we can get some of your favorite ice cream and watch your favorite movie, okay?" She said with a smile.
"Yeah!" Noah quickly jumped up to run to his bedroom to get ready causing Olivia to chuckle lightly. As she picked up the dishes, and cleaned them up, she noticed that she had a voicemail from the doctor's office. She went to sit on the sofa, somewhere she had started to feel more and more peaceful at since Elliot always insisted on being there. She put the phone to her ear and started to listen. She could feel her heart rate start to pick up with every word that she heard until it got to the results. Then, she began to feel lifeless and numb. Like her last breath had just been taken.
She was pregnant. She was carrying a baby.
Not just any baby, she was carrying Elliot Stabler's baby.
Great.
How was this even possible?
What has she gotten herself into?
A/N: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter! Even if you didn't, please let me know in the reviews! I appreciate all reviews whatever they may say! Again, I realize this plot isn't as realistic as most, but it's so fun to be able to dream and get to write it! Thank you to those who inspired me to write it. xx