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“Chullie… Chullie… Where are we going? Chullie~” Leeteuk cooed out adorably as he settled into the front passenger seat of Heechul’s car, his eyes comically wide in curiosity and trained on Heechul’s face. Heechul had forgotten how much of an endearing little handful Leeteuk was whenever he got drunk, not that he minded anyway. Leeteuk rarely got the time to shove away all his inhibitions and let loose. Also, Leeteuk’s antics whenever he got drunk were just… utterly precious and Heechul loved to witness them. That one time Leeteuk burst into tears thinking he killed a tomato when he poked it with a fork and caused the juice to ooze out truly took the cake.
Usually, Leeteuk wouldn’t be the one getting drunk off his ass. That usually was Heechul’s job. Leeteuk didn’t even enjoy drinking, always excusing himself by saying he hated the feeling of being drunk. Still, Leeteuk would be the life of the party, whether drunk or not, suggesting games for everyone to play and rallying everyone to sing (more like scream out) songs from the top of their lungs. Going out with Leeteuk was always a blast.
However, Leeteuk could not escape getting drunk this time. Today, the members took the opportunity to gather a few days after Leeteuk’s birthday to celebrate Leeteuk’s (mainly) and Heechul’s birthday. The members made it their personal mission to ensure that Leeteuk would stumble out of the bar they visited as an intoxicated man. They touted that it was going to be one of the last times Leeteuk was socially allowed to “let loose and get hammered from partying hard” (as if Leeteuk ever did that in his daily life.) Heechul had chosen to drive to the place that night so he refrained from accepting any drinks and strictly stuck to plain water.
Heechul witnessed the members all offering shots to Leeteuk to make a toast to Leeteuk’s second twenties (or whatever nonsensical phrase Leeteuk had come up with to make himself feel better about growing older) and was relieved that he had opted out of drinking. It seemed that he would be the one taking care of Leeteuk tonight. Not that Heechul minded, not when Leeteuk had always watched over Heechul and cleaned up after him since their trainee days. Heechul could do it just this once when Leeteuk had done so for him probably over a thousand times.
Admittedly, Heechul could see the perks Leeteuk often boasted of reaping from staying sober. People-watching was very entertaining. He could observe how the others acted more freely and truly experience the moment rather than get lost in it. He could notice all the little quirks Leeteuk had whenever he was drunk. How he’d scrunch his nose up after throwing back a shot while furrowing his eyebrows and pouting from the harsh taste of alcohol. How he’d trail off endlessly about random memories and anecdotes he had of the other members, except he’d tell these tales even more exaggeratedly, hands flying everywhere as he explained. How he’d fall silent and just nod his head cutely if a song he liked started playing rather than party on the dance floor as he preferred to sit at the side. Standing up made Leeteuk dizzy if he was already inebriated. It was kind of cute that Leeteuk knew how to make his experience feeling drunk less miserable for himself.
Heechul sat by Leeteuk’s side the entire time, making sure to order some water for Leeteuk to chug down as well such that Leeteuk wouldn’t be absolutely plastered by the end of the night. Sure, he wanted his friend to get drunk, not suffer from alcohol poisoning. Leeteuk obediently drank all the water that Heechul gave him, and Heechul made sure to guide Leeteuk to the toilet somewhere in the middle of the members’ intense drinking session. Heechul felt slightly proud of himself for how well he was taking care of Leeteuk.
When it was the wee hours in the morning and the only patrons left were pretty much just the members and managers who were longtime friends, Heechul felt a gentle tug on his shirt’s sleeve. He turned away from his casual conversation with one of the managers to find Leeteuk pouting at him cutely, puppy eyes completing the whole “please accede to my demands” look.
“Chullie?” Leeteuk hiccuped before continuing slightly petulantly, “I want to go home.” Heechul felt his lips tug into a slightly amused smirk at Leeteuk’s straightforward demand.
“You tired, Teuk-ah?” Heechul checked first to make sure Leeteuk didn’t want to stay any longer. Leeteuk firmly nodded with a serious expression on his face and it took every fibre in Heechul’s being to not burst out laughing over how the elder was acting.
“I’m tired, Chullie. I want a shower. I want my bed. I want to sleep,” Leeteuk listed off simple sentences as though he lost the ability to join clauses together to form compound sentences and Heechul resisted the urge to giggle.
“Okay, okay, birthday boy, let’s get you home, shall we?” Heechul rose from his seat but rested his hand on Leeteuk’s shoulder to prevent him from standing up. “I’ll go let the others know you want to leave and grab your coat, okay? Stay here,” Heechul instructed gently but firmly before heading towards the other members who were now playing billiards.
“Yah! You little devils who got Teukie drunk off his ass!” Heechul barked out without any real heat behind it, getting the attention of all the other members, “Teukie wants to go home and it’s late, so you all should wrap things up and call taxis over or get our sober managers to drive you back. Don’t do anything stupid, okay idiots?” Heechul’s announcement was met with groans and disappointed sounds regarding Leeteuk taking his leave.
“He’s already tired? It’s only 1:30 am!” Donghae whined out.
