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“Hey Omi… ya ever look up at the sky?”
Olive eyes turned to the male laying across from him, the sound of his heart beating louder into his ears. The feeling in his chest was starting to invade every fiber of his senses, his eyes flickered up towards the ceiling. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as the words hung in the back of his throat, a thousand confessions from countless days. Hundreds of typed out messages all stemming from the brief glance at the blue expanse of a sky and the bright yellow orb that reminded him so similarly of the man laying by him. Sunshine, warmth, vibrance, Miya Atsumu was all that and more.
If he weren’t such a coward he would tell him. Sakusa would turn to the setter and state his feelings as bluntly as he did anything else in the world. Instead he let himself close off once more, eyes going hard as he sat up and reached for his jacket. Not stopping to look back at the setter again as he began to leave, only at the door did he hesitate. Though he knew better than to turn around and face him, instead he pulled his mask on and let his vulnerability shine.
“Yes, I do… and I think of you.”
In retrospect it wasn’t the worst way he could’ve confessed. Talking with Motoya he found that there were apparently far worse ways he had been out done by others. And thank god it was off season, having to face him immediately after that would’ve been means to transfer to another team.
Sakusa realized quickly that his actions also did not make their way around the team surprisingly, as he met with both Bokuto and Hinata neither mentioned speaking to him other than him being unable to make their lunch plans. That he suspected was because of him however. As he listened to both of his teammates ramble on he couldn’t help but wish that the golden hair setter was there. He missed the way Atsumu would message him while they sat across from each other. The smirk on his face while Sakusa’s eyes rolled and moved back towards their teammates.
Atsumu had the strangest way of working his way into Sakusa’s heart. It was so subtle that he couldn’t ever pinpoint the moment where he realized that he looked forward to seeing him. Though he did remember the moment when he realized that he did indeed love him. It was irrational and new, he needed control in his life. To have control over everything that he was able to, and be able to plan accordingly for what he couldn’t.
It turns out that falling in love doesn’t take into consideration that you’re a control freak.
Perhaps he could say that he had slowly broken down his walls, it had taken years but Atsumu had managed to do so. He knew how he settled with his parents to be there, he knew about his two cats, his therapist, the way he no longer spoke to his parents… Sakusa once, many years ago, had written off Miya Atsumu as an idiot. Though the statement still stood in some regard, it also held a certain fondness in its meaning.
It had been a particularly draining practice, as so many were in the winter it seemed. As they left the gym and walked towards the station Sakusa found himself taking his time. Normally his schedule was precise, he would return home to shower, eat, perhaps read a bit more before he took care of his cats, text with Atsumu and then sleep. That night however he found himself taking a detour through the park. He stared at the falling snow as though he had never seen such a sight before.
His limbs hurt, he was beyond exhausted. Sakusa was never one to stare at the sky before that evening but he did for as long as his body allowed. As he neared his apartment the very man he had been thinking of texting decided to call him instead. His cheeks nearly hurt by the end of conversation, the warmth in his chest was numbing after the cold from the park.
It was the next morning when Sakusa stared at the morning sunrise that he made the connection. Atsumu was to him as the sun was to the moon, in constant rotation. Forever bound by the duty to chase each other, never quite meeting eye to eye… yet the reality of it didn’t matter. They would forever be bound like that, chasing the other no matter how different they may be.
Sakusa was in love with Atsumu, he was in love with the sun. And if only for a moment he wished that those feelings might be reciprocated, that perhaps the sun and moon might no longer have to chase each other endlessly.
He was still selfish ever since that day, he stayed silent. Sakusa continued his chasing, his endless staring at the sky. Every time he spoke with Atsumu he stared so deeply at the sky he thought he might never want to tear away his eyes. It was a dependency soon, even if they didn’t have practice they soon found themselves together. Going on runs, to the store, shopping trips, drinking, to Onigiri Miya…
It was now that he realized just how much he missed seeing him every day. Routines became normal again, his life slowly became its gray dull hue again. Part of him knew he deserved it too, he was the one who left him with such a half hearted confession. Sakusa hated himself for it, he hated his cowardice in situations like this.
He found himself in that same park as that very winter night nearly a year and a half ago now. Though this time it was far different, the summer air was warm and charged with so much left unspoken. His eyes shut, wishing to trade the ache in his chest for the soft warmth that Atsumu had once brought him so often.
It was far later then he meant for it to be when the courage came. He was on his way back home when he found himself calling Atsumu.
“Took ya long enough Omi, figured ya decided that ya would rather find someone else.”
“Can I come over?”
“I’ll consider it if ya bring some onigiri with ya.”
It was amazing that simply seeing someone you loved could bring the color rushing back into your life. In an instant the warmth in his life was back, Sakusa’s sun was back. In the end it seemed that the sun and the moon, as distant as they could be… were far more similar than they gave each other credit for.
Atsumu, it seemed, had thought that Sakusa hadn’t reciprocated his own feelings before his confession. Sakusa stared off, ashamed in his own way for not noticing it sooner.
“For the record Omi-kun… I think of ya when I look at the sky too…”
Yes, the sun and the moon were opposites. Forever made to move forward without a pause to embrace, no real way to see the other eye to eye. But as they sat together eating onigiri on the floor at four in the morning, Sakusa couldn’t help but think that perhaps they were far more alike than the world gave them credit for.
“Don’t call me that.”