“Aish, he just turned forty and he’s already an old man,” Kyuhyun teased gently. Heechul rolled his eyes.
“Leeteuk would smack you if he heard that, Kyuhyun,” Heechul warned before turning, “So long, losers. Don’t miss us too much.”
“Take care of Teukie hyung for us, hyung!” Siwon called out as Heechul headed for the cloakroom, “Thanks for being his chaperone for tonight!” Heechul turned and briefly nodded at the comment before continuing. The members had noticed how Heechul had taken responsibility over Leeteuk that night. Well, it was only right for Heechul to do so, but there were also some selfish reasons on Heechul’s part for doing so.
Heechul sighed as he unhooked his own and Leeteuk’s coats from the hooks. How long has it been since he started feeling more than just friendship for the elder? It’s been a few months since he’s admitted to himself that he may have been enamored with Leeteuk, but honestly these feelings have been brewing inside of him for far longer. Heechul always had a soft spot for Leeteuk, how could he not? Leeteuk always quietly supported Heechul throughout anything and everything, always kept tabs on Heechul and checked in on the younger to make sure he’s okay, always provided a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. It was a wonder that Heechul didn’t fall for the elder sooner. Leeteuk had such a charming and sweet personality that Heechul couldn’t help but adore him.
Yet, Heechul did not have any courage to share these feelings with Leeteuk. They’ve been friends for over twenty years, twenty-two to be exact, and Heechul would be a fool to throw away years of genuine friendship down a drain of eternal awkwardness if Heechul ever confessed to the other. No, unless the other made any indication that he liked Heechul romantically, Heechul would just stew away in his most likely unrequited feelings in silence.
And it didn’t seem that Leeteuk would hint towards that anytime soon. Leeteuk had always treated Heechul genuinely, caring and protecting the younger fiercely, but that was how Leeteuk always was. It was simply because Leeteuk had such a huge heart and was always so giving towards Heechul, despite all the times where Heechul may have abused Leeteuk’s kindness during their younger days. Heechul vowed to never do so again and to reciprocate Leeteuk’s genuinity. But still, it didn’t tell Heechul whether Leeteuk liked him or if it was just Heechul getting the best friend privilege.
Heechul trudged his way back to Leeteuk with the elder’s coat in hand, finding Leeteuk perched upon the barstool waiting patiently, his face immediately lighting up when spotting Heechul returned. Leeteuk’s eyes sparkled as though they were a pair of the finest gemstones and Heechul felt as though he could melt in Leeteuk’s left dimple as Leeteuk flashed a beautiful smile at the other.
“Chullie! You’re back!” Leeteuk exclaimed excitedly and Heechul resisted the urge to melt into a puddle.
“Yes, come on big boy, we’re going home now,” Heechul answered with a fond smile.
Heechul hoisted the elder up and helped the other don his jacket. Despite Leeteuk’s lack of motor skills due to his drunken state, they managed to shuck Leeteuk’s coat onto his body and get the elder all bundled up. The weather was a bit too hot for them to put more layers on but Heechul figured it may be more chilly at night and he could just put the air-conditioner in his car on blast. He didn’t want to worry over helping to balance Leeteuk while making sure he didn’t drop their coats.
“Come with me, Teukie.” Heechul grabbed onto Leeteuk’s arm and supported him as they navigated around the various tables and out of the bar, immediately getting blasted with a gust of blisteringly warm wind. Leeteuk’s nose scrunched up as he let out a large sneeze at the sudden temperature change and Heechul couldn’t help but shake his head.
“Let’s go to the car, Teuk. I’ll turn the aircon on.” Heechul gently guided and tugged Leeteuk along to his car, quickly unlocking the passenger seat and helping Leeteuk get seated in the chair. Heechul efficiently buckled Leeteuk up in his seat before shutting the door and rushing over to the driver’s side and getting seated himself.
“Alright, let’s head home now, Teukie,” Heechul informed the other as he exited the parking lot and punched in Leeteuk’s address into his GPS, refusing to acknowledge that Leeteuk’s address was one of the few locations Heechul had saved on his device.
And so they were now here, with Leeteuk observing the interior of the car curiously in his seat and Heechul carefully driving back to Leeteuk’s house.
“We’re going to your home, Teukie,” Heechul answered patiently, “You said that you were tired and wanted me to bring you home, remember?” From the corner of his eyes, he could see Leeteuk’s face scrunch up as the elder was probably attempting to remember when he had said that, before it brightened with recognition.
“Yes!” Leeteuk giggled out, “I remember, Chullie! I am sleepy and want to sleep! Do you want to stay over, Chullie? It can be like old times when we had sleepovers!” Heechul considered Leeteuk’s proposition thoughtfully before replying.
“Well, if it isn’t any trouble, then I wouldn’t mind staying over. It’s pretty late right now and although we have no schedules later, I myself am a bit tired. I can also take care of you in the morning.” Heechul kept his eyes on the road as he tried to remember the recipes of hangover cures he had learnt over the years. They would most definitely come in handy tomorrow. Heechul could sense the impending headache Leeteuk was going to face six to eight hours from now when he awoke.
“Of course, Chullie! You can stay over whenever you want! I don’t mind,” Leeteuk piped up adorably, “But… Koongie may mind…” Leeteuk trailed off in consideration before perking up once more, “But she’s with Inyoung noona today! So you can stay over today! And you should just become friends with her! It isn’t that hard!” Heechul felt himself sigh inwardly in exasperation at Leeteuk’s words. For the six years that Leeteuk had Shimkoong, Heechul’s relationship status with the mutt could be summarized in one word: complicated. The dog would tolerate Heechul’s presence but it was very obvious she only liked her dear “appa” (and perhaps Leeteuk’s family too but that was because they pretty much adopted the dog.)
“Sure, Teukie,” Heechul answered patronisingly, not wanting to burst the elder’s bubble. “Thanks for letting me stay over.” Leeteuk smiled blissfully in response as Heechul entered a freeway. For a moment, only the soft sounds emitted from the radio’s speakers filled the car, but that moment of peace was broken by Leeteuk once more. It seemed that whether sober or drunk, Leeteuk would always fill the air with his speaking.
“Chullie… Chullie~ I’m now 40…” Leeteuk started with his tone filled with slight horror at this sudden realization. Heechul refrained from snorting at the elder.
“Yes, that’s why we came out to celebrate tonight, Leeteuk,” Heechul deadpanned.
“Yes!” Leeteuk chirped out, “That’s why the kids asked us to go out! But, but now… I’m an ahjussi, Chullie! I’m old now!” Leeteuk’s sudden devastated exclamation nearly made Heechul burst out laughing. Aish, how is this old man so cute? He’s too adorable, what should I do?
“Well, it’s part of life. We’re all growing older, Teukie,” Heechul answered earnestly, hoping this would help improve the other’s mood. Leeteuk fell silent as he appeared to consider Heechul’s words for a moment, before a mischievous smile danced on his face.
“Wait a minute!” Leeteuk exclaimed, “I just realized! You’re going to be 40 in a few days too! Soon, we are both going to be ahjussis, together!” Heechul felt the slightest bit of annoyance flash in his mind before remembering that Leeteuk’s brain to mouth filter was practically non-existent at this point and Leeteuk was just trying to be funny.
“Yes, Teukie,” Heechul sighed out in response, “We’re both going to be a pair of ahjussis together. Does that make you happy?” Heechul meant for the question to be sardonic, but he did not anticipate Leeteuk’s response at all.
“Yes!” Leeteuk giggled as he punched a fist into the air, “I want to stay together with you!” Heechul felt his heart stutter at Leeteuk’s words but steeled himself. Leeteuk probably wasn’t trying to insinuate anything with those words, and just wanted Heechul as a fellow companion. Heechul decided to just answer Leeteuk neutrally.
“Same here, Teukie-ya, I’m certain our friendship will last for a long time. It’s already been twenty-two years.” Heechul felt his heart warm at the thought. twenty-two years of friendship, through all the ups and downs and till this day they still called each other best friends. To be able to hold onto this friendship for so long, Heechul was grateful. It seemed that Leeteuk too felt awed over this fact.
“Twenty-two years… Wow… That’s so long,” Leeteuk breathed out, sounding stunned at Heechul’s words. The mood had turned a touch too somber for Heechul’s liking so he decided to crack a joke.
“Indeed, we’ve put up with each other for so long without killing each other. What a feat.” Heechul sniggered as Leeteuk’s eyebrows furrowed in annoyance.
“Hey! I would never kill you!” Leeteuk cried out defensively. Heechul shook his head lightly, it was always fun to rile Leeteuk up a bit. Leeteuk was extra adorable when frustrated.
“Well, yes,” Heechul answered thoughtfully, “But that’s because you’ll never actually kill anybody. Obviously, I’ll never kill you, but if it was someone I actually disliked…” Heechul watched as Leeteuk’s eyes widened in horror.
“No, Chullie!” Leeteuk gasped out worriedly, “Please don’t murder anyone! It’s a crime!” Heechul couldn’t hold himself back any longer and cackled at Leeteuk’s response. Leeteuk could be so gullible sometimes when he got drunk.
“Ah yes, Mr. Voice of reason, thank you for reminding me that it’s illegal to murder someone, I completely forget!” Heechul laid the sarcasm on thick in his tone, but it seemed that Leeteuk didn’t register it at all.
“Anything for you, Chullie!” Leeteuk carefreely responded with a loopy grin and Heechul just prodded Leeteuk’s shoulder gently.
“Aish, such a sweet talker,” Heechul teased as he rolled his eyes. The two fell silent once more as Leeteuk turned to gaze at the night view through the window. Heechul had long exited the freeway and was in Leeteuk’s neighborhood, but Heechul found himself driving around the same few blocks repeatedly. Perhaps he just didn’t want this night ride to end, still wanted to enjoy Leeteuk’s drunk antics where he got all sappy and sweet, he just missed talking with Leeteuk. They usually were so busy and Heechul usually only came to Leeteuk when he had problems so they rarely had time for casual conversation. Heechul wanted more of this. It was nice. It was peaceful. It was bliss.
Suddenly, Leeteuk spoke up once more, but in a more hushed tone.
“Ne, Heechul-ah.” Heechul felt himself still at the sudden change in address. “About what you said earlier…” Leeteuk trailed off, not knowing how to continue. Heechul gave a quick glance at the other, noting how he had his chin perched in the palm of his hand as he rested his elbow against the window, gaze focused on the pavement outside.
“Mm?” Heechul hummed, prompting Leeteuk to continue with his thoughts.
“Are you certain?” Leeteuk whispered quietly, “Are you sure that we’ll be friends, even when we’re old and wrinkly in mobility chairs?” The doubt and worry in Leeteuk’s voice did nothing to detract from the hilarity in the imagery of Leeteuk’s question. “ Old and wrinkly in mobility chairs”, good lord, someone help me. Heechul had to gather all of his self-control to not laugh, but instead reassured the elder.
“Tch, that’s such a random question,” Heechul teased before continuing with a more genuine tone, “But of course. We’ve been friends for over twenty years, what more thirty, forty, fifty? You’ll always be my best friend, Leeteuk. Even if we don’t see each other as much, you’re always the first person I’ll go to when I need help, and you can always count on me if you need me too.” Heechul hoped that his words could assuage Leeteuk’s fears. Leeteuk seemed to be in disbelief at Heechul’s words, turning back to face Heechul with surprise written all over his face.
“Wait- Really?” Leeteuk’s voice was tinged with wonder and hope as he looked touched by Heechul’s words, and Heechul promised himself to always have Leeteuk’s back. Anything for Heechul to witness that lovely expression on the elder’s face.
“Of course,” Heechul answered naturally, “You’ve always been there for me, how could I not be there for you too?” After all that the two have been through, Heechul doubted that there was much that could drive a wedge between the two.
“Your friendship means a lot to me, Leeteuk, and I'm thankful to have you as my best friend,” Heechul confessed softly. He didn’t expect to be this candid tonight, but Leeteuk deserved this honesty from Heechul. For a moment, Leeteuk’s cheeks were dusted in a baby pink from Heechul’s words, but his gaze soon turned melancholic to Heechul’s surprise and confusion. Why does he look sad? Did I say something wrong?
Leeteuk started softly, “I’m thankful to have you as my best friend too, Chullie. But...” Leeteuk heaved a sigh before pausing, visibly deep in consideration, as though he was weighing his options. His expression was troubled and Heechul wanted to wipe that expression off Leeteuk’s face.
“What’s wrong, Teukie?” Heechul questioned gently, hoping that Leeteuk would be willing to share whatever was troubling him with Heechul so that they could then try to solve it together. “If you feel comfortable enough, then you may share with me your thoughts freely. I won’t judge you, okay?” Leeteuk’s eyes widened at this, before his gaze turned wistful once more.
“I just…” Leeteuk whispered out in a hushed tone, so soft that Heechul could barely hear Leeteuk’s words above the music playing in the background, “At times, I wonder and wish if we could be something more.” At that moment, Heechul felt everything around him just freeze as his foot nearly floored the brake pedal. Thankfully, there were no other cars around the two. Heechul turned to find Leeteuk looking right back at him with a gaze full of yearning, and Heechul wondered as to how blind he was to never notice this.
“What-” Heechul struggled to find the words he wanted to say, completely taken aback by Leeteuk’s sudden confession. When? How? Why? Heechul detoured, heading to a nearby bridge where he could park his car for the moment. Heechul felt the stable world he built up in his head, where he was the only one who was romantically pining for Leeteuk and it was unrequited, all crumbling under his feet as he free-falled into an abyss of endless questions.
“Wait a minute. What do you mean by that?” Heechul gathered himself together and croaked out the words as neutrally as he could, but he was fooling no one, even Leeteuk in his inebriated state. Leeteuk’s next reply was small, hesitant, afraid. Heechul hated how Leeteuk sounded.
“Well, I guess…” Leeteuk gnawed at his lip for a moment before continuing, “I like you, more than a friend.” Heechul felt his eyes widen at Leeteuk’s soft but direct confession. This entire time he acknowledged his own feelings, he never once expected Leeteuk to reciprocate them. Now, it seemed that Leeteuk had been going through the same dilemma as Heechul this entire time. Heechul was absolutely bewildered.
“I- I never knew,” Heechul finally answered, “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Heechul wondered what would have happened if Leeteuk decided to confess his feelings earlier. Knowing the elder, Leeteuk had probably kept his feelings under wraps for a few years at least. Would they have started dating each other sooner? Or would Heechul have rejected Leeteuk since he still was denying his own feelings for his leader back then.
Leeteuk gave a harsh and wry laugh at Heechul’s question, a laugh full of bitterness and self-loathing.
“Like anyone who likes their best friend, I was afraid of losing our friendship. I didn’t know and quite frankly still don’t know how you’re going to react to me suddenly springing this on you. So, as the years went by, I just contented myself with being your friend,” Leeteuk admitted softly with a pasted smile on his face, but it looked as though he had swallowed a lemon instead. “Being able to watch out for you, take care of you, be there for you, even if it was just as a friend; it was enough for me all these years. But right now, I’m too drunk to care about the consequences tomorrow, and I’ve kept this a secret for far too long that it’s been burning a hole through me.”
Heechul felt his heart stop as he parked the car along the side of the bridge, turning the hazard lights on as he listened to Leeteuk’s words. Heechul wanted, no, needed to finish this conversation with Leeteuk before he brought Leeteuk back home. They couldn’t just end this here and leave things unresolved. Heechul needed answers at that very moment.
One of the words registered in Heechul’s mind as he blurted out, “Hold on, years? How long have you liked me for?” Leeteuk hummed softly as he thought back to when his interest in Heechul first began.
“Mmm… Since we celebrated our 20th birthdays together. I remember that day. We went out to the club and just had fun on the dance floor. I still remember how you looked so happy as you danced your heart out that I just... knew that I liked you,” Leeteuk’s eyes shone with an emotion that Heechul felt fearful to label, his eyes filled with far too much fondness and longing but reflected the years of yearning Leeteuk spent.
“Jesus Christ, Leeteuk,” Heechul breathed out, in utter awe and disbelief that Leeteuk carried a torch for him for so long, “You’ve kept quiet about this for over 20 years?” Heechul himself only admitted to his own feelings a few months back, Leeteuk kept his own bottled up for two entire decades.
“Yeah, I guess,” Leeteuk nonchalantly replied, as though the number wasn’t a big deal. This is such a big deal. How could he have liked me for so long and not say a word? How did he manage to pretend for so long that he didn’t want me? How could he have never stopped liking me throughout this entire time, even when I took advantage of his kindness sometimes when we were younger? Heechul then felt curious.
“So, even when you dated…” Heechul trailed off awkwardly, not knowing how to continue. He remembered all the times Heechul had gripes against the women Leeteuk dated in the past, all of them just weren’t the right one for him, not deserving of him. Leeteuk never argued with Heechul whenever he voiced his opinions, and normally a few weeks after Heechul shared his criticism, Leeteuk would break up with the other. Leeteuk usually didn’t seem too heartbroken after a breakup however, just moving on normally without much drama. Heechul wondered… What if… He still wanted me while he was dating those other girls?
“Well, I cared for those I dated, sure,” Leeteuk continued, figuring out what Heechul was trying to ask him, “But, in my mind, they never compared to you. Couldn’t hold a candle to you. Weren’t you.” Leeteuk’s resolute and firm reply rocked Heechul to his very core.
“Leeteuk, that’s more than just liking someone…” Heechul felt his heart clench at the mere thought of it. Heechul could handle Leeteuk having an on and off attraction towards him, but to have something so dedicated and intense towards him for such a long time… There’s no way it could be anything else but-
“Yeah, I know. I love you.” Leeteuk smiled gently towards Heechul, and Heechul felt his heart break ever so slightly. His friend, his best friend for over 20 years, loving him for so long without ever stopping once. And at no point in those 20 years did Heechul ever suspect a thing. Leeteuk had just went on silently without ever saying a word, quietly loving Heechul even though it probably broke his heart a million times. Yet Leeteuk still did it, even though he had a heart made out of glass, no matter how fragile it could be, it still was sturdy and steadfast in loving Heechul from the sidelines.
Heechul felt his lips part so that he could say something in reply, say that he too reciprocated Leeteuk’s feelings, but not a single sound escaped his mouth. Heechul was too stunned for words. Leeteuk just smiled understandingly as he usually did, his brilliant white teeth doing nothing to hide the melancholy in his smile. The smile didn’t reach his eyes, looking distant and resigned, aged beyond years. Heechul realized how the elder looked so worn down and tired, despite his youthful appearance, his eyes spoke of years of exhaustion. Heechul wondered how a smile this beautiful could also convey so much pain in it, how Leeteuk could be this breathtaking while clearly wrought with emotions.
“I’ve…” Leeteuk hesitated for a moment, before continuing quietly, “ I’ve loved you for so long, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not be in love with you.” Leeteuk turned to look upon Heechul with eyes full of devotion and Heechul felt his heart start to fissure with cracks. Heechul felt like a fool, for never noticing how the elder silently loved him for twenty whole years without saying a word.
“Leeteuk…” Heechul heaved out, not knowing what else to say. What could he even say? Leeteuk just gave a small chuckle that sounded so empty and despondent, and Heechul snapped out all his thoughts threatening to consume him.
“Ne, Chullie-ya,” Leeteuk started, his voice reinforced with iron, as though he was forcing his voice to stay steady, holding back the sobs that threatened to escape from him. Heechul hated it, he absolutely detested how Leeteuk’s voice sounded at that very moment. “Let's just forget what I said tonight and continue being best friends, okay? It’s better this way.” Leeteuk tried to say it as lightly and casually as he could, but by the end his voice had cracked slightly. Heechul felt his own heart shatter at every single word Leeteuk said, each and every one a sledgehammer smashing at his heart, leaving it as a bunch of fragmented debris.
“Why- Why should I forget?” Heechul asked hesitantly. How could Leeteuk have the audacity to drop this bomb upon Heechul, and then ask him to forget every word he said when he himself clearly didn’t want this either?
“Because, you don't love me back, and you probably never will love me the way I love you. So, I'm happy with just your friendship,” Leeteuk’s voice came out steady but minute, and wracked with so much pain that it was an excruciatingly obvious lie and Heechul felt his heart clench. At that point, Heechul felt his resolve harden. Although it wasn’t intentional, no more shall Leeteuk hurt for Heechul. That, Heechul would make certain of.
“I don't think you can tell me to just forget about this, Leeteuk,” Heechul answered Leeteuk’s question bluntly. He would not allow any room for debate, they weren’t just going to sweep this under a rug and forget about it. They were forty year olds for crying out loud, they were going to communicate and Heechul would not allow Leeteuk to run away. Not when they both wanted the same thing.
“Oh…” Leeteuk sounded out as his hands were raised up to his face, as though Leeteuk was about to bury his face into his palms and start sobbing. Heechul grabbed Leeteuk’s wrists firmly before Leeteuk could do so, tilting Leeteuk’s frame towards his own as he looked Leeteuk straight in the eye. Leeteuk’s eyes were glassy with unshed tears, crystals threatening to fall from his widened eyes, shocked at the sudden physical contact from Heechul. Heechul shifted his own hands such that Leeteuk’s own would rest in his. Heechul squeezed Leeteuk’s hands firmly and hopefully reassuringly, before continuing.
“But, you also can’t tell me how I feel about you,” Heechul added on to his earlier statement, heaving a deep breath before starting a confession of his own, “Leeteuk, maybe it hasn’t been for as long as you, but I feel for you as more than a friend too. I’ve liked you for a while now, maybe even love, but I most definitely want to pursue a relationship with you.” Leeteuk’s expression morphed into one of surprise, hope glittering in Leeteuk’s eyes, mouth agape but with corners upturning in joy and Heechul thought that he never saw a more beautiful sight than what was in front of him at present.
“Really?” Leeteuk breathed out shakily, as though he was afraid this was just a dream, that he’d suddenly wake up and find that this never happened, that it was just his wishful thinking. Heechul squeezed Leeteuk’s hand even tighter, using his thumb to stroke the back of Leeteuk’s hand.
“Yes. So I’m not going to forget about this, and you are not going to forget about this either, got it?” Heechul flicked Leeteuk’s forehead with his fingers lightly, being immediately met with a whine and half-hearted glare from the other. Heechul didn’t care, Leeteuk looked more adorable, more youthful, more alive when he was incensed rather than when his heart was on the verge of shattering.
“We’re going to discuss this properly in the morning tomorrow when you’re sober, okay? But I like you, so get that into your head, alright?” Heechul prodded Leeteuk’s forehead gently at the last sentence. Leeteuk just pouted at the other with his utterly kissable lips, before smiling at Heechul’s answer as the tension in his body eased up and he all but melted into his seat.
“Yes, Chullie! You like me back! I’m so happy, Chullie-ya, I really am. Thank you, this is the best birthday gift…” Leeteuk mumbled off as his eyelids slowly lowered and shut. Leeteuk’s mouth was slightly agape as he started to breathe deeply, having fallen asleep. It seemed that Leeteuk relaxed into the chair too much and his tiredness was finally catching up to him. Heechul sighed at the elder, but his heart was so warm that he didn’t even feel the slightest bit annoyed.
“Happy birthday, Leeteuk,” Heechul sighed out as he shook his head. Turning off the hazard lights, Heechul changed gears and drove off from their spot. Heechul drove at a moderate speed without any specific destination in mind, Leeteuk’s rhythmic breathing filling the car as Heechul had switched off the radio, wanting to collect his thoughts for a bit. Tonight, Heechul was dished with an info dump unceremoniously crashing onto his head, and Heechul needed a bit of time to process everything. Also, Leeteuk tended to sleep well in moving cars so Heechul figured that he could allow Leeteuk to snooze a bit longer in the car.
Heechul still could not believe all that happened in the past thirty minutes, it felt absolutely unbelievable to him, yet Heechul felt as though fireworks were exploding inside of him. Finally, he could be together with Leeteuk, even though they remained as friends for so long, Heechul couldn’t see how their relationship would change much other than them initiating more physical affection between one another. Leeteuk had always treated Heechul with utmost love and care, and ever since their huge fight twelve years ago, Heechul too had been acting similarly. The relationship status changing from friends to lovers wouldn’t be such a big jump for the two.
Heechul stopped at a traffic light that just turned red and allowed himself to glance at Leeteuk, noting how peacefully he was sleeping. A serene look washed upon Leeteuk’s face but his lips were upturned slightly in a smile, his little dimple peeking through at the side, and Heechul felt his heart soar. I guess you’re my birthday gift this year, right, Teukie? Heechul smiled at this thought and drove forward as the light changed to green, looking forward to his future with the man beside him who held his heart.
EXTRA:
Leeteuk rose to the smell of something acrid. Is something burning? Leeteuk thought to himself groggily as he heaved his upper body up into a sitting position, his mouth full of cotton and the back of his head throbbing. Remind him why he agreed to go out with the other members for drinks again?
“Shit!” Leeteuk could hear Heechul hissing from the kitchen through his slightly parted bedroom door. Not that Heechul was loud or anything, just that after spending over a decade in a dorm with members who came to him in the wee hours in the morning for a listening ear, Leeteuk’s sense of hearing has truly been honed in to detect the slightest of noises. Towards the end of his time living in the dorms, he could practically sense the anxious or worried energy radiating off any member who came to his bedside for advice.
Leeteuk winced as he tried to maneuver himself out of bed to check the situation. It wouldn’t do if Heechul burnt his apartment building down, but the pounding against his skull forced him to lay back down against his pillows with a soft whimper. Thankfully, Heechul’s next sigh of relief and a muttered, “The toast didn’t burn, thank God.” relaxed Leeteuk as he eased back into his sheets.
Damn, I drank too much last night. I am most definitely NEVER doing this again. Leeteuk massaged his temples gently as he tried recollecting as to what happened the night before, but drew to a blank.
The kids made me drink a lot, I think I told Heechul I wanted to go home, then… I guess I invited him to stay overnight since it was late already? Is that it? I feel like I’m missing something. Leeteuk pursed his lips as he brooded for a moment, but shrugged his shoulders as he massaged the back of his head. He could just ask Heechul about what happened.
Leeteuk’s eyes widened when it dawned upon him, Heechul stayed the night. Leeteuk felt his cheeks start to warm up and his pulse gradually accelerating at the thought of it. Logically, it was probably just because it was so late at night and Heechul was Leeteuk’s self-appointed chaperone of the night so Leeteuk had enough manners to allow the younger to stay the night. But, the fact that Heechul stayed over felt like pop rocks dancing across his tongue in excitement. Though Leeteuk was resigned to the fact that the two would never amount to more than just best friends, he enjoyed the other’s presence nonetheless and was glad to be able to spend more time with him.
When Leeteuk finally felt as though he could physically drag himself out of bed without collapsing into a heap on his parquet flooring, he pulled himself to his feet, slipping them into his house slippers that Heechul had probably helpfully placed there and padded to the toilet. He quickly took care of his business and brushed his teeth, eager to get rid of that disgusting feeling in his mouth. He was never going to drink alcohol with his members ever again. Not in this lifetime. It wasn’t worth the bitch of a hangover he was going through right now.
Groaning softly, Leeteuk exited his en-suite bathroom and noticed the clothing on his body: a loose fitting white T-shirt and a pair of pajama pants. Leeteuk obviously did not wear this to the bar last night and Leeteuk doubted he could just snap his fingers and his sleepwear would magically appear on his body. Leeteuk blushed slightly at the idea of Heechul helping to strip Leeteuk and assisting him in changing into his sleepwear, before chiding himself gently. Get a grip, you’re both adult men and have seen more of each other before. Stop acting like you’re five.
Leeteuk shuffled his feet quietly into the living room, spotting Heechul frantically prancing around his kitchen, dressed in one of Leeteuk’s casual wear and tamped down the sense of satisfaction rapidly filling him. Heechul wearing Leeteuk’s clothing gave the elder far too much gratification. Heechul was busy opening the overhead cupboards and groaning upon seeing each one before closing the doors hurriedly once more. Leeteuk noted the lack of plates on the kitchen counter and figured out what Heechul was looking for.
“If you’re looking for the plates, it’s in the cupboard over there,” Leeteuk could barely recognize his voice as he croaked out those words, sounding hoarse and deep. Thank goodness he had no MC-ing gigs today as his voice was utterly shot. Leeteuk pointed to the cupboard holding all the plates as Heechul whipped his head, shocked to see Leeteuk up and about already. His line of sight followed the direction Leeteuk pointed at before landing on the cupboard. Heechul hurriedly opened it before sighing in relief when spotting the stack of dinner plates in the cupboard.
“Ah, you’re awake. Good morning, Teukie!” Heechul greeted as he grabbed two plates from the stack and shut the cupboard door close. “Go have a seat there, I’ve already made some bean sprout soup for you from whatever ingredients you had in your fridge so you can start eating. I prepared some toast for you too since you usually have that for breakfast in the morning,” Heechul informed Leeteuk kindly as placed the toast onto the plates. Leeteuk was mildly confused that Heechul had prepared breakfast for him, usually it was the other way around, but Leeteuk felt oddly pleased by this. It was nice to be taken care of, for a change. Leeteuk settled into one of the chairs as Heechul set a plate of toast in front of him before hustling off.
“Have the soup first, it’ll help with your hangover. I’m going to fry up some eggs that you can have with your toast. Do you want them sunny side up or scrambled?” Heechul asked as he hurried back to the stove.
“Since when did you know how to cook, Kim Heechul?” Leeteuk teased gently with a small smirk on his face, feeling the hangover clouding his head rapidly dissipating just from Heechul’s presence. “I heard that you struggled a bit with the toast.” Heechul groaned at Leeteuk’s playful banter.
“You heard that?” Leeteuk snorted.
“Well, I smelled it first. Then I heard you swear about it,” Leeteuk elaborated as Heechul rolled his eyes.
“I swear, your sense of hearing is at a superhuman level, honestly,” Heechul sighed. “I gave myself the more toasty slice, yours is fine, I promise. But how do you want your eggs, Teukie?” Leeteuk thought about it for a moment before deciding that having it fried as it was would save Heechul some trouble and reduce the chances of him burning his kitchen down.
“I’m okay with it sunny side up, thanks Heechul,” Leeteuk smiled before grabbing a spoon and tucking into the soup. The soup itself was fine, though it could probably do with more salt. But, since it was something that Heechul made, Leeteuk couldn’t help but find it absolutely delicious so he pretty much polished the bowl clean. As he ate the soup, he felt the sharp pain at the back of his skull slowly dull into a slight ache. Heechul sure did know hangover remedies well.
Once Leeteuk finished the soup, Heechul came back with the fried eggs and they consumed all the food in relative silence. Leeteuk found it slightly odd that Heechul chose to sit right beside Leeteuk rather than opposite him but decided not to think too much into it as he felt his heart pound against his chest. Leeteuk just focused on savouring this quiet and domestic moment, being able to enjoy breakfast with the love of his life.
Once finishing, Heechul threw a meaningful look Leeteuk’s way and he felt even more puzzled. What exactly happened last night? Heechul is acting kind of weird. Not that it’s bad though… I like that he’s taking care of me.
“Thank you for breakfast, Chullie,” Leeteuk heard himself say on autopilot as he continued wracking his brain for answers regarding Heechul’s behavior. Heechul stared at Leeteuk for a moment before sighing.
“Do you remember what happened last night?” Heechul asked gently. Leeteuk shook his head once.
“I only remember you driving me home.” Heechul quirked a brow at this sentence.
“Do you remember what we talked about?” Heechul pressed on further. Leeteuk squinted as he tried to recall the details of what happened in Heechul’s car, but he genuinely couldn’t remember a single thing.
“I… I don’t think I remember… sorry?” Heechul sighed as he swept his bangs out of his face before pulling Leeteuk up to his feet and bracketing him between his arms, embracing him warmly. Now Leeteuk was dumbfounded, utterly clueless as to what was going on at that very moment. Leeteuk did his best to keep his posture upright and to not just melt into Heechul’s hug.
“Figures that you’d forget everything. Then again, the kids gave you too much to drink last night,” Heechul muttered softly, before looking at Leeteuk intently.
“Here’s a reminder, I like you. May I kiss you?” Leeteuk felt his eyes widen into saucers at Heechul’s words. What did he just say? K- kiss me? What happened last night? Leeteuk felt so lost.
“Wait- What?” Leeteuk stuttered out. Was this just one of Leeteuk’s fantasies of Heechul feeling the same for him manifesting itself in a weird fever dream from Leeteuk getting too drunk last night? But it feels so real… too real… What's going on? Heechul just gave Leeteuk a fond smile before answering.
“You confessed to me that you've loved me for twenty years, Leeteuk, I'm just confirming that I feel the same way for you.” Leeteuk felt his heart drop to his stomach. After twenty years of being able to keep this to himself, something he expected to take to his grave, just from a single night of debauchery, Leeteuk let the cat out of the bag. Wonderful. Great job drunk me, you just ruined twenty-two years of friendship. But the second half of Heechul’s explanation finally registered in Leeteuk’s mind and he let out a tiny gasp.
“Oh-“ Leeteuk had not a clue as to what to say. He never expected Heechul to reciprocate his own feelings and finding out in the morning while he was still honestly slightly hungover was truly an experience. Heechul gave Leeteuk a warm smile as his arms shifted to Leeteuk’s shoulders and he squeezed gently.
“So, may I kiss you now? I’m sure you’ve been waiting for this moment far longer than I have,” Heechul remarked coyly as one of Heechul’s hands trailed up Leeteuk’s spine and to the back of Leeteuk’s head, cradling it gently. Leeteuk felt his cheeks blush a bright fuschia as he threw all caution to the wind and nodded. It seemed that Heechul was genuinely interested in Leeteuk if this morning’s breakfast was any indication. Frankly, Leeteuk was exhausted from loving Heechul silently for so long. If Heechul wanted this too, Leeteuk didn’t see any problem with it.
Heechul gazed upon Leeteuk tenderly and Leeteuk could feel all the affection radiating off the other. It was different, but it felt right. Heechul seemed genuine about all of this and a wave of relief washed over Leeteuk. He felt a slight pang of regret that he still didn’t really remember the details of last night, but he could always ask Heechul about it later. For now, Leeteuk needed Heechul’s lips on his own.
Leeteuk felt his own eyes flutter shut as Heechul brought their lips together and finally sealed the distance between them. The soft press of Heechul’s slightly chapped lips against his own set imaginary fireworks off at the back of Leeteuk’s mind. This is love, Leeteuk mused silently as he and Heechul locked their lips together, as Heechul’s fingers combed through Leeteuk’s silky hair, as Leeteuk’s fingers gripped on Heechul’s shirt tightly, I finally have what I wanted for so long. This was a good birthday.